Damned (17 page)
“Good move Captain.”
“Dressed, now.”
“Oh I hate you.”
“Ditto, now move.”
I give him a hurt look. “I get you don’t want me, I get that you’re not sexually attracted to me but honestly…hate? That hurts.”
“You mean nothing to me anymore, you are now part of my crew, but that’s where it ends.”
I sigh, running my hands through my hair. “Fine then, lets go.”
I pull on some shorts, toss my shirt off and replace it with a light jacket. Then I follow Jax out the door. When we get on deck a chilly breeze caresses my face; I sigh. Jax turns and hands me a gun.
“Shooting is a no brainer. If you think about it, you stuff it up,” He tells me, in a monotone voice. “When you see your target, aim and shoot. Don’t think. There is a target to your left, shoot it.”
“I don’t even know how to load the gun.”
He growls, walks over and shows me very quickly how to load it.
“Is there somebody else that can show me this?”
“Shoot Jade.” He hisses.
“Fine, keep your shirt on.”
I turn, point the gun at the target and shoot, it hit’s about five centemeters from the middle.
“Not bad. Try again.”
I do, again and again. I manage a similar shot.
“You could shoot enough to wound, which is good. Try shooting a different spot but don’t focus too long.”
I do and manage to get the target right in the groin.
“Well, that will certainly stop somebody.” Jax mutters.
I turn to him and put the gun down. “Is that all?”
“No.”
“Well I am done.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Still sour?”
“Yeah Jax, I still am. You said you hated me. Once, aside from all the love I had for you; we were friends. Good friends and now you say you hate me.”
He blinks. “You said it was lust?”
“Well it wasn’t, are you happy now? Does it mean you’re going to toss me overboard? I loved you; I did and god only knows why. And you broke my fucking heart with your little dear John letter.” I yell loudly.
“I had no choice. I told you what I was. I didn’t just do it for me Jade; I did it for you.”
“Why, why would you do anything for me?”
“Because…it doesn’t fucking matter. It is how it is now Jade, end of story.”
“Don’t I turn you on anymore?” I say, my voice cracking.
He clamps his eyes shut and sighs. “Jade you’re as beautiful as you always were, but taking you to my bed is foolish.”
“Why?”
“Because you just said you used to love me, which I knew all along. I won’t risk it again.”
“God Jax, I wish you weren't so hard.”
“Well I am, so deal with it.”
“Fine, fine. I am done talking about this; it’s getting me nowhere. Stay away from me too Jax, because I don’t want anything to do with you either.”
“I am the Captain.”
“Get a new line.” I spit.
The crew appears on deck, possibly having heard our yelling. They pause and glance anxiously at Jax and I. I huff and fold my arms.
“I am finished.”
“I said,
you’re
not.” Jax snarls.
I glare at him. “Don’t big note yourself in front of your crew, your nothing but a flimsy pirate.”
I turn and begin walking downstairs, until he speaks. His words freeze me on the spot.
“I might be a flimsy pirate, but tell me Jade, how does it feel to go from being a princess to a bastard?”
I flinch; his words tear through my soul. I turn and run towards him, with a sharp kick to his stomach; he falls backwards. I leap on top of him, driving a punch into his face.
“How dare you!” I scream.
He rolls, flipping his body on top of mine. He takes hold of my hands and slams them down above my head, holding them firmly with one of his.
“How dare you.” He snaps back.
“How dare I what? I didn’t ask for your sour attitude Jax.”
He spits the blood pouring from his lip and then glares down at me. “And I never asked for you to fall in love with me, when all you were was a terrific fuck.”
I kick and squirm, shooting off a string of filthy curses.
“I regret ever falling in love with you. In fact, I regret ever meeting you. My life was good, before you.”
“Bullshit!” He roars, tightening his hands over my arms.
“Get off me, I am leaving.”
“No.”
“Get the fuck off me.”
Rusty walks over and hesitates a moment. “Cap…perhaps this isn’t the place.”
“Shut it Rusty, get the crew below deck.”
“I don’t know, it’s not safe for her…”
“GET BELOW DECK!”
Rusty nods and the crew slowly disappear. I squirm again.
“Jax, get off me.” I say between gritted teeth.
“So you can storm off, slam your door and chuck a fit?”
“No, so I can pack my shit and leave.”
“You are not leaving, and you know it.”
“Get. Off. Me.”
He lets my hands go and stands, I shove him harshly and turn to storm downstairs.
“You have no way to leave.” He yells after me.
I run into my room, throw my clothes into a bag, then storm back up on deck. Jax is still standing in the same spot, when he sees me, amusement flicks across his expression.
“What are you doing?”
“Leaving.”
I tug on the rope that holds the life boat and pull. It doesn’t budge. I climb in, ignoring Jax’s rather rude laughing. As soon as I stand, the boat drops. I scream as it hits the water and I am flung out like a rag doll. I land in the freezing water and sink. I struggle furiously against the pull; I am a very poor swimmer. Panic washes through me, and I kick my legs, desperate to reach the surface. I feel an arm wrap around my waist, and within minutes we are above water. I gasp and take a deep breath.
“God Dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jax pants.
“I want to leave.”
“Shit Jade, then leave when we stop. God.”
“Just…leave me alone Jax. I beg you.”
He grips hold of the ladder and pulls himself up, carrying me as though I weigh no more than a child. When we are back on deck, he puts me down. I am desperately trying not to cry, I don’t want him to see the pain.
“Mate…”
“No!” I snarl, “No, don’t you dare mate me. Just stay away from me Jax. I don’t deserve this. I don’t.”
“No, you don’t.”
I blink as the tears blur my eyes. “Then why are you being such a jerk?”
“I am trying to stop the past repeating itself.”
“There will be no repeat.” I scream, throwing my hands up. The tears flow freely now.
“Ok, fine. I am sorry.”
“You called me a bastard!”
“I didn’t mean it.”
I kick my bag on the ground, once, then twice. Then, I begin furiously shoving Jax. I am so mad, so hurt. He spins me around and wraps his arm around me, it presses against my chest and forces my back to his chest. His other arm goes around my waist. His mouth is by my ear, so close.
“Enough.” He says softly.
“I know I screwed up ok. I know that I made your life harder by falling for you, but you did not have to break my heart.”
“There was no other choice.”
“There is always a choice!”
“I don’t know what you want me to do now, I
can’t
change it.”
“No you
can’t
, but you can stop treating me like a worthless animal.”
He tenses, his fist tightens across my chest. “Your…I don’t think you’re a worthless animal.”
“Then stop this. Please.”
He spins me around so I am facing him; I reach out to heal the small cut in his lip. He does not flinch or pull away. In seconds, it is gone. Our eyes meet, and we hold the gaze for a long, long moment. He finally looks away, and then turns and leaves. I blink; did he seriously just walk off? What an ass. I will never understand that man; his mind is far too confusing for me.
I slowly make my way back to my room, where I stay for the rest of the day. When night falls, I hear the usual dinner noises. The pirates are a rowdy bunch, usually it lasted most of the night. How anybody managed a decent nights sleep on this ship is beyond me. I am curled up on my bed, reading a book when there is a light knock at my door.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s me.”
It’s Jax, though his voice is placid enough that I’m not worried.
“Jax please, leave me be.”
I watch the door open, and Jax steps in. He looks mighty fine tonight, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a black shirt. It suits him.
“Mate…I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a jackass.”
“I know that Jax but what I also know is that we are through. You can’t even…you can’t even be my friend. I can’t handle this hostility between us. It’s better if I leave.”
“I don’t want you to leave Jade.” He says in an almost shaky voice.
“You don’t?”
“I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want to hate you…I don’t hate you. I will be your friend; I will stop being so hard on you, but Jade, I can’t love you nor can I sleep with you. Can you understand that?”
“I do understand Jax, even after you left I understood. I can’t help what I feel, but I don’t expect it from you. I didn’t back then either, but you never gave me a chance to tell you that.”
“Jade I left because…I felt something too.”
“You did?” I whisper.
“I was falling for you, hard. It’s not me; I couldn’t have you, nor could I give you what you needed. So I ran, I am sorry I hurt you.”
“And now?” I ask in a small, child like voice.
“I don’t have any feelings for you.”
“Right.”
“Mate I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok. I understand.”
“Do you still want to leave?”
I sigh, laying back down on my pillow. He comes in and sits down on the bed beside me.
“There are some things I want to do Jax, I have lived my life in that place and never had a chance to be normal.”
“What sort of things?” He asks.
“Oh Jax, everything. I want to ride on a rollercoaster, drink beer until I puke and I don’t know…eat hamburgers on a beach…”
“You never ate a hamburger?”
“Never.”
“Hot dog?”
“Nope.”
“You never went to a fair, or a circus?”
“No.”
“Oh mate. I am a pirate and even I have done those things.”
“Well I am never going to get that chance, not here, not with you.”
“I can give you those things, as a friend.”
“Oh Jax, we both know it’s just a disaster waiting to happen.”
“I can take care of you Jade, without the complications. You’re safe here, and until the hype wears down, you won’t be found.”
“I know you’re right, just the thought of being stuck again. I need to feel alive.”
“You will, just give it a go.”
We sit in silence for a long moment, then he flips out his cell phone. It lights up the room enough for me to see him. He dials a number then holds the phone to his ear.
“JR? Yeah mate, it’s Jax. I want to book my usual room. Yep, the executive suite and seven rooms for my men. Tomorrow night.”
There is a long pause then he continues talking.
“Three grand? Yeah mate, I’ll wire it through.”
Then he flips the phone closed.
“Jax…what did you do?”
“We are going to town, nobody deserves not to experience those things.”
“Y-y-you’re taking me to town?”
“And to the fair and the beach…and a club so you can drink beer until you puke.”
“Oh…Jax…but it costs so much.”
“That’s just the accomodation.”
“Three grand?” I cry.
“It’s good mate, I got it.”
“Are you loaded pirate?”
His lips curl up into a wicked grin. “Darlin, I have more money than you can imagine.”
“How?”
“Selling treasures, things like that.”
“Oh. Do you want more, I can pay for the room or…”
“I don’t do relationships kid, but I am not heartless, ladies pay for nothing with me.”
“Oh you do this often?”
“No.”
“Ummm…the rooms you booked, you stay there often?”
“The men and I stop often enough for a break.”
“Oh thanks. Will I stay with Sam and Margy then?”
“No, you will stay with me.”
I suck in a breath. “Oh, why?”
