Dancing in the Dark: A Novella (6 page)

He laid his hands over hers and squeezed lightly.
"What do you feel?" he asked.

"
Your hands."

"
Beneath your hands," he insisted.

She hesitated.
"Me."

"
Spread your fingers for me, Janey," he whispered in her ear.

He felt her comply, and watching carefully, used his fingers to rub, then gently pluck at her exposed nipples. She bit her lower lip.

Keeping his left hand on her left breast, he raised his right hand to his lips, licked his thumb and index finger, and returned them to her nipple even as he scooted closer to her back.

She hummed as he rubbed her now slick nipple.

He raised his right hand to her lips, inviting her to lick his fingers. When she did, he used them to wet her right nipple.

She scooted back against him, letting her head fall back against his shoulder, her bottom against his groin. He thrust his hips against her, trying to find some relief for his aching erection. The damn boxers she wore were in the way so he jerked them off to pool at her feel. She stepped clear, and he pulled her against him again. She reached behind herself, wedged her hand between them to pull his boxers down. His cock leaped out against her. He bent his knees enough to position himself just right to give them both a taste of pleasure.

But it wasn't enough. She seemed to agree because she spun in his arms, grabbed the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down so he could step out of them.

"
Wow," she said.

He laughed.
"So half dressed-guys turn you on."

"
Half undressed you turns me on." She glanced down at his very erect penis and smiled. "I like how the white shirt and tie..." She considered her words. "Frame your potential."

He laughed again.
"My potential, huh," he repeated, stepping closer. "Your ‘potential' got me into this condition. Let's see if we can't do something that'll make us both very happy." He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her to him. His erection pressed against her stomach.

"
We have a trajectory problem," she said, looking up at him.

"
We are not bringing the stool in here."

"
I was thinking more along the lines of you getting on the bed."

He raised his brows.
"Me?"

"
Mmhm. Trajectories won't be a problem."

"
They teach you that in grad school?"

"
I thought they would have taught you that in…whatever school."

"
This isn't something they teach."

"
Let me show you what can be done," she whispered against his mouth just before she gave him a biting kiss.

"
You're going to show me?"

"
Librarians are well-read."

Chapter Seven

He laughed. He didn't remember when, if ever, he'd been as turned on and laughed at the same time.

He performed a mock salute and got on the bed.

Then he remembered.

"
Janey, I don't have a condom."

That didn
't seem to faze her. "I'm on the pill."

"
But I'm safe, I mean they check us for...stuff, you know. So I'm..."

"
Safe. So am I." She gave him a head to toe look, pausing at his cock, got on the bed, and straddled his hips.

Matt
's first instinct was to tip her over and drive into her, but he'd wanted slow, so by god, slow it would be. He'd let her use her "well-read" ideas and see what happened.

Moments later, as she trailed open-mouthed kisses down his throat, across his collar bone, her tongue exploring the ridge of a long-ago fracture, before settling on his nipple, his lust fogged instincts self-imploded.

Janey suddenly found herself on her back, Matt's body a heated blanket over her. He looked down at her with something akin to fierceness. "Not this time, babe." He punctuated the ‘babe' with a hard kiss to her mouth. "This time it's my way. You can play next time."

And he proceeded to kiss his way down her body, stopping to sample her nipples with kisses that had her squirming.
"Settle down," he muttered against her belly button. "Just let me..." he trailed kisses down, down, until he pushed up her knees and licked her. Janey tensed and grabbed at his hair, but he gentled her, caressing, licking. Until she whimpered and called out his name.

He kissed his way back up her body, and she watched as he positioned himself and thrust. Deep. Hard. Surprise, satisfaction, made her suck in a breath.

He withdrew, holding himself barely inside her "Okay?"

"
Mmhm," she said, wondering if he heard her, if he could even imagine how she'd dreamed about this, waited for so long to feel him like this.

"
I thought I could slow down, Janey," he breathed against her mouth. "I can't."

"
Who," she paused on a gasp as he pushed back in, "asked you to?"

That seemed to release him from his self-imposed constraints. He began pumping into her, his gaze intent on hers, reading her pleasure and adjusting his tempo to her responses.

He thrust deep, then pulled out. She made a
humming noise at the loss of him and hooked her ankles around the backs of his thighs.

"
Slow down, Janey. It's not a race," Matt said, teasing her by pushing just the head of his shaft inside her.

"
Please," she begged.

He pulled out and rubbed the broad head up and down her wetness. It was just enough. She moaned, her orgasm taking her.

Before she could get her breath back, he went down on her, his tongue wicked as he licked her. She sobbed as her still quivering sex responded. "Umm."

He looked up at her and smiled.
"Like?"

Dazed, she nodded.

He looked down at her, something that should have embarrassed her, but didn't. "You're so pretty. I can do this," he said, touching her gently. She pushed against his hand, hungry for more. "You like?"

She couldn
't get her breath to respond, so she rolled her hips to increase the pressure.

"
Push up on your hands, babe. I want you to watch."

Caught in a sexual spell, she did, resting her hands behind her on the bed.

Matt bent, looking up at her, and licked, finding the bundle of nerves that hungered for more. She could hear the wet sounds. She should be embarrassed. She should be blushing. Instead, she moaned.

"
That's so beautiful," she heard him say. "So beautiful."

With her body still reverberating, he reared up and pushed in slightly.
"Watch," he ordered, as he did the same. He thrust hard, his swollen penis sliding in so deep. Then he pulled out. "See what you do to me."

He plunged in again, pumping harder, faster, deeper. His words, the pressure, the feeling of overwhelming fullness, built and built, her world roaring pleasure, until he gasped, grabbed her hips, thrust deep, and came, triggering another orgasm.

"You are fantastic," he whispered against her neck long minutes later.

"
You're pretty fantastic yourself," she whispered back, wishing she could say more, tell him how important he was to her.

"
You're still squeezing me."

"
And you're still pretty hard."

He shifted.

"Hard," she corrected.

"
Yeah," he said, satisfaction in his voice. "I'm hard again." He thrust gently. "I want you again."

His thrusts became relentless, rolling her into yet another orgasm.

Long minutes later, totally spent, he pulled out, scooted onto his side, and pulled her close. Just before he fell asleep, she heard him mutter, "Oh, Janey."

***

Matt woke to the sun filtering through the wood blinds.

Janey.

Her name resonated in his thoughts, her taste in his mouth.

Holy crap, the things he
'd done to her. She to him.

He was hard again. She was probably sore. He should have considered that when he realized that while she was no novice, she wasn
't very experienced. He smiled. Well-read had been better than anything he'd had the brains left to think of. But he'd gotten his act together after the second time.

No, no act. They had a real and honest passion. She
'd been a little shy, but…

Okay, if he planned to join her wherever she was, he
'd better get himself under control with a nice cool shower.

Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stood, and stretched. Man, he
'd slept well, on his side, with her bottom in his lap.

And, yeah, he was hard again.

But they needed to talk.

No,
he
needed to talk. To tell her.

They
'd been honest with their bodies, now it was time for plain honesty.

Chapter Eight

Janey sipped her coffee at the kitchen table and looked out on Matt's mother's grassy back yard. The lower spots were flooded, but the yard had survived. Power was back. She'd watched the local news. Flooding had been bad, especially in the low-lying areas of downtown. The bridges were being checked, but no word was expected until at least noon.

No telephone or cell phone service, not yet. At least not hers. She
'd been tempted to check Matt's, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She reminded herself he'd said it would be days before he heard.

But she couldn
't help wondering if he'd told her everything. Did he already know what had happened to JP? Would he tell her what he knew?

Could he?

He'd shared himself more than willingly during the overnight hours. She wasn't going to snoop his cell phone to find out what he might not be able to tell her. It wouldn't be right under normal circumstances. But circumstances weren't normal with Matt, given what he did. They never would be. Something she had to keep reminding herself of.

He was not going to offer a happily ever after. He was not going to be here. The best she could hope for was a few days or weeks between assignments.

If he even wanted that much.

And if he did, did she? Did she want a part-time lover? A man who couldn
't give her permanence?

She was selfishly thinking of herself. Matt had given her last night. Prom night, he
'd said after the second time they'd made love. Actually, what he'd said was, "Did I make up for missing your prom?"

That had initiated their third loving.

Love.

Yes, she loved him.

She was in love with a man who would never have a normal life. Had she been in love with him since high school? Could hero worship really be love?

Not hero worship now. She
'd left that behind years ago. She'd been falling in love with him over the years. When they'd seen each other and talked when he was home. But they'd always been with family. His, hers, their mothers' friendship a connection that kept them forever in each other's orbit. This had been different. The two of them, alone, in a place out of time.

The passion had been real, but could passion really be the catalyst that made her fall in love?

Yes. Yes because he'd let her be her. He'd sweetly danced with her. In the dark.

Dancing in the dark.

And that was the hitch in everything. She knew what he did. Dark ops, CIA paramilitary. No, no one ever told her, just as no one, not even JP, said what they did. But she knew.

Yes, they
'd been dancing in the dark.

***

Matt watched her from the hallway. She wasn't the gorgeous tall blond most men would gravitate toward. She was…beyond stunning. Her dark hair fell in curls onto her shoulders. She normally wore it pulled back, or straighter. During one of the mindless one-liners he'd managed to deliver in the middle of a particularly erotic moment, he'd told her he liked seeing it wavy and curling around her face.

Did she remember? Or had the lack of a rubber band forced her to leave it down?

Suddenly it became important that she'd left it down because
he
liked it that way.

She
'd dried her clothes and wore the skirt and blouse again. She crossed one leg over the other, twining it the way he'd seen some women do. Then she kicked it free and began jiggling it. During his long-ago, over-hormoned youth, he'd heard that women who jiggled their foot like that needed sex. Now he knew better. She'd—they'd—had mind-blowing sex. Four times.

No, she was worried about her brother. That was why she
'd come here. She hadn't come for a romantic getaway. Hell, he'd delivered erotic, anyway, not romantic. She needed more than that. He did.

"
Coffee smells great," he said before he said something totally stupid.

"
There's plenty," she replied.

He felt her watching him as he poured himself a cup, and wondered what she was thinking.

"The phone is still out. So's my cell phone."

That settled what she was thinking about.

"I don't have a signal yet, either." He turned and faced her. "I'll keep checking."

What now? Seemed to be the unspoken question. He might as well speak it.

"Janey, about last night—"

"
I don't expect anything from you, Matt."

She delivered the statement in such an off-hand manner that he immediately saw red.

"What the hell does that mean?"

She looked surprised at his vehemence.
"Just..." She shrugged, but had the grace to look a bit wary. "I don't expect anything."

"
Well you damn well should expect something from a man who does what I did to you."

"
You didn't
do
anything to me," she replied with a touch of anger in her voice. "I was under the impression we had a mutual…tryst."

"
Tryst?" He clenched his jaw, bit back words he would regret later, and crossed toward her. "You call that a tryst? Well, honey, you may be well read, and that word probably came from a book about trysts, but we didn't tryst. We had hot sex…all night long. And it bears discussing."

"
You want to talk about sex?"

"
No!"
Shit.
"Yes." This was turning into a total freaking mess "Hell, Janey." He took a calming breath, counted to ten, and sat in the chair next to her. "It was more than just sex."

Janey didn
't know how to respond to Matt's quietly spoken words.

"
What are you saying?" she asked.

"
Just what I said." He had the look of a person who'd said something once and wasn't going to repeat it.

"
Okay," she agreed cautiously.

"
That's all you have to say?"

Janey considered what she could say.
"I'm not sure how to respond."

He blew out a breath, sounding exasperated.
"Was it more than just sex for you?"

She hesitated.
"Yes."

"
Okay." He leaned back in the chair. "You'll be back at work Monday, right?"

"
Unless there's been damage to the library from the flooding."

"
Have lunch and dinner with me?"

"
You don't have to—"

"
We agreed it was more than sex. I have two weeks. We're going to date."

"
Date?" She said the word as if he'd suggested robbing banks.

He smiled.
"Unless you'd rather just have hot sex."

"
No. I mean yes." She shook her head. "Matt, you don't have to do this."

"
I want to, Janey," he replied, his smile fading as he turned serious. "We owe it to ourselves to take the time, to make the time. We didn't even try before. We just let those occasional meetings be it. We should have acknowledged what was there."

Was it really there all along? Or did one incredible night turn things around for him?

She wanted to say yes, but she hesitated. He should know more than bits and pieces of her life—and one incredible night. "I'm a small town girl, Matt. A librarian." She nearly added not exciting.
And I don't know if I can handle your life.
But she wouldn't say that.

"
I want you to be you. That's all. Be you." He reached across the table and touched her hand. "Will you give us a chance?"

Was she brave enough to let go after knowing Matt like this? Hot sex, yes, but if there were more? She was already in love with him. What more could there be?

She turned her hand palm up and grasped his. "Let's date," she said as lightly as she could, plastering a smile on her face.

He looked out the windows.
"We're not going anywhere until the bridges are checked."

"
I'm sure we can find something to do around here," she said, absorbing the warmth of his hand.

"
No. No more sex until we do something else together."

***

"We're going to have sore muscles," Matt said as they walked into the living room after leaving their muddy shoes on the front porch. "Maybe a nice hot shower or a massage would be a good idea."

Janey laughed.
"Somehow, cleaning up the Jameson's back yard isn't how I expected to spend the day with you."

She wore one of his T-shirts and a pair of his mother
's shorts. She'd had to wear two pairs of socks to keep his mom's tennis shoes on.

"
If we hadn't, I would have broken my promise," he said.

"
What promise?" she asked.

"
That we don't make love again until we do something else together. I told you." With that, he gave her a quick, smacking kiss.

"
So now we hit the shower?"

He looked at her and reconsidered. She had to be tired. He
'd kept her up most of the night and the Jameson's yard had been a mess. He was in pretty good shape, and while her shape was perfect for him, she wasn't used to that type of hard physical labor.

"
Maybe
you
hit the shower. I'll check Mom's yard just to be sure I didn't miss anything."

"
I'm not sore, Matt."

"
You will be, honey. And not just from yard work." He gave her bottom a quick pat.

She laughed and slapped at his arm. God, it was so good to be with her, to have this easy time with her. He pulled her into his arms and swung her around.

His cell phone sat on the coffee table where he'd left it. Hugging her close, he lowered her, feeling her body against his. He looked down and said, "I'd better check my cell."

She nodded.

He picked it up. It was working. He walked back outside.

"
Well?" she asked when he came back in a few minutes later.

"
Janey, honey—"

"
He's not—"

"
Dead. No. He's not." He held his arms out and she went straight to him, burying her face in his shoulder. "There's some screw-up. They're trying to sort it out."

"
What sort of screw-up?"

He hesitated.
"Communications gone awry." A total freaking cluster fuck with her brother in the middle of it.

"
You can't talk about it."

He didn
't reply. She stiffened in his arms for just a moment, then she nodded and relaxed.

"
I've told you what I can, more than I should have."

She took a breath.
"I pray he's okay."

"
I do, too, Janey."

He held her for long minutes, gently rubbing her back. Finally, even though the timing absolutely sucked, he had to do what he
'd planned.

"
We need to talk."

She tried to pull away, but he held on.

"I told you I don't—"

"
Expect anything, I know." He kissed her forehead and pulled back enough to look at her upturned face. "
I
expect."

There. He
'd said it. "I want you in my life. I don't want to lose you, and I know that can happen given what I do."

She bit her lower lip
.

He clasped his hands together behind her lower back.
"You already know that waiting is part of this."

"
Waiting and not knowing."

"
Yes. The life I can promise is a bit of a gamble."

Her eyes focused on his chest for a moment before she met his gaze.
"Isn't life really just a roll of the dice?" she asked. "We get a shot at it, if we take a few risks, we might lose, but we might also win. Big time."

"
You're a gambler, then.

"
I don't think so. I've never been one. I'm the sure-bet sort of person. I like the security of knowing."

"
Then know this." He brought his right hand up, traced her brow with his thumb, then ran it down her arm to take her hand. "I love you, Janey Blackmon."

Now he
'd said it.

Her eyes rounded in surprise, then she took a breath.
"And I—"

He quickly stopped her,
the fingers of his left hand on her lips, and shook his head. "No. No commitment on your part, Janey. Not until you're sure. It's not an easy life."