Crossed Hearts (Matchmaker Trilogy) (19 page)

She was crying freely, but her words somehow found exit through her sobs. “I wanted … them so badly … and Richard did. He blamed me … even when the doctors said … I did nothing wrong.”

“Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. What did the doctors say caused it?”

“That was the … worst of it. They didn’t know!”

“Shhhh. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” As he held her and rocked her, a slow smile formed on his lips. A baby. Leah was going to have a baby. His baby. “Our baby,” he whispered.

“I don’t … know for sure.”

“Well, we’ll just have to find the nearest doctor and have him tell us for sure.”

“It may be too early.”

“He’ll know.”

“Oh, Garrick,” she wailed, and started crying all over again. “I’m … so … frightened!”

He held her back and dipped his head so that they were on eye level with each other. His thumbs were braced high on her cheekbones, catching her tears. “There’s nothing to be frightened of. I’m here. We’ll be together through it all.”

“You don’t understand! I want your b-baby. I
want
your baby, and if something happens to it I don’t known wh-what I’ll do!”

“Nothing’s going to happen. I won’t let it.”

“You can’t
stop
it. No one could last time, or the time before that.”

“Then this time will be different,” he said with conviction. Scooping her into his arms, he carried her from the bathroom and set her gently back on the bed. “I want you to rest now. Later today we’re going out to get a marriage license.”

“No, Garrick.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I can’t marry you yet.”

“Because you’re not sure if you’re pregnant? I want to marry you anyway. You love me, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And I love you. So if you’re pregnant, that’ll be the frosting on the cake.”

“But I don’t want to get married yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know if I can give birth to a living child. And if I can’t, I’ll always worry that you married me too soon and are stuck with me.”

“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I
love
you, Leah. I told you two weeks ago that I wanted to marry you, and that was before there was any
mention
of a child.”

“Don’t you want children?”

“Yes, but I’ve never counted on them. Up until a month ago, I’d pretty much reconciled myself to the idea of living out my life alone. Then you came along and changed all that. Don’t you see? Baby or no baby, having you with me is so much more than I’ve ever dreamed of—”

“Please,” she begged. “Please, wait. For me.” She pressed a fist to her heart. “
I
need to wait to get married. I need to know what’s going to happen. If … if something goes wrong with the baby and you still want me, then I’ll marry you. But I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it now. If I am pregnant, the next eight-plus months are going to be difficult enough for me. If, on top of that, I have to worry about having my marriage destroyed …” Her voice dropped to an aching whisper. “I don’t think I could take that again.”

Garrick closed his eyes against the pain of sudden understanding. He dropped his head back, inhaled through flaring nostrils, then righted his head and very slowly opened his eyes. “That’s what happened with Richard.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“You mentioned other things—”

“There were. And maybe the marriage would have fallen apart anyway. But the baby—the babies—they were the final straw. Richard expected me to bear him fine children. They were part of the image—the wife, the home, the kids. The first time it happened we called it a fluke. But the second time, after all the waiting and praying and worrying—well, there was no hope left for us as a couple.”

“Then he was a bastard,” Garrick growled. “You could have adopted— No, forget I said that. If you’d done it, you’d probably still be married to him and then I wouldn’t have you. I want you, Leah. If the babies come, I’ll love it. If they don’t and we decide we want children, we’ll adopt. But we can’t adopt a child unless we’re married.”

Leah closed her eyes. She was feeling exhausted, more so emotionally than physically. “I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant.”

“Some of the best things happen that way.”

“I would rather have waited and had a chance to enjoy you more.”

“You’ll have that chance. Marry me, Leah.”

Opening her eyes, Leah reached for his hand and slowly carried it to her lips. She kissed each one of his fingers in turn, then pressed them to her cheek. “I love you so much it hurts, Garrick, but I want to wait. Please. If you love me, bear with me. A piece of paper doesn’t mean anything to me, as long as I know you’re here. But that same piece of paper will put more pressure on me, and if I am pregnant, added pressure is the last thing I’ll need.”

Garrick didn’t agree with her. He didn’t see where their marrying would cause her stress, not given what he’d told her about his feelings. But he knew that she believed what she said, and since that was what counted, he had no choice but to accede.

“My offer still stands. If you’re not pregnant, will you consider it?”

Feeling a wave of relief, she nodded.

“And if you are pregnant, if at any time over the next few months you change your mind, will you tell me?”

Again she nodded.

“If you are pregnant, I want to take a marriage license out before you’re due to deliver. When that baby comes screaming and squalling into the world, it’s going to have to wait for its first dinner until a judge pronounces us man and wife.”

“In a hospital room?” Leah asked with a wobbly smile.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She moved forward into his arms and coiled her own tightly around his neck. She loved the thought of that—a new husband, a healthy baby. She didn’t dare put much stock in it, because she’d been let down on the baby part twice before, but it was a lovely thought. A very lovely thought.

8

L
OVELY THOUGHTS HAD A WAY
of falling by the wayside when other thoughts took precedence. That was what happened to Leah once the local doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. Her initial reaction was excitement, and it was shared with, even magnified by, Garrick’s. Then the fear set in—and the concern, and the practical matter of how to deal with a new pregnancy after two had gone so awry.

“I’d like to speak to my doctor in New York,” she said one night while she and Garrick were sitting thigh to thigh on the cabin steps. It had been a beautiful May day, marred only by Leah’s preoccupation.

“No problem,” Garrick said easily. “We can drive into town tomorrow to make the call. In fact, I’ve been thinking I’d like to have a phone installed here.” It was something he’d never have dreamed of doing before, but now that Leah was pregnant, concerns lurked behind his optimistic front. Having a phone would mean that help could be summoned in case of emergency.

Timidly she looked up at him. “I’d like to go back to New York.” When he eyed her in alarm, she hurried on. “Just to see John Reiner.”

“Weren’t you comfortable with the doctor you saw here?”

“It’s not that. It’s just that John knows my medical history. If anyone can shed some light on what happened before and how to prevent it from happening again, it’s him.”

“Couldn’t we just have Henderson call him?”

“I’d rather see John in person.”

Garrick felt a compression around his heart, but it wasn’t a totally new feeling. He’d been aware of it a lot lately, particularly when Leah’s eyes clouded and she grew silent. “You’re not thinking of having the baby in New York, are you?” he asked quietly.

“Oh, no,” she answered quickly. “But for my peace of mind, I’d like to see John. Just for an initial checkup. He may be able to suggest something that I can do—diet, exercise, rest, vitamins—anything that will enhance the baby’s chances.”

Put that way, Garrick could hardly refuse. He wanted the baby as much as Leah did—more, perhaps, because he knew how much it meant to her. Still, he didn’t like the idea of her leaving him, even for a few days. He didn’t like the idea of her traveling to New York.

And he couldn’t go with her.

“I don’t want you driving down,” he said. “You can take a plane from Concord. I’ll have Victoria meet you at LaGuardia.”

“You won’t come?” she asked very softly. She had a feeling he wouldn’t. Garrick didn’t seem to dislike the city as much as he feared it. Even here she would have preferred seeing a doctor at a hospital, but that would have meant entering a city, and Garrick shunned even the New Hampshire variety. He’d insisted that she see a local man, though the closest one was a forty minute drive from the cabin. He hadn’t even wanted to stop for dinner until they’d reached the perimeter of the small area in which he felt safe.

His eyes focused on the landscape, but his expression was one of torment. “No,” he finally said. “I can’t come.”

Nodding, she looked down at her lap. “Can’t” was something she’d have to work on. It was a condition in Garrick’s mind and represented a fear that she could understand but not agree with. On the other hand, who was she to argue? Hadn’t she been firm in putting off marriage? Hadn’t Garrick disagreed, but understood and conceded?

“I’ll have to call to make an appointment, but I’m sure he’ll see me within the next week or so. I can make it a day trip.”

That Garrick wouldn’t concede to. “That’s not wise, Leah. Lord only knows I don’t want you gone overnight, but for you to rush would defeat the purpose. I don’t want anything happening. If you have the pressure of flights and appointments, you’ll be running all day. You’ll end up tense and exhausted.”

“Then I’ll sleep when I get back,” she protested. She didn’t want to be away from Garrick any longer than was necessary. “The baby is fine at this stage. Even the fact that I’ve been sick is a good sign. Dr. Henderson said so. I didn’t have any morning sickness with the other two.”

But he was insistent. “Spend the night with Victoria. At least that way I won’t worry quite as much.”

S
O THE FOLLOWING WEEK
she flew to New York, saw John Reiner, then spent the night at Victoria’s. It should have been a happy reunion, and in many ways it was. Victoria was overjoyed that Leah and Garrick were in love, and she was beside herself when, promptly upon landing and in part to explain her doctor’s appointment, Leah told her about the baby.

But some of the things that the doctor said put a damper on Leah’s own excitement. She was feeling a distinct sense of dread when Garrick met her plane back in Concord the next afternoon.

“How do you feel?” he asked, leading her to the car. He’d called Victoria’s on his newly installed phone the night before and knew that the doctor had pronounced Leah well, and definitely pregnant.

“Tired. You were right. It was a hassle. Hard to believe I used to live in that … and like it.”

He had a firm arm around her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

She was quiet during most of the drive. With her head back and her eyes closed, she was trying to decide the best way to say what she had to. She didn’t find an answer that night, because when they arrived back at the cabin, Garrick presented her with a small table loom and several instruction books on how to weave belts and other simple strips of cloth. She was so touched by his thoughtfulness that she didn’t want to do anything to spoil the moment. Then, later, he made very careful, very sweet love to her, and she could think of nothing but him.

The next morning, though, she knew she had to talk. It didn’t matter that she was dying inside. What mattered was that their baby, hers and Garrick’s, be born alive.

“Tell me, love,” Garrick said softly.

Startled, she caught in her breath. She’d been lying on her back in bed, but at the sound of his voice her head flew around and her eyes met his.

He came up on an elbow. “You’ve been awake for an hour. I’ve been lying here watching you. Something’s wrong.”

She moistened her lips, then bent up an arm and shaped her fingers to his jaw. His beard was a brush-soft cushion; she took warmth from it and strength from the jaw beneath.

“John made a suggestion that I’m not sure you’ll like.”

“Oh-oh. He doesn’t want us making love.”

She gave a sad little grin and tugged at his beard. “Not that.”

“Then what?”

She took a deep breath. “He thought that it would be better if I stay close to a hospital from the middle of my pregnancy on.”

“‘Stay close.’ What does that mean?”

“It means live in the city. He gave me the name of a colleague of his, a man who left New York several years ago to head the obstetrics department at a hospital in Concord. John has total faith in him. He wants him to be in charge of the case.”

“I see,” Garrick said. He sank quietly back to the pillow and trained his gaze on the rafters. “How do you feel about it?”

Withdrawing her displaced hand, yet missing the contact, Leah said, “I want what’s best for the baby.”

“Do you want to move to the city?”

“Personally? No.”

“Then don’t.”

“It’s not as simple as that. My personal feelings come second to what’s best for this baby’s chances.”

“What, exactly, did your doctor think that his man in Concord would be able to do?”

“Perform certain tests, more sophisticated ones than a local doctor is equipped to do. Closely monitor the condition of the baby. Detect any potential problem before it proves fatal.”

Garrick had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that that made sense. It was his baby, too. He didn’t want anything to go wrong. “Didn’t they do all that before?”

“Not as well as they can now. Nearly three years have passed. Medical science has advanced in that time.”

“Well,” he said, sighing, “we don’t have to make a decision on it now, do we?”

“Not right away, I suppose. But John suggested that I see his man soon. They’ll be in touch on the phone, and John will forward any records he thinks may be of help. Usually …” She hesitated, then pushed on. “Usually there’d be monthly appointments at this stage, but John wants me to be checked every two weeks.”