Crossroads (4 page)

With these thoughts, I looked up to
see the most perfect blue sky with beautiful fluffy white clouds.
How I wanted to touch them. Then suddenly, I saw a hint of the
sun’s rays peeking out through the clouds. For a split second, it
radiated down to where Claudia was buried, and then it was gone.
Afterward, I saw the most vibrant butterflies fluttering around,
disappearing almost as quickly as they had appeared. How odd. Had
anyone else witnessed what I had just seen? I felt shivers running
down my spine. I imagined her soul being carried away, the light
acting as her guide. It was a beautiful sight in contrast to this
sadness. In that instant, I knew Claudia’s soul had gone to a
peaceful place.

Claudia’s death and the funeral took a
toll on my body for the next couple of days. It was still difficult
to come to terms with the fact that she was really gone and that I
would never see her again. Did she suffer? What were her last
thoughts? As these thoughts ran through my mind I fell asleep, only
to dream again.

I was walking aimlessly and came
across my elementary classroom. I hesitated to open the door,
afraid to see what or who would appear in the classroom. Behind the
door wasn’t a classroom, but remarkably the biggest church I had
ever seen. The strangest part was that I couldn’t make out the back
of the church. The rows of pews went as far as I could see, and
there were no other doors.

As I looked around, I saw many
children, ranging in ages, laughing and having fun. Either they
didn’t notice my presence, or they were simply ignoring me.
Unexpectedly, I saw her from a distance, smiling at me. She
motioned for me to come to her. I walked toward her, noting how her
pale skin glistened from the sunlight that was projecting through
the windows high above. How beautifully serene her face looked,
like an angel, just the way I remembered it to be the last time I
saw her. But Claudia was dead, and yet I could see her as plain as
day. Was I dead too? This was the second time I questioned myself.
How was this possible?

“
Claudia, is it really
you?” I asked, uncertain of what was going on.

“
Yes, it’s really me, and
it’s so good to see you. I wanted to see you one last time,” she
said, smiling.

As she placed her arms around me, I
embraced her as tightly as I could. I don’t know how long we stood
there, but I didn’t want to let her go. It felt as if I would be
burying her all over again if I did. I was given this moment, and I
knew that once we let go, she would disappear forever.

She whispered into my ear, “Good-bye,
my friend.”

Tears began gushing down my cheeks.
She had known the burden I was carrying inside of me, how heavy my
heart had been, not being able to give her that last hug before the
accident. Please don’t leave, was all that I could make out in my
mind. Let me hold on to this moment a little bit longer, please!
But just like that, she was gone.

I woke up bawling, with a tremendous
ache in my chest. It was hard to open my eyes because the tears
wouldn’t stop. My whole face felt swollen. I knew it was a dream,
but the pain was real. I finally managed to control my sobs so I
could try to remember the full details of my dream, but the only
part I was able to remember with any clarity was giving Claudia
that final hug. A hug so real, it lifted the heavy brick from my
chest. I wiped the last tears away, and with that came the
realization that Claudia’s hug had given me peace and
comfort.

For the next several days, I replayed
the dream over and over again in my head. I wanted to hang on to
the memories of her being happy, rather than the memories of her
tragic death. Thoughts rambled through my mind: Does such a place
exist? Was it just a dream? Or did she visit me in her spiritual
form? I vaguely recalled a conversation I had overheard that said
if a person who passed on appears in your dreams; they were
visiting you in some spiritual way. It was their only way to get in
touch without frightening their loved ones. I knew dying was
inevitable, part of the circle of life, but the big question was,
what happens when you die? Do you float out and away from your
body? Do you see lights? Is someone waiting for you to guide you in
the right direction?

Some people believe in a place called
Heaven, a home where your soul goes after life here on Earth ends.
I often wondered what Heaven was like. Were our loved ones
somewhere out there, looking down on us? What was the meaning of
life, and did everyone feel the same way as me?

Besides Heaven, I was also captivated
by the uncertain existence of angels, glorious, mysterious and
powerful beings. As a young girl, with many years of Sunday school
behind me, I learned that angels may appear as guardians,
messengers, or avengers. By their own free will they had been
divided—good angels and bad. The bad angels had cut themselves off
from their Creator, consumed by jealousy and a desire to be
powerful like Him, superior above all else.

That night, as I lay in bed thinking
idly about angels, I thought about what they would look like. What
was their purpose? Did they really exist? As I pondered these
questions, I started singing, “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up
high, there’s a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby…” Unable to
finish, I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 3

I was back on the same dirt road, only
this time I wasn’t running. Oddly, everything looked familiar.
Feeling a bit anxious, wondering if she would appear again, I began
to walk cautiously. I was wondering why I was here again. Is it
possible to dream about the same place? While contemplating this
question, I tried to find an opening through the field. Using my
hands as tools, I pushed and shoved every which way that would
allow me to break through the blades of grass. No matter how much I
pushed, all I could see was a vast wall of grassland. Feeling
defeated, I thought I would try one last time. That’s when he
appeared.

“
Don’t you ever give up?”
he said in the most hypnotic voice, appearing to be slightly amused
by my efforts.

“
Umm…,” I said, stunned to
see a face looking back at me. I stared at the most perfect,
glorious face. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. As his eyes pierced
into mine, he stepped in my direction. I had no other choice but to
walk backward, feeling intimidated, yet compliant of his authority.
I wanted to look away, but I was deeply lost in his eyes. My heart
was pounding, wondering what this guy could be doing in my
dream.

He certainly fit the description of
how I had envisioned the man of my dreams. He was at least six feet
tall, with dark brown hair and deep warm brown eyes that were so
inviting. He was lean and extraordinarily muscular, and his skin
appeared to be made of satin. My heart was melting. It felt sinful
admiring him this way. I wondered if he could hear my thoughts or
feel my heart racing as he stared back at me. I began to feel my
face become warm with embarrassment at the thought. Time seemed to
stop as we stared into each other’s eyes. No need for words, just
alone in each other’s thoughts. How I wondered what his
were!

The tension broke when he spoke to me
again. “What are you doing here? Do you want to be sent back like
before?”

Hearing his velvety voice again gave
me goose bumps all over my body. Send me back like before? I
repeated his question in my head. I was confused. Then it dawned on
me; it was his voice I had heard in my last dream. Although I felt
frustrated and angered by his comments, I needed to stay
calm.

“
First of all, who are
you? And what are you doing in my dream?” I tried to sound
composed.

“
Your dream? You think
this is a dream? Think again,” he said with a condescending
tone.

Confusion began to fill my head, and I
was angered again by his unfriendly remark. I wanted to yell at him
for being so rude, but all I could do was stare at his stunning
face. He was so attractive that I couldn’t stop staring. Then he
said, “Can’t think fast enough? The answer is not on my
face.”

I looked away quickly and dropped my
jaw. I couldn’t believe he had just said that to me. My face
flushed with embarrassment and anger. Was it that obvious that I
was staring at him? I had to think fast and say something
intelligent, but I was so infuriated that I couldn’t think of
anything to say. I calmed myself and looked at him again to speak,
“I am dreaming, and you are not real.”

“
I’m real. There is no
doubt about that. And you may think you are dreaming, but you are
actually at the Crossroads, somewhere between Heaven and Earth, or
between life and death, whichever you prefer.”

He was so matter of fact, like he was
telling somebody for the hundredth time. But his words were
significant. I felt a chill run up my spine. Who was he trying to
scare? How dare he lie to me!

“
That’s not true!” I began
to argue. “There is no such thing, and this is my dream…perhaps a
nightmare after meeting you!”

Apparently that was not the response
he had anticipated. His cold stare was enough to make me wish I
could take it back. “I see; perhaps I’ll just
disappear.”

“
No! Please! Wait! Don’t
go. I don’t understand what is happening. Could you at least tell
me how I got here?”

He arched his brows. “If you don’t
know, how am I supposed to know?”

“
Well, I thought…I thought
because you seem to live here?” I was hesitant to say those words
because I wasn’t sure.

“
Don’t assume anything!”
he said sharply.

I was perplexed by his coldness. What
a jerk! I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but I needed answers.
“Is there anyone else I can talk to that may give me some answers?
Perhaps someone…nicer?” Now I was being rude, but he had been rude
to me first.

He hesitated to answer, looked away,
and responded sternly, “No. There is no one else here.”

“
Really?” I fired back,
vaguely remembering the lady I saw the last time I dreamt about
this place. “You’re telling me that you are the only one who lives
here or…or whatever the reason…by yourself…absolutely alone.” I was
so furious that I mumbled my words. I didn’t know if I made
sense.

“
I don’t need to tell you
anything, but if you must know, my answer is still the same.” He
paused a few seconds and spoke again with a smirk, “Labera
lege.”

“
Excuse me?” I asked,
wondering if I had heard correctly. Why was he speaking Latin? Was
he playing games with me? I was boiling with rage.

He looked at me squarely in the eye.
“Let me repeat what I said in simple language: read...my…lips,” he
said softly. “That’s what I said.”

So I did, thinking he was going to
tell me something important.

“
No, nobody else here,” he
said slowly and sarcastically.

I couldn’t believe he just did that to
me, but I didn’t believe his answer. “You’re unbelievable!” I shot
back.

“
I know I am,” he said
matter-of-factly.

“
I didn’t mean it in a
good way!” I said coldly, wanting to burst his ego.

“
I did,” he said with his
chin held up high.

Now he was just being egotistical, but
all I could do was stare at his smooth kissable lips. Stop! I told
myself. What was the matter with me? Why was I having these
thoughts? I started pacing back and forth, and out of frustration,
I yelled, “Ahhh! You are just…just…just…” I was lost for words
again.

As I was having my little tantrum, he
looked away. Then I thought, Maybe he is telling me the truth.
Maybe there is no one else who can help me. Suddenly, a feeling of
loneliness began to penetrate. I didn’t know what I was doing here
or what the significance of this guy in my dream could
be.

I felt his stare from the corner of my
eyes and as if he sensed my frustration, he asked in a calmer tone,
“Do you have any idea why you are here?”

“
No, I don’t know why I’m
here or how I got here…and you don’t know why I’m here. So what do
I do?” My voice trembled as fear set in. I became desperate for
answers.

“
Since I have no answers
for you, perhaps you should go back.” His tone was flat.

Had he not heard anything I said? Now
I was beyond irritated with him. He wanted me to go back, and I
didn’t even know how I had gotten here in the first place. For a
man who was so pleasing to the eyes, I began to think what a shame
it was that he didn’t have a friendlier disposition. Besides, this
was my dream. I wasn’t about to go back. In part, I couldn’t go
back. I didn’t know how. He started walking through the field, and
I had to make a choice. What would become of me if I stayed? What
would happen if I followed? So I followed after him into the
unknown.