Dan and the Dead (6 page)

It's 10pm before we get moving, and I'm surprised to see that Bagport's actually bringing Lugubrian's device with us. He catches me eyeing it and gives me a slap on the back I could do without.

‘It'll be safer in the car,' he says. ‘I'm keeping this little prize close while the police are still hunting for it. I'm keeping you and those photos close too, just in case.'

I'm looking for something snarky to say when
Bagport hands me the golden apparatus, just like that. I stare at it, perplexed. Gubie's empty skull grins back. Then
snick
and
snick
, and before you can say ‘stuffed', Ringpull's only gone and handcuffed the blasted thing to my wrist!

‘Like I said, I'm keeping all my assets close right now,' says Bagport, and Ringpull shoves me in the back to get going. I test the cage for weight. It's heavy.

This was
not
part of the plan!

When we get into the car, Bagsy pours himself a glass of something pink and fizzy while Ringpull gets in with me, complete with camera and pistol. There's another man in the front along with the driver, and I see that all Bagport's scary muscle and gun requirements have been met this evening.

Simon, along with a silent Ems and a grumpy Lugubrian, slips though the closed door and looks worried. I remember then that while Bagport has kind of bought into the whole ‘I see dead people' thing, he doesn't actually know I have one who follows me around all the time. Right now, this might be my best chance.

I give Si a secret wink.

He just puffs ectoplasm at me and says nothing.

We drive in silence for a bit and then pull up,
and like the place last night, it's very dark. There's something big nearby, and as I climb from the car I see it's the brooding silhouette of a church, surrounded by bare trees and the standard issue creepy gravestones. There's even a raven cawing somewhere – the whole Gothic shebang. I have no idea where I am, but despite the dark, I see on a board that the church is St Perdita-of-the-Wilderness, and I guess I can look that up later. If there is a later, that is.

As we slip into the graveyard, I haven't forgotten what's expected of me. They're going to want to see some yabbering with spirits and that, and then I'm going to have to come up with a grave to rob, full of gold teeth and silver shoe buckles. The yabbering I can do. Guaranteeing the loot though, that's the tough bit.

‘I hope you know what you're doing,' says Si, close by my side.

‘S'cool,' I say aloud, and Bagport obviously thinks I'm talking to him.

‘You're one creepy kid, you know that?' he says.

‘Hey, it's not me who wants to dig up skeletons,' I say, and Ringpull cuffs me round the noggin.

I'm expecting to go on a tour of the graveyard like before, so it's a surprise to find myself round the back
of the church, standing next to a dry little wooden door. Bagport's got a torch with some tape over that throws just enough light to see by.

One of Bagport's men steps forward and pushes something into the ancient lock. It looks like a tool, the something does, and I see the man's shoulders struggle for a moment. There's a muffled grinding sound and then a ‘pang!' of breaking iron as the man manages to turn the lock with brute force. The door falls open and a couple of bits of twisted metal hit the floor.

I'm shoved inside.

What happens next is one of the weirdest moments I've ever experienced.

Bagport climbs up into the pulpit and leans there, looking like a Las Vegas preacher in his shiny suit, while Ringpull shoves things back off the altar and grunts himself up to sit on it. With a clank, he puts some heavy-duty tools down beside him, though he keeps the camera in his hands. The driver and the lock-breaker pull out guns and stand either side of the small door, which is obviously going to be my only escape route.

‘Right, kid,' says Bagport. ‘There's no end of posh graves in this place. All you've got to do is do what
you did last night, and we can all go home happy. Even you.'

Then they're just waiting there, watching. It's my cue, I guess.

It's gloomy in the church, but my eyes are getting used to it, and there's Bagsy's torch. I take in my surroundings, holding the golden cage in front of me like I'll be selling ice creams at the interval.

The church is obviously very old, and there are inset sculptures and wall-plaques that I know – thanks to History Harris – go back to the Middle Ages. I wonder what made Bagport pick this place. Does he happen to know there's something here? Is this some kind of test? It's a scary moment, especially with the gleam from four pairs of eyes watching me.

‘Daniel, look at this,' says Si.

He and the other ghosts are standing beside the tomb of a knight. It's long and low, and the old boy has a small dog by his feet and a sword held in one hand on his chest. Some historic vandal has smashed his face in – people in the past always seemed to be breaking stuff – but you can still see he's wearing a coronet.

I raise my eyebrow at Si.

‘If you are planning one of your last-minute surprises,' he says, ‘you had better set it in motion
now, because there's almost no chance of finding any actual treasure here.'

‘I've just got to get them all occupied, that's all,' I whisper. ‘This tomb should do it. Thanks, Si.'

‘But what
is
your plan?'

‘The camera,' I hiss. ‘Round Ringpull's neck? If we can distract them with a ghost, maybe I can get it and can take some pics of
them
. Then if I can get out of here, and get it to the police…'

‘That is a great many “if”s', Daniel,' says Si.

‘Just keep on your toes and get ready to back me up with your party trick, okay?'

‘Yes, but I'm bound to say – '

‘Speak up, Spirit,' I cry out loud, shouting Si down. ‘I can hardly hear you!'

The silence of the men watching me is deafening. Si stares at me for a moment.

‘Ah, I see,' he says. ‘It's time for the sinister voice, is it? Very well, Master Dyer, I shall see what I can do. But give them a good performance, because I fear this will be the performance of your life.'

Why did he have to add that last bit?

‘Come, Spirit, come!' I yell at nothing at all. ‘Tell me your troubles!'

I'm glad Mrs C isn't here or she'd make me star
act in the school show, for sure. I lift my arms and point into space and shout ‘He comes!', though even I can see there's nothing there. Then I shrink back, holding my arms up like I'm trying to protect myself from some invisible phantom. I stagger and cry out, turn a complete circle and clutch at a pew as I fall to the ground. There's a choirboy's cassock and a pile of bibles on the pew, and they fall down too. Oh, and Gubie's skull in the cage. Let's not forget that.

Eat your heart out, Hamlet!

But if I'm expecting applause, I'm disappointed.

I glance up. Simon's got one hand over his face, but it's the others, the living men, I'm trying to impress. From them there's nothing and I'm wondering if maybe I hammed it up a tad too much.

‘How did you know?' I call out to Bagport, but when he replies I can tell from his voice that what he's just seen was a bit too cheesy even for him.

‘Know what? This had better not be a wind-up, kid, or you'll wind up falling off the church tower.'

‘About the sword?' I say, making stuff up quick. ‘The knight's sword? That's why we're here, yeah? You knew it was here in his tomb?' And when there's no reply I add, ‘The jewels alone must be worth a fortune.'

There's a long pause.

‘You sure about this, boss?' says the lock-breaker.

Bagport looks down from the pulpit, and I can tell even from here that he's suddenly embarrassed. After all the effort he's been to, he'll look pretty stupid if it's all a load of rubbish – which it is – and I'm guessing he'd not want his men seeing that.

‘Yeah, I didn't see nuffin, Boss,' goes the driver. ‘Is this kid for real?'

‘He's a freakin' nutter!' says the lock-breaker and from the altar Ringpull grunts.

Uh-oh.

Bagport looks from his men to me, but it's too dark for me to see his face.

Then he snaps his fingers.

Ringull jumps down off the altar and walks over to me. I'm still lying on the ground, surrounded by bibles and the cassock. I look up at the huge man and wonder if there's even any point getting up, but I don't have to wonder for long because Ringpull leans over and with one hand he pulls me off the ground like I'm the wrong bag of shopping. He reaches his other arm back, and I can tell I'm in for the mother of all head slaps, so I shout ‘Wait! The sign!'

‘Let him speak,' says Bagport.

‘Ack…' I manage to choke out past Ringpull's grip. ‘Behold the sign! See, where the ghost comes… gah!'

And right beside me the white choirboy cassock lifts off the ground.

It's Simon of course, using his initiative for once, as well as his spooky powers to raise the cassock, but the bad guys don't know that, do they? As it lifts, the cassock fills out and for a moment it takes on the shape of a man.

There are gasps from round the church and Ringpull drops me, wide-eyed. Bagport's swearing again and again in a trembling voice as, in front of four grown and hardened men, the white ghostly figure raises one arm and points at the tomb of the knight.

Then the cassock collapses and I see Si slip out from under it. He's used all his spook powers in one go for that trick, but boy, what a corker! Bagport and his men can't deny the evidence of their own eyes and they're terrified. I think the lock-breaker's actually wet himself.

I stand up and brush myself down.

‘Let's get this tomb open then, shall we?' I say.

I push at the stone slab on the tomb, and make a lot of straining noises. This is still part of the act, you understand. I mean, obviously I can't move the slab on my own, but right now I don't actually want to.

‘Get back, kid!' gasps Bagport as he staggers down from the pulpit, still swearing, and snapping his fingers like he's close to losing it.

He's genuinely rattled by what he's just seen, but at the same time, the chance to lay his hands on a
fabulous jewel-encrusted sword keeps him sane.

‘Ringpull, close your gob and get pushing!'

Ringpull pulls himself together and throws his enormous strength against the slab, but it doesn't budge. He tries again and again, and then stops. He pulls his jacket off and rolls up his sleeves. He hangs his jacket on a pew.

Along with the camera.

‘Quit gawping!' Bagport yells at the other two men. ‘Get your backs into it!' And as the men push their guns into their belts and start shoving, even Mr Big lends a hand. With all four of them straining at the weight there's a short deep scraping sound as the slab begins to move.

‘Push harder!' yells Bagsy.

The slab grinds right back, till it's almost toppling onto the ground.

But before that can happen, it's time for me to act.

‘Look out, behind you!' I shout, and the men turn to me in alarm.

FLASH!

I get a great shot of the four of them.

FLASH!

Gangsters, grave robbing tools, open tomb –
check
!

Then I'm running.

I yank the door open, jump left and race into the dark graveyard, leaving the path behind me.

I don't know which one comes after me first – I was banking on them all being blinded by the flash – but there's someone behind me pretty quick.

‘Run, Daniel!' cries Si. ‘He's got a gun!'

Crapsticks!

There's a BANG! behind me as the gun goes off and the top of the gravestone I'm ducking behind explodes. Bits of stone hit me in the face, but I can't stop now. I'm zig-zagging and it's dark, so I don't see the person I run into till I've run right smack bang into them.

‘Ow!' says a woman's voice. ‘What in heaven's name is going on?' And in the dark, as I roll on the ground, I see her standing there. I also see a white square at the woman's neck, as well as the slathering teeth of two enormous dogs at her side.

‘Er, hello Vicar,' I say at the top of my voice.

There's a very loud and very rude word in the dark behind me, not the kind of thing lady vicars expect to hear in their own churchyard, I'm sure, but this lady vicar's obviously not the scone and raffle-tickets type. There's an eruption of light as she turns on a torch.

‘Get back here this instant!' she roars at the man who was following me, only now he's running away as fast as he can. ‘Or I'll set the dogs on you!'

There's more frantic running by the church as four dark figures race down the path, and then there's the sound of car doors slamming. Mr Big's car roars off without its lights on.