Creed of Redemption (S.I.N. Rock Star Trilogy #2) (15 page)

“Hmmm. What is that, smelling so yummy?” Melissa asks prancing her ass into the kitchen with Diesel in tow. Unlike Sevyn, he can’t even look at me. Xander tells her that I made breakfast, but it feels like my head is underwater. Everything sounds muffled. I’m in a vortex of emotions spinning out of control.

I push back from the table and plaster a fake smile on my face. “I’m going to hit the shower now that the room is free,” I say casually to Lily. I feel anything but. She nods and I take my plate to the kitchen. I walk right past Melissa and Diesel, but I avoid eye contact with them both. Once I reach the shower and turn it on, I allow myself to have the meltdown that has been building. I remove my clothes and literally crawl in. I let the water run over me as I hunch over in a ball. I’ve never felt so lost as I do in this moment—so broken. I don’t have anything left with Diesel so I can’t even be mad. No, my inner turmoil is not from anger, it’s from the constant feeling of emptiness. A feeling of merely existing when life is happening all around me. The feeling of never being quite good enough. The world’s punching bag. I have no fight left and I just want to leave now. I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t do this.

I feel this bus slow to a stop, but I don’t move from this spot. I can faintly make out Diesel and Melissa’s voices over the water. Apparently they’ve come to get clothes and whatever else before getting off the bus.

“I still can’t believe you came all this way and didn’t bring luggage,” Diesel laughs.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d be turning right back around,” she explains.

“Well, we can get you something when we get off the bus.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she agrees.

And then they’re gone. “Lourdes?” I hear Lily call for me from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?” She doesn’t even get ready in this bathroom, so I know she’s just checking on me.

“I’m showering now, Lil. I’ll catch up with you later,” I say trying to force the words past the lump in my throat.

“Um okay. I hope we get a chance to have that talk.” The closing of the bedroom door tells me that I’m alone again. I wish this water could wash away everything I’m feeling right now. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on the floor of the shower. The hot water is long gone. The shower door creaks open, but I don’t even look up.

“Lourdes. Come on.” Strong hands reach in to pull me out. Instinctively I know that it is Sevyn. I don’t even resist. My whole body is limp from being on the shower floor so long. He just wraps me in a towel and carries me into the room. He tries to sit me on the bed, but I claw at him and hold on for dear life. He must understand that I don’t want to be on the bed that he shared with her. He walks me over to the chair in the corner instead.

“Where are your clothes?” he asks.

“Closet,” I say, pointing to the open closet next to me.

He pulls out sweats. He dresses me in them, forgoing any bra or underwear. I don’t even care that he’s seeing me naked right now. I don’t care about anything. I’m just here.

“We’re getting off this bus,” he informs. I shake my head but he continues right on by putting shoes on me. “I wasn’t asking, darling.”

The change in his voice—the firmness—snaps me to attention. He can’t be…could he? I can’t explain it, but Diesel’s voice dips into a different octave when his inner Dom comes out. Are he and Sevyn similar in this way too? It’s not like I can ask without potentially giving away Diesel’s secret. Once I’m dressed, he links his fingers through mine and pulls me up. An electric current shoots through my body. I welcome the feeling. It’s a pleasant contrast to the numbness. When we get off the bus, Sevyn doesn’t let go of my hand.

“Where to first?” he asks.

“I don’t know. This was your idea,” I point out. “My vote would have been to stay on the bus.”

“Sorry, but self-pity isn’t an option today. Now you don’t have to like it, but I’m rescuing you.” He begins walking and it looks like I have no choice but to keep up.

“Rescue me from what?” I challenge.

“From yourself,” Sevyn answers without hesitation. I can’t argue with that. Solitude would have just given me more time to overthink shit and fall deeper into sadness.

We spent the entire day goofing off after he found out that the bus wasn’t moving until later this afternoon. He took me to some arcade and we challenged each other on various games. I was surprised that I was even able to laugh. He pretended to be a sore loser, but I think he was letting me win.

We had lunch, walked the streets of Nevada, played games, and finally ended up at a movie theater. His phone went off a few times, but he sent it to voicemail every time.

“Do the guys know where we are? They’re not waiting for us to leave are they?” Is that what the missed calls are for?

“No. I messaged them and told them you were with me. Xander already told me what time we needed to be back.” The new X-Men movie is out so we decide to get tickets to that. Sevyn has been great at distracting me today or “rescuing” me as he calls it. He’s been a perfect gentleman too. Once we’re in our seats, I realize that our hands have been intertwined all day, aside from the time I was kicking his ass at video games. This is a change of pace from today’s playful activities. This is more intimate. He pulls me a little closer and I take in the scent of his cologne. He smells really good. There is a seat handle between our two seats that keeps me from snuggling closer. The theater begins to fill, but in this moment it’s just us.

“Thank you for today,” I say softly, even though movie trailers are playing and the actual movie haven’t started yet. He leans closer and I don’t move. His lips find mine and he kisses me gently at first. He takes his hand from mine to cup behind my neck. He deepens the kiss and I swear my panties are soaked within seconds. I open for him and he takes my mouth with such conviction. I run my hands down his chest and he growls. He pulls back and I instantly feel bereft.

My lips tingle from his assault. Holy shit this man can kiss. He’s fucking amazing at this rescuing thing. His hooded lids tells me he felt it too.

He jumps up all of sudden and pulls me with him. He takes me to an empty corridor and boosts me up so that my legs can wrap around his waist. He pushes my back against the wall and palms my ass while he takes my mouth again. I can feel the hardness of his dick through my sweats. I shamelessly rub myself against it as I suck on his tongue. I’m dizzy with how good this feels. I feel my orgasm building and I’m powerless to stop it. He pushes me further against his erection and I come undone. When I stop moving, he just smiles.

“I need to use the ladies room.” I feel my cheeks heating. I’m sure my face is turning red.

“I bet,” he smirks. “Was it good for you?” I cover my eyes but he removes my hands. I look down to see the hard imprint of his cock against his jeans.

“I’ll be back,” I say as he lets me go. He winks and I head down the hall to find a bathroom. I’m not wearing any panties, and my pussy is soaked. I can’t believe that just happened. And in a public place where we could have been caught. I don’t know what came over me.

For the duration of the movie, Sevyn doesn’t make any attempt to hold my hand again. When it’s over, we start our ten-minute trek back to the bus. He is noticeably quiet and it makes me feel like I did something wrong.

“Can you just say something? Are you upset with me?” I finally ask.

“No. Why would I be mad at you?” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks off into the distance. His words are filled with remorse so I probe further.

“You haven’t said more than two words at a time since I…since I did that to you,” I point out.

“I made a mistake, Lourdes.” He lets out a long sigh. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, and I damn sure shouldn’t have taken you into that hallway. I started it all, not you.”

“So I’m a mistake?” I ask shocked.

He winces at my words. “You’re not a mistake. My actions were. I took advantage of your vulnerability. It’s not me that you want. I think you and I both know that.”

“Please save me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bullshit.” I stop in the middle of the sidewalk. We’re getting closer to the bus and I’m not ready to go back. “Fucking thanks. Now that I’ve managed to be rejected by both brothers, my day is complete.” People go around us. I’m pretty sure I look like a crazy person, but I don’t care.

“Will you just stop? That’s not what I’m doing at all. I think you are a gorgeous woman. If circumstances were different, you couldn’t keep me from pursuing you. I can’t have you so it was wrong to…” His voice trails off.

“Whatever, Sevyn. No worries. I don’t need your ‘let her down easy’ speech. We did nothing wrong. Diesel made it clear that he’s not interested in having anything other than a friendship with me. He reiterated that fucking point when he brought his ex onto the bus and banged her damn brains out in the very room where he spent the day before with me.”

“Lourdes, the fact that you were once his means you could never be mine. You weren’t just some woman in his life. He made you his girlfriend and that’s pretty fucking significant. He doesn’t do relationships. You and Melissa were his only two exceptions. Regardless of the wall he has up now, you meant something to him.” He looks off again. He pauses for a brief second before he continues. “The mistake is not you. The mistake was letting what I was feeling cloud what I know to be wrong. He is who you want, but you settled for me because of our resemblance. I’m sorry.”

“Just forget it. It was a slip. We’ll leave it that and pretend it never happened.” I start walking again. I can’t get away from his regret fast enough. It makes me feel pretty shitty. I know what he said was legitimate. Surely it goes against some kind of bro code to mess with your brother’s ex-girlfriend. It was still nice to feel wanted for a little while.

I’m the first to board the bus with Sevyn only steps behind me. It’s nearly five in the afternoon. Xander and Lily are vegging out, watching reality TV. Xander tells us we’re rolling out in an hour and that everyone else is off taking a nap in the bunks. Sevyn walks past us and announces he is going to go take a nap as well.

“Did you enjoy your time out?” Xander asks. Lily eyes me closely. I was supposed to have some girl talk with her and I pushed her away earlier. “Sevyn messaged me and told me that since everybody had kind of paired off that he was just going hang out with you for the day.”
Great.
Now I feel like I was a project that was the last one picked.

“We had a blast. It has been a long time since I could act like a kid and play arcade games.” I only tell him about part of our outing for obvious reasons. “I guess I’ll take nap too. It’s been a long day.”

“Okay. Glad you had fun,” he assures.

“Will talk with you later, Lil,” I say so she knows that I’ll fill her in later.

W
hen I wake up the room is completely dark. I don’t have to turn the light on to know that I’m alone in bed. I can hear the guys talking on the other side of the door and I smell chicken. I live on that shit so I can pick that scent out with ease. Maybe Sevyn is taking pity on my diet. That fucker is a master in the kitchen and I could never resist his cooking. I flip the light on and look for a t-shirt to throw on with my shorts.

I guess Melissa is out there. She has been surprisingly different these last couple of days—attentive. She didn’t even get upset when I told her I didn’t want to just jump back into how we left things. I don’t know what has come over her. She’s my match with the kinky shit that I’m into. I wouldn’t have to instruct her on what I like or test her boundaries. We just complement each other sexually. This was my chance to have the kinky sex I’ve had to restrain from, yet I just couldn’t go there. Something is holding me back. Melissa was understanding and told me she’s just happy I let her apologize. I gave her one of my shirts last night after her shower because she didn’t bring any clothes, but I’m sure the entire bus thinks we fucked. Truth is, we spent time catching up. There were guys that she thought she could move on with, but none of them were me. I even told her the damn story of my life that I promised myself I would never tell again. Unlike Lourdes, I felt like she really listened. She was the comfort that I needed. Ironic that she was the reason I found a way to take back control when I needed an outlet.