Damaged (6 page)

The next month and a half was spent in a blur of press conferences and police interviews. I’d given them everything I’d had on Brett and they assured me it was enough. Unfortunately there were a lot of people willing to lie for him. The police knew they were lying but they couldn’t prove it yet. We’d convinced the judge not to let Brett out of jail, but the more holes the defense punched in our case, the bigger the risk of him getting free and coming after me.

I was constantly on edge. The only relief I got was from going out on the weekends and letting lose. I may have gone overboard with the partying but I was so lost and I needed to pretend that everything was fine. I met a guy at a sex club I’d discovered. We weren’t serious and never would be, but he was sexy and helped me forget.

I couldn’t go to Jackson even though I longed to. I knew that I could depend on him but I wanted to do this alone. I had to prove to myself that I could do this. I needed to be strong again. I tried not to think about how he felt when my sobbing face had been blasted in every newspaper, magazine and television. He’d tried to contact me several times but I ignored him. I wasn’t sure what he thought of that but I knew that seeing him would break me. I was hanging on by a thread and the slightest bit of additional pressure would make me fall apart. Jackson was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I made him my goal. At the end of this we would have a chance to explore what a relationship would be like. Even if it didn’t work out, I would have that time to think of when I needed a reminder that I was a sexual being capable of more than just going through the motions.

I’d had a little more time to come to grips with everything but that didn’t make it any easier. Some days it was all I could do to get dressed and other days I was fine. I never knew when something would hit me and cause me to break down. I felt like someone died. I was in mourning and it was hard to deal with the aftermath. I didn’t know that it would be this hard. I thought that all I needed to do was get Brett in jail and everything would be fine. It’s not fine though. The defense keeps finding people to alibi Brett and lie for him. I worry about someone coming after me when I walk around downtown. Some people treat me like public enemy number one and some people treat me like I’m fragile and in need of help for the simplest things.

Everyday, despite my begging, the sun rose and the world still turned. I wished that I could take a break. I needed rest and peace, but it never came. I dug deep and searched hard inside myself for the will to keep going. I’d let myself wallow a little too long. I needed to find the strength to do battle again. It wasn’t enough anymore to just do things by half. I needed to throw myself into this fight or there was  a good chance I would lose.

I couldn’t do the investigating but I could do a little research through Brett’s things and the calender we kept. If I could help catch some of the lies it would make the defense look desperate. I searched through my phone’s memory and thanked the phone gods that there were so many messages stored. It took a while to dig through it all but I found a few things that could help. I set out to the police station with a new sense of purpose and determination. I was doing this for myself. I was doing this to show other women that strength was a good thing. I was doing this because someone out there needed to see that it was possible to win against someone so determined to beat you down.

I wanted to set a new goal. I was going to help other women out there who were still going through what I did. I wanted to be an advocate for the belittled and downtrodden. I wanted something to look forward to. I was ready to have a purpose again. From now on, my life isn’t just about taking down Brett, it’s also about taking down other men just like him. I had a degree in psychology and I was going to use it, dammit! I was not the little wifey anymore. No more pearls, and skirt suits. It was time to put on the fucking pants and take out the trash of the world.

Chapter Ten

In my spare time I started working for a women’s center. I counseled women who were in abusive relationships and had run away. I talked to mothers, daughter’s, nieces, and grandmother’s. There were so many women who just needed someone to talk to. They needed someone to tell them that it was OK to get help. It was OK to get away from a bad situation. I felt so bad for the one’s who were left with nothing when they left husbands who abused them.

I was lucky enough to have my own money that I’d inherited from my parents. It was tragic to go through their loss as a teenager in college but it meant I wasn’t desperate and I could be my own advocate.

I stopped my downward spiral and didn’t go back to the sex club. It was kind of fun to experiment but I knew that Jackson was waiting for me and I didn’t need to have kinky sex with someone that didn’t matter. I started responding to his texts and we’d formed more of a friendship than we’d had before. Our first conversation since the night I called him was pretty intense.

Jackson: I know you won’t answer me but I still feel the need to let you know that I am thinking about you.

Me: I think about you too.

Jackson: I didn’t think you were ever going to answer me.

Me: I’m sorry. I just needed time.

Jackson: I could have been there for you. You don’t have to do everything alone.

Me: I needed to know that I was strong.

Jackson: Relying on someone else doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Me: I know. But I had to realize that on my own. I needed to know that I wanted to be with you for the right reasons.

Jackson: It was so hard to see you like that over and over again. Every where I looked there was a picture of you looken beaten and alone.

Me: I needed to make sure that everyone saw. I need everyone to be on my side.

Jackson: Well, I think you’ve accomplished that goal. Brett is the most hated man in America.

Me: It’s nice to have so much support. I always knew that you were there if I needed you and I appreciate you keeping your distance.

Jackson: I just had to make sure I was just out of sight, and not out of mind.

Me: You were never far from my thoughts.

Jackson: Or you from mine.

It almost seemed a little too easy that Jackson was so perfect. He wanted me and was willing to wait for me to get my shit together.  I knew that a relationship with him wouldn’t be easy or simple, but I hoped it would be worth it. He was dangerous and I saw a lot of parallels to Brett and the life he’d turned to that got him landed in jail. I didn’t judge him for the decisions he made but I worried that I was jumping out of the pan and into the fire.

Chapter Eleven

I was awakened Thursday with the terrifying news that Brett had been released the night before. I was worried what that would mean for me. I couldn’t believe the police had waited so long to call me. He was in hiding by now, for sure.

Me: He’s out, Jack. He’s going to come after me, I just know it.

Jackson: I’m coming over.

Me: You can’t. You know the press will be parked outside all day anticipating some new drama. They can’t know we’re connected.

Jackson: I’ll send over one of my guys. No one will ever know he is there.

It was such a relief to know that I had Jack and could count on him. I wasn’t completely comfortable with Jackson’s business and all of the unknowns that went along with it, but I couldn’t deny that knowing he had guys that could handle Brett, or anyone he sent after me, helped calm me down.

I’d hoped the day wouldn’t come, but I had a feeling that Brett would be released. There was only so much the police could do when the defense was so determined and had the kind of resources that legal routes didn’t. I wasn’t sure what they’d done or said to get him out but I had a feeling it wasn’t good for the case against him.

I went about my day as normally as possible. I was scheduled to meet with the director of the women’s shelter about organizing a charity event. I had so many ideas and I was thrilled to be involved. I’d gone to enough society events to know more than a fair share about parties. Everywhere I went I was surrounded by reporters just waiting for a story. I guessed even they knew that Brett would probably try to come after me. They yelled and hounded me trying to get me to make a statement for their news segments. I understood that they had a job to do, but they were such a pain in my ass. The reporters ensured that wherever Brett was, if he had TV or a newspaper he could find out where I was.

While I was eating dinner with a few women from work, I saw the majority of the reporters all scatter. Something was drawing them away from me and I hoped that meant that I would be left alone for the rest of the night. I texted Jackson when I got in my car and told him that I was headed home. He didn’t respond but I knew that he had a business dinner and was busy.

I pulled up to the house and looked up at it. The porch light was on and the neighborhood looked quiet. I took a round about route home and lost the remaining reporters and I knew it would take them a minute to figure out that I’d most likely just gone home. I was chuckling when I unlocked my door and walked inside.

I flipped the switch by the door and frowned when the light didn’t come on. I kicked off my heels and walked into the living room, feeling the hairs on my arms and neck prickle. I wasn’t alone. I discretely put my keys between my fingers, remembering a self defense class I took in college. I walked to the lamp and clicked it on, only slightly surprised when the lights illuminated the intruder.

“Everyone knows that this is the first place you’d go. Not very smart, Brett. You’re violating the restraining order.” I tried to keep my voice firm and calm. He didn’t need to know that I was terrified.

“It’s my fucking house. I can go anywhere I dam well please.” He shifted in the chair, and leaned forward. He looked dangerous with his face mostly in the shadows. I wasn’t sure if he had a weapon but I didn’t want to find out.

“What do you want?” I asked him. He was looking around the room and I used his distraction to slip my hand into my pocket. I slid my finger across the screen of my phone and unlocked it. I’d spent a lot of time using my phone and I was hopeful that I could call someone without looking at the screen. I didn’t want him to know what I was doing.

“What do I want? You got me put in jail. I could go to prison. You had to stick your nose in my business where it didn’t belong. I thought you were just a stupid bitch but you fooled me. I don’t know how you got all that shit on me but my lawyer is going to get me off.” He didn’t sound very confident but I nodded. I didn’t need to anger him. I just needed to stall him so whoever I called had time to get the police.

“You beat me. I couldn’t stay here with you anymore. I made a rash decision to go to the police and I’m sorry but I was so hurt and upset. I never thought you would hurt me.” I tried to appeal to him, hoping that there was something decent inside of him still.

“I wouldn’t have hurt you if you hadn’t cheated on me with him. Since that dinner he’s been going after all of the guys I make deals with and turning them against me. I got desperate and I went to someone even Jackson Hart knows to be afraid of. He made me prove my loyalty, and when I did he gave me jobs to do. How was I supposed to know that you were a nosy bitch. You don’t know even half of what I’ve done but I can’t fucking believe that you had proof of any of it. How did you get it?”

I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t figured it out yet. It was almost laughable.

“You really don’t know?” I laughed. “It was so easy. You never covered your tracks. You had bloodstains on your shoes. You left large amounts of cash in your desk drawers. Once I figured out that you were doing things that were illegal it was easy to find out details. You were arrogant to assume that I would ignore the signs. And once an inkling about it, I knew exactly who to ask to help me.”

“Fucking Jackson Hart. I should have known. I was taking away some of his business, of course he’d come after me through you. I bet you think he loves you, too. He’s using you. He wants his turf back, he doesn’t give a shit about you. Why would he? You’re a lousy fuck.”

“I’m a lousy fuck? You barely last ten minutes. All I had to do was fake an orgasm and moan like a porn star and you’d shoot off, so proud of your accomplishment.”

He jumped out of the chair and was across the room before I could react. He shoved me into the wall and shoved his face into mine.

“I’ll show you a good fuck.” He said groping at my clothes. He ripped my shirt and shoved it down to my waist. “When I’m done with you, you’ll wish that you’d never gone to the police. I’m going to fuck you and then I’m going to kill you. When I drop your dead body into the ocean, no one will ever find it and I’ll never see a day of jail time.”

I was trembling and gasping for breath. By the time the police got here, I’d be raped and possibly dead. I wouldn’t let him rape me, no matter what I refused to let him have that victory over me. Maybe he’d kill me in the struggle but I had to fight.

When he was preoccupied trying to get my pants off, I used his distraction to grab the statue on the table next to us and hit him over the head. He screamed and covered his head, giving me a chance to get out of his reach. I ran to the hallway and towards the front door. I guess I assumed that he’d be down for longer because I’d only just gotten my hand on the nob and my phone in my hand when he tackled me. I screamed as loudly as I could hoping that someone would hear all the noise and come to help. It was a long shot but I had to do everything I could for the chance to live.

He started punching me and kicking my face and every blow was agony. He was yelling and cursing me with every kick. I tried to curl into myself to protect my ribs and stomach. He was so lost in his anger that he didn’t care what he was kicking, he just wanted me to hurt. I was crying and screaming and making noise but it was hard to breath through the pain he was inflicting. I tried to move through the pain and get to him to do some damage but he was stronger than me. He lifted me up and threw me into the stairs. I felt something in my arm snap and my vision began to fade. The pain was overwhelming and I prayed to lose consciousness. I didn’t want to die this way, feeling every punch and kick. He yanked me by my hair and pulled me level with his face.

“You are going to stay awake for every second of this. You’ll pray that I just let you die and I won’t do it. You deserve to suffer after all the problems you’ve caused me.”

I was almost ready to beg. I had blood dripping into my eyes and I knew that my arm was broken. My ribs felt bruised, possible fractured. Any moment he could cause my lungs to puncture. I’d only thought I was beaten before.

His hands wrapped around my throat and he squeezed, he held on long enough that my vision grayed and I started passing out from lack of oxygen. Right when I started to lost consciousness he let go, leaving me gasping for breath and sobbing.

He was grinning down at me savagely, eyes glittering with excitement when the door burst open. Men in suits with guns, lead by Jackson, yelled at Brett.

“Don’t fucking move you asshole.” Jackson said his voice quiet but full of intent.

Brett grinned savagely at Jackson and then brought his foot down on my broken arm. I screamed in pain and everything faded out. I heard a single gunshot and then I gave myself over to the welcoming darkness and freedom from pain.