Damned if I Do (23 page)

Edie

Flickering lights blind me. My head is in someone’s lap and the rest of my body is sprawled across a car seat.

I’m moaning through a throat thick with dried saliva. My tongue feels too big for my mouth. I’m cold, way too cold, and I have a raging headache. It hurts to open my eyes, but it hurts even more to realize what’s happening to me.

A hand brushes my cheek. “Hang on, Edie. Hang on.”

Jude
.

I start at the realization of what’s happened, a hoarse scream tearing from my throat. I kick my legs and hit the inside of the car, and thrash my arms, only my left arm is half of what it once was. There’s a tourniquet at the end, stemming the flow of blood, but it’s gone. My hand—and my sword—are gone.

The hand that I’ve hated for five months now is gone. And I want it back with every horrified fiber of my being.

“Oh my god!” I screech, filling up the cab with my panic, furious tears falling down my face. “Oh my fucking god!”

Strong hands hold me fast. “It’s okay,” Jude croons, although from the strangled note in his voice, I can tell that it’s definitely
not
okay.

I’m a Harker without her sword.

I’m nothing!

“Shhh, Edie,” he whispers, rocking me gently. “Sleep. I’ve got you. And I promise I won’t ever let you go again.”

As much as I try to fight, I pass out again.

***

Meghan’s laughing, although it’s a sad laugh.

“You never did like listening to me, did you? Even when I’m trying to save your life.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask her, a note of accusation in my voice.

She shrugs. “Making sure that you’re all right.”

“That I’m…?” I wave my left hand in front of my face. It’s there. “Is this real?” I ask, dumbfounded.

“In a manner of speaking, yes. Though not in the way that you’re hoping.”

My momentary belief that it was all a bad dream dissipates in an instant when I refocus on Meghan. We’re back in nothingness, sitting together on our bench, the one from our childhood. A time that seems light years away. Thankfully, this time, it’s not the Void that the Progenitor and Esther showed me earlier.

“Where am I? Why am I in the Void?”

Meghan chuckles, a more genuine laugh this time. “Your physical body is asleep and your spectral body is in the Void. Thankfully,” she adds. “Otherwise you’d be in a lot of pain right now.”

“So you’re haunting my dreams now?”

Meghan waves her hand distractedly. “No. I’m…keeping an eye on my baby sister.”

“Not doing a great job of it,” I grumble, to which Meghan laughs harder. “Your warnings come a bit too late.”

“You’re just not
receptive
to them until it’s too late,” Meghan counters. “Trust me, Edie, I’m screaming as loud as I can.”

“So you’re saying I always need to be on the lookout for messages?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m in battle. Because after this, I’ll need a hand.” Self-consciously, I wave my arms. “And I won’t be able to do this when I wake up.”

My sister’s face falls into a sad frown. “No, I’m sorry, hun.”

I wiggle the fingers of my left hand. Blissfully, it’s free of the scar as well. Apparently, in the Void, there is nothing wrong with me. I feel peaceful, and I yearn to stay here, to finally rest after everything I’ve been through.

“Can’t I stay here?” I ask.

Meghan shakes her head sadly. “Unfortunately, no.” She moves towards me and places a hand over my right hand. “You are the Harker now.”

“One that’s dying.”

“One that’s vital to the future,” Meghan insists. “Without you, it would fall to Amelia.” Her cheeks turn white at the possibility that her daughter could be the only one left to stand against evil vampires. She’d have to be the one to help kill the Progenitor. If that’s even still an option.

I press my left palm over my eyes. I won’t cry. Not in front of Meghan. “I’m so tired of all this. I’ve been running ragged since you…” I can’t say,
“Since you died.”
Not to Meghan.

Meghan smiles bemusedly. “I know you are.”

“Is Mom here, too?”

Her eyes flit around the space and she smiles. “Mom’s always with us, hun.”

I remember my mother rubbing my back when I fell asleep the night before. She was there. Maybe she’s being kept from me for other reasons now, but I wish more than anything that she was here now.

“I miss her,” I say. “I miss you too.”

“I know.” Meghan’s face is sad. “I would have given anything to have been able to protect you from all this.”

“Did you know?” I ask. “Did you know that we were the Progenitor’s familiars?”

I see the hesitation in Meghan’s eyes, then she shakes her head. “Nothing definite like that. I did know that there could be a cure through him but I didn’t know the whole story. It does make sense.”

“He’s an asshole.”

“He’s trying to do what’s right, for both your plane of existence and the Void. Otherwise, it would bleed out to this world. There’d be no rest for the living or the dead.”

“I don’t agree with it.”

Meghan laughs mirthlessly. “Neither do I.”

“So what do I do now?” I ask. “Esther’s dead, Anthony is on the run—with my missing arm—and the Progenitor still has a death wish.”

And I’m the second to last Harker. Am I still dying? Am I still able to call up Glimmer without my missing arm? For only having the blade for five months, I’m panicked at the thought of Glimmer being lost to me.

Meghan leans into me. “Find another worthy successor of the Progenitor, someone strong. Have them call back the vampirism. And live happily ever after.”

“Was that ever possible for us?”

Meghan is silent for a moment before answering. “I don’t know, Edie,” she admits. “I don’t know.”

She gets to her feet abruptly, reminiscent of our last encounter in the Void. “Someone’s here,” she says, a note of alarm in her voice.

“Someone…”

Meghan turns to me. “Look, Edie. There’s someone who has betrayed you. Don’t trust anyone. Promise me you won’t trust anyone.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know,” Meghan says. “Someone close. Someone…”

Then Meghan is lost to me and I’m torn from the Void.

Edie

Sunlight passes across my eyelids and I grimace, trying to shrink away from it. I’m too hot and too cold all at the same time, while it hurts to do anything, including breathing. How could every inch of my body hurt when it’s only my arm that’s missing?

I groan out loud.

“Edie,” a familiar voice says, breaking through the haze of pain and fogginess. “Edie, wake up.”

A hand shakes my shoulder, a little too roughly, and I reel from the motion which jostles my insides and makes my head swim even more.

“Edie.
Edie.
Open your eyes.”

I do.

“Aunt…Tessa?”

She is leaning over me, laying a cold compress on my forehead, concern etched into her face. When she sees that my eyes are open, she sighs in relief.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” she breathes happily. “I was worried there for a bit. You lost a lot of blood and I thought we’d lost you.”

I try sitting up, although my right hand slips and the stump of my left arm moves feebly while sharp pain cracks against my limbs. I’m in the guest bedroom at her house and the curtains are open, throwing me into daylight, creating an instant headache.

“Can you…close the curtains?”

Aunt Tessa’s eyes flit to the curtains and she shakes her head. “I know it’s uncomfortable,” she says, “but this is doing you some good.”

I try covering up my eyes, and a sob breaks out when I realize just how limiting my arm is going to be. The bastard tore it off at the elbow, so while there is still my upper arm, there’s not much I can do with it, especially when it’s hurting as bad as it is. Though it’s wrapped up in gauze so I can’t see the extent of the damage, I know it’s bad.

“Where is…everyone?”

“Carl and the vampire are in the house,” Aunt Tessa says. A grim smile touches her lips. “That vampire was so worried about you, I had to promise him that I wouldn’t leave your side.”

Tears sting my eyes and Aunt Tessa dabs at them with a cloth. “Shhh, it’s all right, Edie. You’re safe now.”

The scent of cloves hits me hard. The protection charms again. She must be trying to spell me back to health, which is both reassuring and strange.

“Zhi and Maria?”

Aunt Tessa gets to her feet. “Were they the vampire hunter and that female vampire from yesterday?” She moves to the curtains and pushes them as far as they go to the side, letting the full extent of sunlight hit me.

“Yeah,” I answer, squinting from the brightness.

“I’m not sure where they are. Carl and your friend Jude showed up with you…like this…”

More tears fall, and since she’s too far away to mop them up, I wipe furiously at them with my right hand.

“I’m not a full person anymore,” I sob.

“You are,” Tessa says. “And you can be.”

She moves over to the dresser and lights some incense, and the smoke mingles with the cloves. She wafts it towards her nose and takes a deep breath. “This should help you feel better.”

I take in a shuddering breath. “Thank you,” I tell her. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it,” she answers.

I wonder if I’ve healed enough that I’m out of the danger zone. Of course, I’ve never lost a limb before, so I’m not sure. I force myself to sit up with a moan.

"Edie," my aunt asks, her voice changing tone. Her back is to me, and it’s so bright I can't see her face. "Where is the Progenitor?"

“What?”

“Where is the Progenitor?”

I run through the scenario in my head. “He…didn’t come in with Jude and Carl?”

Still facing away from me, Aunt Tessa shakes her head. “No, he didn’t.”

“Then…I assume he’s with Zhi and Maria…?”

“And where would that be?”

I blink, and I can’t tell if the pain is causing my brain to work slowly or if something else is going on. Regardless, the hair on the nape of my neck raises, oddly reminding me of my vampy sense.

“I don’t know,” I answer. “Somewhere safe, I assume.”

“Yes,” my aunt says with a note of impatience. “But
where
is somewhere safe? Surely you know.”

Warning sirens go off in my brain. I push myself to the far side of the bed, trying to keep it between me and her, although I doubt it would be of much help.

“Why do you want to know?” I ask.
Keep her talking
.

Sensing that I’m trying to sneak away, my aunt turns around to face me. Her face looks haggard, like she hasn’t slept in a week. Her cheeks are gaunt and her eyes dull. It’s as if she’s let the stress finally get to her, that she’s finally spent.

Then I notice that her hands are idly making gestures, swirling the smoke from the incense. Not only that, I recognize the gestures as parts of a spell.

Before I can do anything to counteract it, she speaks, her voice a guttural grunt. “You should
lay back down
!”

No chanting, no Latin. Just those words, and an invisible force flattens me against the bed so hard that my lungs feel like they’re no longer working. I cry out in pain.

“Tell me where the Progenitor is,” my aunt says. I hear the note of desperation in her voice, which only makes me angrier.

“I don’t fucking
know
.”

The invisible force pushes me down again, harder this time, enough to press indentations on the bed and for the bed springs to creak under the pressure.

“I’d start guessing then,” Tessa says.

“Jude!” I yell. “Carl—AGH!” My cry of pain cuts off my shouts for help as the invisible force presses against my stump. Fuck, that’s playing dirty.

“I wouldn’t call them,” Aunt Tessa says.

“So
you’re
the one who betrayed me.”

I remember now, how both times Meghan said that there was someone with us in the Void. Both times, my aunt had been right next to me, either monitoring me, trying to invade the dream, or trying to glean information from it.

“I wouldn’t call it betrayal.”

“Then what
would
you call it?” I demand. “Because this looks like betrayal to me.”

“I’d call it saving my son.” Beneath her cold exterior, I can hear the desperation in her voice.

Tears spring to my eyes, because I know exactly
why
she’s doing this. While I don’t think I’d betray the ones I love, I’d move mountains to protect Amelia.

I don’t know how but the force presses me further onto the bed. I try summoning up Glimmer into my right hand, hoping against hope that even though my arm is gone, I can still call it.

Nothing happens.

Fuck
. I can’t seem to form a coherent spell in my head with the incense making it all fuzzy. She’s drugging me, and I don’t know how Tessa is able to do her spells because this incense is fucking with my head.

The door to the guestroom shakes slightly as someone tries to push it open. When it doesn’t, the battering against the wood gets, louder, more frantic.

“HELP!” I scream.

“Ma?” Carl asks on the other side, panicked. “Edie!”

“Carl, your mom—she’s—” I cry out again, feeling blackness edge onto my vision.

“You always were a tattletale when you were little, Edie,” my aunt tells me. “It was always so annoying.” Her hands are still gesturing with the spell. “Carl and that damned vampire won’t be able to come in. I’ve put wards up.”

The door now shudders on its hinges, as if someone is throwing his weight against it. “Edie?!”

“Jude!” I shout again, involuntarily screaming at the end.

Somehow the wood is still holding up. I’ve seen Jude tear down doors before—this should be nothing for him.

“I’ll ask you again,
Harker
,” Tessa says. “Where is the Progenitor?”

I blink at her, realization hitting me. “The protection pouches—they’re—”

“Tracking spells, actually.”

“So that’s how Anthony knew where the Progenitor was.” Anger roils inside me, like a beast clawing trying to escape. “You had us lead him right to the Progenitor.”

I feel sick at these revelations. After all, this is my aunt we’re talking about, someone who changed my diapers when I was younger. Someone I trusted.

"Why?" I ask, strangled.

Aunt Tessa smiles at me, although it's tired and exhausted. "Honestly?" she asks. "Because I have to take care of my son. Anthony promised that he’d end this whole Harker and vampire thing so that my son could live a normal life, not one in your shadow. Not one in constant fear."

I think about the attack in the basement of the Ritz Carlton. How so many vampires lost their lives. How I’m injured from it. "Well, this is a good way of keeping him safe then," I reply dryly

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way, Edie," she tells me.

"What way?" I demand. “The part where you betray your own flesh and blood?”

"It was supposed to be an easy way to go out for you. Painless. You were supposed to die months ago. According to the texts, you've lived much longer than any other Harker that has been infected. It was supposed to be an easy way to keep track of you, so that when you were ready…" she licks her lips, “…I could hand you over to Anthony.”

My stomach drops at her words. I gave her texts from my family’s archives. I let her look up the history and use it against me. Suddenly, I'm enraged at the duplicity at the unfairness of it all.

It’s a good thing that Graeme and Amelia took off yesterday. I hate to think what Tessa would have done to them while we were gone.

"Well, you can't blame me for fighting," I tell her.

"Face it, you were prolonging the inevitable."

“Maybe,” I admit. “I can't think that way though. Even if it is too late to save me, I am going to create a safer future for Amelia. That is the ultimate reason why I fighting. For Amelia.

"So sorry to ruin your plans.”

A loud crash sounds from the door and Jude shouts my name like a rabid animal. Tessa rolls her eyes. “Still trying. Stupid, lovesick vampire.”

“It’s amazing the things you do for the ones you care about.”

“You have no idea.”

“I wish you would have talked to me about this, Tessa,” I say. The incense is driving me nuts. All I want is to focus on one spell, even a small one, to get me out of this mess. Then I notice the temperature dropping in the room.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Tessa says, either ignoring the temperature drop or she doesn’t feel it. “We just need to find the Progenitor. I think he’s with your friends. They must’ve either been so cautious they didn’t trust bringing him inside, or…” she shakes her head. “No, that’s giving them too much credit.”

“Possibly,” I say.

Wood splinters off the door. Jude may try clawing his way in through the door, but he’ll never make it in. I even hear my cat yowling on the other side. Aunt Tessa has become more powerful than any of us could have imagined.

It’s me and her now. And my sister.

“I’ll have to keep you subdued,” Tessa says. She seems strung out. She is pulling at her hair, and even though her hands are still gesturing with the spell every so often, the movement’s more erratic. How can she not see that her breath is coming out in white puffs?

I think about
why
she said she did this. For Carl, because she wanted him to have a normal life. Was that so different than what I was trying to attempt with Amelia’s life and my own? I’ve killed quite a few vampires trying to get to the truth. I’ve done so many things, wished so much that I could change my fate.

And here we are at a crossroads. Was Aunt Tessa truly an enemy? Or just a desperate mother?

“I’m sorry,” I say to her.

The temperature keeps dropping, and now it feels so cold, it’s as if the incense isn’t moving around as much, like the chill is making the smoke move slower. The beginnings of a spell start to form in my head, a dangerous one. It’s the only one I’ve got at the moment and if I hesitate too long, I’m going to lose my window and no longer be able to save myself.

Aunt Tessa looks at me curiously. “Sorry for what?” she snarls.

Meghan appears behind her, her ghostly face both sad and determined, her ethereal hair swirling about her face.

“Sorry for what I’m about to do.”

I unleash the pyrokinetic spell, heat neutralizing the cold of Meghan’s appearance.

Tessa moves to counteract, but my sister reaches out and holds her fast with both arms wrapped around her. My aunt looks behind her, her face a mask of horror. She can see Meghan.

The burst of fire catches my aunt, spontaneously combusting and charring her flesh, filling my nostrils with the smell of barbecued human. I turn to my side and vomit.

Tessa screams, her voice unnaturally high-pitched as the fire consumes her. The entire thing lasts only a few seconds.