Cut Cords of Attachment (33 page)

Then Bonnie stopped. She blurted out, “What will happen to my mother?”

Although this topic had been covered before, Bonnie needed extra reassurance that cord cutting wasn’t going to hurt her mother in any way. We spent about five minutes discussing what would and wouldn’t change. Then Bonnie was ready to finish her Permission Statement.

The cord moved out easily. The cord was enormous, extending all the way from Bonnie’s waistline to right below her breasts.

Making room for her equally gigantic bandage, soon I was standing right against the wall. I asked, “Do you mind if your bandage isn’t any bigger than this?”

Bonnie laughed. She needed to laugh. This was a serious healing for her, as became obvious when I diagrammed what was in this cord of attachment.

Steps 6-8 were now complete. Surgery accomplished! Now, just as in a regular session, let’s immediately diagram the relevant Dialogue Box. Save any questions or conversation for later.

CORD SAMPLE: Conflict Within a Cord of Attachment

What was in that cord? Here was the pattern I diagrammed from Bonnie’s cord to her mother at Step 9:

1. Bonnie: I feel alone, emotionally abandoned.

2. Mother: You should care more about me. You should fix all my problems.

3. Mother: You should meet all my needs.

4. Mother: My life is so hard. I’ve sacrificed too much already. You owe me.

5. Mother: Anger sent toward you.

6. Mother: Sending you some of my self-pity.

7. Bonnie: I’m scared to feel my feelings. If I pay close attention to myself, maybe I’ll find out that I’m as messed up as she is. Pleasing others is safer.

8. Mother: You’re not satisfying me. Do more for me.

9. Bonnie: Guilt that I’m not successful at making my mother happy.

Okay, let the questions flow.

Sophisticated Q&A

When you go into detail like you did here at Step 8, do you ever feel scared? What if you are completely, totally wrong?

Being wrong with cord items is highly unlikely. In other aspects of life, I have my share of insecurities. Not here. The 12 Steps to Cut Cords of Attachment simply work.

As a newbie, if you have moments of self-doubt, blow them away. Literally! Take some extra Vibe-Raising Breaths.

Bonnie’s mother sounds a lot like my mother. Could I be dealing with my own unfinished business when I diagram someone else’s cord?

Should the same pattern comes up again and again, or you have several clients who don’t agree with your description of what’s in
their
cords, then it’s time to consider help for your own healing.

Otherwise, know that you will often attract clients whose experiences have been similar to yours. Why
wouldn’t
you attract these very clients? You have the perfect background to help them.

Besides, at your present skill level, you are working only on friends and family members. Why
wouldn’t
they have plenty of things in common with you?

Now, Step 9 is complete, so on to the next steps in the sequence.

TALE: What Might Change?

In the cord, Bonnie had received anger on a random basis (Cord Item 5). That was over now. Sure, her mother might still throw tantrums, which Bonnie would deal with as best she could. What changed was having anger pour endlessly, and unchecked, into Bonnie’s own aura.

To help a client like Bonnie understand this change, you could ask her to imagine a big fire hose aimed at her. Whether she meant to or not, Mom used to squirt globs of ugly orange paint through the hose, and they would always reach Bonnie right in the gut. Well, that fire hose wouldn’t be squirting any more. Could this make for an easier life?

One of the themes flowing through that hose was that Bonnie couldn’t do enough to satisfy her mother (Cord Items 8 and 9). Energetically, that was over now.

Would her mother suddenly become grateful?

Don’t count on it. Bonnie was the one who had decided to change. Now she was free to consider whether it would be worth her while, constantly trying to lift up someone who didn’t want to be lifted.

No matter how tempted you might be to think that a cordee is changed from this healing technique, remind yourself of the truth. Cutting cords of attachment is not voodoo. Nothing, and I mean nothing, that you do to help a client will affect anyone else directly.

It’s plenty to use your new skill set to help yourself or your client.

Consider this particular client. Bonnie was a sensible woman. Apart from the cord, her aura showed plenty of strength. How long, now, would she persist at the thankless—and, frankly, impossible—task of pleasing her mother?

This particular nightmare, for Bonnie, would be so over!

Discussing cord items at Step 10 can bring out a lot of questions from clients. Maybe you have some questions, too.

Q&A Discussing Cord Items

Did you ever ask Bonnie what was going on with her mother in everyday life?

Definitely. The healer is always allowed to ask appropriate questions. I chose to ask questions during Step 10. After Bonnie recognized all the cord items, I felt it would be helpful for her to describe the relationship.

Why not ask for details before cutting a cord of attachment? Wouldn’t that help you to do a better job?

No, it would help you to do a worser job. You don’t need a lot of information before you cut a cord of attachment and research the cord items.

Don’t allow the client to burden you with too much information in advance. You’re getting information about cord items directly from the cord, not from a client’s analysis or narrative.

After cord items have been written down, at your discretion, you might wish to ask your client for a few subjective background details.

In Bonnie’s case, she explained that she still lived at home. She stayed home despite being in her thirties, despite having a successful career, and despite her mother’s financial independence.

So why did your client choose to keep living at home?

I asked her this, too. Bonnie said she kept hoping that she would be able to help her mother become happy.

If this were an investment, surely it would qualify as throwing good money after bad. In this relationship, Bonnie received no dividends. Instead she was given exactly the opposite, perpetual criticism.

This included the absurd assertion that Bonnie was a bad person. Such a lovely consequence to consider, that Bonnie could stop caring what her mother thought of her.

Discussing Bonnie’s choices with the cordee gracefully brought us to a more general discussion about logical consequences.

Removing one cord item can affect all of a client’s relationships. What logical consequences would we find in Step 11?

TALE: Summarizing Logical Consequences for Other Relationships

Cord Items 1, 8, and 9 had all kept Bonnie feeling bad about herself. Distant from her own feelings and waiting for others to offer approval—wasn’t that exactly how she had come to this session? Finally that could start to change.

At the gut level, Bonnie’s deep sense of self had been poisoned by the cord to her mother. Without this poison, Bonnie could grow more confident, and perhaps now she might have incentive to choose friends who reciprocated her caring ways.

Step 11 is a delight to do with a client. It brings an opening into possibility. Once you get into the flow of this conversation, nothing is easier. When new to the process, however, you may have questions. Let’s hear some.

Q&A About Logical Consequences for Other Relationships

What would keep Bonnie from immediately forming a cord to another relationship with another taker, somebody else who would be as bad as her mother?

While she had that cord of attachment to her mother, Bonnie accepted a way of life in which she constantly gave to an ungrateful recipient. Without the full procedure for cutting cords of attachment, Bonnie would most likely create a similar
relationship pattern
with somebody else. (Not form a
cord,
though. If you need to, review our model of what causes cords of attachment in the first place, found right in our first chapter.)

Further sessions would could enhance Bonnie’s prospects for a better life—whether additional sessions with cutting a cord of attachment, using other skill sets of Rosetree Energy Spirituality, or working with a psychotherapist, life coach, or other counselor.

Given the context of what can be accomplished in just one session, results from Bonnie’s first session of Rosetree Energy Spirituality were huge.

What, specifically, guards against recurrence of an old problem?

In the 12 Steps to Cut Cords of Attachment, every step from 8-12 has a special function for protecting your client.

In particular, Steps 10 and 11 are done at a critical time of transition, where your client’s aura and subconscious mind have just ended a toxic old habit.

Right after removing a cord, a client’s conscious mind is ready to question old assumptions. Equally important, his subconscious mind is primed for change.

In terms of The Three Worlds, change and repair are occurring at the psychic level. Meanwhile, your client continues to be irradiated with spiritual energy from the Divine

Being who co-creates the surgery.

Meanwhile you, as the healer, hold the space that I call an “Energy Sandwich,” which is present both humanly and spiritually.

This is the
energetic context
for Steps 10 and 11. Conversation during these steps is expressly designed to put-in what helps the client stabilize the healing. Admittedly, the words are just conversation, with no guarantee that life will improve. The energetic context adds power.

TALE: Discussing Logical Consequences

My discussion with Bonnie during Step 11 helped her to ask questions like these:

• What was her sense of herself as a person? Did this have to depend on the opinion of someone who would never be satisfied?
  
• What did Bonnie expect from a close relationship, anyway?
  
• Could she recognize the signs of one-way giving?
  
• Was Bonnie ready to choose relationships that would be 50-50? If she wasn’t ready yet, what would it take for her to become ready?
  

So, those are questions I might ask a client. What questions do you have to ask me as a healer?

Q&A Time Commitment for Healing

Did you spend a year of sessions discussing all these issues?

No, our session lasted just an hour, with an open door for Bonnie to return.

What mattered was that Bonnie was freed up energetically. She began to ask and answer the questions discussed during her session.

In her own way, Bonnie would be able to work out a solution that satisfied her.

What about follow-up sessions?

I do encourage all my clients to consider follow-up sessions of Rosetree Energy Spirituality. That represents a
time commitment
about halfway between having the occasional psychic reading and long-term psychological counseling.

Some of my clients have a few sessions, others have one every couple of years; some clients do 10 sessions; still others make a standing appointment and work with me for years.

With Rosetree Energy Spirituality, I think it is important for the client to choose when to graduate from sessions. Every session stands on its own, aiming to help that client a lot. Cumulative healing is available when a client decides to have more than a couple of sessions.

Homework is a way the client can gain greater results on her own. Below is what I gave Bonnie as homework at Step 12.

TALE: Bonnie’s Homework

Homework from a session takes just 10 minutes. Given at Step 12, a client’s homework is custom designed.

Timing is always within 24 hours of the session. This takes advantage of the teachable moment occurring right after cutting a cord of attachment and discussing the logical consequences.

To assign homework, I used the “Questioning” technique. (Yes, I really do use exactly the same techniques I have shared with you in this book for the 12 Steps to Cut Cords of Attachment.)

For Bonnie’s assignment, I asked her to make a list with two columns:

Heading 1: What I
can
expect from my relationship with my mother.

Heading 2: What I
can’t
expect from my relationship with my mother.

After nine minutes, Bonnie was to read each list out loud and then state a conclusion.

By considering this relationship objectively, and with the toxic Mother-cord now gone, Bonnie might surprise herself.

Inside Info About Homework

What
didn’t
I tell Bonnie about her homework? Something technical about the process.

The very act of questioning and evaluating a relationship was what mattered most about her homework assignment.

Like a muscle that has started to atrophy, Bonnie’s self-authority circuits needed a good workout. This assignment was a way to help Bonnie start flexing those muscles.

During our conversation at Step 11, Bonnie began to question why she still lived at home at all. Living with her mother, Bonnie’s self-esteem was constantly under attack. Before our session, she used to believe that if only she worked hard enough, she would eventually be able to make her mother happy.

Not especially rational, this expectation made complete sense given what was in her cord of attachment. Recycling 24/7, that cord had kept Bonnie trying.

Now, however, she had no compelling reason to keep living at home, other than force of habit. It takes self-authority to overcome inertia. Bonnie was assigned to ask questions that could motivate her to take action.

And now, what about you and
your
healer’s questions?

Q&A About Homework

People make lists all the time, but what does that really accomplish? How do you know Bonnie won’t just be in a good mood temporarily, make a list for 10 minutes, and never change a thing, really?

Bonnie’s homework was given in the context of major change to her aura. Therefore, a short list can have the greatest possible impact.