CROSS (A Gentry Boys Novella) (10 page)

“I know.” 

No one needed to tell me that.  I had pictures.  I had memories. 

“I don’t talk about her much,” I said slowly.  “My dad certainly isn’t up for daily trips down memory lane. I can’t blame him.  And I never know what to say to my sisters to make it all not as bad as it really is.” 

Stone was silent for a minute and then exhaled loudly.  “A shitty deal for all of you.  I mean, with her accident and all,” he added quickly. 

An accident.  That was what everyone called it, at least to my face.  I was tired of pretending.  “It wasn’t an accident, Stone.  You know that.” 

He didn’t argue with me.  I had to give him credit for that.  By this time we’d climbed beyond the wash and had nearly reached my house.  It should have felt strange, having Stone by my side as I unlocked the side door.  And for a moment I did suffer a twinge of shyness.  But then as I poured the lemonade Stone started talking about Conway and boasting with pride about how good his brother was when it came to fixing cars. 

“He’s good at everything,” Stone bragged.  “Smartest guy I know.” 

The teachers at Emblem High had long ago thrown in the towel where the Gentry boys were concerned.  Their mother certainly never offered much in the way of encouragement.   Conway usually shrugged it off whenever I told him he could do much better.  Maybe he didn’t believe me because no one else in his life understood how wonderful he was.  But now, listening to Stone, I had to admit it was a warm relief to hear someone else appreciate Con’s potential. 

When the rusty hinges of the screen door howled open I figured it was Penny, escaping from day camp like she’d been threatening to do every day.  I was in the middle of a laugh and had managed to snort lemonade through my nose when Con appeared.  From the look on his face, it seemed he would have been less surprised to walk into my kitchen and discover a pair of basset hounds making pancakes. 

“Hey,” he said, looking at me and then and Stone and then back at me.  The guilt that pricked at my conscience was illogical.  There was absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.  Maybe I was just feeling out of sorts because of that rare argument this morning right before Con stormed off.  But he was here now so everything must be all right.  Yet somehow I couldn’t make my mouth cooperate with words.

“Hey.”  Stone waved at his brother casually. 

I’d seen Conway Gentry every day ever since I could remember.  We’d been in a relationship for two years and I’d loved him far longer than that.  I could translate his moods more easily than I understood my own.  But as he walked into my kitchen and we coolly locked eyes there was nothing familiar about his flat expression.  His thoughts, his feelings, were suddenly all beyond my reach. 

He was, for once, a mystery. 

CONWAY

“Where the hell did you get all that?” I asked Stone when I emerged from the shower and found him counting a pile of green bills and loose change on his bed.  

“Robbed a bank,” he said, not pausing in in his counting. 

“Banks don’t deal in dimes.” 

“Robbed an ice cream truck.” 

“You mean the one that parks over by the high school and does equal business in bubble gum and crystal meth?”

Stone grinned.  “That’s the one.” 

I dropped my wet towel in favor of boxers.  “Really, what’s going on?  You turned your nose up at Carson again when he offered you a job at the garage.” 

“Janitor,” Stone snorted.  “Washing out garbage cans and scrubbing the staff toilet.  And he only made the gesture because you kept pestering him.”  Stone abandoned his counting and swept all the money into a large mason jar.  “Professional gambling is more lucrative.” 

“No way did you score all that from Saturday’s poker game.”

“Indeed.”  Stone shook the jar and held it up to the light.  “Looks impressive, huh?  Actually there’s only about fifty bucks here.  Most of those guys had more tissues in their pockets than cash.”

  Caleb Marist, who graduated last year and happened to be a distant cousin on our mother’s side, hosted the game in the paneled, shag carpet living room of the house he still occupied with his grandmother.  It might have been better if I’d just stayed for the game instead of taking off with Erin because we ended up having one of those ‘Why are you mad?  I’m not mad, why are you mad?’ pointless fights that most couples typically suffer through at least once a week.

Finally, Erin complained of a headache and said she just wanted to go home so I walked her to her front door and then took a solitary night hike along the wash.  That turned out to be a bad idea because my bladder was full.  I’d just started to piss on the rocks when a light shined in my face and a man’s voice shouted at me in Spanish.  Since I didn’t want to know what it was I’d stumbled into, I took off running and managed to leak piss all over my underwear.  Things got even better when my dick got caught in a zipper as I tried, en route, to shove everything back where it was supposed to go.  Like I said, I should have just stayed at the poker game.

“What are you up to tonight?” Stone asked as he searched through his side of the closet.  Funny thing about Stone; he took excellent care of his clothes.  He hated when I borrowed his stuff, complaining that I always looked like I’d fished something out of the bottom of the hamper no matter what I wore. 

“Taking Erin out to eat at the diner and then whatever.  I don’t know.  She’s been in kind of a funky mood lately.  Maybe we’ll find something to watch with her Netflix subscription.”  I threw a pillow.  “You even listening?”

“Sorry.”  Stone yawned and then started buttoning a short sleeve blue shirt.  “I nodded off during that rousing description of your wild evening.”

“Fuck you.  That shirt makes you look like you work in an electronics store.” 

Stone smoothed his hair and winked at his reflection in a small mirror that hung over the dresser.  “Eat your heart out, baby brother.” 

I didn’t laugh.  I didn’t toss back some witty insult.  Vaguely I heard Stone’s voice calling me and realized I’d started staring out the window in one of those waking trances. 

“What’s with you?” he asked.   “You’ve been all spacey and shit for the last week.  Gaps said not to worry about the charges.  We’ll end up with community service or something.” 

“Yeah, about that.  You need to back me up when I tell them that you lied about driving the car.” 

Stone smirked.  “Can’t do that. “

“Why the hell not?  It’s the truth.”

“Don’t matter.  Fuck with my rep.”

“This isn’t a movie, you jerk.  I’m not letting you take the blame for something I did.” 

“I could give a shit about the blame.  I’m just interested in the reward.” 

I couldn’t imagine what he was talking about.  “What reward?”

“Kasey Kean is practically panting for a reason to strip and spread.” 

“What about Courtney?”

“Who?”

“Never mind,” I grumbled.  I hadn’t said anything to Stone about my poolside molestation at the hands of Kasey Kean.  Usually I wouldn’t have hesitated to share a story like that but Stone would have guessed at the guilty truth, that a part of me had wanted to stay there and let her keep stroking whatever she wanted to stroke.  No way in fuck was I going to risk having Erin find that out so it was better not to admit it out loud, not even to my brother. 

Stone was watching me curiously.  “What’s wrong with you now?”

“When you and Erin hung out last week-“

“I already told you we weren’t exactly hanging out.  I saved her from a rattlesnake and she gave me lemonade and we talked about you the whole time.” 

“Fine, whatever.  What did she say about me?”

“Huh?  I don’t remember.  A bunch of googly-eyed girly things.”

“You guys seemed like you were having a pretty deep talk.” 

“I was nice to her and she was nice back.”  He gave me a hard look.  “You think I’d cross over into your territory or something?”

“No.”  I shook my head “I don’t think that.  It’s just that we’ve been kind of clashing lately and I was just wondering if she’d told you anything I needed to hear.” 

Stone didn’t blink.  He was in a rare serious mood.  “Conway, if your girlfriend had said even the smallest thing I thought you needed to know, I wouldn’t hesitate to repeat it.”

“I know.”  It was a stupid thought. 

“I’m your brother for fuck’s sake.” 

“I know.”

“Blood before bitches.” 

“Erin’s not a bitch.” 

“She’s not,” Stone agreed.  Then he turned back to lavish some more awe on his own reflection.  “Look Con, it’ll be all right.  Girls get moody and Erin’s no exception but you guys will turn it around.” 

I watched my brother watching himself.  “You’re right.” 

“Always am.”

“Can I borrow your black polo?”

“Fuck no.” 

The only clean shirt I could find had the Carson’s Garage logo on it.  Erin didn’t seem to mind.  She smiled and leaned in for a kiss when I picked her up.  As I stepped back from her lips I noticed a middle-aged, chubby guy glaring at me from an overstuffed armchair. 

“Hi, Mr. Rielo.”  I waved energetically.  He looked at me like I was sidewalk gum.  He’d been doing that a lot lately. 

“Hi, Con,” he finally muttered.  His voice turned much more gentle when he addressed his daughter.  “Not too late, Erin.”

“I’ll be home by ten, Dad.  I promise.” 

Emblem wasn’t a exactly a hotbed of choice eateries but the diner in the middle of town wasn’t bad.  Erin looked cute in a denim skirt and a pink long-sleeved cardigan over a matching tank top.   We held hands on the walk and she started talking about the college application essay she was struggling with. 

“How come you’re worrying about that now?” I asked.  “You won’t be applying anywhere for months.” 

She gave me an arch look.  “Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, Con.  You can’t always live for the day and refuse to think about tomorrow.” 

I rolled my eyes.  I didn’t mean to.  I just didn’t understand why she had to take every comment so damn seriously.  “You also can’t live
only
for tomorrow because it might not ever come.” 

She dropped my hand and stopped walking, staring at me.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Crap, I didn’t want to start anything.  I just wanted to take my girlfriend out for a decent dinner and hopefully fool around for a while later on. 

“Nothing,” I said.  “It’s just not healthy to obsess about whatever might happen in the future.  Not everything can be controlled.” 

She bristled.  “So why even try, right?”  Her voice was rising with every word and her fists were clenched.  “Just blissfully disregard everyone else and do whatever you want.  Why not?  What do you care who gets clobbered by your selfishness?” 

I was getting annoyed but couldn’t help feeling like I was missing something vital.  “Erin, what the hell are you talking about?   Is this about the accident last week?  Yeah, I did a shitty, stupid, selfish thing.  I regret it.  But I’m kind of shaking my head over the idea that
you
were so terribly hurt.”

She exhaled.  She chewed her thumbnail and looked away.  “Never mind,” she finally said.  “I’m sorry.  I wasn’t talking about you anyway.” 

“Oh.  Who were you talking about?”

“Never mind that either.”  She took my hand again.  “Let’s just have a nice night.” 

A brittle politeness ensued.  It followed us throughout dinner.  Every moment was more awkward than the last.  We weren’t fighting, not exactly.   It was kind of like being on a first date with someone you weren’t yet sure you liked.  As soon as the thought occurred to me I rejected it guiltily.  This wasn’t some random girl.  This was Erin.  My Erin.  We’d known each other since we were toddlers.  We were in love. 

She picked at her food.  She smiled whenever I made a small joke although I could tell the difference between a true Erin smile and a pretend Erin smile.  It wasn’t all her fault.  I couldn’t relax.  Everything that came out of my mouth felt forced.  It was just an off night all around. 

We held hands on the walk home through the soft twilight and didn’t talk much.  The temperature still hovered around a hundred degrees even though the sun was on its way down.  I remember reading once about Emblem’s early residents and how they would set their beds outside along Main Street during the summer nights when it was just too damn hot to sleep indoors.  They would wrap themselves in wet sheets, wave good night to their neighbors and try to get comfortable for at least a few hours until the sunrise made it impossible. 

I was still thinking about this when Erin squeezed my hand and rested her cheek on my shoulder.  I stopped walking, took her soft face in my hands and kissed her deeply.   She melted against me, slipping her arms around my shoulders and letting my tongue slide into her mouth.   I knew exactly how she liked to be kissed.  Soft and tender to start, teasing the passion to a crescendo.   She starting kissing more hungrily and I heard the moan in the back of my throat as I pulled her against me, wanting her, needing her. 

HONK!

HONKHONKHONKHONK!!

Asshole Stone and his asshole date were paused at the corner stop sign and leaning on the horn so much it sounded like an air raid.  Stone was driving a beat up black Civic that I assumed belong to Kasey Kean, who giggled in the seat beside him. 

My brother leaned out the window and waved.  “Sorry about that.  Carry on, kids.” 

Then he slammed on the accelerator and burned rubber toward Main Street, daring Emblem’s law enforcement to notice. 

“Stone’s with Kasey now?” Erin asked with a frown.

“Uh, yeah.  I guess.”  I still felt a little off balance catching a glimpse of Kasey.  Maybe I should have told Erin what happened at the pool last week, but if I said anything now she would wonder why I hadn’t said anything in the first place. 

“What about Courtney?”

“Stone isn’t known for monogamy.” 

Erin sighed.  “I know.” 

Even after they’d sped out of sight the intimate moment was hopelessly broken.  We went back to holding hands and being quiet until we reached Erin’s door. 

“You know,” I said.  “It’s not quite eight o’clock.  I think my mom’s working late at the pharmacy and I doubt Stone will show up anytime soon.  You could come over for a while.”

Erin glanced over at my house.  She seemed to be thinking about it but then suddenly shook her head.   “Thanks, but I’m not feeling so hot so I think I’m just going to go to bed.” 

I raised a suggestive eyebrow.  “You could lie down in my bed for a little while.  I’ll just sit on the other side of the room and watch you sleep, kind of like that vampire creep all the girls go wild over.”

She smiled over that.  “Tempting.”  She kissed my cheek.  “Another time.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Of course.  Thanks for dinner.”   Her hand was on the knob and she was starting to walk through the door so there wasn’t any reason for me to stick around. 

I was halfway across her front yard when she called me back. 

“Conway! I love you!” 

My heart jumped.  “I love you too.”   

Since I didn’t feel like messing with the front door lock I hopped through my unlocked bedroom window, feeling rather cheerful.  Erin and I were due for the standard bumps and bruises that all other relationships endured.  That’s all.  We were Conway and Erin.  We would be fine.   

My bedroom was messy and smelled like feet.  It was probably a good thing Erin hadn’t taken me up on my offer to hang out. Whistling a Beatles song I’d heard in the diner earlier, I headed to the empty living room and sprawled on the ratty sofa.  I didn’t realize I was tired until my eyelids closed.  From there I slipped easily into oblivion and didn’t know anything else until some basic instinct jolted me awake.  I knew right away I wasn’t alone in the room, even before she said a word.