Dancer in the Shadows (18 page)

Eager to be alone with her thoughts, Valerie wandered into the den, putting some classical records on the stereo. Curled up on the couch, she lost herself in the music and her thoughts of Sean.

With Janine gone, tension had returned to their lives. Sean was usually home in the evenings, or, if he went out, didn't stay out as long as before. Valerie, eager to have something to occupy her time, helped Sara with the housework and drove Michael to and from preschool, loving the feel and ease of her new car. It wasn't long before she had settled herself into a new routine, looking to all the world like a happy housewife and mother.

One morning during breakfast, feeling at odds with herself, she idly pushed around the scrambled eggs on her plate while Sean talked with Michael. "Since the fair is in town, I thought we'd take Michael toward the end of the week," he said, turning to her and lazily sipping his coffee. "We could spend the day there."

"I wanna go! I wanna go!" Michael demanded loudly.

"Sean, he's too young to go anywhere for the day," Valerie protested, puzzled by his invitation and knowing she couldn't spend a day with him without losing the peace of mind she had worked so hard to obtain. "And you said yourself, the office has been very busy lately." And then there's Felicia; I'm sure she's back in the picture by now, she thought cattily to herself.

"They can do without me for a day. And I'm sure Michael will do all right." He rose from the table. "We'll plan on going Thursday, then. We can get an early start."

Valerie was up early Thursday and dressed casually in jeans and a yellow T-shirt. Then she went into Michael's room to help him get dressed. She bent to tie the shoelaces of his sneakers and then straightened up.

"You go out to Sara for your breakfast and I'll be there in a minute," she told him. "And you eat everything on your plate. I don't want to hear that you're hungry an hour from now."

He grinned cheekily at her before running from the room. Valerie went back to her own room long enough to brush her hair and clip it back from her face.

Sean was already at the table, eating his breakfast, when she appeared. He was also dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, his dark hair gleaming damply from his shower.

"Can I please take Muffin to the fair?" Michael begged. "He'll be good, too. I know he will."

"Sorry, pal, but no dogs," Sean told him. "He'll be happier staying home and waiting for you."

Sara came into the room and set a plate of pancakes in front of Valerie. "I want those gone when I come back. You're still too thin for my taste."

Valerie looked at the plate in dismay. "I've never eaten this much for breakfast in my life," she protested.

"If you did, you wouldn't be so skinny," Sara said crisply, before leaving the room.

The corners of Sean's mouth twitched in amusement.

"It's not funny!" she flared up. "I can't possibly eat all of this."

"Eat what you can," he told her.

"No, Mommy, you said I always have to finish everything on my plate, so you should, too," Michael spoke up.

"Get out of that one," Sean murmured, silently laughing.

Valerie sighed heavily as she spread butter on the fluffy pancakes.

During the drive to the fair, Michael bounced up and down in his seat, demanding to know how long it would be before they would arrive at their destination.

"If you don't settle down we'll end up in a wreck; otherwise, we'll be there in a few minutes." Sean pointed off to their right. "We may even find time to walk around the midway and find a merry-go-round."

Michael sat back in his seat, his eyes shining at the prospect. Inside the fairgrounds, he skipped happily between his parents, one hand held by each. His green eyes grew larger as he saw the rows of stables with the heads of the various horses hanging over the stall doors. "Oh, look! There's a spotted horse!" He jumped up and down.

"He's called a pinto," Sean explained. Then he cautioned, "Don't run too close to any of them."

"Can I have a horse of my own, Daddy?" He turned to look up at Sean. "Can I? I'm getting bigger now. I'm almost four."

"We'll let you add a few more inches on top and then we'll see about a pony for you," he promised.

Suddenly unhappy, Val thought to herself: I don't even need to be here. Sean can decide everything; maybe Michael doesn't need me any more than Sean does. Tears sprang to her eyes at the thought.

They soon left the stables behind, wandering through the various exposition halls, even observing exhibits of farm machinery. When Michael's short legs began to drag, Sean picked him up and reached over, grasping Valerie's hand. His touch burned her skin, but she felt suddenly warm and content to have him so close beside her. When they went back outside, she squinted against the midday glare.

"Now to find a merry-go-round," Sean announced, setting Michael down. "Come on, pal, I'm sure you can walk on your own for a while." He turned to Valerie. "Would you like to stop for a cold drink first? It might help you cool off."

Surprised that he was concerned for her wellbeing, she could only nod her head wordlessly. An expression she couldn't identify passed across his bronze face as he gazed into her eyes, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Let's go, then," he said crisply.

Valerie looked around the noisy midway, teeming with games of skill and chance and carnival rides. Handing her lemonade to Sean, she went on the large, colorful merry-go-round with Michael, who sat happily on a large wooden horse.

"Will my horse be as big as this one?" he asked her.

"No, love, quite a bit smaller." She smiled at him.

After lunch at one of the snack bars, Michael's head began to droop with weariness.

"I'm surprised he lasted this long," Valerie said softly, brushing his hair away from his damp face. "It would probably be best if we took him home for a nap."

"Right." Sean adjusted Michael so that the small boy's head rested against his shoulder. He held out his hand to Val with a strange gleam in his eyes. Flashing a warm smile reminiscent of years before, she grasped it as they walked out of the midway area. Several minutes later, Valerie looked around in bewilderment.

"Sean, we're going the wrong way," she protested, gesturing toward her left. "The parking lot is over that way; I'm sure of it."

"One more stop to make." He led her toward an exhibit hall they hadn't gone into earlier.

"But Sean, he's so tired," she told him. "He's half-asleep now."

Inside, Sean walked through the crowds, sure of his destination. Valerie noticed jealously that even the older women glanced at him with admiring eyes. She was surprised to see Sara standing off to one side with a smug smile on her face.

"Sara!" exclaimed Valerie. Then it dawned on her. "Did you enter something?"

"My jam. Won second prize, too," the housekeeper told her proudly, then turned her eyes to the drowsy Michael. "Looks like this young man has had a busy day."

"You said you were going home around three. Would you mind taking him with you?" Sean asked her.

Sara's reply was to hold her arms out for the little boy.

"But I thought we were going home," Valerie said, looking puzzled.

"No. Just Michael. We have the rest of the day ahead of us," he told her. "So let's enjoy it."

"It isn't fair to leave him with Sara," Valerie protested as Sean grabbed her hand and practically dragged her out of the hall.

Outside, he stopped abruptly and faced her, his eyes blazing gold with anger. "Look, he'll be fine with Sara. She'll spoil him and he adores her," he stated flatly. "So, do you want to go to the fair with me, or back home?"

She hesitated briefly, knowing this might be the last time she'd have him all to herself. "I want to go with you," she said softly, raising her eyes to meet his.

His taut features relaxed into a smile. "Then let's not waste any more time," he replied, just as softly.

They spent the balance of the day watching the horse races and the rodeo. As the day faded into evening, they drifted through a midway ablaze with bright fights and carnival music. All the strain had left Valerie's face and she appeared as carefree and happy as a teenager. She glowed under Sean's attention as he walked with his arm draped casually over her shoulders. "How about some dinner?" he asked her.

"I have to admit, I am pretty hungry."

"Then I better feed you." Sean eyed her slight figure. "Sara's right, you've been much too thin since your accident." His arm tensed against her.

"Now I know enough to look out for telephone poles." She tried to pass it off lightly, although her mind still registered the horror of that day.

"No, I should have kept an eye on your car since it wasn't in the best of condition," Sean said tightly.

Valerie's heart constricted at the grim expression on his face. "Sean, please," she pleaded, then lightened her voice. "After all, you promised me a beautiful day."

"If possible, I'll do even better than that," he murmured, receiving a puzzled look from her as they walked back to the parking lot.

Not much later, her happy expression disappeared as she saw Felicia approach them, accompanied by a man in his early fifties.

"Well, hello." Felicia greeted them airily, her eyes on Sean. "John, I'd like you to meet some neighbors and close friends of mine, Sean and Valerie Hunter. And this is John Bennett; he's looking into purchasing some land in the area."

The two men shook hands, and the other man nodded smilingly at Valerie.

"Sean is a civil engineer and he might know of some good prospects for you," Felicia told John. "He's a very helpful man to have around." She smiled slyly at him.

Valerie could feel her happiness seeping away as she watched Felicia glance intimately at Sean, although he appeared oblivious as he talked to John about land in the area. He glanced down at Val's stony face, surprised by the sudden change, and soon politely terminated the conversation.

"We must get together very soon." Felicia smiled archly at Sean, touching his arm with her long red- tinted fingernails.

"Well, Val and I haven't had a lot of free time together, so we may hibernate for a while," he replied silkily, disengaging his arm. Felicia's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Well, I'm sure things will change." Her voice sounded harsh.

"For the better." Sean nodded toward the other man. "Nice to meet you." He took Valerie's arm. "We have to get going. We're late for a dinner engagement."

"Then have dinner with us," Felicia suggested rapidly.

"No. We have previous plans," Sean said smoothly. "Good-bye."

"You didn't have to refuse on my account," Valerie said sullenly as they walked toward the car. "I would have been a good girl and not said anything to embarrass you."

"If I had wanted to go, I would have accepted no matter what tricks you would have tried to pull," he said grimly. "But I didn't care to have dinner with them, although I don't know why I'm even bothering to explain it to you. I'd much prefer for us to dine alone, but if you don't care for the idea, I'll just take you home."

"No, that's fine with me," she said softly, feeling the happiness bubble up inside again.

"Then let's eat because I'm starving," Sean growled, grabbing her hand.

Sean chose a small restaurant that specialized in seafood.

Valerie was reminded of the first time they had been together when he had taken her to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. She now realized how young and naive she had been then, and how in awe of this worldly man. As she glanced around the dimly lit room, she suddenly remembered that the six months would be over soon. Should she stay with Sean, as a figurehead wife, or should she give up, leave her son to Felicia and Sean and go away? She knew she'd have to go away, because she couldn't bear to live in the same town as Sean and Michael and never see them. She swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling the tears well up. Bending her head over her plate, she concentrated on her delicious meal of deep-fried prawns; she didn't realize that Sean had noticed her trembling hands and slightly quivering lips.

"Val, are you all right?" His voice evinced his concern. He reached across the table, covering her hand with his.

"I'm fine," she hastily replied, pride forbidding her to tell him of her fears and the deep love she still felt for him. Valerie picked up her wineglass, hoping that the alcohol would steady her nerves.

"What would you say about getting Michael a pony for his birthday?" he asked her. "I know someone who's selling one, a good gentle one, not too frisky. Of course, I'd tell him he could only ride it in the corral when I'm with him."

"Whatever you think best," she replied in a low voice.

"Val, I'd like your opinion," Sean persisted. "What do you think about it?"

Valerie knew she couldn't stay at the table any longer. Mumbling an inane excuse, she fled the dining room and ran out to the parking lot. She had barely reached the car, tears streaming down her face, when she was grabbed by the shoulders and roughly turned around.

"Now what on earth is wrong?" he angrily demanded, shaking her by the shoulders until her head rang and the tears flowed freely. "Oh, Val," Sean groaned, pulling her to him, "what am I going to do with you?"

"You don't have to worry; I'll go away quietly," she sobbed against his shoulder. "I won't make a fuss."

"Go away? Why?" His face was grim and taut. "Why would you want to go away?"

"Be-because the six months are almost up." Valerie's words were slurred from her tears. "You said—"

Sean swore quietly, making her flinch. "In the car," he ordered, unlocking the passenger's door. "We obviously need to get a few things straightened out, and this isn't exactly the place to do it."

Valerie sat huddled in the seat, sniffing noisily. After Sean settled himself behind the wheel, he took out a handkerchief and turned toward her, tenderly mopping her damp face before starting the car. She stared out the window as the powerful car ate up the miles, and all too soon they were home.

Sean mixed two drinks, handing one to Valerie. "Drink this." He pushed the glass into her hand and sat on the leather couch next to her, giving her time to compose herself.