DAC_II_GenVers_Sept2013 (14 page)

“Don’t start,” Lauren warned, glaring at Alexa’s dramatic defense. “I never even kissed Kenneth—not once. Now shush. We’re talking to Jane about Walter.”

“More like grilling than talking, actually,” Regina supplied.

Mildly shocked by the intense but friendly squabbling, Jane started laughing again, and once started, she couldn’t stop. It was a good five minutes later before she wiped her eyes with her pristine white linen napkin. “Wow, that was a good laugh. I really needed that.”

“Good. Now no more talking about boring Kenneth,” Lauren insisted. “He’s just not that interesting.”

“No, he’s not. But he was a nice date,” Jane admitted. “Walter was out with friends and stopped by our table to say hello. Kenneth must have picked up on some vibe between us. He told me about dating Alexa just before he warned me how bad the scandal can be for an older woman dating a younger man.”

“
Warned you?
” Alexa repeated, irritated at the absent Kenneth. Did he think Casey had married her for her money? Oh, damn the man for his opinion anyway. Lauren was right about him.

“Pooh on what Kenneth thinks,” Lauren said fiercely. “He’s a stuffy old lawyer, especially for his age. What does he know?”

“Maybe nothing, but I have to tell you that it was no effort at all for the hospital nurses to believe I was Walter’s mother. Maybe if both Walter and I were just a bit older, I could get my head wrapped around the possibility of a relationship, but I can’t. . .okay? I can’t. I’m simply not wired to date someone so young. I’m wired to date someone older. . .someone like Kenneth,” Jane said, wistfully imagining a single, thirty-five year old version of Walter.

He’d probably look as good as he did right now. She would be about forty-seven and look like. . .she stared at Regina who was just beyond that age. The woman looked beautiful, happy, and pretty good. And the infamous therapist was now staring back at her with a huge, knowing grin.

“What now, Dr. Logan?” Jane asked, her exasperated tone all but mocking the woman’s profession. Alexa and Lauren’s irreverence was contagious.

“Faulty wiring for men is a more common problem than you may realize, Jane. You just need to call a love electrician as soon as you can and get your little wiring problem fixed.”

Jane froze as silence descended over their table. Regina’s statement hung in the air. She looked around at all the shocked faces, glad they were staring at Regina instead of her.

“
Call a love electrician?
” Alexa asked finally.

“Oh, get off my case. You know I gave up drinking. I thought it was a pretty good response, considering I pulled it out of my ass like two minutes ago,” Regina declared, glaring at Alexa’s haughty look.

Jane dissolved into laughter again, the horsey kind this time, but there was no stopping it. With every snort, she shook her head, but nothing stopped the painful amusement.

“Listen to her laughing so hard. She’s even snorting,” Regina declared. “She sounds just like you, Alexa. First it’s her attraction to younger men. Now it’s snorting laughter. Wonder what else the two of you have in common?”

“Don’t look at me for a distraction while you try to recover from your nonsense. You don’t want to mess with me, Dr.
Call-A-Love-Electrician
. I’m still mad that some stuffed shirt lawyer I never even went to bed with thinks my husband married me for my damn money. God, I’m glad I didn’t marry Kenneth. I’d have killed him in his sleep,” Alexa declared.

“
Stop
.
Stop—please
.
I can’t breathe
,” Jane said, her laughter still ruling her. “Everyone’s looking at us and I still can’t stop laughing.”

“Oh, that happens to us all the time. You’ll get used to it,” Lauren said, reaching out to pat her step-sister’s hand. “Welcome to the notorious club.”

Jane took several deep breaths, dabbed at her eyes, and tried not to look at the glares being exchanged between Alexa and Regina. They were a riot, especially when riled up.

“Since I’m not doing so well with staying composed during the meetings, I’m afraid to ask what the notorious club’s hazing rituals are like,” Jane said, trying to sound serious about the matter. She was secretly hoping that asking questions would help her stop laughing. Being the center of this kind of public attention was so not her style. She usually tried to avoid making a fool of herself.

When Alexa and Regina stopped glaring and grinned at each other, Jane actually felt a trickle of sweat slide down her spine. “Oh, no,” she said, putting her face in her hand.

“No, you asked, so now you have to listen. To be a notorious woman, you have to sleep with the most inappropriate man you can find. Sex must be involved and a full report is expected after the deed is done,” Alexa proclaimed. “Now you’ll be glad to know that no witnesses are required. We’re not totally crude. We let Lydia in when we found out that she and Morrie had been reading sex books together. Allowances are made commensurate with age, but you are definitely too young for an exception, so don’t ask.”

“Alexa Carter. . .shut. . .up. That’s my mother and Jane’s father you’re talking about. And Jim and I never found any sex books. There were a bunch of pillows on the floor. I never said we found any books. Stop laughing at me. Don’t make me hurt you,” Lauren said sternly.

To make sure the snickering Alexa knew she was serious about her threat, Lauren reached out and socked her as hard as she could, knocking her sideways into a laughing Regina who caught her. As far as she was concerned, her step-sister by marriage was a welcome addition to the group. Jane could almost hold her own with Alexa and Regina, which was a good thing. She needed a break from being on the receiving end of their teasing.

Jane shook her head at the surprising information about her father and Lydia.
Sex books? Really?
Then she remembered the woman across from her was probably her father and Lydia’s supplier of said sex books.

Alexa was leaning hard into a laughing Regina Logan. Jane smiled at the gorgeous older woman who was trying to stay as far away from Lauren’s still raised fist as possible.

Jane had a sudden vision of her father pointing out interesting things in a sex book to a red-faced, protesting Lydia. It was not hard to believe at all. If men were allowed, her dad could certainly be in their notorious club. Then she started wondering if their husbands had a support group of their own. And if they did have a support group, would someone as young as Walter ever fit into it?

She thought of his verbal bombshell when he basically announced to the eco architects that they had a serious relationship. . .which was not the case at all. They had only shared one kiss—no, two—if you counted the hospital. It still baffled her that Walter had casually announced out of the blue during a meeting that he intended to change her legal name—implying to them that he intended to marry her—which was ridiculous. Walter had had absolutely no reason to tease her in front of those men.

Well, unless Brenner had mentioned that he’d asked her out again.

Whatever the case, after Walter’s teasing, she doubted there would be a third date offer from Brenner. In fact, the more she thought about it, Walter and his blatant pursuit of her made him way more worthy of being in the notorious club than she would ever be.

“Jane? You know we’re just teasing, don’t you?” Alexa asked.

Jane snorted.
Teasing?
Of course, she knew that. Otherwise she’d never be silly enough to verbally agree to their stupid challenge. She was almost forty for pity’s sake. Okay, thirty-nine. She needed to stop rounding up. She was a whole year away from forty.

“Next Thursday might be a little too soon to report on my progress. I tend to move slowly. Can I come back to dinner anyway?” Jane asked, not quite sure why she was volunteering for more torture.

“Of course you can come back to dinner,” Regina said sweetly. “And no matter how much we favor Walter, your inappropriate man doesn’t have to be him. Get Ryan’s number before you leave. He seems very interested. Even sleeping with Kenneth Adams would get you into the club. He’s so inappropriate that none of the three women he dated at this table ever jumped that shark with him. I say go for it.”

“What’s with you and your crazy metaphors this evening?” Alexa demanded.

“Regina’s got a point. Why didn’t either of you sleep with Kenneth?” Jane directed the question to Lauren and Alexa, who were both pretending not to have heard her. Their discomfort had her forehead wrinkling in concern. It was an excellent question, and their answers might make her feel better about not doing it either. She hadn’t even wanted to and it still puzzled her why. The only conclusion she’d drawn was that next to the raging lust she felt for Walter, pretty much any and all other attraction seemed not worth the time.

“Oh God, Jane. Please don’t sleep with Kenneth Adams on one of Regina’s dares,” Lauren begged, reaching out to grab Jane’s hand in a crushing grip. “I don’t think I can sit across the dinner table from him at Christmas and pretend that I think he’s right for you. He isn’t.”

Jane sputtered, fighting off the giggling fit that threatened. She wondered if any of them would ever answer a question in a way she could follow logically.

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, Lauren. I celebrate Hanukkah.”

Lauren straightened away from Jane and blinked. “Oh. Well. Whatever family thing we end up having at the end of December, just apply that comment to the dinner part of it. I’d much rather sit across from Walter and watch him playing with JD. Please, please, please choose him instead. Walter is so much more cute and interesting.”

“Relax, Lauren. The fact that I slept with a man wouldn’t necessarily mean I’d automatically bring him to family dinners,” Jane declared.

But of course she would if she was sleeping with him on a regular basis.

And Walter would probably want to come with her. Probably.

And of course Walter would want Harrison to come along, which would be fun. Maybe she’d even get to meet Walter’s parents. Hopefully, his mother still didn’t know that she’d been impersonating her at the hospital.

“Earth to Jane,” Alexa called, cupping hands around her mouth as their food arrived at the table.

Jane blinked, sniffed, and looked at her plate. She didn’t remember even having ordered. “I don’t think I can do it. I want to badly, but I just don’t see how I can.”

“Want to trade then?” Lauren asked.

“Trade Walter for Jim?” Jane asked for clarity, completely shocked at the offer.

Lauren drew back, shocked herself that Jane could go there.

“
No.
I was talking about trading my dinner for yours. You were frowning down at your food and mumbling. . .oh my God. . .I would never share my husband. If you ever look at Jim with lust in your eyes, I will kick your short, skinny ass.”

Jane thought she probably should have been offended, but instead she collapsed into laughter again. It must have been the two glasses of wine on an empty stomach.

“You think I’m skinny? I wasn’t talking about my dinner or Jim. . .you’re all crazy. . .I was mumbling to myself about Walter. Damn it, Lauren. Now you have me all shook up. Give me your freaking dinner if you want to trade.”

“Oh. . .” Lauren said, looking down at her plate now and totally embarrassed. “No that’s alright. It’s Regina’s fault that I ordered the shrimp scampi. Sorry I overreacted. I’ll just sit over here and eat my seafood now.”

Jane rolled her eyes, picked up her plate, and deftly traded her medium well filet mignon for Lauren’s seafood. Then she just as deftly plucked two succulent shrimp from her plate and put them on top of Lauren’s steak.

“There. Eat. I don’t want to sleep with your husband. If I wanted to commit a sin that bad, I’d look up Walter. And you two. . .” Jane snapped, looking across the table at the other grinning women. “Don’t be spreading that rumor around. I have plenty enough problems with men as it is.”

“I could probably solve one or two of them for you if you let me. I like forceful women who know what they want. Call me later,” a sexy voice whispered in her ear.

Jane looked at the phone number on the napkin that the very cute Ryan’s long, graceful fingers slid discreetly next to her plate. She watched Alexa and Regina cover their laughing mouths as the waiter quietly disappeared again. She would bet money the boy didn’t even need to shave every day. Didn’t he notice how old she was? Even Walter seemed old next to him.

“Not a word,” Jane said. “Not another word from either of you. Our near-sighted waiter is absolutely, positively not an option. I am not going to sleep with someone young enough to be my son. Maybe I would have been a young mother at nineteen, but still. . .no. Just no. My mind can’t even go there.”

Lauren reached out and patted her arm. “At least Walter is a few years older than the waiter. He seems mature for his age too. I bet Walter even puts down the toilet seat after he’s done.”

Was Walter house trained? Maybe. But mature? Doubtful.

Her mind went immediately to Walter bumping her rear, nudging his erection against her practically in front the architects as they looked at plans. Days later and she still couldn’t decide if he had done it on purpose. He seemed to stay in that condition around her.

What did it say about her that the possibility of taking Walter up on that constant urge he seemed to have for her was getting to be all she could think about? It was probably saying that she was more deserving to sit at the table with these women than she was willing to admit to them yet.

Her horsey snort of laughter over her private longing for Walter seemed to send them all into giggling fits again.

Truthfully, it was the most fun she could remember having had in ages.

“Okay. I let you drag me away from my hot, willing girlfriend on Friday night and out to a stupid bar. Now I get to ask you an honest question, and you have to answer me. Have you slept with her yet?” Daniel asked, shaking his head when Walter gave him a dirty look. “I’m not being perverted, just curious. Amanda and I have another bet going. I can’t afford to lose again. How old is she anyway?”