Dance of the Reptiles (45 page)

As always, I’m deeply indebted to Bob Radziewicz, formerly of
The Miami Herald
and now at the University of Miami School of Communication. His sharp editing eye has improved my columns for more years than either of us care to count.

I’m also boundlessly grateful to the newsroom staff of the
Herald
, which even in these lean times puts out a damn good paper. In particular I want to thank Juan Vasquez, Dora Bain, and Myriam Marquez in the Op-Ed department, and also the publisher, David Landsberg, who honors the sacred but fragile wall between editorial and business operations. David leaves me alone to write what I feel, no matter what kind of grief the columns might bring his way.

Lastly, I must once again thank the inexhaustible Diane Stevenson for sifting through a small mountain of tirades and riffs to choose some favorites from the last dozen years. This is the third time Diane has put together a collection of my newspaper work, yet her energy and enthusiasm remain unflagging. It’s baffling to a dark Nordic soul like mine, but I count myself lucky to have her as a reader and a friend.

If nothing else, these columns should strip away any remaining mystery about where I find the inspiration—and
source material—for my warped comic novels. I can’t imagine living anywhere as corrupt, overrun, mismanaged, and freak-infested as Florida. I also can’t imagine living anywhere as beautiful or so worth fighting for.

Carl Hiaasen

Vero Beach
  

June 7, 2013

BASKET CASE

Jack Tagger’s years in exile at the obituaries desk of a South Florida daily haven’t dulled his investigative reporter’s nose for a good story. When Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dies in a fishy scuba accident, Jack sees his ticket back to page one—if only he can figure out what really happened. Standing in his way are, just for starters, his ambitious young editor, who hasn’t yet fired anyone but plans to “break her cherry” with Jack, and the rock star’s pop-singer widow, who’s using the occasion of her husband’s death to relaunch her own career. The soulless, profit-hungry Jack becomes so obsessed with unraveling the lies surrounding Jimmy Stoma’s strange fate that he’s willing to risk his career, even his life.

Fiction

THE DOWNHILL LIE
A Hacker’s Return to a Ruinous Sport

Bestselling author Carl Hiaasen wisely quit golfing in 1973. But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years passed and the memories of slices and hooks faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the rolling, frustrating green hills of the golf course, where he ultimately—and foolishly—agreed to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. Filled with harrowing divots, deadly doglegs, and excruciating sandtraps,
The Downhill Lie
is a hilarious chronicle of misadventure that will have you rolling with laughter.

Memoir/Sports

With Bill Montalbano

A DEATH IN CHINA

From Carl Hiaasen and the distinguished foreign correspondent Bill Montalbano comes a relentless novel of treachery and murder set in the clenched society of China, where even tomorrow’s weather is a state secret. David Wang, a Chinese-American art historian, dies shortly after a visit to an ancient tomb housing priceless artifacts. Officials diagnose death by duck, a fatal confluence of culture shock and rich cuisine. But Wang’s friend Tom Stratton suspects something more sinister, especially after the dead man’s brother, a highly placed Party official, tries to have him kidnapped. From a nightmarish interrogation to assassination by cobra,
A Death in China
takes readers on a trip with no rest stops through a world of claustrophobic mistrust and terrifying danger.

Crime Fiction

TRAP LINE

With its dozens of outlying islands and the native Conchs’ historically low regard for the law, Key West is a smuggler’s paradise. All that’s needed are the captains to run the contraband. Breeze Albury is one of the best fishing captains on the Rock, and he’s in no mood to become the Machine’s delivery boy. So the Machine sets out to persuade him. It starts out by taking away Albury’s livelihood. Then it robs him of his freedom. But when the Machine threatens Albury’s son, the washed-out wharf rat turns into a raging, sea-going vigilante. In
Trap Line
, Hiaasen and Montalbano pit a handful of scruffy Conchs against an armada of drug lords, crooked cops, and homicidal marine lowlife. The result is a crime novel of dizzying velocity, filled with wrenching plot twists, grimily authentic characters, and enough local color for a hundred tropical shirts.

Crime Fiction

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