Crimson Debt: Book 1 in the Born to Darkness series (21 page)

“So she…this mistress of yours…she showed
compassion? That’s unusual in a vamp,” I murmured.

Corbin shot me a look. “Compassion had
nothing to do with it—it was more her twisted sense of humor that
made her spare my Janet.” He shook his head. “She even allowed me
to visit her regularly, though most of our kind force their
fledglings to abandon their old life at once.”

“I don’t get it,” I said. “So she let your
wife live and allowed you to visit her on a regular basis. How was
that funny?”

“Don’t you see?” Corbin turned to face me, a
bitter expression on his face. “She knew I would be unable to
resist making love to Janet—the fuck-lust is always strongest when
one is first born to darkness. She wanted to watch me kill her—to
“fuck and suck” her to death as you so nicely put it.”

I put a hand to my mouth. “Oh, no…”

“You don’t have to look at me that way. My
love for Janet was strong—stronger even than a newborn vampire’s
lust.” He sighed. “It took immense self-control but I was actually
able to make love to her without hurting or killing her.”

I shook my head. “But…how?”

“By gorging myself on blood before I came to
her mainly.” Corbin looked grim. “I drained many a man dry that I
might not spill a single drop of my beloved’s blood.” He raised an
eyebrow at me. “Oh yes, my darling, I am a murderer many,
many
times over—though I killed my victims for love, I still
killed them. But I’m afraid the statute of limitations on my crimes
has long run out.”

“There is no statute of limitations on
murder,” I whispered through numb lips.

He gave me a sardonic smile. “Even when those
wronged have been dust in the ground for four centuries? I think
you’d have a hard time convicting me now.”

“Maybe…” I shook my head, trying not to think
of all the people he’d killed. “So if you went to all that, uh,
trouble and you were able to be with her, why isn’t Janet still
here with you now? Why didn’t you bond her to you or turn her into
a vampire?”

“My maker forbid me to do either.” He stared
moodily into the dying embers of the fire. “She thought it was only
a matter of time until my control snapped and I killed Janet.”

“But you didn’t, did you?” I said softly.

Corbin shook his head. “My control held. But
then something unexpected happened—Janet got pregnant.”

“What?” I frowned. “But that’s impossible. A
vampire and a human can’t conceive, even if the vamp could keep
from killing his human partner. They’re like…two different
species.”

“That should be true but in our case…” Corbin
sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I believe it was possible
only because I was so newly turned. There was still enough that was
human in me to make conceiving a child possible. And so, since I
couldn’t keep my hands off her, Janet conceived.”

“What happened?” I asked. I was trying to
imagine a human/vampire hybrid but I was drawing a blank. Such a
thing had never even been considered before—it should have been
completely impossible.

Corbin turned back to the glowing embers in
the fireplace. “The birth was a difficult one. And the blood…” He
shook his head. “There was so much blood…too much of it for me to
help. Even though I had gorged and gorged again before her time
came, I still couldn’t let myself get too close. And the baby…the
baby was born dead.”

“Oh, Corbin…” I put a hand on his arm,
wanting to comfort him. Despite the fact that four centuries had
passed since the events he was relating, I could still see the pain
in his eyes, still hear the agony in his voice as he told what had
happened.

“No, don’t pity me—it was a blessing.” He got
up abruptly and started pacing in front of the bed. “The child
was…a monster. A deformed little creature with blind eyes and razor
sharp fangs—she could never have fed it. It would have chewed her
to pieces.”

“But…she must have been so…so…” I couldn’t
think of the words to describe what Janet must have felt. The agony
she must have endured.

I’d had a miscarriage once in grad school,
back when I was with Todd, the guy I thought was the one. The
pregnancy had been an accident in the first place and I hadn’t felt
ready to have kids but still…I had wept inconsolably over the small
lost life. It had ultimately driven my fiancé and me apart—it was
Taylor who got me through that dark time, which was one reason we
were so close.

I had only been two months along when I lost
the baby but it was still an awful experience. I couldn’t imagine
going to term and then losing it in such a traumatic way.

“Poor Janet,” I said, my voice choked.

“She was devastated,” Corbin said flatly.
“Utterly distraught. Seeing the thing that was supposed to be our
son…I think it broke something inside her.”

“Oh, Corbin,” I whispered again. I wanted to
take him in my arms and hug him but he was still pacing and he
didn’t look like he wanted to be hugged.

“Don’t worry—her pain did not last long. The
birth killed her.” He shook his head. “Didn’t I tell you that
though I loved her enough to be gentle, she died anyway? My maker
called it ‘delicious irony.’ How she laughed!”

“What a bitch!” I said indignantly.

“Yes, well…” He shook his head. “It’s a pity
she’s not around to hear you call her that.”

“You mean she’s not around Tampa or not
around period?” I asked.

“She is dead.” Corbin stopped pacing for a
moment and looked at me. “I killed her. I won’t tell you how I
managed it or how long it took—let us just say that a large part of
my second life has been entirely devoted to vengeance.”

“I don’t blame you for that,” I said. “I
would have wanted to kill her too. But what did you do when she was
finally gone? How did you end up here?”

He shrugged. “I wandered the world for a
while, consumed with guilt and regret. It was not only my maker who
killed Janet—I did my part as well. If I had been able to stay away
from her, she never would have gotten pregnant or died during
childbirth.”

“But you
loved
her,” I objected hotly.
“Loved her enough not to hurt her despite your nature. You can’t
blame yourself for that.”

He gave me a smile that had a touch of
genuine humor in it.

“Listen to yourself, Addison. Are you, an
Auditor, actually advocating a human/vampire relationship instead
of condemning it?”

“Well, no…” I frowned, feeling confused. It
had always seemed so black and white to me before—humans and
vampires mixed sexually like oil and water. No, more like nitro and
glycerin. A successful physical relationship between the two should
be flatly impossible—it was like a hungry lion trying to make love
to a wounded antelope without ripping its throat out.

And yet, somehow, Corbin had made me see
things in a whole different light.

“Well?” Corbin stood there staring at me, an
unreadable expression on his face.

“I guess…I guess I’m just advocating love,” I
said at last. “No matter…who it is doing the loving.”

“Thank you,” Corbin said quietly. “That’s
very tolerant of you, Addison.”

I frowned. “Don’t try to make me out to be
some kind of a racist here, Corbin. The reason I don’t believe in
vampire/human sex is because the human almost always looks like he
or she went through a meat grinder when it’s all over.”

He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Almost
being the operative word, I believe. At least, in our case,
darling.”

I could feel my cheeks getting hot again but
I refused to drop my eyes. “We never had sex—not really,” I pointed
out, crossing my arms over my chest. “You may have, uh, gone down
on me but I would never,
never
risk going all the way—with
you or any other vamp.”

He looked angry. “Do you still not believe in
my self-control? My ability to be gentle?”

“Sure, with the love of your life,” I shot
back. “But I’m not her, Corbin. I’m
not
Janet—I’m just a
girl you happen to have a business arrangement with.”

“Do you really think you mean so little to
me?” he asked quietly. “Do
I
mean so little to
you,
Addison?”

I shifted on the bed uncomfortably. “The
point is that once Roderick leaves town, our arrangement is over.
And honestly, Corbin…” I sighed. “That’s probably a good thing.
We’ve been getting in pretty deep here—I don’t know about you but
I’m
way
over my head with this…whatever it is we’ve got
going here.” I gestured aimlessly, not sure exactly how to put what
I felt into words.

“And this is really how you feel? That you
want nothing more than to have our
arrangement
over and done
with?” He took a step toward the bed. “Answer me honestly, Addison.
Tell me what is really in your heart.”

What was really in my heart was confusion.
Confusion and pain. I hurt for him after hearing his tragic
story—he seemed human to me now in a way no vampire other than
Taylor ever had before. And yet, the idea of being with him on a
permanent basis, of actually trying to have a relationship with
him…

“I don’t know,” I said at last, shaking my
head. “I can’t…I mean, I’m an
Auditor,
Corbin. It would be
like a judge dating a Mob boss. And besides, you’re a vampire—”

“Which means I am not to be trusted, no
matter how often I prove myself trustworthy,” he said flatly.

“Yes, I mean,
no
, I mean…” I shook my
head. “Look, can you tell me that tonight when we were…uh…”

“While I was licking your sweet, creamy
pussy?” he murmured, taking another step toward me.

“Sure, right.” My cheeks were hot but I
continued doggedly. “While you were doing that, can you tell me
that even just
once
for a fraction of a second you didn’t
consider getting on top of me, sinking your fangs in and draining
me dry while you fucked me to death?”

He looked at me for a long, long moment and
then turned away to face the dying embers of the fire.

I took his silence for assent. “See? That
instinct is always there, no matter how you try to fight it. All it
would take was one single instant, one momentary loss of
self-control—”

Corbin turned to face me again and this time
the look in his eyes was cold.

“I was thinking nothing except how beautiful
you were and how much pleasure it gave me to give you pleasure. To
taste you and make you come. I thought you trusted me tonight,
Addison—that maybe there was something in your heart for me besides
suspicion and anger at my kind.”

“Corbin—”

“I see now that I was wrong.” He shook his
head. “I suppose what happened between us tonight was no more than
a ‘momentary loss of self-control’ on your part. A stupid lapse in
judgment that you never intend to repeat.”

The way he threw my own words back in my face
stung, as did his assessment of the night’s activities. Mainly,
because, it meshed so neatly with my own. He was right—I shouldn’t
have let a vampire go down on me. I had trusted him not once but
twice and twice I had gotten away with it. But it was like dodging
a bullet—how often could I do it without getting shot? How far
could I go, how many times could I gamble before I lost in the most
deadly way possible?

“You’re right, Corbin,” I said, getting off
the bed. “It
was
a lapse in judgment and I
don’t
intend to repeat it.”

“A point you have made abundantly clear,” he
growled. He walked over to the heavy bank vault door and threw it
open as easily as though it was made of cardboard. “Go, Addison. I
think it’s time you left for the night.”

That stung even worse because I couldn’t help
remembering the way he’d begged me to stay the night before. How
he’d wanted me to sleep in his arms. Those same strong arms that
had carried me and sheltered me from Roderick’s rage when it would
have been much easier to let me die or be mind-raped into
oblivion.

But there was no way I was going to let
Corbin know how hurt and confused I was. That would be weak and if
there was one thing I had learned about vampires, it was to never
show weakness around them.

“Fine.” I started to march toward the door
and nearly tripped over the crazy high heels I was still wearing.
Leaning down, I tried to get them off. I managed the first one well
enough but the buckle on the second ankle strap was stuck. I yanked
at it savagely, feeling more and more desperate until finally it
snapped in my hand. The shoes had probably cost more than I made in
a month but I didn’t care. I wanted to throw the damn things at
Corbin but that seemed too childish. Instead, I kicked them off and
stalked barefoot to the door.

“I’ll expect you back here tomorrow night to
act as my consort one last time,” Corbin said, frowning. “And this
time do
not
be late.”

“I’ll be here,” I said grimly. “I can’t
wait
to get it over with.”

Then, without a backward glance, I left
him.

When I walked into Corbin’s office the next
day, just as dusk was beginning to fall, I saw a strange girl with
creamy cafe au lait skin and striking green eyes walking out of it.
Her pierced lip and all black clothes screamed Goth chick but the
aura of power I felt tingling around her like static electricity
made me think she was something more. She was human…but not
completely. Who was she and what did she have to do with Corbin? I
felt an instant zing of jealousy that made me mad at myself.

The girl gave me a furious glare from her
jade green eyes as we passed but I refused to drop my gaze. I can
stare down vampires—I’m not afraid of Goths. Even ones that are
more than human.

When I finally got past her and into the
office, I saw Corbin tucking something into the breast pocket of
his tailored suit jacket.