Custard Tarts and Broken Hearts (30 page)

‘Oh, don’t be cross, Nellie, they’re out earning a bob or two. They’re good boys.’

Nellie relented, feeling guilty for her harsh words. ‘Sorry, Al, it’s not their fault, or yours or anyone’s fault – except the bloody politicians’.’

From nowhere came the memory of Ted’s bitter voice, complaining about those very politicians, who now seemed to be deciding her fate:
War!
he’d said.
They shouldn’t be worrying about the Germans. Don’t they know we’re already at war, with
them
, the rich bastards…
And for once she found herself agreeing with him. But Alice’s voice interrupted her musings.

‘Anyway, he won’t go to war, so you needn’t worry. He wouldn’t leave Charlie and Matty, would he?’

Over the next couple of weeks Sam’s misery only intensified. Nellie tried everything to lift his mood. She invited Matty over for more cookery lessons and the young girl was sent home with the fruits of her labour, basins of mutton stew and suet puddings. One day Sam accused Nellie of wanting to fatten him up so that the recruiting sergeant would reject him. To her chagrin, he had not been far from the truth. Sam and his family were now regulars at her dinner table on Sundays, but she noticed his normal gentle manner with Charlie and Matty was changing. He would be harsh with them if they misbehaved at the table, and his patience was in short supply.

Soon after the white-feather incident, Nellie confided in Lily; she simply could not contain her emotion any longer. They clocked off and, instead of turning towards Vauban Street, Nellie stayed with her friend, who now lived over the chandler’s shop in Rotherhithe Street.

‘What you coming this way for, ain’t you got no home to go to?’ Lily joked.

‘They can wait for their tea for once. I want to talk to you about something.’

Lily looked intrigued. ‘Ooh, have you got a bit of gossip for me?’

‘No! That’s the one thing it’s
not
, and if I tell you about it you’ve got to promise me it won’t get round the custard tarts!’

Lily dutifully promised and listened intently as Nellie confessed her love for Sam.

When she’d finished, Lily nodded triumphantly. ‘I knew it! I
knew
it! I was only telling Jock the other night, you two was made for each other, except one of you didn’t know it yet!’ She circled her arm round Nellie’s waist. ‘So, what shall we do about it?’

‘We?’

‘You wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t want my help.’

‘Oh, Lily, love, I don’t think anyone can help me. I’ve told him I only wanted to be friends and after the Ted business he’s never going to want me now.’

Lily waved away all her objections. ‘There’s ways round that. Don’t forget I’m married to his best friend!’

‘No! You mustn’t, Lil, you promised you wouldn’t tell—’

‘You said the custard tarts! You didn’t say nothing about telling me husband.’

Nellie pleaded and by the time they’d reached the river, had agreed that she could tell Jock, but he wasn’t to repeat it to Sam.

‘Sam told me Jock’s decided he’s definitely volunteering.’ They’d stopped at the river wall and now looked out over the Thames, silvered with early evening light, packed with tugs and barges hurrying to make the most of the long summer days.

Lily grew sombre. ‘He’s going down the recruiting office next week.’

‘Can’t you stop him, Lil?’

‘Stubborn Scotch git, he’s made up his mind. He won’t listen to me.’

Though Jock had been born in Bermondsey, whenever Lily was particularly exasperated with him, she brought up his Scottish parentage. It angered him, which was the point. Lily wasn’t the sort of woman to be bossed by her husband, and if she couldn’t stop Jock from volunteering, then Nellie despaired of ever influencing Sam.

‘Sam will take it very bad. I’m so worried about him. I’ve never seen him so miserable, not since the days I used to turn him down for a lift on that blasted cart, do you remember?’

Lily smiled at her friend. ‘Weren’t we mean to him?’

‘You were worse than me!’

The two friends fell silent as they leaned on the river wall, a musky dampness wafting up from the river mud. Suddenly Lily turned to Nellie.

‘Tell you what, me and Jock’s going to the picture palace Saturday night. I’ll get him to ask Sam. Want to come?’

Nellie hesitated.

‘I’ll treat you, if you haven’t got the money this week.’

Nellie shook her head. The truth was that with Freddie’s extra earnings they’d been able to afford a few extras lately. ‘No, I’m all right this week. What’s on?’

‘What’s on? Who cares a tuppence what’s on? You’ll be sitting next to Sam!’

Nellie laughed and agreed. Besides, when Lily told her it was
The Prisoner of Zenda
, she hoped it would cheer Sam up. If he couldn’t actually go on his big adventure, she thought bitterly, at least he could watch it on the pictures!

They arranged to meet at the picture palace in Grange Road on Saturday night. Alice was happy to send Nellie off with good grace, but her brothers were sulking because they both wanted to see
The Prisoner of Zenda
themselves. Even Bobby refused to be excited for her until Nellie promised to take them and Alice next time.

‘Come on, boys, be fair,’ said Alice. ‘Nell don’t get no time to herself, she deserves a night out with her friends.’

Bobby sulkily handed Nellie the wide-brimmed hat she’d brightened up with new ribbon and Freddie, declaring a truce, mumbled, ‘Just make sure you pay attention, so you can tell us the story.’

Sam arrived at the picture palace wearing his best suit, collar and tie. His normal flat cap had been replaced by a smart straw boater, which she complimented him on.

‘Matty made me wear it, she said you’d like it.’

Nellie smiled. Matty was sharp as a drawer full of knives.

When Lily and Jock arrived, talk turned to the coming baby and Nellie noticed that the two boys refrained from any mention of the war, which was noteworthy in itself these days. But Nellie couldn’t escape it, much as she tried. Kitchener, with his droopy eyes, even droopier moustache and pointing finger, pleaded from every hoarding:
Your country needs you
. Still, tonight she was glad the boys seemed to forget Kitchener too. They were all excited to see the film and, rushing to get a good seat, Lily ensured that Nellie sat next to Sam. The lights dimmed, and as the organ in the pit started playing, Nellie relaxed, looking forward to being spirited away to a make-believe world where good triumphed over evil, where no real blood was shed and where every dead soldier got up at the end of the film and walked off the set.

In the light of the flickering screen, Nellie stole glances at Sam. He seemed enraptured, totally engrossed by the film. She was aware of his arm resting next to hers and when he shifted in his seat, she held her breath. Desperately trying to follow the plot, so she could give the boys details later, she found she could only concentrate on the point where her arm met Sam’s. When the story took a romantic turn, she noticed Lily and Jock cuddling up closer and prayed fervently that Sam couldn’t see her blushes in the dark.

Then came an interval, after which the organ struck up a rousing military tune. The lyrics, plastered over the screen so the audience could join in, filled Nellie with dread.

Oh we don’t want to lose you, but we think you ought to go, For your King and your Country, both need you so!

She cursed Lord Kitchener for following her into the picture palace. The lyrics faded out and were replaced by footage of young men in khaki drilling, then boarding steamers for France. Suddenly she felt Sam lurch forward. He climbed over people’s legs, tripping and stumbling, in his haste to escape the theatre. Lily clutched her arm.

‘Go after him, Nell,’ she whispered. ‘Jock’s told him he’s signed up.’

Nellie ran out of the picture palace, just in time to see Sam rip his straw boater from his head and begin running. As he turned the corner, she called out to him. She knew he’d heard her, but he didn’t stop or turn round, he just kept running. When she got to the corner he was nowhere to be seen. The street was crowded with young men and couples, enjoying their Saturday night off. She stooped to retrieve Sam’s hat, brushing off the dust.

‘Oh, Sam, you soppy ’apporth,’ she muttered.

Then she remembered that when his mother was very ill, there was a place he’d liked to go that comforted and calmed him. She was certain he would go there now. Sure enough, when she arrived back at Wicks’s yard, the gate was unlocked. She went in, carefully swinging the gate shut behind her, and walked across to the horses’ stalls. There he was, his arms round Blackie’s neck, feeding him a couple of sugar lumps. She heard him speaking soothingly to the animal, but she thought it was more himself he was soothing and she longed to just walk up to him and put her arms round him. Instead she called softly to him. He slowly removed his arms from Blackie and turned to face her.

‘I thought I’d find you here,’ she said.

He gave Blackie a pat.

‘You dropped your hat.’ She held it out. He took it and shoved it back on to his head.

‘Thanks, Nellie, I’m ashamed of myself, running out like that.’ He took a heaving sigh. ‘It’s the coward’s way, ain’t it?’

Looking more miserable than she’d ever seen him, he led her to the gate. ‘Come on, least I can do is walk you home, even if it is only next door.’

‘Sam, I don’t want you to go home so upset. Come round our back yard.’

They walked, single file, through the passageway between the houses leading to the back alley. Nellie softly lifted the latch of her back-yard gate, and was relieved not to hear Alice or the boys call out. They negotiated their way round the penny-farthing and perched themselves side by side on the trailer cart.

‘I’ve never seen you like this, Sam,’ she began. ‘Is it because Jock signed up today?’

He heaved a great sigh and shook his head. ‘Partly, Nellie,’ he said softly, ‘and it didn’t help that I had a visit from George Gilbie.’

‘George Gilbie? What did he want?’

‘I couldn’t believe it when he knocked on the door. I was surprised he even remembered where we lived! Anyway, he came to tell me I’m a disgrace to the Gilbie name, reckons I should get myself round the recruiting office.’

‘Well, that takes the cake! Bloody cheek, how many times did he show his face when your mum was ill?’

‘Not once. But he made me feel like a piece of dirt under his shoe. I could’ve knocked his block off and if the kids hadn’t been there I would’ve.’

‘He didn’t say it in front of the kids?’

Nellie could see that Sam was trembling now with anger and shame. He spun the boater round and round in his hands. ‘I think he did it deliberately, wanted to shame me. Then he says
If you’re worried about leaving the children, I’ve already discussed it with my wife and we’ll take them in, so you can go and do your duty
.’

Sam pounded the tyre of the penny-farthing.

‘Oh, Sam, you’re not going to do that, are you?’ Nellie knew it would be like sending the children to live with strangers.

‘I don’t know I’ve got any choice,’ he said morosely. ‘I daresay Katie Gilbie’s a decent enough woman, though it’s well known she does like her drop of drink, but it’s George worries me. He wouldn’t be nice to them, he’d make sure they knew their place all right.’

‘What do you mean, you’ve got no choice?’ she said. ‘The kids have got to come first.’

‘Don’t look at me like that, Nell, I can’t bear the thought of sending them there, but the fact is they’ve got to go somewhere. I’ve made up me mind …’

She was very still. The night seemed to tremble around them; the day had been warm and now a hazy smog filled the purple-tinged sky. It seemed to descend thickly, filling the little back yard with ominous shadows, muffling their voices. She felt that if she were still enough, silent enough, time would stop and he would never finish that sentence, but he did.

‘… I’m going to enlist.’

She was barely aware that she let out a groan, or that she reached out to hold his hand.

And you can’t do it without my help, can you, Sam?
she thought, and before she could change her mind heard herself saying, ‘I’ll have them, Sam. They can come and live with us.’

What she had so long resisted, fulfilling her promise to Lizzie, came to her as naturally as her next breath. In the end, it was simple: however much she’d wished it otherwise, the man she loved was going to war and if taking in his family would help him get through it, then that was what she would do. She understood now that not all promises were burdens. This felt more like a comfort; at least she could do something for Sam while he was away fighting for his country. The wheel of fate groaned, turned and clicked into place. In the face of Sam’s misery and distress, Nellie’s pledge to Lizzie was fulfilled. He would never have asked her directly, yet she saw immediately relief flooding his face.

‘Are you sure, Nellie? You know you’re not obliged—’

‘Don’t think for one minute it’s because of what I promised your mum, it’s not that at all. If you must go, I’d rather your mind be easy about the kids, that’s the only reason.’

‘The only reason?’

She felt his hand grip hers more tightly. Though her heart felt ripped in two, she would not tell him the other reason. If she told him now that she loved him, he would feel she was asking for some emotional recompense for taking on his family.

‘There’s only one promise matters to me now, Sam.’ She took her hand from his and placed it on the penny-farthing wheel, thrumming her fingers round the spokes.

‘What’s that?’ he asked.

‘I’ll look after the old penny-farthing and I’ll look after your family. You just promise to come back home for them.’

23

Oh, We Don’t Want to Lose You

They agreed to tell the children about Sam’s decision the next day, but Nellie thought that, as her sister would be shouldering half the burden with her, she had to talk it over with Alice. She deserved the chance to say no. So, after saying goodbye to Sam on Saturday night, she slipped into bed, woke Alice and told her. Alice’s response was predictably generous and practical.