Damaged and the Cobra (2 page)

Her name was Lark and she was my muse. From the day
I met her at the wedding rehearsal, I couldn’t stop thinking of her beautiful
face. I was forever drawing her, sketching her, and even tattooing her. How
many people in Ellsberg were walking around with tattoos of Lark’s face?
Whenever a client didn’t bring a specific image in and a woman’s face was
involved, I used Lark’s. Hell, I hadn’t even noticed this fact until two happy
clients showed off their tattoos and I realized the pinup girl and fairy
princess had the same face.

Every night, I sketched or painted her. As the
weeks passed after Cooper’s wedding, I accumulated a collection of Lark
artwork. I just couldn’t stop thinking of that face.

Waiting to play golf with Mom and Dad at the
country club, I sketched Lark’s sweet smile into a napkin. Around me, the
members at the club talked business and retirement funds and other crap. Dad
was bullshitting with his friends about a bass he caught. My mother was
watching me though.

“Do you have a new girlfriend?” Mom asked, taking
the napkin. “She looks familiar.”

“She was a bridesmaid at Cooper’s wedding.”

“The little one with the wispy hair.”

“Yeah. Her name is Lark.”

An elegant woman in her seventies, Maryann Barnes
loved her life and this happiness showed in all of her easy smiles. However, at
that moment, my mom grinned in the way moms grinned when feeling nosy.

“Tell me about her. How long have you two been
seeing each other?”

Studying the napkin, I admitted what a man wouldn’t
admit to anyone besides his mom.

“We’re not dating. We’ve barely spoken.”

“Why? Does she have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t think so. I’ve tried to find a way to talk
to her since, but fate keeps fucking it up. Like every time she’ll be hanging
with Coop and Farah, I can’t get out of a job. I went to her work twice to talk
to her, but each time she was on break and I ended up with another waitress.
It’s like fate is keeping us apart. I know that sounds stupid.”

“Which part? Where you’re afraid to just go up to
Lark and ask her out? Or how you think fate is out to get you?”

Sharing my mother’s grin, I shrugged. “Both. I
don’t want to force things because if she’s not interested then it’ll be awkward
when I see her at Coop’s.”

“If this girl is special, you can’t let a little
thing like fate stand in the way.”

“Fate, huh?” Dad said, appearing next to the table
to sip his orange juice. “Fate only controls the weak, son. You know how I
became successful?”

“You were willing to lie, cheat, and steal.”

My parents smiled then Dad put on his philosophical
face. “I wouldn’t allow fate to make my life for me. When fate stood in the
way, I shoved it aside and took what I wanted. You need to do that with this
girl. Can’t let fate push you around.”

Smiling up at Dick Barnes, I couldn’t deny he built
a good life for our family. He worked hard, made smart decisions, and never
allowed fate to call the shots. I also couldn’t deny he found a great woman
with my mother. She was the dreamer who kept Dad from losing himself to the
job. Mom was his muse.

“I’ll take another stab at talking to her.”

“If you can’t find a way, get Cooper to do it. You
know how he loves controlling things. I’m sure he’ll want to help.”

“True, but once he starts meddling, he won’t stop.
I don’t need him giving me pointers for the rest of my relationship with Lark.”

“Lark,” my mother said, testing out the name. “She
had such a sweet smile. I could look at that smile for the rest of my life.
Yes, go kick fate in the balls and get me a daughter.”

“You have a daughter.”

“A new one, I meant. Preferably one who likes to
visit more than Anna.”

Grinning at the thought of my alpha chick sister, I
finished my juice and stood up. “I’ll focus on a first date then worry about
getting you a more compliant daughter.”

Dad chuckled then turned to the last member of our
golfing party. Graham was like a shrunken version of my dad. Also unlike Dad,
he had a habit of blurting crap out.

“I heard a majority of white males in prison have
tattoos,” Graham announced while studying the cobra tat running up my neck.

“What’s your fucking point?” I growled down at him.
When Graham shrunk under my tone, I grinned. “Just kidding, man. Plenty of my
white clients are criminals too, but they’re just people.”

“My brother cheats on his taxes,” Graham blurted
out.

“Who doesn’t?” Dad said, taking my mother’s hand as
they started for the cart.

I grinned at Graham who smiled back. There were
moments in life when I wondered how someone managed to survive with a lack of
social skills. Staring down at Graham, I was having one of those moments.
Fortunately, he spouted stupid in front of me rather than those criminal
clients of mine.

Larry had only been my stepfather since I was
fifteen. He was the latest in a long line of losers. While the richest and most
stable of the bunch, he was still a jerk. Yet, my mom adored him.

Blonde, blue eyed, and fit, Margo was an attractive
woman who never had trouble finding a man. She had trouble attracting nice ones
though. One drunk after another gambler, she was always in a bad relationship
or between one. My dad was a criminal. Raven’s dad too. Phoenix’s dad had been
married and tried to shoot my mom when she wouldn’t have an abortion. This
attempt on her life was why she came back to Ellsberg. It wasn’t enough to make
her change her bad taste in men though. Another loser came along then another.
Eventually, we ended up with Larry.

They had a strange relationship. She was his
submissive in every way. He told her what to wear, how much she was supposed to
weigh, and who she could talk to. He controlled her every waking moment. If she
deviated from the schedule he set, she was punished in various ways from
withholding affection and food to ignoring her to spankings.

Their relationship horrified me, but I saw how much
my mom loved the whole thing. Not just Larry, but his need to control her. She
thought it meant she was special. I thought it meant he was a freak and she
needed therapy. I never said anything though because I didn’t make waves. I was
the middle child and we just kept our heads down. At least, that was what I
read once and it did fit me.

Raven was the oldest and she didn’t keep her head
down. In a rage, she was like a bull storming through a China shop. In our roller derby team, she was known as the Chicknado because she would skate
into a crowd of girls and send them flying.

When Larry came into our life, Raven did try to
make the best of the situation. We lived in a nice house and were able to share
a car with our mom. Going hungry was never a concern and Larry wasn’t a
drinker, druggie, or gambler. He just wanted to tell us how to think.

Raven dodged the old man most of the time.
Everything might have worked out, but Larry heard one of his girls was running
the street with a loser. He decided his son Dylan would tail Raven everywhere
to make sure she behaved.

My stepbrother had a mohawk and tats. He looked
scary, but Raven feared no man. Even if she did, my sister would react in
violence to any challenge. She squared off against Dylan and they beat the crap
out of each other. After she and Dylan left the hospital, Larry gave her an ultimatum.
Behave or get out.

Raven responded by listing off everything she hated
about him. Larry’s reaction was to threaten her with violence, maybe thinking
she was still weak from the fight with Dylan. My stepbrother laughed when Larry
threatened Raven. If he couldn’t take her down, his old man wasn’t going to do
it.

Never willing to stand down, Raven threatened Larry
with violence right back. Realizing she would actually hit him, he called the
police and Raven left town with her stoner boyfriend Dexter.

Without Raven, I was alone with the two Clark men and my indifferent mother. Moving out wasn’t an option though. I couldn’t afford
school plus rent, utilities, and food. Larry knew this fact and often held
school over my head. If I didn’t behave, he would threaten to kick me out. I
needed to get an education so I could support myself one day and never depend
on some fucker like him. Depend on any of the kind of men my mom loved over the
years.

After Raven left, Larry cracked down on my privileges.
After I became friends with the Johanssons, he cracked down even more. I wasn’t
allowed to drive or take the bus. I wasn’t allowed to go out on the weekends. I
wasn’t allowed to do anything except work and study. If I wanted to be around
my friends, I needed Dylan to come along. The night I bowled with the crew, he
sat in the corner and stared at me. I pretended not to notice and no one else
seemed to notice either. Cooper likely would have said something if he knew my
brother was babysitting me.

Dylan claimed he wasn’t my brother. He didn’t see
us that way. I pretended not to understand. So far, my lies kept him at arm’s
length. One day on the phone, Raven warned me Dylan wouldn’t wait forever. When
he decided to stop waiting, I needed to decide how far I would go to say no.

This thought was on my mind as I sat for another tense
dinner with the family.

Sporting dyed black hair and a fake tan, Larry sat
at one end of the long table with Mom at the other. Dylan sat across from me
and he often looked up to stare. I pretended not to notice. For most of my
life, I’d pretended one thing or another. The only time I could really be me
was with Raven especially during roller derby. I’d been called Thunder Kitten
because I looked harmless like a kitten, yet could startle my opponents like a
crack of thunder.

Despite my former tough girl stance, I was Larry’s
bitch now. When he told me the pink and blue tips in my hair were ridiculous, I
dyed them out. When he said my hair was too short and spiky, I let it grow. If
I didn’t bow to his will, he would kick me out of the house and I would lose
out on college.

I wasn’t even aiming for a bachelor degree anymore.
At that rate, I would live under Larry’s thumb for a decade. I just wanted an associate’s
degree then get the fuck out of his house with all of its bear figures staring
at me.

My mind was on more than Larry and those knickknacks.
I missed my sister and wished she would give me advice about Aaron. In the
past, she was the one I talked to about everything. Now, she was just gone.

Hiding out in my bedroom, I dialed her number and
hoped she answered. These days, Raven often let her phone go to voice mail. I
wasn’t sure if this was because she was busy or avoiding me. Growing up, I
wouldn’t have imagined a time when I’d suspect my sister of dodging me. Of
course, I never would have dreamed she would ditch town and leave me behind.

This time, she answered, sounding in a rush. “Hey,”
she said and I already felt like hanging up.

Even though I wanted to ask why she hadn’t called
me back after the last three messages I left, I didn’t say the words. I feared
she would admit she didn’t want to talk to me and I wasn’t brave enough for the
truth.

“Are you busy?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m about to go out.”

Knowing she was on a cell and could take it with
her, I again felt the urge to yell at her for hiding from me these last months.
When she first moved away, Raven called and told me how much she missed me. Back
then, she seemed homesick without me. Now, she just sounded sick of hearing my
voice.

“I met someone,” I said.

“A guy?”

“Yes.”

“What’s his name?”

“Aaron. He’s a tattoo artist.”

“An artist. Sounds like you.”

Lately, whenever we spoke, everything she said
sounded like an insult. I wasn’t sure if my feelings were hurt or if she was
being a bitch. For the first time, I realized I didn’t want to talk to her either.

“I know you’re busy, so I’ll let you go.”

Raven said nothing for a minute then sighed. “Is
Larry giving you trouble about dating Aaron?”

“I’m not dating Aaron. I just like him.”

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What’ the problem then?”

“Every time he’s around, fate seems to keep us from
talking.”

“Fate?”

“Cooper said he would pay to have my tattoo fixed
if I went to Aaron’s shop. I guess, I’ll try to go, but fate always keeps us
apart. It’s probably not going to happen.”

“Fuck fate,” Raven growled. “If you like this guy,
you make him pay attention to you. See if he’s the guy you think. If he is and
he wants you, fuck fate and fuck Larry and his stupid rules. You make things
happen because no one’s going to give you shit in life.”

“Are you okay?” I asked softly.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Raven said, sighing loudly. “I
just don’t want you wasting your life because you think you have to follow some
man’s rules. Make the most of what you have, Lark. You deserve to have this guy
if he makes you happy. If he doesn’t, find someone else. Or don’t, but never
let anything stand in your way. Just shove the bullshit out of your way and
make things happen. You deserve that.”

“I miss you.”

Raven sighed again. “I miss you too. Your
birthday’s coming up and I’ll send you something.”

“Maybe you could visit.”

Raven said nothing and that was an answer in itself.

“So are you with Dexter?”

“No.”

Her tone made clear she wasn’t talking about the
matter.

“Do you have a job?”

“Yes and I’m going to be late. I’ll call you soon.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too. Be brave, Lark. Never let anyone
take your dreams from you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Bye,” she said, hanging up before I responded.

Sitting on my bed, I thought about Raven’s behavior
since leaving. It made sense in a lot of ways. I was part of her old life and
she didn’t like her old life. Once, she was my best friend. Now, she was a
stranger.

Besides my breaking heart, I did hold onto her
words about Aaron. Maybe once we hung out, whatever I felt would fade or
disappear. Anything was possible, but I would never know if I didn’t make a
move.

Fuck fate. I was taking what I wanted and I knew
exactly where to find him.