Daddy's House (19 page)

“
Close your eyes and rest,” he insisted, squeezing my thigh. “We’ll be there within the next hour.”

“
Okay,” I replied, knowing that my eyes would close, but rest would be the furthest thing from my mind. I turned my body toward the window, keeping my face from his view, and pretended to get some sleep. My plan was to sketch out what I would do the moment we hit the cemetery, where he thought my mother was buried. For minutes, my thoughts switched from a breakdown right in the car as soon as we pulled up, to maybe a deadly fall on one of the headstones. Whatever the case may be, Daddy was no fool, so it would have to be good.

I even took a few minutes to pray. Something I didn’t do often. Unfortunately, my mother didn’t do church. But when I was younger, my grandmother taught me about the love of God. I knew He was real. I believed. I just prayed He’d get me through this one, like He did so many other times. I promised I’d start going to church if He’d let me off the hook with this one.
For real this time
.

Soon, my moment of truth came. Twenty minutes later, I saw the huge black iron-gate from the road, and the thousands of headstones that lay inside. Before we even turned into the gate, my heart rate sped up a notch. I wasn’t sure if Daddy’s mother rested here, or mine. Small beads of sweat began to form on my forehead, as I continued to work on my academy performance.

When I felt the car make several turns, I knew it was show-time. “Wake up, baby girl,” Daddy said, in a soft voice.

“
Huh.” I turned around like I didn’t hear what he said or knew where we were. The scenery was morbid. It was a dreary day, so the lack of sun, matched my miserable mood.

“
You get some rest?”

“
A little,” I said, looking at the many people walking with fresh flowers. “I don’t feel so well.” I waited for his reaction before I continued. “I feel a lil’ dizzy.”

“
Which way?” he asked, obviously ignoring my question, as we came to a crossroad in the cemetery. The car came to a complete stop and my heart did the same.

I didn’t answer, ‘cause I couldn’t get my thoughts together fast enough. I knew we rode past thousands of graves, and I never acted like we passed my mother’s grave.

“
Right or left?” he asked, with a raised voice.

I pointed to the left with one hand, and held my forehead with the other. There was a good chance that he would believe I was sick, ‘cause now I was sweating like hell.

“
You’ll be okay, baby girl. Daddy gon’ take care of you.”

“
No, you don’t understand. I don’t think I can get out.”

“
You got to. While you were sleeping, I realized we didn’t have enough time to visit both of our mother’s graves before dinner, so I decided to come see yours. It’s only right that you see your mom on Thanksgiving. So, let’s do this.” He smiled. “Show me the way.”

I didn’t have many choices left. We were near the end of the enclosed cemetery, which had a mausoleum in the center. “Right here. Pull right here,” I pointed.

Within moments, Daddy pulled on the side of the grass and hopped out, like he was rushing to put out a fire.
What is the big deal? It’s supposed to be my mother, not
yours.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I looked at the headstones in my view. I wondered what my next move should be. By the time he got around to open my door, I had thrown my head into my hands and made myself cry hysterically.

I thought about throwing up right in the front seat of his plush car, but I wasn’t sure if that would even get me off the hook. He seemed so determined. Maybe he knew about me. Maybe this was all a game. Why wasn’t I brave enough to just say, “Look, I lied. My mother is alive and well just got out the pen as a matter of fact.”

Daddy gently grabbed me by my arm, helping me from my seat. “I know…I know…,” he kept repeating.

Together we walked real slow, like he’d just picked me up from the hospital. I’d cry a little bit, and then take a few baby steps forward. This bullshit continued for several minutes. Daddy led me in the direction of a bunch of headstones that seemed old and outdated. I quickly scanned a few names and dates, noticing we’d been in the old rich white section. One of the headstones read 1899-1945 and another 1899-1952. I stopped abruptly.

“
This is the wrong way.” I cleared my eyes to refocus. “This way,” I said, shedding a few more tears.

We turned around, and I took him straight toward the mausoleum. All of a sudden, I felt like someone was watching me. Every time I stopped to look, or turn around, no one was there. A few white couples were nearby paying respects, but they weren’t even looking my way. Daddy kept looking down toward the ground, clocking the names on the headstone. He had no idea the move I was about to pull on him.

As soon as we stepped inside the mausoleum, Daddy’s facial expression showed he was impressed. “Oh, she had money, huh? Your moms was gettin’ it?”

Why the fuck am I even going through all this
, I thought. I nodded as my body shivered. The search had to go quicker. Much quicker before he asked too many questions. I walked ahead of Daddy, looking for the perfect name, a black name. Most sounded like old Irish names, some even Italian. Then it stared me in the face. Elaine Blackwell- 1975-2004. My body stopped directly in front of the granite stone.

“
This is it,” I said, allowing my fingers to run across the engraved letters. I envisioned my mother’s entire body being pushed into the large stoned wall, hoping it would make me cry naturally. It wasn’t working.

Daddy moved in closer. Suddenly, I dove my head underneath his shoulder. “I can’t do this,” I cried. This time my cry was extreme, over the top. Most people would’ve thought it was the day of the funeral. The few people around us watched as he inched me back to the car.

“
This is too much for you, huh?” he asked.

I nodded.

It seemed as though I’d finally gained his sympathy. “I understand. Let’s go eat,” he said, helping me get back into the car.

As we pulled away, a slight grin crept on my face. I couldn’t believe I’d pulled it off.
Yeah, somebody contact
the Academy out in California, because I just won best
actress
, I thought. However, my joy quickly faded as thoughts of my real mother entered my mind. The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was alive and well. However, if it were up to me, her ass would’ve been six feet under for real.

Chapter Nineteen

By the time we pulled up to Daddy’s aunt’s house, I was emotionally drained. I’d lied twenty-two times, and more tales were surely on the way. When we stepped on the porch, the loud noise told me this was a hood function, so get ready.

“
Well, well, well…look what the cat brought in!” a burgundy-headed woman hollered, as soon as we walked through the door. “And who is it this time, playa?” she added, looking directly at me.

“
Aunt Jean, how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that,” Daddy responded.

“
Why not? I hope you don’t think I’ma call your ass Daddy,” she replied, with a slight laugh.

“
This is Candy,” Daddy said.

I hunched his side, reminding him that we’d agreed Candy was no longer my nickname, and then showed all my teeth to the woman with the bad color job.

“
I mean Candice. This my lady, Candice.”

“
Hey…how are you?” I smiled.

“
Uh..huh…whatever you say. Come on in and make yourself at home. I’m glad you came to have dinner with us. We’ll be ready to eat in about an hour. Go on in there to the family room and see your Uncle Manny, boy. He been waitin’ on you.”

I thought,
damn, how was I gonna make it an hour as hungry as I was.
My stomach growled, looking at the old fashioned
table cloth filled with two huge fried turkeys,
ribs, barbecued chicken, macaroni and cheese, stuffing,
and every green vegetable ever grown from the ground. It
looked like everything was already done to me.

Daddy pulled me along, and held me close as we walked into the cluttered family room. It seemed more like a party than a Thanksgiving dinner gathering. People lined the walls with drinks in their hands, talking loud and having a good time. Everyone glared when we walked in, my arm tucked under his.

“
Mannnnnnnn, you got a dime piece wit’ you this time!” an older man with a scruffy beard shouted.

Daddy just gave his customary nod and I smiled. Then from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of an evil scowl. A tall, slender guy stood behind Daddy, wearing a pair of saggy jeans and a Sean John oversized shirt. He didn’t look familiar, but he stared me down liked I owed him money.

“
What’s up, baby boy?” Daddy shouted, slapping his palm into the young man’s hand. The way the two of them embraced, I knew they were cool.

“
Yo, Candy…I mean Candice. This here my nephew, J-Cee.”

“
Hello,” I said, with a smile.

“
Yeah,” he said, throwing me shade.

I could tell Daddy didn’t like how he was treating me, but let it slide. “So, where you been hiding?” Daddy asked.

“
Rikers,” J-Cee replied.

“
Boy, you need to cut that shit out. Three strikes you out. I know this your twelfth time. ”

I didn’t say a word to anyone. They all looked at me strange, especially J-Cee. He couldn’t even pay attention to his uncle, ‘cause he was clocking me so hard.

“
Where I know you from?” J-Cee blurted out.

My response was slow and well thought out. “Not sure.”

“
You from New York?” he asked.

“
Nah,” I answered. “From Chi-Town.” At least that wasn’t a total lie. I did live there for a short time when I first got in the program.

Daddy looked at me. “I thought you were from East Orange, Jersey?”

Shit, I forgot I told him that
. “Umm...I’m originally from Chi-Town, but moved to Jersey when I was five.” Hopefully he believed me.

J-Cee cut his eyes at me, just about the same time my stomach got hit with sharp pains. As he continued to stare me down, I scanned my memory of previous dates, or even guys I’d met casually over the years. Nothing registered. Then I wondered if we’d ever sold him some coke.
Nah
, I thought. He didn’t look like he had enough money to buy weight.
Damn, I hope he just got me mixed up with
one of his girls or some shit
.

After listening to Daddy talk shit with his Uncle Manny for a half an hour, his aunt finally called everyone to eat. As I walked to the dining room area, I said a silent prayer, thanking her for not making me wait the whole hour. As hungry as I was, if it had been any longer, I surely would’ve passed out.

“
Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?” J-Cee asked, as we sat down at the table.

“
Nephew, leave my baby alone,” Daddy said, before I could respond. “She don’t hang around with lil’ boys like you.”

Yeah, lil’ boy leave me the hell alone
, I thought, as more of Daddy’s family members began to take their seats around the delicious food. The last thing I needed was extra attention. However, I wasn’t so lucky, because J-Cee obviously didn’t feel the need to take his uncle’s advice. All throughout dinner, he stared at me, which made me extremely uncomfortable. However, I made sure to keep Daddy’s eyes on me, so he wouldn’t notice. The last thing I needed was drama on a beautiful Thanksgiving Day with my new man.

As we were leaving several hours later, J-Cee met us at the door. “Unc, man, we gotta talk. How ‘bout makin’ some time for me later tonight?”

“
I got something important I gotta take care of tonight. Holla at me tomorrow, nephew.”

“
Man, it’s important, so answer when I call.”

Daddy looked like he knew something was wrong. “You a’ight?” he asked, with concern.

“
Yeah, I’m good. We just gotta talk.”

“
No doubt. If I get a minute, I’ll call tonight,” Daddy responded, giving J-Cee a pound.

“
Come on, Daddy. I’m tired,” I said, trying to get out the door. I prayed that J-Cee’s important information wasn’t about me.

As we got into the car, I turned my heated seat on and got comfortable. The day had been a long one, but cuddling up with Daddy at his place would make it all better.

****

Daddy pulled up to the gate just about the same time I woke up from my short nap on the ride from the Bronx. I’d been sleeping all day, every chance I got. I knew I was tired from all the driving we’d done, but all that good Thanksgiving food didn’t help either. I prayed the sleepiness was the cause of me thinking I was back at the house. I blinked, hoping it was all a dream. Rising in my seat, my head moved from right to left.

Nervously, I asked, “Why are we here?”

He hesitated before he spoke. The first clue which told me this wasn’t good, was that he couldn’t even look me in the eye.