Damaged and the Beast (17 page)

Soon, Jodi joined me and lit a cigarette. I glanced at her and smiled as she watched me with those bright blue eyes.

“You’re eighteen, right?” she asked, exhaling a ring of smoke.

Nodding, I felt small under her gaze. Even knowing I had mother issues didn’t prepare me for the stress of having a mom dissect me with her eyes.

“I was sixteen when I met Kirk. He was forty two. People told me it wouldn’t last. People told me when I got pregnant with Cooper how I’d end up dumped in a trailer park and never see Kirk again. People don’t know shit though. You’d be best to ignore them when they give you advice.”

With the way the locals feared the Johansson family, I doubted I would ever get negative advice about the relationship. Yet, I nodded anyway.

“Boys like Cooper come in two sizes. One is like his pop. He probably fucked every woman in the state and couldn’t find a single one who interested him. He just didn’t have it in him yet to settle down. By the time he met me, he had a need no easy fuck could satisfy. Kirk grew into commitment. Some say he got too old to fuck, but trust me he hasn’t slowed down any.”

Jodi and I shared a smile.

“Then, there are guys like my boy. He isn’t ready to be committed. He needs time and to fuck everything that walks past him. Instead, he found you. Now, he can’t let that feeling go. Sometimes, a man grows into an ability to love. Sometimes, they just wake up one day in love whether they’ve grown enough or not. Cooper hasn’t grown shit, but he’s in love. He doesn’t know it yet because he’s an idiot. Men his age are all idiots, but Cooper’s especially stupid. Mostly because he’s the smart one in the family. It makes him think he doesn’t have to think. He just assumes he has all the answers. With you, he doesn’t because he’s not ready for you. He thinks he is, so he’s going to fuck up all over the place. You best prepare yourself for that.”

“We just met,” was my idiot reply.

“Every time you two butt heads, he comes whining to me. His pop tells him to fuck someone else and it’ll be fine. I know though. I saw the stupid in Kirk’s eyes when he realized he was in love and wasn’t walking away. Cooper’s got that stupid look now, but he’s too stupid to understand. He just wants what he wants. When it ain’t easy, he gets pissed. Then, he whines about how getting pissed didn’t fix anything. Then, he wants to dump you and move on. Then, he realizes he can’t because he needs you. Then, he figures he’ll make things happen like he always does. When it doesn’t work immediately, he’s pissed again. The fucker is in a downward spiral, but he’s a good boy and will eventually figure things out.”

In those last few minutes, Jodi said more to me than my mother had in the last two weeks. I felt an odd need to impress this woman. Maybe not so odd since my need for a mom was why I grabbed onto Mrs. Prescott so tightly. She was everything Amy wasn’t.

Now, Jodi was sharing with me. Before I could get too comfortable with the idea of bonding with her, she continued, “My boy deserves the best. I don’t know that you’re good enough, but you’re what he wants. If he can’t have the best, he deserves to have what his heart needs. You better be kind to my boy because I’d hate to go mama bear on you.”

Jodi smiled like she was kidding, but I knew she wasn’t. I didn’t know much about the Johansson family, but I knew they caused scary people to get out of the way. Like those guys at the party who roofied Bailey and I never saw again. It was a small college and I’d seen one of them every day at school before the incident. Afterwards, he was just gone. People who could make that happen would have no problem disappearing me too.

“I understand,” I said.

“You’re a smart girl. Coop says you want to be a teacher. That’s a nice job for a young woman. Then, when you give me grandbabies, you can stay home and teach them.”

Nodding, I glanced at Cooper who had Tucker in a headlock. The brothers were both eating hot dogs, but Cooper wouldn’t let Tucker go. Yet, his younger brother didn’t even care. He was too busy flirting with Maddy who had a bad case of the giggles. I think she liked seeing him in the headlock, but would never admit that fact. I didn’t blame her. The Johanssons were a scary family.

Once Jodi left to turn on a Heart CD before joining Kirk at the grill, Cooper finally dumped Tucker next to Maddy. He strolled to me with a hotdog covered in ketchup, mustard, and relish.

“Is someone hungry?” he teased, pressing the hot dog against my lips.

“Thank you.”

Cooper stepped close enough for me to lean against and I did because his mom had scared the shit out of me. What happened if Cooper and I had a fight? What if I didn’t put out? Anything could happen to me and who would even care?

“Did she threaten you?” Cooper whispered in my ear as his arms wrapped around me.

“No.”

“Really?” he said, smiling. “I thought she loved me?”

“I’m doing my best.”

Cooper’s smile disappeared. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t upset you on purpose,” I lied.

“She’s teasing you, Farah. Or maybe not, but she just wants me to get what I want.”

“Maybe we should, you know?” I asked, biting into the hot dog even though my stomach churned full of anxiety.

“Should what?” Cooper asked, taking the burger Bailey handed him.

“You know?” I whispered. “Go to your apartment and be together.”

“Oh, yeah, we’re already doing that.”

Frowning, I felt overwhelmed. I also felt lonely. Everyone knew their place and I was the outsider.
Always the outsider.

Cooper leaned down and whispered, “Wait, did you mean sex?” Grinning at me, he shook his head. “Sorry, but I’m not emotionally in the right place for that. You’ll have to fix your pants problem yourself.”

Even on edge, I laughed because he could be so silly when in the right mood. Cooper took my hand and pulled me to the stairs where we sat on a step and ate our food. Twice, he left then returned with burgers and drinks. I was beyond stuffed by the time we finished eating.

Feeling comfortable enough to be a little daring, I leaned my head against Cooper’s shoulder. He smiled at me then glanced back at his noisy family. When his gaze returned to my face, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

We sat quietly for a while, watching the dogs. Soon, Cooper told me about each dog and how he learned to train them from his uncle Vic. He said he liked Rottweilers, but his favorite dog was a mutt named Rafe. When he wasn’t being loud or horny, Cooper seemed just like any guy. Approachable and safe. Like Nick maybe, but Cooper was mine for now.

After the food settled, we walked hand and hand down the stairs of the deck and out towards the river. It wasn’t a long walk, but we needed to take a winding staircase on the side of a hill. I didn’t know how someone could have built it, but I’d never had an eye for those things. I just followed Cooper who paced his movements so I could keep up. When we arrived at a deck overlooking the river, Cooper let go of my hand and stretched.

“The river’s current is slow as shit. No one gets pulled down stream. No one has ever drowned.”

“I could be the first,” I muttered.

“You’re such a nerd,” he said, caressing my hair. “A hot as hell nerd.”

“So we walk down to the water and swim?” I asked, feeling uncertain about how to gracefully swim with living things floating around.

“No, you jump!” Bailey screamed from behind me. Shoving me forward, she started laughing. I staggered towards the edge and knew the momentum would take me over. Cooper caught me and pulled me back against him.

“Damn it, Bailey!” Cooper yelled. “You can’t shove her in like that. She’s scared.”

“That’s how you taught me to swim.”

“If you want revenge, you push me, not her.”

“Whatever,” Bailey said, rolling her eyes as she ran off the end of the deck and disappeared into the water.

Cooper grunted. “She’s feeling really fucking insecure today. I think Skye having a guy is making her into a bitch.”

“Thanks for not letting me fall.”

“You want to try jumping?” he asked, tugging me closer to the side. “It’s not a long drop and the water is deep. You won’t get hurt. Uncle Cylas is a huge guy and he jumps off all the time without a problem.”

I stared down at the water where Bailey swam around casually. When she glanced up at me, I waved as if I wasn’t irritated with her for being a competitive bitch. Frowning, she waved back. Then, her frown eased and she smiled.

“You’re good with her,” Cooper said, smacking a mosquito on his arm.

“She just wants to feel special. Most people do.”

“Don’t you?” he asked, kissing the top of my head.

“No, I just want to be average. Normal.”

Cooper said nothing and I glanced up to find his expression cranky.

“Average is shit,” he finally said. “Why be normal when you can be more?”

“I want to dream of something I can actually get.”

“You’re gorgeous, hard working, hot, smart, and sexy. You have a lot going for you. You’re patient too.”

Smiling at his compliments, I was still nervous. “Can I ask a stupid question without you making fun of me?”

“Sure.”

“Does it hurt when you hit the water?” I asked, looking down at the river.

“No, baby, it doesn’t,” he said softly, taking my hand. “Want to jump together? I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

Smiling, I looked at the water again. “New things scare me. It’s stupid, but I’m afraid to jump.”

“I promise I’ll keep you safe. Do you trust me?”

Nodding, I felt like I might cry. All the anxiety from the day rushed up at this exact moment. The part of me that wanted to be safe said not to jump. Don’t take chances. I could get hurt. Depending on Cooper was a mistake and he might fail me. What if I drowned and no one was there to help Tawny get away from those shit motels in the middle of nowhere? Don’t jump, my brain screamed.

Tightening my grip on his hand, I swallowed hard. “Don’t let me drown.”

“You’ve swam before, right?”

“In pools.”

“I won’t let go.”

We walked to the very edge and I stared at the water. It felt too far down. The impact was bound to hurt. I was too scared. In the distance, I heard Tucker whooping it up and knew he was on his way down. If he got there and was too loud, I’d chicken out.

“I’m ready,” I said, looking up at Cooper.

He smiled softly as his dark eyes studied my face. “Let’s break down another wall, baby.”

We stepped off and I panicked immediately. I even tried to brace my fall, but Cooper held my hand as we dropped into the warm dark water. The lack of light scared me again, but I felt Cooper pulling me back to the surface. Kicking my legs, I held onto him.

Cooper never let go. Not when we fell or when we kicked our way to the surface or even as we floated on the peaceful water. He held on and I was safe.

Smiling at him, I glanced up at the deck. It didn’t seem like such a big deal now, but I would have bailed if not for Cooper.

“Thank you,” I said as he grabbed the inner tube Tucker threw down.

“I’ll never let you go,” he told me.

Soon, as we floated, I leaned over to kiss him. Cooper wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me closer. The kiss deepened and I nearly let go of the inner tube. Cooper kept me afloat though. When his lips left mine, we just watched each other while floating on the lazy waters. After a long few minutes passed, I faced away from him.

“I really like you,” I said, leaning my head on the tube and still looking away.

“Why do you sound sad?”

“I didn’t expect to meet anyone right away. I wasn’t really ready.”

Cooper tapped my shoulder so I would look at him. When I finally did, he frowned. “Why do you need to be ready?”

“I just need to prepare for things. It’s how I stay comfortable with life.”

Cooper leaned his forehead against mine as we floated into deeper water.

“There’s no preparing for me,” he said then grinned. “I don’t even know what I’m doing from minute to minute. Could be worse though. I could be Tucker.”

Smiling, I glanced up at his brother who was preparing to cannonball into the water. Maddy didn’t want to jump though and they were having a minor tiff. When I looked back at Cooper, I found him watching me in a weird way.

“I forget how you had nothing growing up and every little good thing is a big deal. I need to remember that.”

“Today is a really good thing,” I said, blinking away the stupid tears. “It’s unexpected is all. Moving here was so big for me then I met you and it’s a lot.”

“I’ll be patient,” he nearly whispered. “I really want you, Farah. I also really want you to want me. I’m starting to get the hang of being with you.”

“Maybe I’m too much effort?”

“No fucking way. It’s just I normally get what I want five seconds after I want it. This is new and I need to adjust. You’re worth adjusting for.”

I held onto the tube with one arm then reached out and caressed his face. Tracing his lips, I couldn’t believe how beautiful he looked under the late summer sun.