Damaged But Not Broken (New Adult Rockers) (19 page)

I shake my head to try to refocus
my brain, and we walk outside to greet her.

“Hey guys,” she says shyly, clutching
her guitar.

“Looking good,” Ben says
appreciatively and Ryan whistles at her before wrapping his arm around her
shoulder and leading her into the van. I bite my tongue, knowing I have no
claim over Paige, but she looks back at me and shoots me an apologetic look
anyway. We’re only a ten-minute ride from the club, and when we arrive it
becomes a whirlwind of activity. We’re ushered inside, and I realize that it’s
not a club with lots of tables, but it’s a music venue, so it holds more people
than the clubs we were used to in Nashville.

A petite middle-aged woman yaks our
ears off, explaining the schedule that we’re already familiar with. Paige is in
our dressing room and soon she’s being summoned on stage.

“Break a leg,” I whisper, pulling
her in for a hug. She doesn’t pull away and instead hugs me back.

“Thanks. You too.”

And then she’s gone.

The guys and I head out into the
hallway to listen to her set, and Paige blows us away, she kills it. Her voice
is raw but controlled as she sings a song we’ve never heard before. It’s one
about trusting and having your broken heart healed.

Ryan shoots me a dirty look. “Dude,
what the fuck did you do her?”

“What?” I scowl, “How do you know
it’s about me?”

Ben snickers. “Seriously? It’s
pretty damn obvious. You guys were all friendly, you break up with Savannah,
take Savannah back, and then Paige has been pretty much cold towards you. We’re
not idiots.”

I shrug, annoyed at his accusation.
“I fucked up, alright? Obviously, Paige didn’t take it too well.”

“No shit,” Ryan mutters.

“Well, don’t get any ideas,” I
warn, “I’m still working on her. I know I screwed up.”

We don’t talk anymore about it, and
instead listen to Paige play the rest of her songs.  As she ends her
performance we hear Paige introduce us as the upcoming act.

The audience cheers like crazy for her,
and then we step out onstage. We bring the house down, and at the end of our
show, I feel amazing. The guys and I high five each other backstage, and we’re
so pumped from our show that I don’t even realize that Paige isn’t back there.

Jack comes up to us and tells us
that the van is getting ready to leave, and there are a few people outside who
want our autographs.

Autographs?

It’s surreal, and the guys and I
sign a few things before we crowd into the van with Liam and Jack.

“Hey, where’s Paige?” Ben asks at
the same moment I notice that she’s not on the van.

“She and Kenny went back to the
hotel. I think they were pretty beat,” Liam explains.

The guys don’t think anything of
it, but I wonder if there is more to it.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m
not ready to go to sleep,” Ryan says excitedly, “Let’s go out and have a few
drinks.”

“Yeah!” Ben agrees.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Liam cuts in.
“We’re heading out by eleven tomorrow morning, so I don’t want you guys getting
too crazy.”

“Aww, just a few drinks,” Ryan
cajoles.

Liam gives him a warning look. “A
few. This is only your first night. You need to pace yourselves.”

“Sweet,” Ben says under his breath.

Our hotel is in walking distance of
a few bars and I see the guys look at me to see if I’m coming along. I shrug at
them. All my excitement from the night seems to have left me now that Paige
isn’t in the van. I don’t understand why she didn’t stick around, and I’m
suddenly in no mood to party without her.

“Come on, let’s go,” Ryan says as
we pile out of the van at the hotel. Jack has agreed to go too, but Liam is
heading back to his room.

“Nah, I think I’m going to go back
to the room and sleep,” I say, wanting to be alone. The idea of an empty and
quiet room is appealing.

“Pussy,” Ben teases, but they don’t
give me any more shit and head off in the direction of the bars.

I make my way inside the lobby, not
paying any attention to the cheesy fake marble detail. I ride up to the second
floor and fumble in my pocket for the room key, which is outdated because it’s shaped
like an actual key instead of a card. I search the numbers on the doors, and
just as I’m approaching my door, Paige emerges holding her ice bucket.

Her hair is long down her back, and
her face is bare and pretty, free of her heavy stage makeup. She’s wearing tiny
lavender boy shorts, which I notice hug her ass nicely, and a silk purple tank
top. She’s clearly dressed for bed, but she looks gorgeous. I shift
uncomfortably as I feel my dick harden.

“I didn’t know anyone was in the
hall,” she says, tugging at her shorts with embarrassment.

“Why did you leave?” I demand.

She blinks for a minute, trying to
register my words.

“I was tired.”

“I don’t believe you.”

We stare at each other, neither one
of us saying anything, I can feel the heat radiating between us. The chemistry
has always been there, there’s no denying it, and right now it feels like we
can’t go on one more minute like this.

Paige drops her ice bucket at the
same time as I move towards her, pushing her up against her door. She moans as
my lips find hers and we fall against her door, as it swings open into her
room.

She kisses me carefully at first,
her hands unsure of where to go, and then I feel her stop thinking and give in
to the kiss.

SEVENTEEN

Paige

Letting Go

I don’t even think as I kiss Blake.
As soon as I saw him there in the hallway, I knew I was done. I could see the
emotions behind his eyes, and most importantly I saw love. Raw, abundant love
for me and I decided that I was tired of pushing him away, tired of not doing
what I want.

I want Blake however I can have
him. Even if that means he broke up with Savannah, got back together with her
and then broke up with her again. He was here now and that was all that
mattered. If I was going to get again, I might as well enjoy my time with him
now.

Blake pushes me against the door,
but it swings open into my room, and I try to decide where to place my hands.
But then, I just don’t care, I give in to inhibition and my hands are
everywhere. I run them along Blake’s shirt and fist them in his hair, pulling
him closer to me because he just isn’t close enough.

His mouth is warm and soft and he
tastes of mint. I can feel the passion in Blake, feel the fact that he’s no
longer tied to Savannah, and he’s truly happy to be here with me.

“Paige,” he groans, moving me from
the door and kicking the door shut. He continues to kiss me, his mouth urgent
and hard, his tongue stroking the inside of my mouth, as he pushes my body
towards the bed.

The back of my legs hit the bed,
and I fall backwards as Blake crawls on top of me. He gently rests his body on
top of mine, and something about the pressure of him on top of me, stops me
cold.

“Stop!” I cry out, pushing him off
me. He stumbles backwards, looking at me with heavy lids and confusion.

“I can’t,” I choke out, jumping off
the bed and fixing my top, which has started to slide down my shoulders. I’m
shaking and suddenly everything feels so real. The last time a man was inside
of me was when I was fifteen and his accomplice was holding me down.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Blake
soothes, catching on quickly and trying to hold me.

“Don’t touch me,” I moan,
embarrassed as I bury my head in my hands. I am mortified beyond belief, and I
know that Blake must think I’m a basket case.

He backs away quickly, holding his
arms up.

“Okay, okay. But hey,” he says
softly, lowering his voice further, “I get it. It’s okay. I knew I shouldn’t
move fast. I’m sorry. I just got carried away.”

I look up at Blake and see the
familiar green eyes that I’ve known for half of my life. It’s still the same
Blake; we’re just grown up now. And we
have
done this before. It was
just a really long time ago.

And before the
incident.

“No,” I protest, feeling a tiny bit
better, “I want to do this. I’m just having a freak out moment. I’m sorry.”

Blake laughs softly. “You should
not be apologizing. We can take things as slowly as you want. I can turn around
right now and go back to my room.”

“No!” I say a little too quickly.
“I definitely don’t want that. I just need a minute.” I stop and look at him.
“Is that okay? Can I have a minute to collect myself?”

Blake motions for me to go ahead.
“Take as much time as you need,” he says kindly.

I nod and disappear into the
bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me.  I take a look at myself in the
mirror.

“Get a grip,” I murmur to myself,
knowing I seem even crazier than normal. I’ve regressed to talking to myself
now.

“You’ve known Blake forever. You
love him and want to be with him. Stop acting like an idiot and get a hold of
yourself. Blake isn’t going to hurt you.” I finish with my little pep talk and
assess my reflection.

My eyes are wide and bright from my
arousal, and my cheeks are flushed and pink. I don’t look half as bad as I
imagined. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and take a few deep breaths, and
wiggle my toes. I admire my hot pink pedicure, close my eyes and envision
myself with Blake, while reminding myself that I am perfectly safe and that Blake
would never hurt me.

I can do this. Blake is the only
person I have been completely intimate with, and I’m not letting those animals,
Billy and Riff, take the rest of my life from me. They already took enough.

After a few more deep breaths, I
get myself together and head back into the room. Blake is sitting in the
armchair, waiting patiently. He smiles at me when I walk in.

“Feeling better?” he asks.

I nod.

“Would you like me to leave?”

“No. Stay, please.”

“Okay.”

I slowly walk towards Blake, trying
hard not to feel self-conscious. I seat myself in his lap and wrap my arms
around his neck.

“I trust you,” I whisper against
his cheek.

“I would never hurt you,” he husks.

“I know.”

I start to kiss him again, and this
time the kiss is different. It’s deeper, and I feel it building. I wrap my legs
around his waist, running my fingers through his hair. Blake groans, squeezing
my ass tightly, before standing up and carrying me with him. I stay wrapped
tightly around him, and let him lower me gently to the bed.

This time I don’t freak out, and I
feel Blake carefully lower himself on top of me. I feel the panic rise again,
but this time I fight it. We continue kissing, and the kiss becomes more
frantic and urgent. Blake runs his hands along the hem of my shirt, and I arch
my back so he can pull it off. He instantly senses what I want, and he yanks
the shirt up over my head.

I’m not wearing a bra and his hands
find my breasts, squeezing them softly. His touch feels so amazing and I can’t
help the moan that escapes my lips. It’s just like I remember, but
so
much better. His hand roams over my breasts, brushing softly against my nipple
as he cups me in his hands. His fingers flick against my hardened peaks, and
then he lightly squeezes each of them between his fingers.

I moan again, arching my back,
feeling the sensation travel directly to my groin. My entire body is on fire,
and I feel more alive than ever.

Greedily, I reach up to Blake’s
t-shirt and fumble with it. He understands instantly and yanks it over his
head. Even though I saw his chest when we were in the pool together, I still
drink in him, remembering every line. I delicately touch his stomach, running
my hands up to his chest and across his shoulders. Impulsively, I grab him and
hug him to me. He lets his body sag down on top of me, and I press my mouth
into the curve of his neck, inhaling deeply.

“Blake,” I murmur, feeling my eyes
fill with tears.

“I know,” he says, because he
does
know, he knows exactly what I mean.

He begins to kiss me again, and his
hands slide further south, slipping inside the band of my shorts.

“Can I?’ he asks.

“Yes.”

He slides my shorts down, and I
kick them off onto the floor. I am naked, completely naked with Blake. It’s the
first time I’ve been naked with a man in years, but I’m alright with it. I’m
not entirely comfortable, but if it wasn’t Blake, I know I wouldn’t be able to
do this.

“Just tell me if you want me to
stop,” he says tenderly, and I nod because I can’t speak from the pleasure.

Blake’s hands slide up my thighs,
and then he gently circles my pussy with his fingers, brushing against the crease
of my inner thigh. It feels better than I ever imagined it would, and I sink my
teeth into his shoulder.

He growls with pleasure, and his
fingers slide between my folds, gently caressing me. I feel a slight wave of
panic, but I push it away because it feels too good and I can’t have this
moment ruined. It was Blake who I lost my virginity to, and it’s Blake who is
making me whole again, healing me.

“Blake, don’t stop,” I murmur,
grinding against his hand.

I can sense his happiness as he
spreads me open and begins rubbing my clit. He slides down my body until he’s
nestled between my open legs and he focuses his attention completely on
pleasing me.

He’s so gentle, yet he remembers
what I like, and he takes his time without making any sudden movements. He rubs
me softly, running his fingers against me and spreading me open before he
gently dips a finger inside me. I tense up just for a moment, and I feel him
pause.

“No, don’t stop,” I beg in a voice
that I don’t recognize as mine.