Crimson (The Silver Series Book 3) (18 page)

He shook his head. “You won't, because now
you're living for someone else instead of just yourself.”

Thick silence fell in the kitchen. My hands
felt heavy, like they held the weight of two lives in the balance
instead of just one. I knew he was right. I knew I owed it to
Colleen to live, but I knew I couldn't do her justice.

“
You're always afraid of
failing,” Dad said quietly. “That's why you never
tried.”

Truth blossomed in my chest and I stared
back at him, seeing my life hidden in a bottle and behind drugs,
throwing away my dreams because I was so afraid of not reaching
them I didn't even attempt it. I swallowed. “You're right.”

Relief showed in his eyes and I realized how
worried he had been that I would take his words the wrong way, that
I would be offended and disappear and they would never see me
again. I clenched my teeth, vowing to never again be that person
who had disappointed my parents and Colleen even though none of
them ever said it. I would live for Colleen the way I hadn't died
for her.

***

I stared out the window at the clouds below
and tried to clear my mind, but all I could think about was Grace.
My chest tightened at the thought of her name, and I couldn't help
the smile that came to my lips when I remembered the feeling of her
hand in mine and the way she followed me so trustingly. I knew I
shouldn't think about her. She had just lost her fiancé and was so
vulnerable with her blindness, but I felt things for her I never
had for Renee. Letting Renee go was like a weight lifted from my
chest, as if I was allowed to love again

I sat up at the thought and rubbed my eyes.
I couldn't fall in love with her. She deserved her own life away
from the destruction that followed me. She deserved to be safe,
surrounded by her loved ones, not tagging around with some freak
werewolf who didn't fit in anywhere. But even as I thought it, I
knew she had already stolen my heart. Whether it was returned or
not, my love was hers.

I fell asleep wondering about the lab where
I met Grace. The thought spurred memories that swept over me in a
dream.

Pain. Pain touched every nerve ending, every
synapse, every fiber of my being. I tried to scream, but my limbs
were weighted and my muscles wouldn’t respond. I opened my eyes,
then immediately regretted the action. Light burned like fire into
my retinas. Blinding tears clouded my vision. Something stabbed my
arm repeatedly. I tried to move, to yell, to fight, but fluid ran
up my veins and turned the pain into all-encompassing flames. My
heart pounded harder and harder until the fluid reached it. It
surged, fighting back, but the pain was too strong. My heartbeat
slowed, then stopped. I felt myself slipping away.

White light jolted through my senses and my
eyes flared open. Light flickered, then faded to the neon hum of
emergency lighting.

“
He’s alive, doctor, but
the defibrillator shorted the facility. We’ll have to
reboot.”

“
Is he going to survive the
change?” another voice asked.

“
Too early to tell,” Dr.
Tannin answered. “But it looks promising. How’s the
werewolf?”

“
She’s unconscious. We
won’t know the effects of the surge until she wakes up.”

A pen wrote on a clipboard with a sound like
fingernails running down a chalkboard. I faded into darkness.

When I opened my eyes on the plane, my heart
pounded with a realization I couldn’t remember. “Are you alright?”
Jet asked from the seat next to me.

I nodded, but couldn’t speak for fear I
would forget whatever the dream had brought to me. I stared out the
window at the clouds and the edge of sunlight that broke through
and bathed the window in blinding white. Then it struck me like a
sledge hammer. Grace had given me life, and in return, I had taken
her sight.

I buried my head in my hands; anguish filled
me so sharply I could taste its bitterness. If it wasn’t for me,
she wouldn’t be blind. A voice in the back of my mind argued that
she would probably still be at the lab or dead, but I had no way of
knowing that. I rubbed my eyes and cursed quietly, then hit my
forehead against the seat in front of me until the occupant turned
and glared. I fought back the urge to bare my teeth and instead sat
back with my arms folded, then turned and found Jet studying me,
his gaze unreadable.

“
Sorry,” I said.

“
I’m not,” Jet began, then
he shook his head and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair to
push it out of his face and tried again. “I’m not very good at the
emotional stuff.” He grimaced. “I don’t relate well, I guess.” He
met my gaze again. “But if you need to talk, I’m here.”

I shook my head. His offer touched me, but I
didn’t know my thoughts enough to speak them out loud. “I’ll be
alright,” I said. “I just have to figure some things out.”

He nodded and I know I didn’t imagine the
relief that crossed his eyes before he turned away and left me to
the whirlwind in my mind. She deserved better. She cared and loved
and trusted so much; she deserved far better than what I had done
to her.

I glared at the reflection of my sunglasses
in the window, then took them off and stared at myself with such
loathing I was vaguely surprised the glass didn’t melt. At least
then the man in front of me would have a reason to be upset.

I give her sight. The realization dawned on
me with sudden warmth. The memory of the touch of her hand and the
smile on her face filled me like the red pain, only it was with a
surge of love so strong I could barely breathe. I could give her
what I had taken. I could dedicate my life to her. Heck, I would
dye my fur black and stay a wolf my whole life if it meant helping
her see again.

But what if she didn’t want me? What if I
wasn’t good enough for her? What if I told her I was the cause of
her blindness and she refused to speak to me again? A shudder of
true pain ran through me at the thought and I pushed it away,
knowing that even the tiny bit of good I did getting her out of the
lab wouldn’t be enough to redeem anything I had done before the
accident. I had to be worthy of her. I would live in a way that
would help her see the good person I could be.

Chapter 18

Jaze picked us up at the airport. “Good to
have you back,” he said, pushing open the passenger side door of
the SUV.

I slid onto the seat and set the small
backpack I had brought back with a few possessions from my house at
my feet. It felt comforting to have even a couple of things from my
life before the accident. My heart raced at the thought of seeing
Grace again and I could barely keep the smile from my face. Jet sat
in the front seat and watched the scenery rush by.

“
It's been a good few
days,” Jaze said, his eyes on the road as he steered us out of the
airport. He glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “We found Grace's
pack.”

My heart skipped a beat, then fell. “Oh?
I'll bet she's excited to see her brother.”

Jaze nodded and took the exit from the
freeway. “They're meeting us at a motel in town. They drove out
yesterday when we contacted them.”

“
She's going today?” I
fought to keep my tone steady.

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye
and nodded. “She seems pretty excited.”

I didn't trust my expression and turned to
stare out the side window. “I'll bet. She's been through a lot.
It'll be nice for her to go home.”

“
Yeah,” Jaze replied, but
he didn't sound convinced. I glanced at him, but he kept his eyes
on the road.

When we got home, Jaze motioned for me to
enter the door first. I didn't think anything of it until a shout
of 'surprise!' met me and everyone jumped out of hiding places
behind couches and chairs.

“
We're glad you're back!”
Nikki exclaimed.

“
I made your favorite
meal,” Mrs. Carso said with a warm smile.

Taye threw her arms around Jet, joy bright
in her eyes at having him safely back home again. Jet settled in
his usual place against the door jamb to the hallway and she stood
next to him with his arm resting protectively at her waist.

Grace waited quietly near the door to the
kitchen. I crossed the room and touched her elbow. “I heard they
found your pack.”

“
Yeah,” she said. She gave
me a quick hug. “I'm glad you came back,” she said
quietly.

“
Only to find out you're
leaving,” I replied as softly.

She gave a sad smile, then looped her arm
through mine. “Dinner awaits,” she said with a dramatic sweep of
her other arm.

I laughed and followed the others to the
kitchen, then stopped in surprise. I looked at Mrs. Carso. “How did
you know I love lasagna?”

She winked. “Your mother called. She asked
me to make sure you were taken care of, and volunteered to drive
down and cook for you.”

I could picture my mom doing just that and
shook my head. “She’s relentless.”

Grace pinched my arm. “You could use a
little fattening up. Mothers know best.”

“
Hey!” I steered her to a
seat and took the one next to her. “You could too, you know.” I
dished a big scoop of lasagna onto her plate, then handed her a
fork. “That'll help!”

She explored the sides of the lasagna I had
dished her, then shook her head. “I can't eat that much.”

“
If you don't, I'll see
that Mom does drive here. Between her and Mrs. Carso, they'll have
to roll you out the door,” I threatened.

She shook her head with a smile, then dove
into the lasagna.

“
How did my mom get this
number?” I asked when I was several bites in.

Jaze shrugged. “Must have been the website.
Mouse hid it deeper, but she must be persistent.”

I nodded. “That's a very good way to
describe her.”

“
She also said you liked to
wear socks to bed so your feet don't get cold and-”

I cut Mrs. Carso off with a wave of my hand
and the others laughed. “Don't tell them all my secrets or I'll be
powerless,” I pleaded.

She laughed. “Don't worry. Your secrets are
safely between your mother and I.”

I rolled my eyes. “That's what I'm afraid
of!”

***

When we pulled up to the motel, the door to
number twenty-one opened and several guys close to my age hurried
out. I helped Grace from the SUV, but was pushed roughly aside when
she reached the ground. I fought down the urge to fight back and
stepped away to let them by.

“
Grace, I can't believe
it's you!” A tall young man with Grace's brown hair and an obvious
family resemblance wrapped her in a tight hug. Tears glittered in
Grace's eyes as she returned the embrace.

“
I can't believe they found
you, Troy” she said, her voice tight.

He held her back at arm's length and looked
her up and down. His gaze lingered on her sightless eyes; he
glanced at me, then pulled her back in for another hug. “I'll take
you home where it's safe. You won't have to worry about going
through anything like that ever again.”

She nodded against his chest, her arms tight
around him.

A knot tightened in my throat and I clenched
my teeth before I could point out how it was in his care that she
was captured in the first place. Jaze cleared his throat. “We'll
leave you guys to catch up. If you need anything-”

Troy cut him off. “We'll be fine, thank
you.”

Grace stiffened slightly. “Troy, they've
been so good to me. I owe them everything-”

“
And they've brought you
safely back to us, something I will always be grateful for,” he
said in a reassuring tone while at the same time throwing us both a
look that said he was relieved he would never see us
again.

I glanced at Jet who waited next to Mouse on
the other side of the SUV. He clenched and unclenched his hands as
though he wanted to hit Troy. I knew exactly how he felt. It took a
look from Jaze to calm him down. “We were happy to help,” Jaze said
as though nothing was wrong. “We'll be leaving.” He touched Grace's
arm. “It's been great having you at our home. If you need anything,
you know the number.” She nodded and hugged him, much to her
brother's frustration. Troy folded his arms and glared at us when
she hugged Jet next, bringing an actual smile to his face. Jet then
turned her to face me. She gave me a tight hug I never wanted to
end.

“
I'll miss you,” I said,
longing to say so much more but unsure how to phrase it with her
werewolf brother giving me death looks over her head.

“
I'll miss you, too,” she
whispered. She held me tight for a second longer, then let go. Troy
grabbed her arm before she could say anything else.

“
Let's go inside and get
some rest. We have an early flight in the morning.” He lifted his
eyebrows at me tauntingly, then led her past the rest of his pack
and into the motel room.

Jaze, Jet, and Mouse climbed back into the
vehicle. I waited until the door shut behind Troy's pack, took a
calming breath, then climbed in after my friends.

“
That was pleasant,” Jet
growled.

Jaze huffed a humorless laugh. “Sometimes I
wonder if Mason left certain werewolves alone because they weren't
a threat to his plan anyway.”

“
She'd be better off with
us,” Mouse said softly.

“
Definitely,” Jet agreed; I
silently echoed them.

We reached Jaze's house just as the last
blush of pink faded from the edges of the horizon. The night felt
darker with Grace's absence. I stopped by the door and stared up at
the few stars that showed through a light cloud cover.