Cross Roads: Pick a Path (14 page)

“One second,” I responded.

“Khan, look at me,” I directed, as he
remained blank. “When I say look at me, look at me,” I ordered; he
did as instructed. He stared back at me with his eyes moist in
tears, crammed with fright.

“
You did this, you’re responsible for
this. I didn’t kill your son, you did. Your actions, and greed to
control killed him. The only reason we’re letting you walk away
alive is so that you can live every second of your miserable life
feeling responsible. What’s better for you now is to walk away,
from everything completely, and never to turn back. This is our
place; don’t try to take our place. Things are going to change;
you’re the example we’re setting. Step down!”

On that note we walked, leaving behind what
is now a man with an ample amount of regrets; it’s really hard to
suffer anything more. At his age, killing him would’ve been a
blessing.

~

I came out a criminal hero of sorts; I could
see it through the way most of the guys reacted once we returned to
the Duranji residence. I guess my actions have a tendency to be
extremely anarchist, but I like to think that my actions are
usually for the greater good. Criminals surround me; obviously they
loved what I did today. I thought I did too, but on our ride over I
tried thinking it over, and it may have been horrible decision
making on my part. I may have let my anger get the best of me, and
I’m pretty sure that’s what Remone thought. I noticed that he
remained quiet while we drove here; all while Thambi, Sethu, and
Renny continuously praised my method of handling situations.

I could see the same look in Verone’s face;
it’s probably why the both of them are so close, they think alike.
Marona is usually the first one up congratulating me, but today,
even he seemed to be fairly quiet. I knew I was becoming a monster
when it was Miran who came up to hug me. “You’re the man,” he
preached; I didn’t know whether I should be glad that we’re getting
along or upset about it. The fact that we were getting along was
good for the business and family, but it meant I was becoming more
like him, that’s not what I wanted, especially cause I initially
hated his guts.

“Lets get some drinks going tonight,”
recommended Miran, and so that’s exactly what we did. The time was
around 11pm when we began popping bottles left and right; we were
on a tear. An hour later I was beyond wasted; some of the guys
continued to talk about the way I shot Abdul. Remone remained
quiet; he hardly even drank. Then there was Thambi who sat next to
Remone, drinking shot after shot, beer after beer, all while
stuffing huge pieces of chicken down his throat. “Thambi you got to
chill, you’re going to choke brother,” I teased. “I’m still hungry
though,” he replied; he wasn’t even joking.

Soon it was around 1am, when everyone was
beginning to lose it. Some of the guys were way out of it. Sethu,
and Renny were literally sleeping on top of each other. Remone
stepped away with Thambi to smoke a joint, leaving Miran and I to
have a quiet conversation.

“Hey Arrun, what does it feel like to be in
love?” Asked Miran.

“Oh man, you really are wasted. You do
realize that a question about love doesn’t even suit your face,” I
clowned.

“Quit joking around man, I’m actually
serious,” he replied.

“
Well then, I did not expect this from
you! I really don’t know what to tell you bro, it’s easier to fall
in love than to actually explain it. Love is actually a false term;
we are not whole without the people in our lives. You meet some
great people, who partially add up to try and fill the whole piece,
and I guess the person that you fall in love with is the one that
completes most of that whole? I don’t know brother, I’m
wasted!”

“Believe it or not, that actually makes
sense. So is that the way you feel about Nilani?” He asked.

“
Oh for sure, to be honest with you I
feel like I’ve changed so much since I’ve gotten here. I feel like
she keeps me sane, and it maybe too soon to say, but I think I want
to spend the rest of my life with her. I’ve fallen in “love”
before, but there is something about Nilani that makes me feel like
she completes me a lot more than I expected, a lot more than I need
her too.”

“Oh god! What a line, what a line,” teased
Miran.

“Shut the fuck up,” I replied. I knew he was
just messing around, that dude and love would forever remain at a
distance. When Remone returned I knew he was pretty high, he
actually began speaking to me again. “This guy is my best friend,”
I shouted; unable to control his laughter he responded, “Bro, you
are so smashed.”

“Smashed or not, I still love you brotha!” I
shouted.

Like that, things went into a momentary
blur. Minutes later, I felt like we magically ended up near
Nilani’s house. “Get out Arrun,” said Remone.

“Why on earth did you bring me here,” I
asked; I was totally confused.

“Are you serious right now? You fucking
begged and annoyed the shit out of me to drive you here. You’re
getting out!” Shouted Remone.

“I did, didn’t I?” I responded, as bits and
pieces of a conversation came to mind.

“
Yeah you retard! Now get out, Thambi is
sleeping. I don’t want to risk him waking up, he’s going to end up
asking me to buy him a “snack”, and we both know how much that ends
up being.”

“Thambi!” I shouted, waking him up. Remone
was right on, Thambi wanted to buy more food. Like that, Remone was
upset with me again, but it was hilarious. Though the joke was on
me, because I was the one stuck outside the gated house. I didn’t
even know which side of the house Nilani’s room was on, but I knew
this wasn’t going to be as easy as walking through the front door
past the security of a Police Commissioners house.

I walked around the concrete wall built to
fence the house, and noticed that there was a balcony on the back
end. Hopping the wall was a piece of cake; I did it with much ease,
my athleticism definitely helped. It seemed easier to sneak through
the yard of an officer than expected, well until I saw the sleeping
guard dog. That’s when I had thoughts of becoming a track star, but
maybe I should attempt to walk by as quickly and quietly as
possible. It took me nearly half an hour to walk past the guard dog
undetected, I could have done it faster, but my sober state of mind
has taken a hit for sure!

I probably shouldn’t have bragged about how
easy it was to sneak in, cause things seemed to be getting more
difficult by the second. The bottom doors were locked, obviously. I
should’ve knocked myself in the head for even considering it to be
open; my only option would be to climb the extremely narrow pole up
to the balcony.

Man oh man, that wasn’t easy at all. My
first two attempts were a total fail, and the third attempt
would’ve been horrible if I didn’t grasp hold of the balcony with
my leap of faith. Luckily for me, the balcony doors were open! I
wasn’t a complete idiot; then again, here comes the hardest part.
I’m in this huge house, and I have no clue of where my girlfriend’s
room is. Calling her was probably my best option.

“Nilani! I’m in your house,” I said.

“Arrun? What time is it…wait what? You’re
kidding right!” She replied.

“No, I’m hiding behind your couch right now,
I came through the balcony door,” I responded.

“Are you stupid? What if my dad sees you?
You could’ve just called from outside the house!” She shouted.

“Oh right, that probably would’ve been
smarter,” I said.

“
Uh, you think so? I’m coming, stay
quiet”

“Nilani,” I whispered, in a cheerful tone.
“Are you drunk,” she asked. I just gave her a blank glare, watching
her as she smacked her hand on her forehead. “Darling, why are you
hurting yourself,” I asked. Her face definitely showed frustration,
she directed me to follow her quietly. I felt like one of those
comedic detectives I grew up watching on TV as a kid, one finger
over my lips, tippy toeing over to her room.

“Wow you are a totally different personality
when drunk,” she commented. I actually was, and it has been pretty
evident over the years. Alcohol has helped me have a better sense
of humor, though I guess I tend to be a little bit childish; I’ve
got to maintain my youth somehow right? The alternate personality
was on full loose tonight.

“Nilani lets go back to that beach!” I
suggested.

“Right now? It’s kind of late don’t you
think?” Asked Nilani.

“Not really, lets go! I left too soon
earlier today,” I replied.

“You’re actually serious, okay let me get
ready,” said Nilani, walking over to her dresser.

“Alright I’ll just sit over here then,” I
suggested, taking seat on her bed. I bounced up and down for a bit
as she just gave me this look. I assume she couldn’t tell if I was
being serious. “Get the hell out of here,” she replied, shoving me
into the bathroom. Missed opportunities, oh well, it was worth a
shot right? She didn’t take long before she got ready, and we were
back to sneaking out just minutes after my struggle to get in. At
least it was a lot easier this time around, we were able to walk
out the door on the bottom floor.

Sneaking past the guard dog was the hardest
part, once again. This time around it was worse, she actually woke
up, and I was so sure that I’d be getting torn apart by a dog. “Go
back to sleep baby,” said Nilani, as I kept my eyes shut. I usually
handle myself without fear of terrorism men, but the dog had me
squealing.

“I wasn’t asking you to sleep, open your
eyes you little girl,” she teased.

“Do you see the size of that beast,” I
yelled.

“Shhhh, you’re going to get us caught,”
warned Nilani.

We managed to get off the property without
making much noise, but we had to walk for quite a while before
stopping an auto-rickshaw. I managed to have a discussion with the
driver about his family and life all in the span of the ride there,
completely ignoring Nilani’s presence. She didn’t seem to care
though, I think she actually enjoyed the drunk me at times. She
laughed at numerous points, and it was great to know that I was
responsible for her smiles, even if it wasn’t my sober-self doing
so.

The beach was quiet, why wouldn’t it be? It
was 3am, most people would be asleep at home during these hours,
but there wasn’t much to complain about. There’s something
spectacular about a deserted beach. The noise pollution was at its
minimum, allowing the deafened sea to speak. It must be the moon;
it had to be the moon that made me love the darkness of the night
feel brighter than the day. Though even the moon was out dueled by
the beauty of Nilani, the moon couldn’t help but shine bright and
shed spotlight on her. I was the lucky one, graced by the gifts of
life.

“Are you just going to stare at the moon
Arrun?” Asked Nilani.

“Sorry, it’s just that this reminds me of
the first time I fell for Hasini.” I replied.

“Wait, I shouldn’t have said that.” I cut
off; I haven’t considered it before, but she could be getting tired
of my constant need to bring up Hasini.

“No, Arrun tell me! I’d actually like to
hear about it,” pressured Nilani.

“
I know I bring up Hasini a lot when we
speak, and I don’t get how it hasn’t gotten on your nerve yet, but
I really appreciate it. Basically Hasini and I never got off to a
dreamy start. Remember how we first met? You basically hated me,
and that’s exactly how it was with Hasini and me. She hated my guts
when we first met, well until she found out that I was the brother
of her best friend. There was this night prior to my sisters
wedding where I sat down with family and friends for dinner, and
she sat next to me. Hasini slipped me a note, asking me to meet her
at the beach after dinner. That night at the beach, we learnt about
each other for hours. We shared stories of our past, dreams for the
future. You’re the one that reminded me of that beautiful memory.
The way you look under the moonlight right now is just amazing, I’m
speechless.”

She laughed uncontrollably, “Me? Beautiful?
Don’t lie now, I’ll still love you.” She responded.

“I thought I’d be nice, but fine don’t take
the compliment.” I retorted; I thought I was hilarious, and she
laughed once more before she found a stick on the ground. She
chased me as a mother would if she found out her sixteen year old
child was pregnant.

She actually landed a few hits on me before
I was able to grab hold of her, dropping to the soft sand. I laid
down with my arms stretched far out, and as she placed her head on
my chest I wrapped my arm around her. Flat on my back, glaring at
the stars, this time without the pain of a bullet, but with the
satisfaction of comfort.

Having Nilani in my life is a blessing; well
having a girl to love is a blessing for any man. Not just to know
that you’ve got someone to love, but to know there is someone to
talk to. As a man our biggest crisis has to be keeping thoughts
drenched within us. We aren’t able to speak of everything that
bothers us, due to the fact that we need to present ourselves as
the alpha-male. It isn’t like that with Nilani, and it wasn’t like
that with Hasini. I believe that I could actually share everything
on my mind, and they’d accept it and give me genuine feedback.

“Nilani, how are we going to lead a good
life together?” I asked.

“I know you’ll keep me happy Arrun, I see
that in you.” She replied, but I didn’t know if that was possible.
I had to constantly consider reality, I live the life of a
criminal, and my intentions of fixing the group of people I’m
around will surely take time.

“
Nilani I killed Abdul today. I didn’t
want to, I let the anger get the best of me. I’ve silently thought
about it, and I think it was best for the lives of many people that
he’s dead. Then I considered the amount of lives I’ve taken, since
I crossed this path. I’m in Nilani, in over my head. I can’t even
count the number of people, I’ve killed, and I’ve just been doing
it left and right off instincts. I can’t help but think of the
monster I’ve become. I’m part of a life that ruins the lives of
people, the amount of family that are going to end up on the
streets, lost dreams of children, and I don’t even know what my
sister and mother would think of me if they knew I was part of
group of people who are responsible for capturing girls off the
street. Those girls are taken away from their loved ones, have
their lives ruined, all to hold a lump sum of money that will
eventually perish to our greed. We live in a world that needs
saving, and before blaming politicians we need to try and control
people like me.”