Authors: Debbie Macomber
“Brandonâ” She struggled not to cry, which seemed to make it impossible for her to talk.
“Are you so happy here in Fargo?” he asked.
She sniffled. “Miserable. I told you that. I miss you and my friends andâ¦my life.”
“Would it help if we slept in separate bedrooms?”
“Noâbecause it wouldn't be long before we were sleeping together again and then everything would be back the way it was before.”
“Was that so bad?”
“Yes. You were always angry and it was me you blamed.” Her fingers tightened around his.
Having exhausted everything else, Brandon knew he had no other option. There was only one way left to prove himself. Prove his love. “All right, Joanie, I'll do it. First thing next week I'll put the farm up for sale.”
“Oh, Brandon, no! That isn't what I want, either. I thought it was, but I was wrong. You'd be even more miserable in the city than you are now.”
Brandon knew that, too, but he was willing to sacrifice everything if it meant holding on to his family. The farm meant nothing without Joanie and his children. He'd just spent four of the unhappiest months of his life, and two thousand acres of prime farmland had been damn little consolation.
“You could move back to Buffalo Valley,” he said, thinking out loud.
Joanie frowned.
“There's plenty of empty houses, any one of which we could rent,” he added, the idea gaining momentum in his mind. “You don't want to move back to the farmâokay, I can understand that. Maybe later you'll want to, or during the summer. Right now that doesn't matter. Give me a chance to prove myself to you and the kids. If you're sincere about not wanting a divorce, then at least give me a chance to show you I am, too.”
“Move into town,” Joanie repeated slowly, seeming to test the idea by saying the words.
He squeezed her fingers again. “We can go out on dates the way we used to.”
A hint of a smile touched her beautiful eyes. “I have a good doctor here. I want to continue living in Fargo until after the baby's bornâand the school year's finished.”
“All right.” He could stand another two months. That would give him the opportunity to find a decent house for Joanie and the kids and work out some kind of rental agreement.
“I'd like us to see a marriage counselor, too,” she said. “I know Father McGrath is officially retired, but he might be willing⦔
He hesitated, although it wasn't because he refused to attend counseling sessions. Other than Father McGrath, the closest thing Buffalo Valley had to a marriage counselor was Buffalo Bob, and somehow he didn't think Joanie would be keen on discussing their marital difficulties in a bar. “Maybe someone in Grand Forks?” he suggested.
She nodded. “We'll probably have to go that far.”
He could tell from the way she said it that she expected him to disagree. On the contrary. He was serious when he said he wanted to save their marriage, and in the next few months he was going to show her.
May 1st
Dear Maddy,
I just made the most difficult decision of my life. I'm leaving Buffalo Valley. How anyone could mess up as much as I have in the last few months is beyond me. All I can say in my own defense is that my intentions were good.
Perhaps Marta Hansen, the grocer's wife, said it best. Last week she told me I was an outsider and would always be an outsider. No matter how long I lived in Buffalo Valley, I'd never think the same as they do. Never understand their ways, despite the fact that my father was born and raised in this town. Marta wasn't insulting me, she was merely stating the truth. Her one fault was that she was insensitive to my feelings, but what can I say? She was right.
I haven't spoken to Gage since our last big blowout. By contrast, Monte phones me every day. He's serious about marrying me and can't accept that I'm no longer interested. Frankly, I thank God every day that I left him when I did. He seems like a stranger to me now, and I can't make myself care. A year ago, I would have leaped at his marriage proposal.
You asked about Hassie and, yes, her health has improved, but her spirits are low. This stay in the nursing home hasn't been easy for her. The last time I spoke with her cardiologist, he said he'd like to wait a week or two before scheduling her surgery. I haven't told her I'm leaving yet, and I dread doing it.
Kevin Betts, Gage's brother, went through a rough period while he wrestled with rejecting the scholarship from the San Francisco Art Institute. I don't know who it was harder onâhim or me. In the end, all I did was give him false hope. He was born with the understanding that he would be a farmer. It's tied to duty and family and responsibility and it's part of what makes me an outsider. I simply and truly don't understand. For Kevin's sake, I wish I did.
No, I'm sorry I can't tell you what happened in Bismarck. Perhaps one day, but not right now. It was a misunderstanding and a painful lesson. Another incident proving that if I lived here for the next fifty years, I still wouldn't think the same way these people do. I didn't realize one had to be born in the Dakotas to be accepted.
Several of the friends I've made here have tried to get me to change my mind. That's what made deciding to leave so damned difficult. If Gage had said one word, one small word, I would have stayed, gladly signed my name to the contract for another year. His silence said it all.
If I sound miserable, it's because I am.
The last day of school is May 29th, and Joshua McKenna told me he's been in touch with two women who are interested in the teaching position. He hugged me and said how grateful he was that I filled in during this transition time. Anyway, back to the 29th. I'll have everything packed up and ready to go. My dad's flying out and we'll caravan it back to Georgia the same way as I arrived last summer. A little older and a whole lot wiser.
I'll see you soon.
Love,
Lindsay
Rachel sat in the middle of a stack of boxes in Lindsay's living room. Both dogs were asleep by the fireplace, as though life was completely unchanged.
“I can't believe you're actually going to leave,” Rachel complained. “We were only getting to know you.”
The outcry that had come when her students learned she wouldn't be returning had been a balm to her badly injured pride. Almost every family had voiced regret. Even Marta Hansen, after her cruel and heartless comment, had said she was sorry to see her go.
As she'd told Maddy, the one person who hadn't asked her to stay was Gage. Without saying a word, he'd been the one who'd made it plain she should go.
That willful, stubborn farmer had stood by and said nothing.
She really had a talent, Lindsay thought sardonically, a gift for falling in love with the wrong man. First Monte and now Gage. She'd taken all the lessons she wanted to learn on the care and upkeep of a broken heart. She'd survived the last time around, and she would again. But it wouldn't be easy.
“Sarah wanted me to thank you for everything you did for Calla,” Rachel told her. “She said that for the first time in her life Calla thought school was fun.” Impulsively the two women hugged, and Lindsay went out to the porch and watched her friend walk away. It saddened her that Rachel had been the one to tell her that and not Sarah.
The months had flown by so quickly, far too quickly. Had she stayed, Lindsay liked to think she might have become good friends, not only with Rachel but with Sarah Stern and the others.
Her father's plane was landing in Grand Forks the following morning and Dennis Urlacher had volunteered to meet his flight, then help him arrange for the moving van. The high-school students were throwing her a party that night and then early the next morning, after stopping by the nursing home, Lindsay and her father would head back to Savannah.
It all seemed straightforward. Decided. But she didn't know how she was going to leave Buffalo Valley and do it with a smile. Not when her heart ached and she had so many regrets.
Â
Gage knew very well that it was Lindsay's car that had passed the country road bordering his land. He sat on the tractor, the tiller churning up the dark, rich earth in preparation for flax, beans and millet.
He stared straight ahead, not wanting to look, pretending it didn't matter. Her leaving was for the best. He'd told himself that so often, he almost believed it. The choice to stay or go had been up to her, and she'd come to her decision without any help from him.
From what Kevin had said, he knew that Lindsay was driving out first thing tomorrow morning. Her father was flying in later today. Apparently she was coming to make her farewells. Anger whirled inside him. He wished to hell she'd just go and be done with it. All she'd done since she got here was stir up trouble. She delved into issues that were none of her concern, got involved with other people's business that was better left alone. He thought about his grandfather and what he'd learned about the man he barely remembered. Gage had a new respect for Jerome Sinclair, but he wondered how his grandfather would have reacted to having his secret revealed. Then there was the matter of Kevin.
With these thoughts came others, flooding into his mind, saturating his memory. The feelings of pride and community Lindsay had restored to Buffalo Valley. The Christmas play that had brought ranchers and farmers together for a celebration of the season. She'd organized a dance that was the closest thing to a prom these teenagers were likely to get. And there was the graduation ceremony held at the theater only a few days earlier. A high-school graduating class of four. And the quarterly school newspaper. The yearbook, complete with photos.
What Lindsay had done for Buffalo Valley was one thing, but how she'd touched
him
was another. Almost from the moment they'd met, he'd tried to push her out of his mind. He recalled the first time they'd kissed and how his heart had nearly leaped from his body. He'd known then what was going to happen and been powerless to stop it.
Throughout the school year he'd been cautious, careful. He hadn't wanted to fall in love with Lindsay Snyderâbut he had. The irony of their grandparents' situation didn't escape him. His grandfather had denied his heart out of love for Gina. It couldn't have been easy, no easier than it was for him to let Lindsay walk out of his life. There'd been no other honorable choice for Jerome, but for Gageâ
All at once, he knew. He couldn't do it, couldn't stand by and let her return to Savannah. The instant he saw her car, he knew for a fact that if he let her leave, he would regret it the rest of his life.
She was the window that allowed the light into his world.
With a sense of urgency, he shifted gears, and the tractor belched thick black smoke. He was fifteen minutes from the house, and he raced across tilled, planted land, criss-crossing rows, afraid he'd be too late.
When the farmhouse came into view, he knew he'd arrived in the nick of time. The tractor roared toward the barn. He cut the engine and with one powerful bound, jumped down.
Lindsay stood next to her car, and her gaze held him prisoner. He kept his eyes on her as he approached.
“Lindsay came to say goodbye,” his mother told him sadly.
He was about to tell his mother he was sure she had something in the kitchen that needed tending, but before he could say a word, Kevin appeared.
He was in one hell of a hurry, judging by the way he barrelled into the yard, tires spewing loose dirt like rooster tails. He sprang down from the cab and raced toward Gage.
“You aren't going to let her go, are you?”
“Iâ”
“Dennis Urlacher just phoned Sarah Stern, and Calla told me it isn't Lindsay's father who's going to drive her home.”
“My father wasn't on the flight?” Lindsay turned toward Kevin.
“Well, yeah, he was.” The boy looked over his shoulder, then back at Gage. “But there's also some guy named Monte who claims he's going to marry Lindsay.”
Gage's jaw tightened. “You're getting married?” he demanded, the shock of it making his voice gruff. He wanted it understood right now that he wasn't going to politely step aside.
Lindsay blinked. She seemed to be in as much shock as Gage himself. “No, of course not⦔ She glanced out over the fields at the crazy zigzag way he'd crossed the plowed rows. “You were coming for me?”
“Before Gage answers that, I'd like to talk to all of you,” Kevin said, standing to his full height and meeting their eyes.
“I want to answer her,” Gage said, his heart burning with the need to tell Lindsay he loved her.
“In a minute, Gage,” Kevin said forcefully. “All right?”
Gage studied his half brother and saw that whatever he had to say was important. “All right,” he agreed.
Kevin thanked him with a courteous nod. “Miss Snyder, first off, I don't mean any disrespect, but I know you don't want to leave Buffalo Valley.”
“Kevin⦔ she began.
“Please, if you'd just let me finish.” He turned to Gage and for the first time, he had the face of a man, strong and determined. “And you, big brother, don't want her to go, either.”