Daisy and the Trouble with Zoos (8 page)

I said that if I was going to warn an animal not to bite me, I'd make
myself look like a pea, not something as yummy as candyfloss.

Then Mum said we should all try standing on one leg too. Dylan did it
for the longest, then me, then Gabby, except Gabby said I pushed her but I didn't. I just sort of fell on her, but I couldn't help it.

Mum read the sign on the flamingo fence and told us that a flamingo can stand on one leg for up to four hours without putting its foot down. Or even wobbling!

Trouble is, we didn't really have long enough to see if it was true, because straight after the flamingos it was time for my birthday zoo lunch!

I love birthday zoo lunches!

Last year, I had a birthday Wacky Playpark lunch, but birthday zoo lunches are even better!

After we had found a bench to sit on that was sort of out of the wind, Mum took our birthday zoo sandwiches out of her bag. Most of the time in my sandwiches I only get to have cheese or jam. But when it's my birthday, my mum lets me have whatever I want!

“WITHIN REASON.”

Because birthday sandwiches are really special!

Dylan said he had Bully Bear in his sandwiches at school but he'd never had it with hundreds and thousands on.

Gabby said Bully Bear with hundreds and thousands on tasted really nice and she was going to try hundreds and thousands with cheese spread when she got home.

The
trouble with trying hundreds and thousands with cheese spread
is you'd better ask your mum first.

Because it needs to be your birthday really. Otherwise your mum will probably say, “No, you can't have hundreds and thousands on your cheese spread. Are you mad? Put the hundreds and thousands back in the cupboard right now.”

I was nearly going to have special birthday mini sausages dipped in chocolate spread too. But I tried them at home, and they weren't very nice. So I didn't.

Gabby said she was glad she didn't have to try sausages in chocolate spread, and that sometimes things are nicer when they are just ordinary.

That's why we had ordinary sausages and cheesy puffs not dipped in anything. And we had chicken saté sticks AND we had lemonade (which is my favourite not-allowed drink)!

While we were sitting on the bench eating our lunch, loads of birds started coming all around us. There were sparrows that had escaped out of their cages, plus about seven pigeons, three ducks
and a yellow tit. Except Mum said it was a greenfinch.

Except it didn't look very green to me.

Dylan said that in the winter, birds find it really hard to find food. That's why people hang peanuts up in their gardens.

Gabby said the birds had definitely smelled our Bully Bear with hundreds and thousands on, and we had better eat our sandwiches fast!

The
trouble with eating your sandwiches fast
is if you're not careful, you might choke.

I was really careful because I didn't want to drop any of my hundreds and thousands, but Gabby wasn't careful at all.

So she ended up choking all over the place. And scaring the birds.

AND she had to borrow some of my lemonade to wash her sandwich down. Which wasn't fair because she'd already had her own lemonade. Plus I like lemonade more than she does.

And it was my birthday, not hers.

Which means I should have got the most lemonade out of everyone.

But I didn't.

Because of Gabby's chokes. Which isn't fair. But it ended up all right. Because Mum said I could have some more lemonade when we got home.

After Gabby had stopped choking, we had chocolate mini rolls.

The
trouble with chocolate mini rolls
is they're not as big as a proper birthday cake.

They do taste really nice, though!

Mum said Nanny and Grampy
were coming to see me when we got back from the zoo and Nanny was going to bring a special zoo birthday cake that she had baked all by herself, with an apron and everything!

Gabby said it was probably a good idea to have my big cake later, because if elephants sniffed a big cake, it would make them stampede all over us.

Stampedes are when loads of animals break out of their cages and run at you to get your cake.

Dylan said he saw a stampede of cows in a film once and they ran
over everything, including bushes, fences and a river. Plus they flattened a cowboy.

He was probably the one holding the cake.

I wonder if it was his birthday too?

The
trouble with putting birthday candles on a chocolate mini roll
is it's really hard to fit seven candles on.

Even five is hard. Plus when you stick the candles in, the chocolate on the outside starts to break off.

Mum said I might have to settle for one candle instead of seven, but I said I wanted seven candles –
otherwise people might think I was one, which is a baby.

The
trouble with trying to light seven candles on a mini roll
after you've managed to fit them on
is the wind keeps blowing them out before you get a chance to blow.

Or even huff.

Or sing “Happy Birthday”.

Which is really a nuisance.

Plus the candles go wonky.

Then the chocolate starts to melt.

Then the mini roll goes sticky.

Which is all right if you're the one who's holding it, because then you get to lick the chocolate off your fingers. But if your mum is holding it, then she gets to lick her fingers instead.

Which isn't fair, because it's not her mini roll in the first place. It's mine. So I should be the one that gets to lick the chocolate off.

Mum said if I didn't stop moaning about melted chocolate, she would feed all our mini rolls to the monkeys!

Which was a lie. Because if she
did, there would be a stampede. Which would be her fault, not mine.

Then she'd get into trouble, not me.

And anyway, the wind suddenly stopped blowing.

“QUICK, QUICK, QUICK!” said Mum. “BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!”

So I did!