Cravings (Fierce Hearts) (23 page)

“Are you sure you’re fine?” she asked.

“No. But it’s okay. I can handle being not fine for a while.” He led her back to the couch. “I’m so happy for you. Your parents clearly love you and want you in their lives.”

She dipped her head and frowned. “Oh.”

Tension, dismay, and fear all swirled through him, sending him to his feet. “I’m not jealous. Did that sound like I’m jealous? Because I’m not.” He started pacing a path in front of her.

She stood and interrupted his steps. She put her hands on his arms and looked up into his face. “I know. But it would be natural for you to compare the two situations and surmise, just not to get your hopes up, that you can’t expect anything so good from your family.”

Asher closed his eyes and tried out her words. “Yes, that’s part of it. But there’s more.” He pulled her back down to the couch and breathed slowly in and out. “Everything is crashing down on me. What-ifs are lining up in my brain. For the first time in my life, I’ve dared to care. About you. And here you are, getting a new life just when we’ve begun trying to build a relationship. Or at least I am. Whether or not my family accepts me, I have to make a choice of how do I go from here? You’re doing that, too, I imagine. You’ve got your parents and your brother. The next choice would be what do you want to do about the colony? I want you to stay.” He paused, making deliberate word choices that would convey the depth of his feelings. “I want us to be close. Closeness and acceptance is something I’ve been craving. God, I want you to stay. But I don’t want you to simply settle into this life with the colony. You have to make a conscious choice for the direction your life will take from here on out. I know you need time for that. I don’t know if I can give it to you.”

“Asher …” she started.

Muscles throughout his body clenched, hearing an unwanted tone in her voice. The tone of dropping the other shoe. The rejection.

Her fingers traced the lines of his face. “You’re like nobody I’ve ever known before. You’re real. You’re complex. You don’t try to cage me. I love those things about you. You’re right. I need time to process everything.” She rolled her eyes, as though feeling the immensity of her inner work.

Nerves throughout his body ached for release of this awful tension. He would have to wait for her love, and trust that it would grow. “Okay. I understand. I can give you space.”

“I don’t think you do understand. You are pivotal to my understanding of the world. It’s different than I’ve known. But with you beside me, I have come alive. I want you close. Always. If you’re willing.”

“Are you proposing?” Asher chuckled. Pieces of his heart were drawing together again, and it had little to do with his family’s acceptance and forgiveness.

Fire in her eyes, Kennedy shoved him away. “No, I am not, you goofball.”

Asher moved in close again, eyeing her beautiful face, committing it to his memory so he would never lose sight of the woman who was bringing him back together. He cupped her face, aiming a direct gaze to her eyes. “I love you, Kennedy.”

Her fingers grasped his hands. “I love you, Asher.”

He dove for her lips, tasting her sweetness and enjoying her softness. His tongue reached for hers, and he devoured her mouth, never wanting more than this moment.

“I love you, I love you,” he proclaimed.

“I love you, I love you,” she echoed. Then she pointed to her leg. “I’d love to kiss every bit of you right now, but would you take a rain check?”

Asher tampered down his rising need. “Definitely.”

The JELL-O that was Asher’s stomach reminded him that for all his laid-back attitude, he was anything but calm and relaxed to see his family.

“I don’t know what to expect.” Asher watched the road, noticing his truck kicking up clouds of snow as he drove to Estoria, Kennedy by his side. “My mom didn’t slam down the phone when she heard me on the other end. But her voice was emotionless. I don’t know what that means.”

Kennedy patted his arm. “It’s hard to know. That doesn’t mean you need expect the worst. Need I point out she asked you to come home?” She burst out laughing. “Listen to me. Like I don’t do the same thing.”

“It’s okay. That’s a good reminder. But my nerves don’t speak optimism. Not today.”

Asher had to remember to breathe. His breaths were coming in shallow pulls. The closer he drove to his parents’ house, the harder it got to ignore the panic sparking in his gut.

“It’s lucky we have good weather this afternoon. I’d hate to get stranded.” Kennedy peered out the window, watching the light snow falling.

“I love winter. One of my favorite things is getting snowed in with no possibility of going to work or being productive. Being stranded is a human problem. We were-cats can manage quite well in bad weather. We just shimmer and trek on.”

“You’re right. My former, fake parents were human. My education in being a lynx is lacking. Thankfully, I have a good teacher.” She sent him a coy smile. It landed in his heart and helped soothe his jitters.

The road curved, and Asher saw the house with the street address for his family come into sight.

He pulled into the driveway, then walked around to Kennedy’s side to help her out of the truck. If he could stall without being caught, he would. Surprise thudded in his gut. It shocked him how this impending meet sent him back in time, changing his typical attitude and provoking him to drag his feet like a child.

Kennedy’s hand in his, he walked up the sidewalk to the front door and knocked. He swore his heart stopped when his mother opened the door.

Words stuck in his throat.

“Hello, Asher. Who is this?” she asked, pointing to Kennedy.

Kennedy reached out her hand, and his mother accepted it, shaking it slightly. “I’m Kennedy. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Monroe.”

“Please, just call me Emily.” Asher’s mother led them through the entry, down a short hall, and into the living room.

Asher stopped. The walk into the living room brought him face to face with his two brothers and his father. Kennedy squeezed his hand, and they exchanged glances.
Buck up, man. You’re not a child anymore.

All the air in the room got thin. But Asher pulled in a calming breath and extended his hand to his father.

“Son,” his father’s voice broke, “come here.” His father stood and grabbed Asher in a hard hug. “I’m so glad to see you.” His words were muffled in the fabric of Asher’s coat, but they lifted the boulder that was his burden.

Asher’s voice quivered when he tried to speak. He cleared his throat. “Dad, this is Kennedy, my friend. Kennedy, this is my dad, Bradley.”

“Nice to meet you, Kennedy.” His father took Kennedy’s hand and shook it vigorously.

“Thank you. I’m happy to meet you, Mr. Monroe.” She glanced around the room and landed on Asher. “I don’t mean to intrude. I know you all haven’t talked for a while. I can wait outside.”

Asher’s brother Finn got up from the couch and shook Kennedy’s hand. “No reason for you to leave.” He turned and grabbed Asher in a man’s hug. He didn’t speak for what seemed like hours as the two shared a hug.

Then Asher pulled away. “Kennedy, this is my big brother, Finn.”

The other brother on the couch stood. Asher’s heart clenched as Kendall, the brother he’d hurt years ago in the fateful accident, walked toward them. “And I’m Kendall. Nice to meet you, Kennedy.” He smiled, then walked to Asher, shaking his hand. “It’s about time you broke the silence, bro.”

“Broke the silence. You moved away. I didn’t know where to find you. Besides, the command to go and never come back was pretty clear.”

“I know. But we didn’t know where to find you, either. Neither you nor Lara.”

Words left him. His mind whirled, trying to grasp the implications of what Kendall had said. “So you’re not mad at me?”

“No.” Kendall shook his head, his face sober. “I have only regret.”

Asher surveyed his brother for signs of his injury.

“Nope. I don’t have any leg problems.” He walked a few feet one way, then walked back to Asher. “Things change, especially with medical care. I had surgery to realign the piece of my femur and to stabilize it. My leg is fine.”

Sobs erupted from Asher’s heart, and he dropped to kneel on the floor. “I’m so sorry for what I did to this family.” He lifted his head and directed his attention on Kendall. “I never meant for you to suffer.”

His brother knelt beside him. “I know, man. We were both kids, that’s all. Kids making bad choices.”

The rest of the family joined the two brothers on the floor, hugging and offering forgiveness and acceptance.

When they all rose, Asher noticed Kennedy hanging back. He winked at her and she smiled. She understood what was needed. Family reconnecting.

Asher drew Kennedy to the couch, and the members of his family also took a seat. He held her hand, assured by her presence.

“Asher, we all want you to know that we’re sorry.” His father picked at the fabric on the chair he sat in. “Your mother and I didn’t understand you as we wished we would have. We should never have cut you out of the family. We failed you. We hope you can forgive us and be a part of our family again.”

Asher’s thoughts blurred. This acceptance and apology overwhelmed his senses. “What about Kendall and his injury?” He turned to his brother. “I hurt you.”

“My leg is fine. I’ll admit, it took me a while to understand what had happened. But I know we were just acting like young brothers. There is nothing I want more than you in my life, Asher.”

“I feel the same way,” Finn said, nodding his head. “I’ve missed you. I don’t blame you for staying away. I know Mom and Dad sent you away and Lara couldn’t stay under those conditions. She was right to leave, too.”

His mother sobbed. “I’m so sorry we did that. So sorry. I apologize to you, and I will apologize to Lara if she’ll talk to me, and thank her for standing by your side.”

The room went silent. All the years of feeling flawed and unlovable had left a mark inside him that wouldn’t go away in an instant of forgiveness. Around him, the faces of his family sagged with regret. He didn’t want any of this negativity for himself or his family any longer.

Eloquence evaded him. How would he breach the gap that had persisted for years? His mind was blank. He couldn’t flippantly change the course of such serious actions with mere words.

But he could acknowledge the effort on both sides to start again. “Okay. Thank you.”

A collective sigh relaxed the tension in the room, releasing a tsunami of catching up. Asher sat back, smiling at Kennedy. The easy chatter brought him into the circle once again. He was home.

• • •

“What a day, huh?” Kennedy sat at the kitchen table as Asher grabbed some fruit and cheese from the refrigerator and placed them with crackers on the table. The ride home from his parents’ house had shown her that Asher was coming back into himself. He’d managed to be true to himself in the years of his family’s rejection, but he’d been haunted. The tear in his heart had influenced his behavior and his tendency toward detachment. Now he could heal. He could fully love himself and, maybe, her. The idea bubbled inside her like champagne.

“I’ll say. I’d love to take some time to just process and chill. But I imagine Casey will want to keep investigating The Nexus Group.”

She nodded. “Chilling sounds wonderful. But, yeah, The Nexus Group won’t waste any time reorganizing. Daren Sage is out of prison on bond and is still campaigning. TNG’s lawyers probably will get both Daren and Patrick off, even if they have to bribe a judge. The group will probably replace me with some other poor soul. Their Project Powering will proceed, I’m sure.”

Kennedy’s cellphone rang, interrupting their moment of relaxation. “It’s Michelle.” She listened to Michelle, her insides lifting off.

“Hey, Kennedy. I have an idea. I’d like to show you my house, the one I own. I’d like you to consider renting it if you like it.”

“Yes, I’d love to see it.”

“It’s not a very big house, but I think it’s pleasant and big enough for you for now. I’ll pick you up in about twenty minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll be ready.” She hung up and turned to Asher. “Michelle is coming to pick me up. She wants to show me her house. She’s thinking of renting it to me.” She’d never seen Michelle’s house. Most of the time, she’d seen Michelle at Aegar Investigations or Casey’s house. “I think I assumed Michelle lived with Casey.”

“I think she spends a lot of time there, but she has her own home. I don’t know what they plan to do after they’re married. Casey’s house is so perfect.” He twisted his mouth and knitted his brow. “You can stay here, you know.”

“Thank you. But I think it would be a good idea to get a place of my own.”

“Sure. I understand.” He shoved a bite of cracker and cheese into his mouth. He walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of water. “Would you like some water?”

“Sit down, you nut.” She leaned toward him and he met her halfway. She pressed a kiss to his lips, savoring the taste of him. “I’m not trying to get away from you. But it seems like a good idea to stop mooching off you and everyone else.”

He ran his fingers through her hair. “I don’t see it that way.”

The look he gave her sent sparks lighting inside her chest. “I love you.” She kissed him. Long, hard, and possessively.

• • •

Kennedy clasped her hands together and held them to her chest. Michelle had given her the tour of the house and was waiting for a response. The secluded rural setting resonated with Kennedy. Images of the house, its cute kitchen looking out onto a large backyard and adjoining field, its cozy living room complete with fireplace and comfortable furniture, and sizable bedrooms, filled her mind with dreams that only a home of her own would evoke. She could imagine sitting on the back porch with Asher, enjoying the private feel of the setting and shimmering together to run through the trees and forests nearby. The life she’d known and any threats from TNG seemed far removed from Michelle’s house.

Michelle looked out the window, transfixed.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Michelle? It’s such a nice house. Do you have mixed feelings about letting it go?