Dancing with Molly (12 page)

Carson and I laughed and ran from the doorway of the room, racing around corners and past parents telling us to slow down and be careful. Finally we collapsed onto a beanbag in the band room and lay there panting and staring up at the ceiling tiles. The designs in the soundproof fiberglass tiles seemed to wiggle in a strange and hilarious routine, and I knew from Carson's soft “Wow” that he was seeing it too. We were the only people in the band room, which I didn't really think about until Mr. Peterson came into the room. The sound of his loafers against the tile floor in the hallway echoed strangely in my ears, like a
whoosh-splahsh!
It sounded like he was running through water. I turned my head and saw him come into the room, and he jumped a little—like he was surprised to see anyone here at all.

He said my name, and told Carson “congrats.” He asked us if we were having a good time. I just smiled at him. I couldn't have talked right then even if I'd wanted to. Luckily, Carson
seemed pretty with it. He sat up next to me on the beanbag and said, Hey, Mr. P. Thanks! Then Carson told him that we were taking a break from dancing. Then a big group of sophomore girls who I recognized from the volleyball team came in, and one of them did a somersault onto a beanbag chair. Mr. Peterson told her not to do that again because he didn't want to have to take her to the emergency room.

Just as Carson kissed me again, Reid and Ashley showed up. Ashley came running over and plopped onto the beanbag next to mine. Reid took the beanbag on the other side, and Ashley spotted Mr. Peterson and popped back up, running over to where he was talking to the volleyball girls. I heard her say, Mr. Peterson! like he was her long-lost friend, and then start talking about how much she had loved being in band as a freshman. Ashley gave up playing the flute this year. Mr. Peterson was saying something back to her, but I don't really remember what it was because Reid and Carson and I were all staring at the ceiling tiles again, and Reid (who was sweaty as hell from dancing) kept saying, Far OUT. I noticed he was chewing some gum like it was his job and asked him where he got it. He pulled a pack out of his pocket and said that Kelly had given it to him to share. As Carson and I were each taking a piece, Carson said he was thirsty and I asked him to bring
me back some water or some punch or something. He kissed me, and as I watched him walk toward the door, I felt someone kneel down on the floor next to my beanbag. I turned to see Mr. Peterson.

There was a look on his face that I can't quite explain. It was as if he were doing a math problem that had a complicated solution, and he was just about to solve it. I sat up on the beanbag and he smiled at me and said, I don't want to alarm you, but I think your sister might be high. Do you have your parents' phone number handy so that I can call them and have them come pick Ashley up?

Of course, right then Reid started giggling like a maniac. He hadn't heard any of this conversation. He was just tripping out on the beanbag, running his hands over the cool, smushy vinyl and pointing up at the patterns in the ceiling tiles. I wanted to tell him to shut the hell up. I wanted to be able to sit up and fish my phone out of my pocket, to hand it to Mr. Peterson and say I was so sorry about Ashley, and that I would call my parents to have them come get her right away.

Instead, I just stared into Mr. Peterson's eyes. I remember thinking, I wonder if anyone loves Mr. Peterson the way that I love Carson? It felt like the deepest, most amazing thing I'd ever considered. It brought a thrilling wave of emotion crashing over
me, and suddenly every inch of me was covered in goose bumps. I remember thinking that I could be that person. I could love Mr. Peterson the way that Carson loved me.

And that's when I leaned up and kissed Mr. Peterson on the tip of his nose.

Yep.

I kissed the tip of his nose.

It seemed like it would fix everything. I was certain of it. Nothing would make more sense, or make him feel better, or make me feel more alive. It just seemed like the perfect thing to do.

Needless to say, I was wrong.

Mr. Peterson figured out that I was on something too, and it was pretty clear that Reid was high as a freaking kite. He was still giggling at the ceiling tiles when my dad showed up in the doorway of the band room, and in front of the entire school, Ashley and I got led out of the party by our elbows. Carson had seen what was going down when he came back to the room with our drinks and had gone to warn Jess and Kelly. They immediately split, and Kelly called Kyle, who came and picked them up on the corner by the football field.

Mr. Peterson had his hands full with Reid until Reid's mom showed up, but Reid had already graduated, so he got off easy.
There's nothing they can really do to him. Me and Ashley on the other hand? We're screwed. We don't know exactly what the punishment will be yet, but suffice it to say that we're in deep shit.

Oh, and just for the record, molly doesn't make your parents yelling at you any more fun. It's awful. I couldn't figure out what was going on, and the less I paid attention to my mom, the angrier she got.

I've been awake for a couple hours now, but I'm dreading going downstairs to the kitchen. I can only imagine what's waiting for me there.

Just got done with dinner. It may have been the worst meal of my entire life. Dad is so upset that he's not even yelling, he's just got this look on his face like he doesn't even know who we are anymore. Of course, Mom is yelling enough for both of them. She talked the entire time we were at the table about how foolish we are. “Foolish.” Again and again she said that word. Ashley was a moron and kept trying to argue with her. She kept trying to convince Mom that molly isn't that dangerous. Of course, Mom has been online all day and is now armed with “facts” about drug use.

It's weird because she barely even talked to me. It's almost like she expects me to do something this “foolish” but not Ashley. Not her perfect, straight-A student. Ashley was going to run for student council next fall, but now Mom has made it clear that this is off the table. And we don't even know what the school is going to do. Mr. Peterson told them that he is going to talk with Principal Andrews and that she is going to make the final call.

Ashley was stupid for fighting back. At least I knew better than to flap my mouth. Ashley was trying to tell Mom that she did know where the drugs came from, that they were “tested” to make sure they were clean. It would've been hilarious to watch them go at it if it weren't so crazy. Of course, Ash has it in her head that she can fix this somehow, but she's trying not to rat out Kelly. If she tells Mom that Kelly was involved, Mom will never let us hang out with Kelly, and maybe Jess, ever again.

But Ash has never been in trouble before so she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that Mom is not going to let us out of her sight for the next month, at least. We're both grounded and Mom and Dad won't even say for how long, only that we can't go anywhere for a long time.

I just sat there and pretended to eat. I'm not really hungry. I'm just so freaking glad that Carson left to get us water when
he did. Mom kept asking Ashley where she got the drugs, and eventually decided that Reid gave them to us. Ashley was trying to defend Reid, and Mom said, Well, you can stop sticking up for him. You're never going out with him again.

Ashley dissolved into tears and stomped away from the table when she heard this. Once she was gone, Mom stormed off too, leaving me and my dad sitting in this uncomfortable silence at the dinner table, staring at our plates, the ceiling, out the window, anywhere really except at each other. I finally got up and started to clear the table. As I was taking plates and glasses to the sink, Dad said, Just don't.

I stopped and looked at him, and he was crying. Not like sobbing or anything, just had tears running down his cheeks. He told me just to go to my room, and it made my stomach turn. He's so disappointed with us—I think with me especially. He doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. I put the dishes I was holding in the sink and came back to my room.

Carson texted me to check in, and I told him I was grounded for the foreseeable future. He asked what that meant, and I said that I wasn't sure, only that I wouldn't be able to see him for a while probably. He texted back that he was sorry about everything, and to keep him posted. I can't believe he said he was sorry. For what? This is really all my fault. I knew that we
shouldn't try to roll at the graduation party. I should have been the one to put my foot down, but I just couldn't say no to feeling the way that molly makes me feel. Actually, it's not that I couldn't, I just didn't want to.

Jesus. What a way to start the summer.

Principal Andrews called Mom today. She decided that Ashley and I are suspended from the first day of school next year. Also, she and Mr. Peterson talked, and I can't go to the Thanksgiving Day Parade with the marching band. For someone who has always thought of band as something that only nerds do, Mom sure was livid about the whole thing. When she told me, I started crying, but she said I should dry my tears because I brought all of this on myself.

I ran to my room crying, and Ashley followed me in here and slammed the door. She blamed me for “getting her involved in all of this.” As if I'm the one who begged her to do molly with us. I started to argue with her, to tell her that she was the one who insisted that we roll at the graduation party because Reid was so into it, and she went ballistic. She kept yelling about how her permanent record was “tarnished” now. She's such a little bitch. I didn't hold her and shove molly down her throat. I didn't want
her to do it at all. I wanted to hang out with my friends and do my own thing, but she was the one who had to get involved.

Carson and Jess have been texting me like crazy for updates. Jess keeps asking if she can come over. I keep telling her no. She has it in her head that she can try to smooth things over with my mom, and I keep telling her that right now Mom is on the warpath, so she should steer clear if she ever wants to see me again.

I guess this is the part of molly that is the opposite of “pure bliss.”

But you know something? If I have the chance to do it again, I will. I don't care how bad this feels right now. Nothing feels as good as doing molly.

It has been thirteen days since I left the house without my mother or father. It's like I'm six years old again. I guess I never really think about how much I come and go as I please. My parents are generally pretty cool about stuff like curfews and letting me go places with my friends, but the past two weeks I haven't even asked. I know better.

Dad has stopped staring at me like I'm a stranger, and gradually Mom has even lightened up a little bit. Ashley, on the other hand, glares at me like I'm the source of every problem in the
whole world, and hasn't spoken to me except to ask me to pass food when we are sitting down at dinner. Whatever. She can blame everybody in the world for this, but she was the one who had to go up and talk to Mr. Peterson. If she hadn't gushed all over him like a crazy person, he wouldn't have come to find me. And if he hadn't come to find me, I wouldn't have kissed him on the nose.

Did that really happen?

Reading that sentence just made me laugh for the first time in almost two weeks.

Last night we had Family Movie Night just like it was any other Friday. Only instead of watching a movie, Dad had us all watch this episode of a show called
Drugs, Inc.
on National Geographic. It was about molly and the Seattle rave scene. In the episode, all these people are doing molly and talking about it. Of course, they highlight all the “terrible” ways in which molly is dangerous—how it raises your body temperature and puts you at risk of dehydration and blah, blah, blah. Guess what? It made me want to roll. It also made me want to try snorting molly next time. They talked about how the high was faster and more direct. I remembered that it certainly seemed to be that way for Carson and Reid.

Carson texted me today and asked what I was doing tonight—
like he didn't know. We've been playing this game where he texts me and asks what I'm up to, and I make up ridiculous replies like:

Getting a tattoo of an elephant on my left shoulder.

Having tea with Kate Middleton and trying on her hats.

Packing for a trip to Paris with Emma Stone.

But today I wasn't in the mood so I just texted him that I was LOSING MY MIND. He texted back a picture of him, Jess, and Kelly with the words:

We're coming to spring you from prison. Be ready at 11. He spins at 12AM!

This awesome DJ that Kyle turned us all on to is playing a show tonight. The DJ is called Whip5mart and he's supposedly spinning at this underground party Kyle knows about. It's sort of a traveling rave, and this month it's being held in an abandoned swimming pool in a part of town I am
not allowed to go to by myself. I mean, right now I'm not allowed to go anywhere by myself, but I mean under normal circumstances.

But I was serious about losing my mind. I have to get out of here. Mom and Dad are usually in bed by ten thirty on Saturdays, and Ashley has been locking herself in her room as soon as dinner is over. She's been crying a lot because last time Reid called, Mom told him that he could stop calling because Ashley isn't allowed to date him anymore.

So, he stopped calling.

If you ask me, Reid is being exactly the douche that I thought he was to begin with. If your girlfriend's parents tell you not to see her anymore and you really like her, do you let that stop you? I asked Carson the same thing once about the girl he was supposed to bring to prom. He admitted that he just wasn't that into her. He felt like her parents did him a favor because he was going to break up with her after prom.