Cursed be the Wicked (31 page)

“Liz!” I yell, but she doesn’t respond.

The fire spreads fast and I don’t have time to think before Finn is pulling at me again. We’re outside and I tell her to call 911 as I run back into the house.

“Cooper!” she cries out but I ignore her as I disappear into the front hallway.

So many things are running through my mind as I look for a clearing where I might be able to get through to reach my aunt again, to save her. The first being that maybe this is what she deserves, the last being, no one deserves to die like that. The fire has taken on a life of its own now. It’s already consumed its way throughout the downstairs and is moving quickly upward.

I don’t have much time.

“Liz!” I’m choking and can’t see shit with all the smoke that’s getting into my eyes. She’s screaming in agony but doing nothing to try and escape and I see her.

The fire surrounds her like a blanket of red and yellow and she’s not doing shit to try and live.

I start to work through a small path of untouched wood flooring when an explosion of some kind throws me back. I land on my ass across the hall where the flames are leaping toward me. I’m dazed for a few seconds before regaining my composure.

It’s too hot to go back the way I came and the only way out is through a window.

I take one last look toward the living area where my aunt has fallen to the floor now, unmoving, still burning. I try to open the window but it’s jammed, so I jump through the pane of glass with everything I’ve got. A blast throws me further than I intended and I try to roll but land hard onto my back somewhere in the middle of the yard. That’s when I hear the fire trucks begin to arrive.

I can’t breathe as I lay there. Hard as I try, I can’t breathe.

“Oh my God, Coop.”

Finn’s there. She rolls me over so that I’m staring up at the sky. It’s dark with night but lit brightly with stars. I sputter and choke until clean air begins to flow through my lungs again.

I’m dazed and my vision is blurry. I hear Finn calling a rescuer over to help me. I look around to see where I am, to try and get my bearings. I find the upstairs window to my old bedroom and I see something.

Rather some
one
.

She looks just like I remember her now, when she was happy.

She was happy, once.

Her dark hair hangs down around her shoulders. A single hand is on the window pane and she’s smiling down at me, relieved and happy. I raise a hand to try and reach out for her but just as I do, Finn takes it into hers and holds it to her chest.

“Please be all right.”

“Excuse me, ma’am,” one of the firefighters says to her as he ushers her away. I’m too tired to fight for her hand again.

Next thing I know, they do tests on me, right there on the lawn, to make sure I don’t have a concussion or anything worse. They take me to an ambulance that’s been called to the scene.

Hours later, I’ve been cleared to go, the fire has been put out and the home my mother left me has been destroyed, along with any journal in her secret room or that Finn might have missed.

The captain of the fire department tells me about the damage and how very sorry he is that nobody was found alive inside. He says the preliminary investigation into what exactly started the fire will begin the next morning but I already know what happened. I don’t need a report.

I stare up at what’s left of the structure as people put their gear away and drive off. Neighbors eventually leave the excitement, knowing they can sleep better now that the flames are out.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, watching smoke diminish from the wreckage, when Finn comes to sit by me on the hood of the rental car.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“You can’t stay here all night, Coop.”

She says it like we haven’t just been through a life threatening moment together and I can’t help but let out part of a laugh at the situation.

I decide I’m ready to spill my guts now.

Fact one.

“I’ve spent the last fifteen years hating my mother for something she didn’t even do.”

Fact two.

“I’ve held onto the memory of someone who wasn’t the man I thought he was.”

Fact three.

“I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Coop. You were a child. Your parents . . . I mean your mom, that is, did the best she could with what she had. What she thought she had, anyway. Sometimes it pans out, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“I wonder where she took it,” I think aloud.

“What?”

“His body. I wonder where Liz buried him.”

I become lost in that thought. I don’t notice Finn getting up off of the car. A minute or so later, I do notice she’s gone. I look around and find her staring off into the wooded area behind the house’s property line. Her head is tilted slightly as if she sees something off in the distance.

I get up to go join her.

“What’s up?”

“Don’t you see it?” she asks with this look of awe spreading across her face.

I squint towards where she’s looking.

“What am I not seeing, Finn?”

She looks bewildered. “The light.”

I scan the woods. “I definitely do not see a light, Finn.”

She looks up at me. “But you saw earlier,” she tells me but I correct her.

“I didn’t see, I remembered.”

She ignores me and searches the woods again.

“Coop.”

“Yeah?”

“Follow me.”

Follow me,
she says. I do because if I’ve learned nothing else since meeting her, that even though I don’t see it or feel it, some things are worthy of believing in.

After twenty minutes of fighting through the thick brush, I’ve had enough. I’m scratched up and tired and have absolutely no idea where we are, so I stop her.

“Finn, seriously, what the hell?”

“There’s something out here you need to see,” she says.

“Finn,” I let some frustration out in the way of air. “Trust me when I say there isn’t anything out here in these woods. It’s thick and dark and there’s nothing but-”

I trip over something and when I look down to see what it is, I can’t believe I’m seeing it.

“What the hell?”

Finn spots the large stone as soon as I do and she smiles despite the horrific circumstances surrounding our evening.

She bends down and pushes some of the brush away so we can see more clearly, the makeshift tomb, complete with freshly picked flowers and skeletal remains.

“It’s been visited recently.”

My throat is tight again and even though I know it’s him, I beg her, “Finn. Tell me that’s not Ben.”

She peeks up at me. “It’s Ben, Coop.”

I sit down on the ground. We take a few minutes to let the reality of what’s happening sink in. There’s no proof yet that it’s him but there’s no doubt in my mind, we’ve found Ben Shaw’s body. After all these years, we found him.

Finn found him.

Poor bastard.

The guy was a complete A-hole, there’s no doubt about that in my mind now, but still, he shouldn’t be out here in these woods like this, no matter what he did.

Hell, screw that, maybe he does.

Maybe I just need him to be somewhere other than in the backwoods of my old home.

I look around us. It’s pitch black.

I don’t have a clue how Finn found this place and I wonder how Liz was able to find her way out here fifteen years ago. Alone. But more than that, it’s very clear that there’s no way we can get him out of here tonight even if we
had
shovels to dig him up.

Tomorrow,
I conclude.

Tomorrow we’ll worry about Ben.

Tonight, I’m just satisfied that I can finally put everything that’s happened to rest. Everything that went on with Mom and Jack, and Ben and
Liz
and lastly,
me, is over
.

“Come on Finn, let’s go,” I tell her as I get up. I offer my hand and she takes it. I pull her up and she brushes the dirt off of her.

“You’ve been through a lot tonight. Are you going to be okay?” she asks me as we make our way back out of those woods. And for the first time I can answer her honestly. It’s because of her, really.

I hold onto her hand as that thought crosses my mind and suddenly, I stop. I turn and pull her into a kiss, telling her just that with every ounce I can muster.

When it ends, I smile down at her.

“Yeah, Finn. I’ll be better than okay.”

Chapter 19

Signs

It’s a few days before the police take me seriously about finding Ben’s body out in those woods behind my house. Ironically, it takes them half that time just to believe who I
am
. Once everything is squared away, though, and they follow Finn’s directions out to where Ben is buried, they believe.

They want me to stick around for a day or so more to make myself available for questioning. I’ve told them everything I can in my opinion. Everything they would understand of what I read in Mom’s journals that burned up in the house, what Liz admitted to just before she died.

What I remember.

They seem to think I can shed more light on the subject though. Who am I to argue with the police? Besides, there’s still one thing I need to confirm for myself, so I stay.

Twenty-four hours later, the coroner declares Ben’s cause of death to be blunt trauma to the back of his head and the fire marshal officially announces that the fire at Mom’s was accidental. I’m finally clear to do whatever I need to do for closure after all these years.

The bonus piece of information I learn is that, based on Ben’s past medical records, it’s determined that his blood type was B. I’m A. So was Mom. Which means he can’t be my father.

Knowing some of the things I’ve learned about him over the past few weeks and how he treated the women in his life, I’m glad.

The only thing left to do now is tell Jack.

I visit Liz’s house after another day goes by and find out she didn’t have a will. Then I find out that according to state law, that makes me the beneficiary to her estate. I now have
two
homes in Salem. The only problem being that one has been destroyed.

I come across some insurance papers for Mom’s place tucked away in one of the drawers of Liz’s office desk, and decide now is as good a time as any to start the process of filing a claim for the fire.

The representative I’m assigned to asks me some preliminary questions, some of which are about my mother. It gets me thinking about my life and how I’ve lived it. Where I’m at. Where I’m headed.

I’m put on hold and as though on cue, I get an email alert on my cell phone from Bill.

Apparently, the rough draft I finished up and sent him this week is getting a lot of attention from the big dogs. I might even get a promotion of all things.

He writes that he’s forwarding my flight information to return back to Orlando since the rest of the piece can be written from home.

Congratulations,
he says.
You’re free to leave Salem, buddy.

He apologizes for the short notice but that my flight leaves at 9:30pm tomorrow night and then says to touch base after I settle back into sunny Florida.

I stare at the email with mixed emotions. One really.

Fear.

Concentration eludes me as I finish the call with the insurance company. I have to get this done, though, so I push through the confusion that stirs inside me. Once I get my claim number and I’ve gathered all the important papers on both houses that I’ll need to take with me, I move on to my next project.

Ben.

I’d already made an executive decision to have my mother’s husband cremated even though there
was
a plot reserved for him, next to where she was buried. I guess they had purchased them together at some point. I’m sure his plan was to be settled there, but he doesn’t deserve to lie next to her.

I save the plot, though. Jack should have it when the time comes.

There’s a small ceremony for Ben consisting of me, Finn and Geneva. A priest comes and says a few words but there’s no fanfare for this funeral, no media. Ben isn’t big news.

I check around every so often to see if Jack will show up but he doesn’t. I guess it was stupid to think he’d want to be here.

When the formality of Ben’s “funeral” is over, and I’m left with his urn, Finn says I need a few minutes alone with him before we place him on a concrete shelf inside the mausoleum we’ve chosen. I’m not sure what to say to the guy. It’s still difficult for me to come to grips with who I thought he was as a kid and who I now know he was.

Do I tell him what a dick I think he is for what he did to my mother? To me? And Jack? And what about Liz? Didn’t he string her along in the end, too?

“Maybe I should forgive him,” I tell Finn and she just smiles.

“I’m sure you’ll think of the right thing, Coop,” she tells me. Then she pushes up onto her tiptoes and kisses me soft on the lips before she steps outside to wait.

I breathe out and stare at the urn sitting across from me. My mind spins. Maybe I
should
forgive him. Leave the hate inside this place with what’s left of his body.

Honestly, I’m not able to reconcile any of it. I can’t seem to find a way to put what I’m thinking or feeling into words, so I end up going with something simple.

Something meaningful, that Mom might have appreciated.

“Rot in hell,” I whisper. Then I place him on the shelf and I leave, closing the door to that chapter behind me.

Outside the air seems fresher. The wind has calmed. A weight from my shoulders has been lifted. It’s almost like I’ve done my mother’s memory justice somehow, knowing Ben and Liz’s secrets aren’t just theirs to keep anymore.

Finn pushes herself up off of a bench she’s been sitting on and walks over to me, smiling.

“Where’s Geneva?” I ask her when I notice her grandmother is missing.

“Went home.”

I look around, not knowing what to do next. How to broach the subject of my leaving with Finn

“Come on, Coop.” She takes my hands and tugs. “I want to show you something.”

I can’t help but grin at the fact that there still seems to be one more lesson Finn needs to teach me while I’m here. I don’t bother asking her where we’re going. I just let her lead the way.

We take the car downtown and she has me park where we did that day she took me to see Gallows Hill. She remains quiet while we walk and it’s not until we’re back to working our way through woods again.

“I came out here a couple days ago when you were busy with the police. I was trying to straighten some things out inside my head.”

“What things?” I ask her, but she pretends I didn’t say it.

“You remember Jack saying he and Maggie had a place they liked to go, right?”

“Yeah.”

We reach our destination and it takes me a minute or two to truly remember this part of our discussion with Jack.

“The church.”

Finn smiles big for me. “The church.”

She starts to lead me inside and I stop short. “I’m not convinced it’s safe to go in there, Finn. This place is dilapidated.”

She laughs. “Coop, it’s fine. Come on.”

I hesitantly follow her inside, ready to bolt if the walls fall and begin crumbling around us.

It’s tight quarters, not at all what I’d have expected but then I remember the story Finn told me about the priestess and the man who built it for her. I can see it. The heart he put into the woodwork. The time he took on the frames, the little details he added to the windows. For her.

“Over here,” Finn says. I leave the staircase I imagine used to be where I’m standing.

She points to a corner just below a window. I squat down to see initials carved into the wood there. “I was just sitting down, thinking, hoping. And there it was.”

The letters are faded some, weathered, but I can still tell what they read.

“
MR + JD.”

I trace the letters with my finger. They’re surrounded by a heart.

M.R. is Maggie Reese. That was my mother’s maiden name.

That makes J.D. Jack Diggs.

Finn places a hand on my shoulder. “She loved him, Coop.”

It’s there, plain as day for me and yet I can’t stop thinking up the lamest of reasons why it can’t be.

“
He
could have carved it,” I whisper. Even as I say it, I know he didn’t. Finn voices what I’m already thinking.

“Even when they’re in
love
, guys don’t carve hearts. Initials maybe, but not hearts.”

I put my fingers to my lips, staring at the initials.

She was happy.

“They loved each
other
.”

I don’t know why I find this small piece of Mom’s heart so fulfilling to know about, but it’s good.

It’s really good.

I stand and breathe in deep, then I find Finn looking up at me.

“Thank you.”

She smiles and holds back tears. I think.

“You’re welcome.”

After a few more moments, I realize I need to find Jack.

It’s time for me to tell the guy what he deserves to know. That from what I can tell, Mom loved him right up until the day she died.

More importantly, that there’s one more secret she kept from him. That everyone kept from him.

I need to tell him I’m his son.

Anxiousness builds inside me over the next twenty-four hours. I have to find Jack and yet, I can’t.

Not many people pay too much attention to the homeless and those who do aren’t exactly worried when they aren’t around anymore.

The police say they’ll help, but in reality, we can’t file him as missing since he has no home and I have yet to “prove” he’s of any relation to me so I don’t hold out much faith in them finding him before I leave.

I have a sense of loss all over again, and I don’t know how to ignore it this time.

“Everything happens for a reason,” Finn reminds me after we check the last place I can think of that Jack might be. The diner.

I don’t see a reason for me finding Jack only to lose him again. Or meeting Finn when I can’t be with her. I’ve run out of excuses for staying in Salem. It’s almost time to go.

I still have yet to break things to Finn and that fact nags at the back of my mind when she invites me back to her grandmother’s for dinner.

“She’s making chicken and dumplings,” Finn promises.

“I’ll be there,” I tell her, forcing myself to smile. I drop her at her home before I head back to the Camilla Rose to pack my things.

Geneva cooks up a fantastic meal for the three of us. We talk and laugh about some of the tenants at the B&B, and note how quiet Danny Moss has been lately. How hopefully he’ll stay that way.

For his sake.

Geneva starts to put some things away into their respective Tupperware containers once we’re done eating as I struggle to tell Finn goodbye.

“I know you have to leave, Coop,” she says before I get a word out.

I don’t ask her how she knew. It doesn’t sting any less now that it’s out there.

She pushes away from the table and starts to wipe down the counter. I watch her for a minute. I check my watch and she catches me. I begin a list of why I can’t be here any longer.

“Everything I own is in Florida.”

They’re just things,
a voice inside my mind tells me.

“I know,” Finn says. She won’t look at me.

“Bill wants me to fly out to California and talk to some of the V.P.s about a new job.”

“That’s great.”

“I’d be stupid not to go.”

“You’re right.”

I grab the rag out of her hands and toss it onto the counter, then I hold her by the arms so she’s got no other choice but to see me. It’s only now that it occurs to me I don’t know what to say to her.

What is there left
to
say to the woman who’s helped me so much?

I let her go as an afterthought.

Then I feel my brow pinching.

“I don’t want to argue,” I tell her. “And I don’t know how to thank you for-”

“You don’t have to, Coop,” she says before I can get all of my thoughts out. “You helped me just as much as I helped you.” She does this half smile thing for me. “We’re even.”

I spy Geneva watching us and when I do, she quickly goes back to busying herself in another room.

I think about her life here. About how she’s lost her parents, how someday she’ll lose Geneva. I remember Danny telling me how I can’t change her life, how Jack described Mom turning to Ben.

“You know you don’t need anyone but yourself, right? Unless you want someone. If you want someone, that’s your choice, but I just wouldn’t ever want you to do something because you felt like it was your only option.”

I’m babbling, and horribly at that. I don’t know what I’m saying but Finn does.

She bows her head and laughs a little. When she looks back up at me again, she makes me a promise. “Don’t worry, Coop. I’m not going to go run off and marry Danny Moss.”

I open my mouth to say something when Geneva appears at the doorway again.

“So you’re really going?” she says.

I nod. “Thanks for everything, Geneva.”