CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1) (23 page)

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She couldn’t sleep that night, turning and
tossing in the big bed that felt unfamiliar as if it didn’t belong to her at
all.

Catalina tried to understand at which
moment their night went awry and couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, wondering if
anything had happened when she was in the powder room with Bambi.

She understood that fight lay in Xan’s
nature but she was unused to confrontations, or a more adequate statement would
be that she had been taught to avoid them and aspired to find a better way to
end any kind of skirmish.

Even if she chose otherwise, she would need
to know what the clash was all about.

She believed him when he said it had
nothing to do with her because she had a feeling whatever Xan was attempting to
fight was of a very private nature.

He didn’t care or maybe didn’t know she
would be there for him, if he only wanted to talk whatever the issue through,
but she could never accept his picking up at her just because she happened to
be close by when his bad mood struck him.

It was disrespectful to say the least, Cat
thought, and when the first rays of light prodded at the fading night, she was
ready to tell him exactly that and then some more.

Giving up didn’t lay in Xan’s nature, but
it was also a quite foreign concept to Catalina.

She had spent years under Florence’s ruthless
and unforgiving guardianship and it was drilled into her that failure was not
the way of the Bennetts. Every lesson she had ever received was about being
absolutely the best, no matter what the area of expertise was supposed to be.

Giving one hundred percent was for average people;
Catalina was meant to give one hundred and ten to ensure her success.

The remaining hours of the night floated
around her with an ease and laziness that were lacking within her as she sat on
her deckchair. Waves were lapping at the shore insistently and she wished the
peace of the night could prevail, but the sun was already rising and catching
up with her much faster than she wanted it to.

Catalina gazed up at the horizon thinking
how small she seemed in the big scheme of things, with her life temporarily
left on hold before she would pick it up at the exact moment she pushed “pause”
on it a few hours ago.

But there was something about the ocean
that always made her believe when she thought there was no more trust left in
her to give.

She took a shower and although the light
was perfect and her fingers were itching and urging her to reach for a camera,
she didn’t answer the call for the first time since forever, heading toward her
car instead.

She drove to the nearest Starbucks where
baristas were always nice and friendly, and opened up her mouth to place an
order when a sudden thought gave her pause.

She had no idea in which direction Xan’s
preferences went and how he took his coffee.

What did she really know about the man she
was about to invite to her bed last night?

Whom she wanted to be her first lover?

Her cheeks heated up when the truth slammed
into her with its whole brutality.

She knew he liked her hair left unbound and
appreciated short dresses and high heels, but the same could be said about any
other man really.

Finally she just sighed and ordered black
coffee, following either her instinct or maybe her common sense, because he
simply didn’t seem like the type that softened his drink with milk or sugar.

When she took a seat in her Mercedes CLC
220 Coupé a few minutes later, Santa Monica seemed fully awake and ready to
face another sunny day.

The drive to Cul-de-sac was short and felt
entirely different when she was covering the distance in the daylight instead
of under the elusive protection of the night.

She now knew where the backdoor was, and
the direct passageway leading straight to Xan’s place. Each time she thought
about him living in that dark room, her stomach clenched painfully and she
wondered how someone who could afford to pay for yesterday’s shopping didn’t find
a more accommodating place for himself than this.

She stepped inside and let raised voices
lead her to the right door. Cat frowned, wondering who was bold or stupid
enough to provoke Xan’s anger so early in the morning, but it surely didn’t
bode well for her plans either.

She was about to turn around and wait for a
better opportunity to come when another voice made her stop dead in her tracks.

It couldn’t be, she thought.

Yet she would have recognized the voice of
the Lieutenant of the Santa Monica Police Department anywhere. She couldn’t
imagine that a social visit alone had brought him to Xan’s door at an early
hour of the morning, and dread settled in the pit of her stomach.

She knocked decisively at the door and it
wasn’t Xan who opened it for her, but Gabriel Mercer indeed. His eyes widened
when he saw her and then his gaze narrowed at her.
“What the hell are you doing here, Catalina?” He demanded.
“Funny Gabriel, I was about to ask you the very same question.” She smiled at
him as if she failed to sense the dark scowl falling over his handsome
features.

CHAPTER 27

Xan pressed the pads of his fingers over
his eyelids, thinking that the morning couldn’t possibly be a bigger clusterfuck
than it already was, while the face of his wristwatch showed barely seven a.m.

He had been in a pissy mood since last
night, which didn’t go exactly as planned due to his own behavior. He had no
idea what it was in him that was constantly making him sabotage himself. He
would love to blame it all on Rob Thorpe’s screwed-up genes, but he was afraid
this time it was all on him.

He went to his apartment after Catalina
left him, and rightly so, but the four walls of the only home he had ever had
kept pressing on him until he had to walk out before he could wreak havoc there
as well.

He drove for an hour or two, but it never
really had a soothing effect on him and speed alone was not enough to take his
edge off.

Xan wanted to go back to Cat, to apologize,
but waking her up just for that didn’t seem like a reason good enough, so he
ended up in the club again, although it was the last place he wanted to be in.

However, he decided to utilize the
sleepless hours efficiently and put the club’s gym to good use.

He barely stepped out from under the spray
of the shower when the police banged at the door of Cul-de-sac and the bouncer
brought them straight to him.

Xan had a few run-ins with police so far,
but nothing serious enough since he stopped being a teenager and shit could
easily get out of control and end up in his file.

Now this…
this
was serious, he
thought.

No matter how disturbing the Lieutenant’s
presence and news he carried was, it didn’t make him flinch as much as Catalina’s
presence did.
“I’ve asked you a question, Catalina.” The policeman kept looking at her
expectantly and as much as Xan wanted to learn the answer himself, he didn’t
like the man’s tone and attitude.

He stepped between them, not even surprised
she seemed to know the law enforcer. At this point, he would have been more
surprised if there was someone she
didn’t
know, he thought.
“It’s not a good time, Cat,” Xan said, but she walked past him and placed two
cups of coffee on the table, acting as if she didn’t notice the tension filling
the room.

She brought him coffee, he thought, after
he acted like an ass and she had every right to be mad at him.

She folded her arms and looked at Xan for
the first time since she walked in, but then her gaze slid to the other man.

Catalina saw the exact moment in which Gabriel’s
speculative look changed and understanding dawned on him. An understanding that
turned his warm blue eyes into shards of ice, and his nostrils flared with
fury.
“Well, this is unexpected,” he muttered.
“Could someone please tell me what is going on here?” She asked politely,
forcing herself to stay still instead of wrapping her arms around herself
because her friend’s gaze was anything but friendly now.
“I was just asking Mr. Thorpe here where he spent last night.” Gabriel raised
an eyebrow gazing at Xan. “Dorian Carrey was attacked and severely injured. We
received an anonymous tip that Mr. Thorpe could hardly be considered his
biggest fan.”
“I see. And did the victim point at Alex as the perpetrator?” Cat asked,
wondering why the name sounded familiar.
“No.”
“So all you have is an anonymous tip which sounds to me like it was delivered
by someone who is
not the biggest fan
of Alexander Thorpe. Come on, Gabriel.”
“Dorian Carrey is a known member of an illegal underground fight club. Rumor
has it Mr. Thorpe is no stranger to this kind of sport himself.”
“Hearsay and anonymous tips.” She nodded looking up at Xan because she finally
understood that Dorian Carrey was the one who sent Dragon to the hospital.

Xan held her gaze steadily, seemingly
relaxed, but she knew it was just a pose. One guaranteed to drive Gabriel more
insane because Xan looked like someone who couldn’t care less about any of what
they were talking about.

Was he truly that… indifferent underneath
it all?

Her stomach clenched painfully, but she
didn’t let any of her internal turmoil show on the outside.
“It’s none of your concern, Catalina; you don’t want to be in the middle of it.
You have no idea what you are getting yourself into,” Gabriel warned her
through clenched teeth.
“But I do, and I am already in the middle of it because Mr. Thorpe spent the
night with me,” she said calmly, well aware what her statement has begun.

Gabriel looked at her with contempt written
all over his handsome face, and she knew it was just the beginning and a matter
of time before the news would spread like wildfire and reach her grandmother.
“Think it through, Catalina; are you ready to put your reputation on the line for
someone like him? You know who he is?” Gabriel gripped her forearms as if his
will and force alone would be enough for her to understand.
“Take your hands off her,” Xan told him quietly and pulled Cat closer when the Lieutenant
complied.

She didn’t allow herself the luxury of leaning
into him because her knees were shaking so badly she was afraid she wouldn’t be
able to stand on her own any longer once she gave in to the weakness.
“Catalina, damn it! You’ve known me for years. Trust me when I tell you he is
not worth it. He is not any better than those thugs who killed your parents!” Gabriel
snapped.

Cat paled and flinched as if he struck her.
“You son of a bitch!” Xan’s breath hissed out from between his clenched teeth.

He took a step forward toward the cop,
ready to rip him a new one, but Cat laid her hand on his chest, stopping him.
“Don’t Alex. Please.” She felt his whole body vibrating from the tension, or
maybe it was the strain it took for him to listen and hold off his temper.

Xan looked down at the delicate profile of
a woman who confused and surprised the hell out of him.

The cop’s words were a shock to his system
and now he fully comprehended that Kelton was right all along.

He didn’t bother to learn this woman at all,
focused on nothing but getting her flat on her back as soon as possible even
though he had told her he wanted to be with her.

He didn’t mean it, he realized now, not
really anyway.

He acted like a jerk last night, yet here
she was, ready to take his side over a long-time friend standing on the right
side of the law, when Xan himself had given her nothing but plenty of reasons
to doubt him.

She knew how vicious he was firsthand.

He had destroyed something close to her
heart, something he could never give her back. He had treated her objectively
while he knew all along she deserved better; yet here she was.

Mind-boggling
, Xan decided.
“Take a good look at what you are wrongly protecting here, Catalina,” Gabriel
said, not taking his gaze off her.
“I think you should leave, Lieutenant,” she told him.
“I’ve my eyes on you,” Gabriel informed Xan and walked off after one more
loaded look at Cat.
“Well, that was not how I imagined this morning to start,” Catalina released a
shaky breath after they were alone.
“Kitten…” Xan started but didn’t know what to address first. “Are you okay?”
“I think I need to sit down,” she muttered, and chose to plop on the edge of
the bed.
“Look at me, Cat,” he asked quietly, going down on his haunches in front of
her. “Why did you do it?” He wanted to know.

No, he
needed
to know, to understand,
and maybe then things would start to make sense, because in Xan’s world, people
didn’t take his side. Didn’t stand tall and proud while lying through their
teeth in his name.

It was unheard of.
“You mean… why didn’t I leave, telling both of you to go to hell?” She wanted
to be precise. “You are welcome by the way.”
“You are still mad at me,” he commented and it was understandable.

Even if the very fact was making the rest
only more incomprehensible, Xan thought.
“I came here today to tell you I don’t appreciate you snapping at me whenever
you feel like it and I won’t stand for it. But now it doesn’t even matter any
longer.”
“It does. I was fighting with myself the whole night, wanting to go to you and apologize,”
he admitted.
“Fighting, always fighting,” Cat muttered and thumped his chest with her fist.
“Fighting is in my blood, Catalina,” he shrugged. “Now tell me, why would you
lie for me?” Xan demanded.

She raised her head and looked into his
eyes as if considering his question or maybe her answer.
“Your hand looks almost fine and I imagine it must be still causing you
discomfort, but it seems nearly healed. There are no signs you fought recently
other than that.”
“I could have hired someone to do the dirty job for me.” He raised an eyebrow.
“No, that wouldn’t give you any satisfaction. You are hotheaded, but you can
also be cold as ice, I believe. You would have gone after him right away or
waited much longer than that.
“You think you know me so well, don’t you?” He asked but was touched by her
belief and trust.

He was touched by the fact she didn’t
hesitate to offer him an alibi and put her reputation on the line while doing
it. Finally, by describing him better than he would have done himself, even if
it was a hardly flattering description.
“Tell me I am wrong and that you did it.”
“You are right to the letter and I didn’t do it. You still didn’t have to lie.
I appreciate it, Cat…” He breathed her in because her fresh scent was so at
odds with the bleak reality of the place they were in and the subject they were
talking about.

At odds, and so much more welcomed because
of it, he thought.

Catalina sighed softly when he wrapped his
arms around her, pressing his lips to hers. The familiar feeling of excitement
went through her like an electric current. There was no space for doubts,
questions or disappointment.

Not in the moments like this.

She could only feel when his tongue swept
inside her mouth and the kiss deepened. She raised her hands to cup his face
and pull him even closer; a shiver ran up and down her spine as her traitorous
body wanted to melt into his. His low groan spurred her to graze his bottom lip
with her teeth, surprising them both.
“Cat,” Xan muttered. “I can practically feel my testosterone level dropping
drastically while I say this, but we need to stop.” He couldn’t and wouldn’t
take her like that.

Not in this room of all places. Especially
not for her first time, not after the morning they just had and all the ghosts
of the past still hovering above them.
“I wanted to invite you in last night but…” She hesitated.
“But I’ve acted like a dick,” he finished for her and saw the corners of her
lips tilting upward in a slight curve.
“I wouldn’t exactly put it like that myself but I think that drove the point
home quite adequately,” she said, making him chuckle, but his expression became
somber once again.
“I’m sorry about your parents. I had no idea.”
“Thank you and how could you know? It is not something I like to talk about.”
She swallowed audibly.

It was shocking to discover a common ground
like that, he thought. He understood her perfectly because he fucking despised
talking about his past too, even if for completely different reasons.
“You’ve never mentioned your parents either,” Cat noticed and felt him tensing
all over again.
“That’s because unfortunately they are alive.” The words flew out of his mouth
before he could stop himself. “I’m sorry.” It was a callous thing to say
considering what he learned about hers, he thought.
“It’s a horrible thing to say,” Cat said carefully.
“Well, they are horrible people.” He shrugged, but the gesture was too
nonchalant for her to believe it was as simple and unimportant as he was trying
to play it down.
“If you ever want to tell me about it…” She started but his muscles tensed even
more and she could feel him pulling away from her, turning into a living and
breathing denial.
“… just know that I am a good listener,” she finished regardless, trying to
make it light and simple. “I have to go. I have a meeting I can’t postpone.”
She sighed when he was silent.
“Yeah, I have something too but I want to see you later. Talking is not my
favorite pastime but I think we need to have a conversation before we decide
where things go from here.”

Maybe she came here today to break things
off between them, but he was not going to let her do that. He wouldn’t allow it
before and he sure as hell wasn’t budging now. He knew he had to give her
something, but the thought alone about divulging his past was giving him
heebie-jeebies.
“Xan…” She sighed, silently torn in a way only he was making her feel.
“You haven’t used my nickname even once when… your friend was here.” He noticed
it before but forgot about it with everything that was going on.
“I wasn’t sure it was a good idea in case… you know.”
“I know.” Who would have thought about it? He wondered and just shook his head,
unsure how to behave when someone wanted to protect him since he had zero
experience with something like that.
“Coffee got cold,” she said.
“It’s almost as if you knew cold is exactly how I prefer my coffee or
something.” He stated all serious-like and she laughed, even though the morning
hardly gave them any reason to be amused.

However, they both needed it.
“Or something,” Cat agreed.