Damaged and the Saint (18 page)

Rafael settled down an hour after we arrived at Vaughn and Raven’s house. I think it was all the beef. He stopped acting like the odd man out and learned to relax with the crew. By the time Tucker, Maddy, and Scarlet arrived, Rafael was in the front shooting hoops with the other guys. I sat with the girls, enjoying the sweaty view.

As curious as I was about the people who stopped by, I was more interested in getting Rafael to the cabin. My sex life was on many minds too. In fact, Bailey pushed Winnie over so she could sit next to me.

“Getting porked tonight, huh?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said with a bit too much enthusiasm.

The girls laughed at me, but I didn’t care. Rafael made me brave in a way therapy and martial arts classes never could.

Winnie stood up, pushed Bailey over, and sat next to me again. “Are you nervous?”

“Of course.”

“It’ll probably hurt,” Bailey said. “He’s a big guy. I think you get my meaning.”

I glared at her, but she only grinned.

“Try getting drunk,” Raven suggested. “Relax those muscles.”

“I don’t need advice.”

Raven frowned at me. “This guy is making you arrogant. Good thing I’m not in the position to kick your ass. Really good thing.”

Rubbing her stomach, I asked, “Why, Raven, are you preggers? I hadn’t heard.”

“This guy’s a bad influence,” Raven grumbled, but I saw her wanting to smile. “Just be bossy with him in bed the way you are with everyone else everyday.”

Bailey nodded. “Remember to take notes too, so you can tell us all about it.”

“You guys can say all you want to freak me out, but it won’t work. Thanks to Saint, I’m flawless, bitches.”

“Good for you,” Farah said, breastfeeding Lily under a pink blanket. “You should feel confident.”

Bailey and Raven shook their heads in unison. “Kiss ass,” Bailey muttered.

Farah rolled her eyes. “Well your ranting wasn’t helping.”

“I don’t need help,” I pointed out. “Yet I prefer Farah’s support to your jealousy.”

I knew that comment would set off Bailey and I was right. She jumped up and looked around for Nick. When she saw him wiping sweat from his forehead, she pointed.

“My man is hot. Really fucking hot. I have no reason to be fucking jealous,” Bailey bitched then yelled at Nick, “Baby, show off your muscles.”

Nick waved as if he hasn’t heard her. Bailey narrowed her eyes, but he just smiled and returned to playing basketball. Sitting down, she grunted.

“He’s plenty hot. Trust me.”

“I know. I saw him fight at the Thunderdome,” I said and Bailey took the bait.

“Were you checking out my man?”

Laughing, I leaned my head against Winnie who grinned. “It’s like she comes with an instruction manual.”

“Whatever. You’re jealous, not me,” Bailey muttered. “Fuck you anyway.”

When everyone laughed, Bailey joined in, but I knew she was wishing Nick flashed some skin. She was big into showing off his hotness. I always figured she was weird. Except I wanted everyone to see how sexy Rafael was now too. Fortunately, he pulled off his sweaty tee and I no longer cared why the girls were laughing. I only saw him.

An hour later, the game ended and we said our goodbyes. Driving away, I held the keys to the cabin as if they were the keys to my happiness.

“Who won?” I asked Rafael who drove us to the hotel to clean up and pack for the cabin.

“I don’t know. Hell, I think I changed teams more than once. It was chaos.”

I grinned. “You sound like a happy kid.”

Rafael shared my smile. “It was fun once everyone stopped playing ‘whose dick is bigger?’”

“Tawny said some people you knew showed up.”

“They’re contractors like me, looking to settle down and start a security business. You’ll meet them in Houston whenever we’re ready to move.”

“Why didn’t they stay?”

Rafael gave me a look that said he didn’t want to lie, but the truth wasn’t happening. I leaned back and smiled.

“Rumor has it the girl is hot.”

“Met Minka years ago and could have fallen in love, yet I didn’t. Do I have to say more?”

“No. I'm well aware you’re my bitch.”

Rafael laughed in a great way and I couldn’t help laughing too. The rest of the drive involved me teasing him about how I had mind control abilities. I’d made him wear that white tee because it fit him so snug. I was the reason he wanted extra sauce on his burger because I loved watching him lick his lips and fingers. Oh, and I was why he took off his shirt during the game. He was my personal pinup doll.

Rafael endured my teasing, but managed to shut me up by walking out of the bathroom after his shower wearing only a towel around his waist. I imagined us alone at the cabin and my hands exploring his dark skin and hard muscles. When I shivered, he smiled.

“You forced me to do this with your mind.”

“Huh? I was distracted by my drool.”

Still grinning, Rafael grabbed his clothes and returned to the bathroom to get dressed. I put my hormones in neutral and finished packing for the two days we planned to spend at the cabin.

We stopped by the grocery store for supplies like sandwiches, chips, and Gatorade. I was so relaxed, just until we actually pulled up to the cabin and I realized I wasn’t dreaming anymore. This was really happening.

Rafael knew I was nervous since I wasn’t exactly subtle. He carried in the bags and food while I refused to leave the SUV. Once everything was inside, Rafael attempted to open my door, but I locked it. He just smiled and hit the unlock button. I tried to lock it again, but he was too fast.

“It’s good for you to get your panic attack out of the way now rather than when I have you spread eagle on the bed, moaning that Bob is the best lover ever.”

Gripping my seatbelt, I fought both a grin and the urge to cry. “I can’t.”

Rafael wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and massaged gently. “Am I Playboy? Will I ever make you do something you don’t want to do?”

I shook my head.

“Don’t I love you and want to create a life with you? A life I’d ruin by hurting you.”

“I know, but…”

“You need to see me,” he said, cupping my cheek with his free hand and forcing me to look at him. “You aren’t scared of me. You’re not scared of being alone for the weekend. You’ve been alone with me plenty of times. You’re scared of the past, but those memories can’t hurt you.”

I looked into his dark eyes and knew he was right. The panic wasn’t about sex with Rafael, but sex period. I was thinking of how much it hurt with Playboy and his friends. Those memories had nothing to do with this day with Rafael. I had power now. Rafael loved me. How many times could he have pushed me to fuck him when I wasn’t ready? Dozens of times, but he waited. We weren’t ready for sex those nights.

We were now though.

Rafael held his hand out as I slid out of the SUV. We walked into the cabin with his arm wrapped around me.

“Cute,” he said, shutting the door. “Very countrified.”

“I like your backhanded compliments.”

Rafael leaned down and kissed me quickly. “I need to put away the food.”

As he gave me a chance to calm myself, I looked around the cabin’s large open family room and kitchen.

“Vaughn wants to build a second floor for the big brood him and Raven have planned.”

“Makes sense. This place won’t fit many people.”

I stared at Rafael's back as he organized the fridge with our food and drinks. Seeming so casual, I knew he was wearing his Average Joe mask. Nothing about him was average though. Yet letting down his guard scared him even more than it did me.

“I love you,” I said and he glanced at me over his shoulder. “Not just because you love me. I’d love you even if you thought I was nothing.”

“Would you stalk me like a lovesick puppy?” he teased, shutting the fridge. “Would you make a shrine to me in your room?”

“I’d plaster the walls with your pictures and touch myself while looking at them.”

His casual smile faded. “I have a shrine of you in here,” he whispered, tapping his head. “I’ve never needed anyone like I need you. If you left me, I’d follow. I’d kill any man you wanted. That way, you’d be desperate enough to come back to me.”

“That’s the craziest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” I said, pulling off my shirt. “I better not run then. I’d hate for a bunch of innocent men to get slaughtered for checking out my ass.”

Turning around, I wiggled my ass at him. Rafael moved so quickly I didn’t realize he was behind me until he lifted me into his arms.

“I’m looking to play. If you can handle more, we’ll do more. If not, we’ll wait. Whatever we do, I need to hear you moan my name.”

“Oh, Bob,” I murmured.

Rafael carried me down the hall, looking for the bedroom. He grinned at my comment then lightly tossed me on the bed.

“When we’re married, you’ll be Mrs. Robertson.”

“You don’t want to marry me,” I said, kicking off my sandals. “I hate cooking and cleaning. I’m grumpy in the morning and evenings. I've been known to be grumpy in the afternoons too.”

“I know all that stuff,” he murmured, wiggling my shorts off my hips.

“No,” I grunted when he reached for my panties. “I want you to get naked first. You can finally strip down and stretch out.”

Rafael gave me a sly grin, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps. After setting his gun on the table, he removed his shirt then kicked off his tennis shoes and socks before finally shoving down his shorts and briefs in one swift movement.

Exhaling softly, I took in the awe-inspiring sight of so much flesh. My gaze lifted to meet his. He waited to see if my panic returned.

“You’re very pretty,” was all I could think to say.

Laughing, Rafael crawled over me and devoured my lips. I leaned back and relaxed under the weight of his strong body. Like a man starving, his kisses came fast and deep. I savored the addictive taste of him. When he pulled away his lips, I arched to find them again. Rafael only smiled.

“There is only you and me. No one exists outside this cabin. Not our families. Not our pasts. I don’t want you to think about the future either. Only see us right here and know we’re meant to be together.”

“I do.”

“You’re shaking.”

“I’m excited.”

Rafael smiled then rolled off me and lifted my body on top of his. Before I spoke, he pulled me down for a kiss. I met his need hungrily. Without thinking, I slid up and down so my nipples grazed the hairs on his chest. I heard my panties tear and Rafael's fingers tested my pussy.

“Are you wet?” he asked. “Are you ready for me?”

“Yes,” I moaned.

“Not even close,” he teased, tugging me upward and sucking a nipple into his mouth.

“Yes,” I moaned again, so happy I wasn't saying no.

Rafael ran his tongue back and forth between my nipples while I pressed my pussy down on his hand. My hips slowed as he slid a finger inside me. By the second finger, I was ready to come. Rafael sucked hard at one of my nipples while tugging on the other. Rolling my hips faster, I ached for relief. I was so close, but couldn’t find my way to an orgasm.

Closing my eyes, I thought of Rafael’s thick cock thrust into me, making me forget all other men. I imagined his face when he came inside me.

I came hard, crying out frenzied babble. I might have even used all three of his names. I felt better than I had in my life and we were just getting started.

Harlow opened up for me like a woman with no past, fear, or damage. Resting on her back, she smiled and the warmth in her eyes strengthened my resolve. Harlow made me powerful and whole. I wasn’t the innocent young man destroyed by time in a Mexican prison. I wasn’t the angry man wanting to burn the world to keep it from burning him. I was someone new because Harlow trusted me.

Pressing the head of my cock against her pussy, I studied her face. Every inch opened her more, yet her eyes held their relaxed smile. Only when she couldn’t take more of me did she exhale and close her eyes in relief.

“You’re so wet,” I said and her eyes opened.

Tits lifting with quick excited breaths, she whispered, “I want you to fuck me. I want it so bad.”

Harlow ached to let go after so many years holding back. She wanted to feel without shame. I needed the same release.

Pulling back my hips, I watched my slick cock slide from her body. I thrust back inside, slowly at first, finding a rhythm. I studied Harlow’s expression as I moved faster and harder. She didn’t panic, instead smiling and biting her bottom lip.

“Fuck,” she murmured. “Don’t hold back.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, thrusting harder.

Groaning, Harlow nodded. “More. You’re hiding from me. Let go. I promise I’m ready.”

Propping myself over her, I bucked my hips faster. Harlow held onto my forearms and wrapped her legs around my hips. Seeing her smile, I let go. Fucking her hard and fast, I was close to finding release, but I didn't want to come. The pleasure was too intense and I never wanted to stop. My body refused to listen though.

Harlow caressed my face as I caught my breath. She looked at me fascinated and I wondered why.

“You are so young sometimes,” she said softly. “It makes me love you more.”

Without understanding what she meant, I only knew her words made me feel like a man rather than a killer. More human than monster.

With me still resting on top of her, Harlow wrapped me in her arms while her feet teased my ass.

“Tonight, we play until our bodies don’t work anymore,” she said, kissing my face, neck, and shoulders. “I’m fearless and I don’t want to stop.”

My cock twitched inside her, craving more pleasure. Harlow's pussy reacted by tightening around my cock, sucking at it until I was propped over her again.

"Yes," Harlow murmured.

Smiling, I thrust hard and deep. An hour or two passed where the only break was to change positions. Doggy-style was a particularly pleasurable adventure with Harlow crying out for more five seconds after she last came. I could only laugh and try to keep up.

Needing hydration, Harlow followed after me into the kitchen. Her expression was fucking priceless and not only because she was checking out my ass. Harlow was the picture of sex with her flushed cheeks and bouncing tits.

“Love that butt,” she giggled, pressing against me as I retrieved drinks from the fridge. “I love this too.”

I let out a low groan as she stroked my very pleased cock. “Drink up, so you won’t pass out on me.”

Harlow let go of my cock so she could take the Gatorade. Sitting on the couch, she grimaced slightly.

“Wore you out?”

“Staked your claim,” she said, smiling. “I can still feel you inside me.”

I sat on the couch next to her and muttered, “Shit. I'm not sure if I’ll be able to keep up with you.”

“Liar.”

I gave her a little grin. My cock betrayed me, revealing how ready I was for more. We drank less than half of the Gatorades before Harlow straddled me. My fingers found her wetter than I expected, yet she groaned painfully when lowering her pussy over my cock.

“I love you,” I whispered, brushing away the hair from her shoulders. “I need nothing more than for you to love me back.”

Her eyes tired, Harlow still smiled softly. “I feel the same way. I still want to fuck though. It makes me feel powerful and free. Well you make me feel that way, but you know.”

Harlow took my hands and placed them on her tits. As I teased her nipples, she held onto my shoulders and rolled her hips. Taking her time, Harlow tried different rhythms. I watched her face, studying the way she learned to take charge. Despite her new confidence, she couldn’t find what her body hungered for until I stroked her clit.

“Yes.”

“Say please,” I demanded.

Harlow narrowed her eyes, refusing to give in. My fingers worked at her clit until her expression softened.

“Please.”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll let you make me beg later.”

Laughing, Harlow kissed me and moved her hips faster. She tugged at my hair, moving even faster. When I pinched her pink nipple hard, Harlow bucked.

“Oh, Bob,” she said, managing to mess with me even while coming hard. “Fucking perfect, Bob.”

Harlow rested her head in the crook of my neck, even as her hips never stopped moving. I wrapped her in my arms and thrust into her. She whimpered before latching onto my throat and sucking like a hungry vampire. Holding her tight, I came inside her while she left a big juicy hickey on my neck.

After catching our breath, we simply watched each other. I couldn’t believe how different my life would be if I hadn’t spooked this amazing woman in the woods. Would I have seen enough of her during the paintball matches to know what I was missing without her? Likely not.

God kept me from losing my humanity in prison and during the years when taking lives was my only pleasure. Now he brought me Harlow. She saw all of me and didn’t shrink away. She never even flinched.

We managed to get dressed and eat dinner on the front porch. The sun was nearly hidden behind the trees when the woods came alive with chirping. Soon the mosquitoes would descend upon us. Before then, we enjoyed the warm evening.

“I have a present,” I said after we’d eaten and slapped away too many bugs. “Head inside and I’ll get it from the car.”

Harlow didn’t like gifts. Her face made clear how presents made her nervous, but she said nothing before disappearing inside. I walked to the SUV, grabbed the box, and hurried into the cabin before I was eaten alive by a squad of very hungry gnats.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said, sitting next to her on the couch. “Just something I’d thought you’d like. No pressure if you hate it which I know you won’t.”

Harlow held the gift, wrapped in silver paper with a shiny white ribbon and bow. Looking better than I remembered, I owed Minka for going the extra mile.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, opening it carefully.

A long moment passed between Harlow understanding what the gift was and her reaction. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she rested against me.

“How?” she asked, opening the photo album.

“I sent my friends to pay your aunt a visit. They collected all the pictures she had and this DVD with a home video on it.”

Harlow stared up at me with wet eyes. “You love me.”

“More than you know.” I kissed Harlow’s lips gently then her damp cheeks. “You deserve everything.”

Smiling, she returned her gaze to the pictures. “I was so young. I always remembering being older when my dad died.”

“The mind plays tricks.”

Harlow nodded and flipped the page. I watched her take in the pictures of a family she barely remembered.

“I’m going to cry now, but it’s not because I’m unhappy. I just…”

When she didn’t finish, I caressed her forehead with my lips. “I know.”

Harlow struggled against her sobs until finally relaxing in my arms. She pointed to different pictures and told me about when they were taken. Harlow sounded so damn sad that my heart broke thinking I’d caused her pain. Yet she deserved to have these pictures even if they brought her pain.

“My mom was fragile,” she said, caressing a picture of her mother holding Harlow as a toddler. “She seemed really strong on the outside, but she wasn’t. When Dad died, she couldn’t cope. I know she tried, but life was too hard without him and she fell apart. The drugs made the pain go away.”

“Grief has destroyed even the strongest people.”

“It hollowed her out. Maybe it was the drugs, but she looked so different when she finally came back. That night she died, Mom looked old. Like my mom was trapped in someone else’s face. I didn’t recognize her at first. Of course, that might be because I was doped up too.”

My jaw twitched, but I kept my cool.

“I’m glad I don’t remember much from that night. I wish I remembered less. Mostly the blood. Also how my brother’s fingers remained curled around my hand even after he was dead.”

“The mind latches onto the worst things, doesn’t it?”

Nodding, she leaned her cheek against my arm. “Sometimes, I wish I could forget everything before I moved in with the Todds, but I’d have to forget my family. Like everyone else forgot them. They died and no one cared. The world didn’t even blink.”

Holding her tighter, I sighed. “When I got back from Mexico, I thought everything would be different. It was for me, but the world looked the same. People had gotten married or had kids. Bought houses or moved away. Life continued for everyone except me.”

“We do it too. People right now are suffering and dying and we're going on with our lives. In fact, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

I couldn’t help smiling. “I keep waiting for me to lose control again. With you, I should be overwhelmed with all these feelings. I should be thinking crazy, but I'm calm. I know what I want and I'll wait for it. I will also kill anyone who stands in my way. Everything is very clear to me.”

Harlow cuddled closer to me. “I love when you make crazy threats. My nipples got hard and everything.”

“Why don’t I carry you to bed and kiss away those tears. How do your nipples feel about that?”

Setting aside the album, Harlow climbed into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“We shouldn’t take any chances. You should make those threats while fucking me.”

I stood up and carried her to the bedroom. “The good news is I’m an ace student. You just tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you.”

Harlow made a noise somewhere between a squeal and moan. In this place with this woman, we were just two people in love. Nothing would ever be allowed to interfere with this simplicity. Even if it meant spilling blood.