Crushing on the Wrong Joshua (5 page)

Chapter Five

Wednesday and Thursday came and passed, but Joshua Nelson still hadn't noticed  Amber. He hadn't even glanced in her direction! Friday morning found Amber sitting in her usual seat on the back of the bus alone. The bus came to a stop, that wasn't part of its normal route. Amber shivered as a chill traveled up her spine and the light hair on her arms stood up. Her heart skipped a beat and the air around her became thicker than normal.

“What the hell?”
Amber thought, her eyes darting around the bus.

The guy from math class boarded the bus.

“Since when does he ride the bus?”
Amber wondered,
“I never knew he lived so close to me. How do I not know these things? No one knows their neighbors anymore, not really.”

Amber's heart pounded against her chest as the guy walked towards her.

“Is he going to try to sit with me?” she thought and rolled her eyes, “Why do I always get hit on by strange kids on the bus?”

“Hey,” the guys said, sliding into the seat in front of her.

Amber let out a silent sigh of relief and studded him. He sat sideways in the seat with one leg bent up and his back to the window.

“Umm…hi,” Amber said, caught off-guard.

“How's it going?” he asked.

His hair wasn't as dark as Joshua Nelson's and his eyes weren't blue, but a deep brown. Amber wondered if he had dimples and if they were as cute as Joshua's? She mentally shook herself. This wasn't right.

“Most likely not!”
she thought to herself.

“It's going,” Amber laughed, leaning back into the seat, “I'm just glad it's Friday.”

“Me too,” he said.

Amber wasn't sure what else to say so she allowed herself to zone into the sound of the buses engine. Her heart beat slowly returned to its normal pace and the goosebumps faded. Something was different. Something was out of place, but Amber couldn't put her finger on it. She shook her head and blinked.

“What the hell had just happened?” Amber thought to herself, “I need to get more sleep or something, because I think I'm losing it.”

“See you in math,” he said as they got off the bus.

“See ya,” Amber said and headed to her locker.

“I should have at least asked his name,” she sighed to herself as she tried her combination for the third time.

“Over one,” Tamara said appearing next to her, “This is mine. Scoot it.”

Amber laughed and took a step to the right. She spun the dial around and around stopping easily at the correct spots and her locker opened.

“He was on the bus today,” Amber said.

“Impossible,” Tamara said, “His house isn't on the same route.”

“Who are you talking about?” Amber asked, feeling confused.

“Joshua Nelson of course,” Tamara sighed.

“No, not him,” Amber said, shaking her head, “The guy from the caf. You know, the one in my math class?”

“Oh, him. What? Does he normally ride the bus? Did you talk to him?” Tamara asked, “What did you talk about? Did he ask you to the dance?”

“Slow down!” Amber laughed, “No, this is the first time I've ever seen him ride the bus. Yes, we talked, but not really. It was just 'Hi, let's be happy it's Friday!” stuff.

“That's it?” Tamara asked.

“Yeah,” Amber frowned.

“Well, it's a start,” Tamara nodded.

The bell rang and Amber scrambled towards her first period history class. She slid into her desk smoothly and realized that she was feeling a little better. Sure, she still desperately wanted and needed the spell to work, but some of the heaviness that had plagued her for days had disappeared.

Amber was running late to math, because she stopped at the vending machine to buy a flavored water. She slid into her desk just as the bell rang. The guy from the bus waved from across the room and Amber smiled at him despite the butterflies that were swarming in her stomach.

“Why does he do this to me?”
Amber asked herself.

“What a warm welcome you offered Amber, Mr. Kirk,” Mr. O'Bannon said, leaning against his desk holding a stack of papers, “I can only hope today's pop quiz will receive the same warm welcome.”

The class groaned in unison and cleared their desks, keeping only their pencils. Mr. O'Bannon was strict about quiz and exam etiquette. He was cynical and distrusting of his students and was always trying to figure out new ways to stay one step ahead of them.

“Take one and pass them back,” Mr. O'Bannon said handing the front of each row a stack of quizzes, “Keep them face down and no peeking!”

There was a ruffle of noises as the quizzes were passed back.

“Does everyone have a quiz?” Mr. O'Bannon asked.

“Yes,” the class answered in unison.

“Were there any extras?” he asked.

“No,” the people in the back answered.

“Good,” Mr. O'Bannon said, wearing a smug smile, congratulating himself on his always perfect counting, “You will have exactly eighteen minutes to finish. If you finish early, turn your quiz face down and stare at the chalk board. Do not allow your eyes to wander. When the timer sounds, put your pencils down and pass your quizzes up. You may now begin.”

Amber turned her quiz over and let out a sigh of relief. The questions were similar to the ones she spent the weekend working. She was happy that the material was still so fresh in her brain. She had a better chance of acing it that way.

Amber was one of the first to finish the quiz. She turned the paper face down and looked up, chancing a look at Mr. Kirk, as the teacher had called him. Kirk was an interesting last name. She had never heard it before. Mr. Kirk was still hard at work on his quiz, his brow burrowed in concentration. What was so special about him that he would keep drawing her attention? Why did he make her feel nervous? What was it about him?

“Eyes on the blackboard,” Mr. O'Bannon mouthed at her.

Amber rolled her eyes as she turned her attention to the chalkboard. She glanced at him again, after checking to ensure that their teacher had returned his attention to the papers he was grading. Most likely pop quizzes from his first class.

He had put his pencil down and was staring at the blackboard. Amber looked away before he could notice her watching him. She had never sneaked peeks at anyone who wasn't Joshua Nelson before. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him smile. Amber briefly met his glance and smiled. Something strange was happening between them. Did he know about the spell? Was he some sort of witch or warlock or whatever you would call a male witch? Impossible!

“Stop being paranoid!”
Amber scolded herself.

“Miss Atkins and Mr. Kirk, if you could please wait until after class to pursue your romantic interests it would be most appreciated,” Mr. O'Bannon said, startling them, as well as a few other students.

Giggles and chuckles sounded from her classmates, but Amber didn't join in. She locked her eyes to the blank side of her quiz and focused on breathing. Her cheeks were flushed and she wanted to run. Why did Mr. O'Bannon have to jump to assumptions and announce them to the rest of the class?

The timer sounded and the class passed up their quizzes. Amber didn't look up at Mr. O'Bannon when he collected the quizzes from her row. She didn't look up at all until it was time to copy her homework assignment down. When the bell finally rang she darted from the room only to run into Tamara who was waiting outside of class for her.

“What is wrong with you?” Tamara asked, helping Amber catch her balance.

“Nothing, let's go,” Amber sighed, “Let's just get to drama!”

“Okay,” Tamara squeaked, as Amber grabbed the crook of her arm and forced her to follow along.

“O'Bannon is such a jerk!” Amber sighed when they entered the empty drama classroom.

“Damn,” Tamara said shaking her head after Amber filled her in, “He really said that? What did the guy say? Was he smiling or…?

“I don't know,” Amber said.

“What? How do you not know?” Tamara asked.

“I didn't look at him after that. I didn't look at anyone. I was too embarrassed, Tamara!” Amber said.

“Shh!! Keep your voice down,” Tamara scolded, “It doesn't look bad on you at all. It looks bad on Mr. O'Bannon for being such an asshole.”

“Please never say that around my dad,” Amber thought to herself.

“I know. It's just, well, I acted like a total wet noodle. I mean I didn't even look up when Mr. O'Bannon was doing the lecture,” Amber sighed.

“No, you'll be fine. If he doesn't mention it, don't bring it up either,” Tamara said.

“Will that work?” Amber asked.

“Usually does,” Tamara laughed.

Chapter Six

“Amber!” her dad shouted from downstairs.

She forced her eyes open and looked at the clock.

“It's only eight,” she muttered, shoving her head under the pillow.

“Amber,” her dad said again. He was closer this time, maybe right outside the door, “Tamara's on the phone. She wants to know if you want to hang out today?”

“No,” Amber said, “I want to sleep!”

“I'll tell her you'll call her when you wake up,” her dad chuckled.

Amber had been up late the night before reading the newest book in her favorite fantasy series. She rolled over and closed her eyes and waited for sleep to reclaim her. Twenty minutes later she groaned and forced herself from bed. She stumbled into the bathroom, silently cursing her bladder for being so demanding.

“Breakfast?” her dad asked when she arrived in the kitchen.

“Chocolate milk,” Amber muttered and sat down.

“Sorry to wake you up, kiddo, I thought maybe you two had made plans or something,” her dad said pouring her a glass of milk and adding the chocolate syrup into it.

“Not your fault,” Amber muttered, “Tamara knows not to call me before noon on a Saturday unless we have plans.”

“I think she was just bored,” her dad laughed, “or trying to get out of a shopping trip with her mom.”

“More likely wanted to drag me along,” Amber rolled her eyes, trying to blink away the morning fog that wouldn't release her brain.

“Misery loves company, kiddo,” he chuckled.

“Misery deserves to be alone,” Amber muttered and took a bite of the buttered toast that had appeared in front of her, “Thanks for the toast, Dad.”

“Not a problem, kiddo,” he said, “I'm going to lunch with the guys today. Will you be okay here by yourself?”

“No, I'm going to throw an epic house party,” Amber chuckled.

“Are you going to invite Joshua Nelson?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Amber rolled her eyes.

Amber didn't call Tamara back on Saturday. She had forgiven her BFF for stealing her precious weekend sleep, but wasn't in the mood to chat. Amber spent most of the day lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

“If the spell didn't make him notice me, nothing will,” she sighed to herself, “Maybe I really should go be a nun. Should I start going to mass? Do we even have a Catholic mass in this town? Maybe Greg will take me to the dance? No, not after he accused me of leading him on. Which I sort of did, because I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't interested in being more than friends.”

Tamara called twice while Amber's dad was out. She ignored the ringing of the phone.

“Leave me in my cesspool of pity!” she shouted out, thankful that she was home alone and her dad wasn't around to see how pathetic she was acting.

“Amber, hey, it's me again,” Tamara's voice rang from the answering machine downstairs, “I guess you're still asleep or maybe you went out with your dad or something. Call me back later. I just got back from shopping with mom and think I need therapy. Later BFF! Call me!”

Amber almost called her back. Almost. Tamara would know instantly that she was having a dumps day and would attempt to cheer her up. Usually, chatting with her BFF would improve Amber's mood, but today she wanted to wallow in it. The world had become a bleak place since she had decided last night to give up on Joshua Nelson forever.

Amber deleted Tamara's message from the machine and grabbed a trash bag from under the kitchen sink before heading back upstairs.

“It's time,” Amber said and opened her closet door.

Since fifth grade Amber had been collecting what she called her “Joshua Nelson memorabilia.” Her dad had no knowledge of the secret collection that was hidden in a shoe box in the back of her closet. Only Tamara knew of the stack of school photos, pictures cut from the school newspaper, every article about the basketball team from this year and last.

Amber's collection was started by accident. In fifth grade Joshua had given some of the girls his school photos. Amber was not one of those girls. She had never been popular enough to be noticed by Joshua, but one of the girls had dropped a photo outside of the school and Amber found it. She hid it in her backpack and never told anyone about it, except Tamara.

“I've waited for you Joshua,” Amber whispered looking through the photos and articles, “and I can't wait any longer. The spell didn't work. This is starting to drive me crazy. I'm done.”

Amber placed each photo and article into the bag one at a time. She studied each photo and read each article word by word, saying goodbye. Hot tears fell down her cheeks. This was the right thing to do, what she knew she needed to do, but it still hurt.

“I don't want to be a hundred and still pinning over you!” Amber shouted and dropped the now empty shoebox into the bag.

Amber reached blindly into the back of her closet feeling around for any photos that may have fallen out of the box. Her hands landed on a stack of thin books.

“My yearbooks,” she grinned to herself.

Amber always forgot they were back there until it was time to buy a new one. Every year she'd get her friends and some of her classmates to sign the newest edition and add it to the stack at the back of the closet. It had been her tradition since first grade. Her dad joked about it, saying if any of her classmates ever became famous she would be rich.

Not in the mood to be overly sentimental Amber only retrieved the most recent from the stack. She dropped to her knees and opened it. Page by page, memories surfaced. A full page was dedicated to her and Tamara's hippie costumes from last year. Every year the school hosted a Halloween event with a history theme. Last year was blast from the past.

Amber skipped to the section of the yearbook which held their school photos. Hers was always on the first page and last year's still looked good. She had worn a light green sundress with her hair in ringlets. Remembering she still didn't know 'Mr. Kirk's' name, she flipped to the pages which held the Ks and scanned the photos. Quickly her fingers moved over the photos until it settled on one. That was definitely the guy she was looking for.

“JOSHUA KIRK”
was printed under his photo.

Amber laughed and slammed the book shut.

“Another Joshua?” she said as she slid the book back into its rightful place.

Amber slept in on Sunday morning, waking just after eleven. She took a shower and blow dried her hair before she headed down for breakfast. The house was quiet making Amber wonder if her dad was still reading the Sunday paper. Taped to the kitchen counter she found a note.

“Amber,

Going out to play golf. Money in cookie jar for pizza. You can invite Tamara over if you want. See you in time for dinner.”

Love, Dad

Amber retrieved the money from the cookie jar and studied the fine printing of the money while contemplating whether she should phone Tamara or not. If she didn't Tamara would give her the cold shoulder on Monday.

“Hello?” Mrs. Page answered.

“Hey, Mrs. Page, this is Amber, is Tamara around?” Amber asked, forcing a smile, even though her brain was still clouded with morning fog.

“Just a second,” Mrs. Page said and moved the receiver away from her mouth.

“Hey, what's up?” Tamara asked.

“Want to come over for pizza?” Amber asked.

“Can't. My grandparents are here,” Tamara said.

“Okay, I'll see you at school then,” Amber said, holding back a sigh of relief. She loved her BFF, but she needed some time alone, having recently given up something that had been part of her life for the last six years.

“Later,” Tamara said and hung up.

When Amber's cheese pizza with white sauce arrived she ate in silence and contemplated what she should do for the rest of the day. After eating she headed to the library, but even the thought of being surrounded by books didn't cheer Amber up. She wandered her neighborhood aimlessly and ended up back where she started. Not wanting to go inside Amber sat down in the grass and retrieved the paperback from her purse.

“Hey,” a voice said, before she finished reading the first page.

“It's Joshua Kirk! What the hell? Is he following me now or something?” Amber thought.

“Um...hi,” Amber said, without looking up.

“What's up?” the voice said again.

With a sigh Amber looked up from her book. Joshua Kirk was standing in front of her wearing jeans and a black tee. His short brown hair was windblown, but his brown eyes were bright in the afternoon sun. Joshua grinned, revealing his lack of dimples. Amber returned his smile feeling slightly disappointed.

“Just reading,” Amber said holding the book up awkwardly.

“Cool,” Joshua said, sitting down in the grass next to her, “You come here a lot.”

At first Amber thought he was asking a question. The words had been a statement, not a question. How did he know how often she frequented the library?

“Yeah, I guess so,” she shrugged turning her attention back to the book.

“I come here a lot, too,” Joshua said.

Amber hid her grin behind the book. Joshua Kirk was trying to start a conversation with her and it made him nervous. Greg had sounded the same way the first few times he had spoken to her on the bus.

“Cool,” Amber said, unsure what he was expecting her to say, “But I haven't seen you around.”

“I come here to do homework, so I usually keep to myself,” he shrugged.

“Me too,” Amber nodded.

“I've noticed,” Joshua laughed.

“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“Nothing, I was just saying that I noticed you stayed to yourself,” Joshua said.

Amber's phone vibrated in her back pocket and she sprang to her feet.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asked.

Amber ignored him and pulled out her phone to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kiddo,” her dad said, “I just got home and was wondering if you wanted to drive out to Marley's for dinner with me?”

“No, I'm okay, Dad. I'll have leftovers, okay?” Amber said.

She didn't want to go to dinner at Aunt Marley's. The woman would drone on and on about how imperfect she was. Amber was surprised that her aunt could live with herself.

“You sure?” her dad asked, “Where are you?”

“I'm at the library, reading,” Amber said.

“Okay, make sure you eat dinner though, okay?”

“Yes, Sir!” Amber said with a small chuckle.

“Later, kiddo, make sure you're home before dark,” he said.

“Okay, Dad,” Amber said and hung up.

“Sorry about that,” she said looking down at Joshua.

“Not a problem, my mom is always calling to check up on me,” he laughed.