Craving (Steel Brothers Saga Book 1) (16 page)

M
y craving
.

This thing between us was my craving. How could I tell her that she had become as necessary to me as food and water? That she was my sustenance? That I’d gladly crawl through the depths of hell just to have her for a few seconds each day? That when I wasn’t with her, half of me was missing? My skin rippled. This had gone beyond craving. She was becoming my obsession.

I didn’t understand it myself. How could I explain it to her?

So I took the easy way out.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“I don’t know either.” She sighed. “You said you didn’t want a relationship, and you said you would never love me. I’m not asking for your love, Talon. I just got out of a seven-year relationship, and I care too much about you to make you a rebound guy. So why not just let it be what it is? Why not just enjoy each other while it lasts?”

I nodded. What she said made a lot of sense. But what if it didn’t last? What if she left someday? She had almost left a couple days ago. To not be able to see her smile, her steely gaze, to hear her sweet voice… I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear it.

I had told her I couldn’t love her. I had never loved anyone, other than Marj, since before I was ten years old. I loved my brothers, and I had loved my mother and father. I loved them all enough not to torture them, which is why I had told Jonah and Ryan I would leave.

If Jade stayed, I would only cause her pain, like I caused my siblings pain. An invisible knife sliced through my gut. She was an angel, and she deserved happiness, not a torturous existence because of me.

I would have to leave her eventually. I knew this truth in my heart. But for now, perhaps it was okay to do as she said—to enjoy it while it lasted. I took a sip of my wine and let the smooth acidity slide down my throat and warm me. Ryan’s Rhône blend, my personal favorite, though my drink of choice was a nice smooth whiskey, neat.

She chewed on her beautiful full lower lip, her hair as sexy as could be even though it was wrapped up into a bun on top of her head. She wore black stretch pants and a white V-neck pullover shirt. Her cleavage was evident.

What if I could never love her? Someone else could, and she would leave me.

Suddenly my skin tightened, and my breathing quickened. No. She couldn’t leave me. I gulped down the rest of my wine and grabbed her arm.

“What?” she said, her eyebrows arched.

“I want you. Now.”

“We’re in a public place.”

“I don’t care.” And I didn’t. I was ready to rip our clothes off and take her up against the oak tree, forcefully, marking her, making her mine and only mine.

I moved the plate from her lap and stood, pulling her with me. I clamped my lips down on hers and kissed her ferociously. My cock strained against my jeans, and I ground into her.

She ripped her mouth away. “Talon, stop,”

But I couldn’t stop. I was going to have her and have her now.

I cupped her breast and squeezed it, finding her nipple through the flimsy fabric of her bra and pinching it.

She gasped. “Talon, please!”

I didn’t care who saw us. I didn’t care who was witness to my taking. I was going to have her. My body cried out for hers.

“Get hold of yourself,” she insisted.

I pinched her nipple again, and again she gasped.

And she pulled away from me. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she said through clenched teeth. “You need to stop this. Now. What we do in the privacy of the bedroom is one thing, but you absolutely cannot do this to me in public in broad daylight. I don’t care what has gone on between us before. I won’t stand for this.”

Her skin was bright pink with her anger. Her nostrils flared, and her silvery eyes bored into mine, her lips red and puffy from our raging kisses. I only wanted her more.

I grabbed her to me again and took her lips, gliding my tongue into her mouth.

Instead of squeezing her nipple, I slid my hand down and cupped her mound through her stretch pants.

She pushed me away again. “Goddamnit. Didn’t you hear me?” She raised her hand and slapped me across the cheek.

I didn’t even feel the sting. She fidgeted with her pants and shirt. I reached for her again, but she stumbled backward, nearly losing her footing.

“I’m going home,” she said. “Don’t bother coming anywhere near me tonight.” She picked up her briefcase and stomped off.

My whole body was on fire. Her ass swayed slightly as she walked. I itched to run after her, but…damn! I was nursing a raging hard-on. I’d barely be able to walk, let alone run. I could drive into Grand Junction and call any of about a dozen women who would be happy to have me warming their bed. But that wouldn’t work. I had tried it before. My body cried out for Jade and only Jade.

I needed a fucking drink.

When I had cooled down a bit, I walked away, leaving the picnic basket and cloth sitting on the lawn. After a couple of blocks, I entered Murphy’s bar.

“Hey, Steel,” Sean Murphy, the owner said. “Long time no see. What can I get you?”

I took a seat at the bar. “Peach Street, neat.”

“You boys do have taste,” Sean said. He poured my drink and set it in front of me. Then he went about his business.

I liked Sean. He wasn’t the kind of bartender who tried to get a guy talking. He poured a drink and then made himself scarce.

I wanted to be alone. I took a sip of the smooth whiskey, letting it float over my tongue for a moment before I swallowed, its spicy warmth coating my throat. What the hell? I finished the rest like a shot and set my glass back on the bar. “Another, Sean.”

“You got it.” Sean took my glass and filled it again. “How’s everything at the ranch?”

“The same.”

“Jonah was in here the other night. We chatted a little bit.”

I nodded. Sean set down my glass with a smile and then turned to another patron.

I downed the second and ordered another. Luckily, I hadn’t drunk much wine with dinner. My mind churned. What was I going to do about Jade? This incessant need was eating me alive, destroying me, consuming me. She was like a drug I couldn’t live without. Was it time to go cold turkey? If she were truly like a drug, would I suffer withdrawal symptoms?

I let out a chuckle. Of course I would. I suffered withdrawal every time I was away from her. I would have her, and then within seconds of completing, I would crave her again. What could I do? Maybe I should leave. I shouldn’t have let Joe and Ryan talk me into staying.

I couldn’t have a life with Jade. I didn’t even want a life with Jade. Did I? This desire, this all-consuming passion…was it indicative of something else? Did I want more than just sex? Was I feeling something I had never felt before?

I finished the third drink and plunked the glass back on the counter. No. I wasn’t feeling anything like that. I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything like that. It would only lead to more heartbreak. Jade deserved better than to be saddled with my baggage.

She deserved the best.

I stood, a little buzzed but not drunk. Good thing, because I had to drive home. I would go home, I would find Jade, and I would apologize.

And then I would tell her that whatever this thing between us was, it was over.

I just hoped the withdrawal wouldn’t be too painful.

I
was
in the shower when he came barreling in without even knocking. I screeched, grabbing the shower door and nearly falling. He caught me, his hands steady, though the aroma of alcohol hung on his breath. He handed me a towel.

“Dry off. We need to talk.” He left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Damn right we needed to talk. He owed me a big apology. And if he thought I was going to fall right into bed with him…

Fuck. Who the hell was I trying to kid? Of course I would fall right into bed with him. I had been wet since we sat down at that sweet little picnic. I dried off quickly, squeezed the moisture out of my hair, slipped into a short satin robe, and left the bathroom.

He was sitting on my bed, looking sexy as hell. His hair was a mess, but then it was always a little tousled. His dark eyes were burning, singeing me. They could melt right through my robe.

“What do you want, Talon?”

He stood, his eyes full of passion. “We…need to stop this.”

I raised my eyebrows. Not exactly what I had expected, and a jolt of sadness coursed through me. Even though part of me—a big part of me—agreed with him, I didn’t want to stop this.

“We do? Why?”

“The why doesn’t really matter,” he said. “Just trust me. We need to stop this.”

“The why matters to
me
, Talon.” I walked toward him and stopped when our bodies were no more than two inches apart. The air was thick with lust. Passion swirled around us almost as if it were visible. My heart beat quickly, and my skin tightened. “If you truly wanted to stop this, you wouldn’t have walked in on me in the shower. You would have waited until I was fully clothed.”

He moved backward, away from me, hitting the bed and sitting down. “Just trust me. It needs to end.”

“I don’t accept that.” Slowly I untied my robe and let it fall over my shoulders onto the floor. I stood naked in front of him, like an offering. I licked my lips and cupped my breasts, holding them out. I pinched one nipple and then the other, and a jolt of desire arrowed straight into my pussy. “Are you ready to accept that?”

He pulled me down into his lap. “Please. Don’t make this any harder than it is.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and nudged one breast up to his lips. “Kiss my nipple, Talon.”

He closed his eyes, but he did not turn his head away.

I began undulating my hips, driving my pussy against his denim-clad erection. “I’m wet for you, Talon. I’ve been wet for you since you met me at the office. I turned you away because we were in a public place. I had to keep my head. But I wanted you. I wanted you then, and I want you now.”

He opened his eyes. “This doesn’t have anything to do with that.”

“Then tell me what it’s about.”

He closed his eyes again, and I raised my hips again, nudging his lips with my nipple.

“Jade…”

“Don’t resist me, Talon. I know you want me. I want you too.”

He closed his lips around my nipple and sucked. Sweet surrender.

And it came to me, as if I’d known it all along. I would always surrender to this man. We might not have a future together, but as long as we were anywhere near each other, I would surrender to him, no matter what. He did something to me, something I didn’t understand. Perhaps I’d never understand it. Craving was the word he had used. Maybe that was all it was—a craving that might never be satisfied.

He sucked harder on my nipple, and my skin tingled. My pussy ached for his cock.

“That feels so good, Talon. No one sucks my nipples like you do.”

He bit down, and I let out a squeal. I almost came right then and there. My pussy was swelling. I could feel it against the denim of his jeans.

I would ask for what I wanted.

“Pretend we’re still in the park, Talon. Pretend people are watching, and take me. Take me right here.”

He groaned and stood, lifting me and then laying me down on the bed. He quickly undressed and pulled me up to him. He lifted me, and, still standing, sank me down on his cock.

A sigh escaped my lips as he filled me. Sweet joining. Every time was better than the last. Each time I was sure that he couldn’t fill me more completely than he had last time, and each time he did.

His eyes were closed, but I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Open your eyes. Look at me. Look at me.”

He opened his eyes, and his gaze blazed into mine. He lifted me by the cheeks of my ass and set me down again and again, filling me with his cock each time. Our gazes stayed glued together, and I swore his eyes were seeing straight into my soul. I never let our eye contact waver, and when the tingling began in my clit, the tickling inside my cunt, and I knew I was on the edge, I touched his cheek.

“I’m going to come, Talon. Come with me, baby. I want us to come together.”

He groaned and began moving me up and down off his cock faster and faster, harder and harder, until, just when I exploded, he groaned and sank me down so deep on his cock I felt like he was touching my heart. So good, such bliss.

My pussy pulsed and pulsed and pulsed, shattering my nerves, making my skin burn. When my climax finally started to slow, I threaded my fingers through his thick locks and brought my lips to his.

He gently laid me on the bed and then lay down beside me. He kissed me again, a sweet kiss. A kiss of joy, a kiss of satiation. Our lips slid against each other, our tongues swirled together.

We kissed and we kissed. Lying naked on my bed. For a long time.

I
didn’t remember stopping
kissing, but we must’ve fallen asleep. When I woke up in the morning to my phone alarm, Talon was gone. I was still lying naked on top of the covers. I smiled, letting the memories of our passion overtake me. As much as the sex had been satisfying, what I had loved most about last night was lying together afterward and kissing. We had kissed for so long. He had been so sweet, and so gentle, so…un-Talon-like. His kisses had been laced with the spice of his whiskey and his own sweet musky flavor. I let out a happy sigh and stretched my arms over my head.

But enough daydreaming. I had to get to work.

W
hen I got
home from work, Talon was nowhere to be found, but Marj was in the kitchen.

“Hey,” she said. “I’m making manicotti.”

“Oh, yeah? Where’s Felicia?”

“I gave her the afternoon off. I felt like cooking tonight.”

I inhaled. “It smells delish. Can I help?”

“Sure. Why don’t you put together a salad?”

I headed to the fridge and pulled out a head of romaine, a tomato, some radishes, and some baby spinach. “Where is Talon?”

“I haven’t the foggiest. I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

She was ahead of me. I hadn’t seen him this morning. He’d left my bed sometime during the night.

“By the way, Ryan and Joe are coming for dinner.”

Good. Maybe Marj and I could talk to them about Talon. “Okay. When?”

“They should be here any minute.”

“But Talon’s not coming?”

Marj shrugged. “As I said, I haven’t the foggiest. His car is gone, and I’ve no idea where he went. I’ve given up on him. After all, he stood us up last time, remember? My guess is he’s gone for the day and evening. He does that sometimes, goes into Grand Junction on business and has dinner there.”

“Did he ever apologize to you about the other night?” He hadn’t told me where he’d been. Maybe he’d told Marj.

She nodded. “Yeah. Sort of. Talon has issues with apologies. But he felt bad. I could tell.”

“Where did he go?”

“Same thing. To Grand Junction. He didn’t say why.”

I let it go. The guys arrived shortly thereafter, and Marj poured us all a glass of Ryan’s Italian blend. The robust aroma of the zesty tomato sauce wafted out from the oven as we sat at the kitchen table to drink wine and munch on skewers of honeydew melon and prosciutto drizzled with olive oil.

We engaged in small talk, until finally the perfect moment arrived for me to bring up Talon.

“I haven’t had a chance to thank you, Jade,” Jonah said, “for getting that good deal for Talon with the city.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I was glad to do it. You guys have all done so much for me, letting me stay here, and you, Ryan, letting me work at the winery the first few weeks I was here.”

“We miss you over there,” Ryan said. “Anytime you want to come back, there’s an open invitation.”

“She has a license to practice law now, Ry,” Jonah said. “I doubt she wants to make wine for living.”

“Actually, that doesn’t sound too bad. Honestly, I’m not sure law was ever my true calling. I knew I wanted to do something where I could draw good pay. My dad and I pretty much lived paycheck to paycheck, and I didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life. Plus, I’m not really happy with my boss right now. It was a clear breach of ethics for me to even work on Talon’s case, but I’m glad I could help. I’m not sure what Larry would’ve done with it.”

Jonah scoffed. “Larry Wade is a moron. Of course he didn’t see any ethical problem with you working on Talon’s case. He wouldn’t know ethics if they hit him in the head. Honestly, I’m glad you’re working on it, breach of ethics or not. I don’t trust Larry as far as I can throw him.”

I nodded. I didn’t really trust the guy either, and I’d only known him for a couple of days. “Talon originally wanted to plead guilty and get jail time. Did you guys know that?” I said.

Jonah raised his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound like Talon.”

Ryan shook his head. “It sure doesn’t. Talon hates being locked up.”

“Well, I’m sure no one likes being locked up,” I said. “Is he claustrophobic or something?”

“Well, not exactly…” Jonah looked down at his glass of wine.

Marj piped up. “Then what
exactly
do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Ryan said. “He means nothing. It’s like Jade said. No one likes being locked up.”

“I don’t buy it,” Marj said.

I didn’t either, but as a visitor, I wasn’t really at liberty to say so. I was glad Marj had.

“What exactly is there to buy, Marjorie?” Jonah asked.

Marj let out a chuckle. “Using my full name? I’ve hit a nerve somewhere.” She turned to me. “Why don’t you guys tell us exactly what’s going on here? Jade’s been asking me for weeks what the story is with Talon, and I’ve been telling her the same thing you guys have always told me. It’s just his way. He’s always been that way. But it occurs to me that you guys have known him a lot longer than I have. He’s my brother, and I love him as much as I love the two of you. What is going on?”

Ryan and Jonah exchanged a fleeting glance. Very fleeting, actually, but I noticed it. I was on high alert when it came to Talon. I would’ve noticed anything.

“Let it go, Marj,” Jonah said softly.

“I can’t let it go any longer,” Marj said. “He’s my brother too, damn it. What are you hiding?”

“We’re not hiding anything,” Ryan said. “Talon probably has post-traumatic stress disorder from his time in the military. We’ve talked to him about getting help for it, but he’s not open to that. There’s nothing more we can do.”

“He went to see a doctor, though, that Dr. Carmichael who was at the ER. So maybe he
is
open to it.”

“And you saw how that went,” Jonah said.

Marj didn’t respond. I had lots more questions, but I let them go. It was one thing for Marj to demand answers, quite another for me to. When the timer rang on the oven, Marj got up and pulled the manicotti out. She set it on the table and brought over my salad. She passed the salad bowl around, and we each took some.

“This is great dressing, Marj. New recipe?” Ryan asked.

Marj shook her head. “Jade made the salad.”

“It’s just a simple French vinaigrette,” I said and took a bite.

Back to small talk for the remainder of the dinner.

And I was still filled with questions about Talon.

I
was lying
on my bed reading when a knock sounded on my door. My heart skipped a beat. Perhaps Talon had come back. “Come in,” I said.

Marj walked through my door. Though I was little let down not to see Talon, I was glad to see her. Jonah and Ryan had volunteered to clean the kitchen after dinner, so Marj and I had gone our separate ways, but we still had that college roommate bond. We could each tell that we wanted to talk, but we couldn’t with the brothers there.

“Did they leave?” I asked.

She nodded. “And I got a text from Talon. He’s staying in the city tonight.”

My heart lurched a bit. Why was he staying in the city? Why had he the other night? Did he have a woman there? Probably many women. The thought broke my heart a little.

On the other hand, if Jonah and Ryan had left and Talon was gone for the night, Marj and I could talk.

“So what do you think?”

“They’re lying,” Marj said. “I’ve been wondering about Talon for a long time, and he may very well have post-traumatic stress disorder. I was a teenager when he left for Iraq, but even still, I remember him being pretty much the same way before he left. So I’m not sure it can all be blamed on his service.”

“I guess there’s not much we can do about it,” I said.

Marj gave me a devious grin. “Want to bet? I think we need to do some investigating. We can start with my father’s old files. I’ve always thought about going through them, but then figured it was none of my business. But you know what? I own a quarter of this ranch. And Talon is my brother. I love him. So it
is
my business.” She grabbed my arm and yanked me off the bed. “Come on.”

Marj led me not to the office, where I thought we would be going, but down the stairway to the basement. The basement was finished into a gorgeous rec room and three extra bedrooms, but she took me to none of those places. In the back was some crawl space. She slid the door open and crawled inside, beckoning for me to follow. I did, hurting my knees in the gravelly dirt. It smelled musty and moldy.

“Marj, do I really need to be in here? Can’t you just find what we need and pull it out?”

“It’s just that I’m not quite sure what we need, Jade. There are a bunch of boxes in here marked private. They’re taped up pretty good.”