Cries in the Night (30 page)

Rusty looked unconvinced. “That shouldn’t matter.”

“Are you kidding? You know how cops take care of other cops. It’s the same with firefighters.” Her legs were still shaking, and she wanted, more than anything, for him to take her into his arms and tell her he understood. “I threatened to go to his captain, but that didn’t accomplish anything except get me a beating that broke four ribs. No one believed me because he denied everything, and he was an officer of the law.”

Rusty looked around the room, taking in the broken furniture, destroyed gifts and shattered lamp.

“Give me a chance to explain,” she begged. “After that, I’ll go. But it’s important that you know everything.”

The muscles in his square jaws flexed. “Follow me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Julie said her goodbyes to Gloria and Danny and ohhed and ahhed over Isabelle before leaving. Rusty was sitting in his SUV, waiting patiently. Julie unlocked her Kia and climbed in. All the way to Rusty’s condo, she ran dialogue through her mind. There was no question that she was going to tell him the truth, but did he really want to hear it all?

The horror that had been her marriage, the terror, the pain, the shame, the guilt … would he be able to understand? She had gone into her relationship with Ray with an open heart. Her parents had just died in the middle of her junior year of college, and she used part of her inheritance to finish getting her degree in Communications. Ray had been a handsome young cop who had pulled her over for speeding. He had given her a warning … which in retrospect, she should have taken as an omen.

He was charming and persistent and soon they were dating. Ray had been her first and only lover until she met Rusty. They had gotten married the week after her graduation and within a month after that the abuse started. As with most domestic violence, the first time could have been dismissed as being accidental. He apologized, brought her flowers and candy and promised to be more careful, using the excuse that he was in a rough profession and sometimes it carried over.

Each time was progressively worse and the apologies more profuse. At some point she found out he was cheating on her, accepting the favors of the groupies that cops … and firefighters … attract. She had no confidants. He had isolated her from her college friends and didn’t allow her to work, so she couldn’t make new friends. Her world grew smaller and smaller until there was only Ray and Julie in it.

She had even gone to the captain once. Ray had been furious and had slammed a door on her fingers, breaking three of them. He’d been immediately contrite and rushed her to the emergency room. As always, she’d lied and told them it was an accident. Ray had treated her really well for several months after that … until something else spun him up and the abuse continued. Another report to the captain might have ruined Ray’s career, so she kept quiet. Plus, she had heard many stories about how the cops covered up for each other, no matter what the crime. She suspected there were other wives in similar circumstances, but there
was never an opportunity to discuss it … that is, if she could find a wife who would. And always, in the back of her mind, she’d known Ray would kill her if she talked about it. That’s why she hadn’t left him until she was sure there would be no trail.

They arrived at Rusty’s condo with her not any closer to a decision on how much to share with him. How did she know he wasn’t just like Ray, wonderful now, but a devil after sundown. Once he knew, would that be the end of any hope for a relationship? She remembered her plans to move out of state. Now that her stalking issue was over, that was no longer necessary. Except for Rusty.

With a sadness so profound she could hardly breathe, Julie accepted the fact that she had foolishly fallen in love with him. That left her with no options. She couldn’t stay. The only thing worse than never seeing him again would be to see him with another woman and knowing that he was holding her and kissing her and making her feel as special as he had with Julie.

She inhaled deeply, trying to steady the sudden rush of nerves that caused her hands to shake as she parked behind him. Always the gentleman, he came back to open her door and walked next to her to the elevator. In his arms he carried two cardboard boxes.

After putting the boxes on the table, he poured her a glass of wine, without asking, selected a beer for himself and they settled on opposite ends of the couch in front of the fireplace that he had switched on.

“So tell me what happened.” He took a drink and waited.

When it came right down to it, she told him everything. He may not be interested, but once the words started spilling out of her mouth, she couldn’t stop them. Sometimes, biting back tears and other times, ducking her head with shame, she detailed the beatings, the stranglings, the cuts and bruises that were always positioned so they wouldn’t be seen. She even tried to explain how it felt to be abused and caught in the endless cycle of violence, guilt and forgiveness, all brought on by an increasing feeling of inadequacy.

“I was actually pretty outgoing and self-confident before our marriage,” she said. “I don’t know how it happened, but he wore me down until I felt worthless and incapable of surviving on my own.”

“What caused you to finally make the decision to leave?”

It was the question that was the most difficult to answer. “I found out I was pregnant.” Her eyes filled with tears that slowly slid down her cheeks. “I thought it would be a new beginning, something that would bind us together and make the marriage work. Ray wasn’t as excited as I was, but he was okay with it.” She looked up at the ceiling and exhaled, struggling to keep her composure. “Then one night when I was about six months along, he came home drunk. They’d suspended
him at work for inappropriate behavior with a young woman at a traffic stop. He was upset and bruising for a fight. I was the only person in the room, so he took it out on me.

“I had survived worse, so I just tried my usual escape tactic and went limp. He started kicking me … hard. I tried to get away and almost made it, but one last kick and I tumbled down a flight of stairs.”

Rusty’s hands tightened into fists in his lap, but he didn’t speak.

“I lost the baby,” she was barely able to whisper. “It was a beautiful little girl. I named her Emma Rose. Ray never even visited me in the hospital. I made all the arrangements for the funeral while I was at the hospital. But as the actual day came closer when I would be released so I could go to it, I knew I could never go back to Ray. And I also knew that he would never let me go.”

“That explains the Emma comment when you made that home-run swing,” Rusty interrupted.

“I held back a little,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to kill him. ”

“Probably gave him a serious concussion. He’ll have a hell of a headache.”

Julie shrugged. “Good.”

“How did you get away from him?”

“A kind victim’s advocate came to visit me in the hospital. I don’t know why, but I felt like I could trust her and I told her everything. She was able to do what I thought was a miracle by getting me a new identity, a new look, some clothes and a bus ticket.

“The night before the funeral, I slipped out of the hospital and hitchhiked out of town because I was too afraid Ray would be able to trace the bus ticket even with the disguise. Besides, I didn’t really know where to go. All I knew was that I wanted to get as far away as possible and that would buy me almost twenty-four hours because no one would expect me not showing up for Emma.” She shook her head with regret. “I hated not being there, but it was my only chance. I had very little money, no credit cards and no extra clothes, just the hygiene items they’d given me at the hospital. I left everything behind, all my photos, things from my parents, my personal papers. I figured if I didn’t have anything to tie me to that life, then that woman would be dead.”

She looked past him to the impressive view of the mountains. “I fell in love with Denver. It was so different than Connecticut, and I knew that Ray thought anything west of the Mississippi River was wild frontier. I figured he’d try to find me, but I never thought he’d go this far or persist this long. Luckily, I got a job at Tom’s Diner where I met Natalie Turner.”

“The cop?”

“Yes, she worked for DPD back then. She got a great job with the FBI and moved to DC shortly after that. But when I met her she was going through an ugly divorce. We became friends, and she encouraged me to be a Victim’s Advocate volunteer. I worked my way up from there.”

“That explains the brown contact lens,” Rusty mused. “That’s probably not your real hair color either, is it?”

She lifted a shiny black strand and looked at it as if seeing it for the first time. “No, it’s naturally a sort of medium brown. I thought Ray would assume I’d go blond, so I went dark.”

“And your name isn’t really Julie?” he asked.

She shook her head. “It
was
Karen Drake. However, I’m not that girl anymore. She didn’t make it. But Julie Lawrence is a survivor.”

He leaned back, resting his head on the top of the overstuffed couch as he tried to process the flood of information. It was so much more complicated than he would have imagined. He shut his eyes and rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I guess I’m having trouble getting past the trust issue. I can understand why you didn’t make it public, but I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. There were so many opportunities.”

She wanted to reach out and touch him, to thaw the cold, hard set of his jaw. He was right, of course. There had been times when she had been tempted to tell him everything, but then she would remember the fragility of their relationship. She had no idea how he would have reacted. Even now, after nearly being killed by the man who had haunted her all these years, Rusty wasn’t accepting her explanation.

He was an amazing man, but he was still a man. Her experience with the male sex, both personal and through her professional encounters hadn’t been all that positive. Trust was a two-way street, and he was upset that she hadn’t trusted him. On the other hand, he prided himself on his playboy lifestyle which didn’t exactly inspire trust. The fact that he didn’t understand that told her he was looking for an excuse to push her away.

It was over. Whatever they had had together had ended. She was no better or worse off than any of his past lovers. Fun and games, then hit the road. Her chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it, and she struggled not to cry. Silly girl. She had thought she was special. In his way, Rusty had hurt her worse than Ray ever had. He had broken her heart.

Julie stood. She glanced back over her shoulder and saw that he hadn’t moved.
Please, please don’t shut me out. Don’t make me leave. Take me in your arms and tell me it all doesn’t matter.

But he didn’t move, remaining with his head back and his face buried in his hands as she walked to the bathroom. Julie had brought only a few personal items and some clothes, so it wouldn’t take her long to gather them and put them in her tote bag. Even though she felt safe to return to her house for now, she knew it would be just long enough for her to enact Plan B. She no longer had to run from her past. But she couldn’t face her future here.

Her fingers fumbled with her toothbrush and she dropped it into the sink. Working blindly now because her eyes were filled with tears, she felt for it, but when she couldn’t find it, she leaned over the sink and struggled to get it together. The last thing she wanted was for him to remember her as a weak, crying woman.

He had seen her in that role so often in their relationship. But that wasn’t who she was. She had lost a child. She had escaped from an evil creature. She had started a new life with nothing but the clothes on her back. She had helped hundreds of victims survive horrible events. She was strong and brave, and she was not a victim.

She felt his hands on her shoulders and she jumped. She hadn’t heard him walk up behind her.

“Julie, you don’t have to run anymore,” his voice was gentle.

With her head held high, she turned and faced him. “I can’t stay.”

“Because you can’t let yourself fall in love?”

“No.” She sighed. “I can’t stay because I already have.”

To her surprise, his beautiful lips lifted in a grin. “Then you can’t leave.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m asking you to stay. I
need
you to stay.” His fingers tightened on her shoulders. He shook his head, his expression incredulous. “I’ve done something totally crazy and out of character … I’ve fallen in love.”

Julie blinked, too surprised to respond. Her heart that had been so heavy did a little flip-flop in her chest.

“As I see it, there’s just one problem,” he continued. “I know I have a bad reputation, but I have one hard-and-fast rule. I don’t fool around with married women.”

A wave of relief swept over her. “Good, because Julie Lawrence isn’t married.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, gently at first, but quickly becoming more insistent.

In the other room one of the cardboard boxes moved, then tumbled off the table and onto the floor.

Rusty looked around, then grabbed Julie’s hand and pulled her along behind him. “I almost forgot. Here’s your Christmas present.”