Crossing (41 page)

“It is,” Yancy agreed, grinning. “I’m really glad.”

They talked for a while but it was true that Yancy did still tire easily. Becky and Daniel left him alone, meeting Elijah on the way out, as he was coming to help Yancy back to bed. They thanked him profusely for taking such good care of their son.

They settled in the guest bedroom and then had a very good lunch with Lily and Dr. Hayden. He explained Yancy’s mental state more clearly to them. “I’m sure Lorena wrote you that memory loss is a very common result of a skull fracture. Yancy’s appears to be fairly slight, but I’ve found that he has a natural reticence and won’t talk much about his feelings, what he’s worried about, if he’s anxious. It’s hard to tell the extent of his amnesia, but he does seem to recall all the most important people in his life—you, his family; us, his close friends; General Jackson; his friends in the Stonewall Brigade. He’s very lucid and insightful about the events in the war, so he seems to have retained all of his knowledge of being a soldier and of tactical and even strategic wartime moves.”

Becky asked rather anxiously, “So it’s clear what he remembers. But what about what he’s lost? What memories?”

Dr. Hayden shook his head. “As I said, he’s a reserved young man. He doesn’t like to confide in me. He and Lorena have grown close, naturally, but she says he won’t tell her anything about how his memory has been affected. I was hoping, Mr. Tremayne, that he might confide in you. It’s obvious that he respects you, looks up to you, trusts you, and loves you deeply. I believe there’s a better chance of his talking to you than to anyone.”

Daniel nodded. “I’ll talk to him alone this afternoon. And I hope you’re right, Dr. Hayden. No one needs to go through something like this alone.”

Later that afternoon—after he and Becky rested for a time in their room—Daniel went to Yancy’s bedroom and saw that he was awake, sitting up in bed, talking to Lorena.

Lorena shrewdly said, “Mr. Tremayne, if you’re going to visit with Yancy awhile, I think I’ll go take a nap. Certainly, though, come get me or my father if you should need us.”

Daniel sat down by Yancy’s bedside and they talked, mostly about home and Callie Jo, who was four years old now, and David, who was a precocious two-year-old. Yancy wanted to know all the news about everyone in the community, and so Daniel told him all the gossip he could possibly think of.

“Hannah Lapp is getting married in November,” Daniel told him, watching him shrewdly. Yancy had been very enamored of Hannah when he was fifteen.

“Is she? Who’s she marrying?” he asked with no sign of regret, only curiosity.

With relief Daniel replied, “Nate Raber. You remember him, Sol’s middle son. Big beefy boy like Sol, but seems like a gentle and kind man.”

“I do remember him, and he was a nice fellow,” Yancy agreed. “He’ll suit Hannah well. I’m glad for them.”

Daniel studied him for a few moments then said quietly, “It’s good that you remember people like Nate, that you barely knew. Dr. Hayden’s told us that memory loss just goes along with your head injury. So how are you doing with that, son?”

Yancy frowned and stared into space. He was silent for long moments.

Daniel waited patiently and quietly.

Finally Yancy said in a voice that was somehow faraway, “For one thing, I have holes in my memory. They’re usually connected to something I do remember. Like Leslie. I remember him, I remember what he looks like, I remember when I brought him here, home, from Manassas, but I can’t
remember him
, exactly. I can’t remember what he’s like, his personality, his expressions. He’s not really real to me. I remember him, but not all of him.” He looked at Daniel anxiously. “Does that make sense?”

“Perfect sense,” Daniel encouraged him. “Go on.”

“And then sometimes I have mixed-up memories. I think I remember something, but somehow I don’t feel like I’m recalling it right. It’s fuzzy or something.”

“So, what kind of things do you think have gotten mixed up in your memories like that?” Daniel asked.

For the first time Yancy dropped his gaze and fidgeted with the sheet. “Oh, just little things,” he said vaguely. “Just—some things about some people.”

Daniel believed one of those “people” was Lorena, but he didn’t push him; he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Finally Yancy went on, “And then there’s pictures that pop into my head that I know I should remember, but I can’t get a grasp on them. One of these pictures I keep seeing is this man, with red hair and a mustache and a beard and a bright red flannel shirt, sitting on a kinda runty swaybacked mare. He’s so familiar. But for the life of me I can’t place the man.”

Thoughtfully Daniel said, “Well, one thing I do know is that your mind is working right; your thought processes are obviously working well. You know, Yancy, Dr. Hayden is fairly sure that you’re going to regain most, if not all, of your memories at some point. If you could tell him what you just told me, it would help him to understand where you are in terms of recovery, and then he’d be better able to help you. Do you think you could talk to him like you’ve just talked to me?”

“Guess so. I just don’t like—complaining and fretting to people. You’re different. You have to put up with me,” he said with a mischievous grin, but then he sobered. “I see what you’re saying, though, Father. I will talk to Dr. Hayden. I’ll talk to him today.”

Two days later, Becky and Lorena were sitting in the parlor with the Haydens’ usual afternoon tea. Daniel and Dr. Hayden were with Yancy, and Lily had gone to the market with Elijah and Missy.

Becky and Lorena had hit it off instantly. They had already felt a kinship, because Yancy had told his family much about the Haydens, and likewise the Haydens felt they knew Yancy’s family through him. Also, in the last two weeks since Yancy had been hurt, they had exchanged letters. It could be said that though they had actually been together for only two days, Becky and Lorena were already fast friends.

Lorena said, “Becky, I’ve decided that I’d like to give you a gift. Will you come up to my room with me?”

“Of course,” she answered.

They went upstairs to Lorena’s room, a cozy space with a white embroidered coverlet on the bed, a fine Persian rug, and paintings of lovely Victorian ladies on the walls. A small secretary was placed in front of the window, with a desk chair and two side chairs on either side.

Lorena sat down at the small desk and motioned for Becky to take a chair next to it. Lorena opened the middle drawer and pulled out a top-bound sketchpad. She skimmed lightly through the pages, stopped at one, and opened the sketchpad to that page. Handing it to Becky, she said, “I thought you might like to have this.”

Becky took it and stared down at the drawing with amazement.

The likeness of Yancy was astounding. Lorena had drawn him sitting up in bed, smiling. The scar on his forehead was clear, and she had faithfully represented that his face was somewhat drawn, his cheeks more hollow than usual. But still, she had captured that elusive boyishness Yancy had when he grinned, the sparkle in his eyes, the way they slightly wrinkled at the corners, the way his mouth stretched wide to reveal fine white teeth. She had gotten his proportions exactly correct, his shoulders still broad, and she had even captured his hands, the capable and masculine set of them. Until now Becky hadn’t realized that Yancy had Daniel’s hands. She loved Daniel’s hands.

She looked up. “Lorena, this is simply wonderful. You’ve captured him, his spirit, his playfulness, even his masculinity. It’s sheer genius.”

“You know, I never seriously drew anything until the last two weeks,” she mused. “I used to doodle, make very quick throwaway sketches of flowers or some child I had seen or a beautiful tree outlined in the evening sun, things like that.

“But when Yancy came and he was so terribly injured, he had to be monitored around the clock for two days. In those first days he was so sensitive to light that he couldn’t bear anything but a single candle. I sat with him day and night, and it was too dark to sew, at all, or to read for very long. So in those long hours when Yancy was sleeping so deeply, I started just making line sketches. As the days went by and he could tolerate more light, I started doing these. And I found I was good at it,” she finished simply.

“Yes, my dear, you are,” Becky agreed. Curiously she looked down at the sketchbook. It was about half full. Lorena had turned several pages back to open to this sketch.

Now she watched Becky and finally said, “You’re welcome to look at the others if you like. It’s just that some of them are—difficult to see.”

“Thank you,” Becky said. She turned to the beginning and looked at the first sketch. It was, indeed, brutal. It had been done the first night he had been brought to the Haydens’. The shadows of his sunken cheeks were stark; his cheekbones looked so sharp they were skeletal. His right eye was an enormous dark swelling, and there was a bloodstain on the bandage around his forehead.

His other eye was closed. His mouth was tight and twisted slightly, as if he were in pain. “Ohh,” Becky said, a half moan, half sigh.

Lorena said nothing.

Becky held the sketchbook up closer, letting the strong afternoon sunlight fall on it. She could see small round spots where the paper was slightly rippled. Teardrops.

Becky turned to the next one. A few days later, it seemed, for Yancy looked better, his eyes open, looking strangely vulnerable. Then there were several drawings of him sleeping, and his face was peaceful, each showing his injuries improving slightly. Then there were several studies of him sitting up, alert. In one of them he had an intent look on his face, obviously listening to something. Becky looked up. “Were you reading to him?”

“Yes.”

With satisfaction Becky said, “I could tell. He always looked like that when I read aloud to the family at night. You’ve captured it perfectly. And I know very well that Yancy didn’t sit for these. You did them from memory, didn’t you?”

“Except for the ones when he slept,” Lorena answered softly.

“Amazing,” Becky murmured. She turned to the next one, the last one. It was a full page. Yancy was sitting in the big wing chair next to his bed. His body was completely relaxed. Gentle morning light shone through the window behind and to the side, lighting his face. His head had fallen slightly to the side, as he was sleeping. The lock of hair fell over his forehead. Though he still had the scar, his face in repose was, in fact, beautiful.

Abruptly Becky looked up at Lorena, her eyes wide. “You’re in love with him,” she blurted out.

Lorena pressed her eyes closed and whispered, “Yes. Terribly.”

“You—you hide it so well. I didn’t know until now, seeing these, your drawings of him. I never would have known, except for this.”

“No one knows,” Lorena said in a choked voice. “I’ve been very careful to hide it.”

“Even from Yancy?” Becky demanded.

“Especially from Yancy. You see, Becky, last October Yancy was here for a whole day and night, which for him is a long visit. That night he told me that he was falling in love with me. He was so certain and sure of his feelings. I—I wasn’t. I wasn’t cold to him, but I held myself back from him. Purposefully. Because of some things in my past, I just didn’t want to feel anything for another man, and I thought I could keep myself from falling in love.

“But the very night he came here, so terribly hurt, and I was so frightened, and he seemed so faraway, it stripped me of all that stupid pride and stubbornness. I realized how very, very much I love him.”

“But then why don’t you tell him? I can understand that you wouldn’t want to complicate things at first, when he was so ill, but now—?”

Lorena shook her head. “I can’t. Because he’s forgotten me.”

Instantly Becky understood. “Oh no. He doesn’t remember.”

“No. I think that now he feels for me much like he does his sister, Callie Jo.” A crooked smile came across her full lips. “Once he even told me that he was pretty sure I was his best friend. And I am. But that’s not all it is… was. It was so much more. Yancy is not the only one that has lost something here. I lost the best and perhaps the only chance for happiness I’ll ever have.” Suddenly tears rolled down her cheeks. She bent her head and sobbed, a heart-wrenching sound.