Dangerous (8 page)

It did nothing to calm me. I was beyond reassurance. I could see the intersection more clearly now and realized with a sinking feeling that I recognized none of the stores on the corners. At least I’d be able to tell which cross streets I was on, I knew. And hopefully there’d be a bar or restaurant I could sit in while I waited for a cab.

I breathed out. I was starting to calm down now. Panic and brisk walking had tired me out and dissipated my anger. Now, I thought if Julia and Tony were on the couch, I’d go book a room in the hotel across the road and leave them to it. I was just straining my neck to read the street sign that hung across the intersection when I felt it again. Complete and utter panic. I twisted around and came face-to-face with a hulking figure in black. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out, not even a squeak.

Ryan

“Amy. It’s me. It’s okay.”

She looked up at me, her eyes uncomprehending. I could see the terror in them. It was as plain as day. My stomach lurched with guilt and protectiveness.

“What the fuck?”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I whispered, taking her face in my hands and guiding her backward to a doorway. “I swear.”

Guilt almost knocked me over. Why had I snuck up on her like that? After everything that had happened to her?

She shook her head. Her face was pale and drawn. “I thought…”

I would have preferred if she was angry. Anything but this. “I know what you thought.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I didn’t want you walking home alone, but I knew you were mad at me. I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to. When I saw you lurching toward the street…”

“You were following me?”

“I didn’t intend for you to see me. Not in a creepy way; I just wanted to see you home safe. I’m sorry, I…” I shrugged. I was babbling, I knew, but seeing the fear in her had set off a strange reaction in me.

“But why?”

I shrugged. “This area’s dangerous at night. I didn’t want you to…”

“To what?”

“You know. Amy, I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t explain my reaction. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt that bad about anything, and trust me—I’d done a hell of a lot of things I should feel bad for. And now here I was, almost hating myself for surprising this woman. I shook my head. I didn’t know what had gotten into me recently.

She shrugged. “Thanks for looking out for me, I guess.”

I exhaled. The color was coming back to her face and her eyes had lost the glazed look of fear I’d seen so many times before. I’d never been affected by it like I was then, though.

“No problem. I’m sorry I scared you. I saw you weaving toward traffic and panicked.”

She smiled the cheeky grin I’d glimpsed a handful of times before and somewhere deep inside I vowed to do anything to make her smile like that again. “I can’t imagine that. You. Panicking.”

“Yeah well. Girl I can’t stop thinking about walks into traffic, it’s gonna stir me up, you know?”

“I was trying to rea…” her eyes widened. “You can’t stop thinking about me?”

I shrugged, wishing I could swallow the words back. “I didn’t say that, I meant—”

“Yeah you did. You just said you couldn’t stop thinking about me.”

I snorted. “Yeah whatever. Try not to let it go to your head.”

She batted my arm. “Why were you so cold earlier then?” she asked softly.

I shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. When I knocked on the door you acted like I’d turned up to murder you.”

“I’m not used to visitors.”

“What, a guy like you? I’d have thought you’d have gangs of girls turning up to hunt you down.”

I smiled. Was that what she thought of me? Sure, I’d had my fair share of conquests. Maybe more than my fair share. But never anything meaningful. That part of me had died with Maria. And as much as my heart was bursting with excitement, I refused to believe she was any different. Because I sure as hell wasn’t letting anyone into my heart again.

“No. Nothing like that.”

“So there isn’t a Mrs. Ryan.”

“Do you think I’d have taken you home last week if there was?”

She shrugged. “Nothing happened.”

I knew that—how could I not? That night was burned into my mind. Her. Drunk, in her bra and panties. Practical black underwear. But man, practical looked smoking hot on that body of hers. I shook my head, remembering her patting her hand on the mattress and clumsily urging me to join her. It had taken all of my willpower to grab a blanket from the hall closet and set up camp on the couch for the most uncomfortable sleep of my life.

“Yeah well. You were too drunk. Otherwise…”

Her eyes widened. “Otherwise what?”

I stared into her eyes; dilated with a desire that was a mirror image of my own. I was lost now. I couldn’t hold back. And I didn’t care about the consequences anymore.

“I think you know what.”

She smiled, her cheeks so flushed it was obvious even in the dim street light. Then she shook her head.

“What?” I asked, wondering what she thought was so funny.

“You’re telling me that you were the perfect gentleman because I was too drunk.”

“Yeah.”

She shrugged and glanced down. It was the cutest little gesture. I had to fight the urge to pick her up and carry her back to my apartment. Underneath her snarkiness, I could sometimes see the vulnerability inside.

“Let’s get off the street, huh?” I whispered.

She looked up at me with those luminous eyes and nodded.

Every ounce of logic I possessed told me to walk her back to her friend’s house, wherever that was. To wash my hands of her. I couldn’t afford to react like that; not when my job required me to be calm and level-headed under even the highest pressure.

But I didn’t. I put my hand in the small of her back and led her in the opposite direction, toward my apartment. As we walked, I could sense a change in her demeanor. She was no longer frightened. The color returned to her face. My brain began to scream at me to get the hell away. But I ignored it.

I told myself I was thinking with my dick, even though part of me knew that wasn’t the entire truth. The way she looked up at me as we walked along, huddled together against the chill. Her tinkling laugh as she teased me lightly about something. The serious look she got in her eyes when I hugged her closer to me.

But no, I told myself. I was thinking with my dick. It was the mental version of humming loudly when you didn’t want to hear an unpleasant sound. Because it was an unpleasant prospect, wasn’t it? Giving my heart to someone. I’d done that once—there was no way I was doing it again.

Amy

We walked back to his place squeezed together so tight that even the most determined pedestrians didn’t bother to try and walk between us. It was like we couldn’t be separated. After my terror earlier on the street, I relaxed completely. In his arms, I felt safer and more content that I had in a very long time.

Ben and I had never really done much together. Well, in the early days when we first started dating, he’d taken me to dinner and movies. But more recently, we’d spent time together at one of our apartments—usually mine despite its small size. We’d fallen into the habit so gradually that I hadn’t really questioned it. Now, though, walking entwined with Ryan, I wondered why I’d put up with it for so long. We’d never done anything.

I had mentioned it to him once, but he’d been dismissive, blaming his long hours at the brokerage.

“What are you thinking?” Ryan said, pulling me even closer to him than I thought was possible.

I looked up, forcing myself not to break into a smile at the sight of his gorgeous face. He was beautiful. Even more so now that there was a slight smile playing at his lips. But he was pretty damn fine with a scowl on his face too. Any thought of Ben evaporated from my mind then. It wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I realized I had a choice—I could dwell on the past or I could throw myself into my new relationship with Ryan. I squeezed my eyes closed, embarrassed at the realization that I was getting way carried away. It wasn’t like we’d even slept together. Although, the night wasn’t over yet…

I shook my head with a smile.

“Nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing—I’d resolved to stop obsessing over the accident and get on with my life. But there was no way I could tell him that without revealing my stalkerish inclusion of him in those plans. And I wasn’t going to do that. Not this time. No, this time I was going to be an ice maiden. No more turning up at his doorstep; I was going to play it cool.

He grinned widely and my stomach lurched. Who was I kidding? This guy only had to smile to send my hormones into a tailspin; the slightest touch from him was like lightning on my skin. I was hooked.

“What’s so funny?” I whispered, trying to distract myself from my stalker girl thoughts.

He tried to repress his smile and it was even cuter. “You’re thinking furiously about something.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Oh yeah? Well, how come I had to pull you away from that streetlight back there? You didn’t even notice.”

I glanced back over my shoulder. I had no recollection of even coming close to a pole, or of him pulling me away. I turned my head up to face him.

“Yeah I did. I just let you save me. Guys get off on that, right?”

He made a face. “Liar.”

I shook my head, plastering an innocent look on my face. “I’m not. I did it on purpose—swear.”

He laughed. “You’ve got me all wrong.”

“How’s that?” I asked, snuggling into him. Even through layers of clothes, I could still feel the hard muscle of his chest. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to take off his pants and pull him down on top of me and…

“I’m not Prince Charming on a white horse.” His expression darkened.

My stomach lurched. I’d known there was a darkness in him. I’d never known a guy like that before, but something about it drew me in. I didn’t know whether it was his darkness or his light.

“Yeah well, I don’t need saving.”

He shrugged and I elbowed him sharply.

“Ow,” he yelled, squeezing me so tight that I gasped for breath.

“That’s what you get for suggesting I was some kind of damsel in distress.”

He let go of me and I forgot for a moment where we were. To me, it was just the two of us in the whole world. We were in our own dimension, not on a crowded sidewalk on a cold, crisp night. I stared up into his blue eyes, totally entranced.

He pulled his hand from his pocket and stroked my cheek with freezing fingers. I didn’t even flinch. The heat inside me more than canceled out the stab of cold.

The corners of his mouth turned down and his eyes came to rest on my hairline. “Aren’t you?” he asked softly, his fingers tracing the delicate skin which had been covered by bandages until the week before.

I shook my head. “No,” I whispered, my voice raw and hoarse from longing.

“But you’ve been through a lot. I don’t want to…”

“You don’t want to what?”

He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh please. Who says you’re going to hurt me. Not unless you’re some kind of ax murderer.”

He flinched.

“Sorry, I was kidding,” I said, shocked by the offense he’d taken from my offhand statement. I leaned my head against his chest. “Please, Ryan. Don’t give me the ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ bullshit. I’m not a fucking idiot.”

He looked confused.

“You know. The crap that guys come out with when they’re not interested, but don’t want to say it.”

As soon as the words were out I felt like some sort of neurotic crazy person. But the damage was done.

He was shaking his head. Now he was the one that looked outraged. “I didn’t say…”

“You didn’t need to,” I said, taking a step backward away from him.

His eyes flashed. He reached for me with a swift, fluid movement before I had a chance to move away any further. I looked up at him in surprise. He pulled me to him, and I tried not to squirm as I felt his hard body against my not-so-hard one.

“Amy,” he muttered.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I was in trouble now, damn it. All those accidental touches and looks were nothing on this. My body pushed up against his like that… Even though we were on the street—in public—all I could think of doing was tearing off his jacket. It was like I was in a frenzied state—ravenously hungry for him.

He bent his head and kissed me. Not gently; not like one of those old-fashioned movies. No, his lips found mine with a hunger that was reflected in me. I gasped as he pushed me against the metal shutter of a store nearby and pressed himself against me.

My lips parted and I threw my head back. My body was liquid with need for him, in a way I’d never felt for anyone before. I needed him.

Just when I thought he was going to take me right then and there, he pulled away leaving me to groan in frustration.

He rubbed his chin, running his fingers against the day’s stubble growth that had been tickling my skin only moments before. I felt cold and empty without his touch.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

I frowned, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Why? What the fuck, Ryan? We had a great night tonight. We both clearly wanted… that,” I motioned back to the shutter.

I bit my lip and watched him, wondering why in the hell I was standing there on a cold night, trying to understand why he’d push me away like that. But the thing was, it wasn’t that simple. He was capable of stirring up feelings and needs in me that I’d never even recognized before. And it wasn’t like I was a starry-eyed debutante either—I was twenty-eight-years-old. Not exactly a snow-bird, but old enough to know better.

“Is this about my injuries again?” I demanded, hugging my arms around myself in an attempt to block out the cold.

He shook his head, starting to speak and then stopping several times. “No. Yes… look Amy. I told you about my fiancée. I swore I’d never get involved with anyone else again.”

I rolled my eyes. “You said that was ten years ago. You seriously telling me you took some oath of celibacy at the age of twenty-three?”

His eyes flashed. “Not celibacy, no. Hell, no.”

I thought back to the night we met, when I’d decided he was going to be my no-strings fuck. He was clearly emotionally closed off—but did that matter? I’d just broken up with the guy I’d been living with. Was I even in the right headspace to consider another relationship?

Plus it rankled me—what, he didn’t think I was capable of fucking him without developing feelings? In my stubborn irritation, I conveniently forgot that just hours before, I’d been daydreaming about him as I watched TV with Julia and Tony.

“What, you can’t fuck me because I might go weak at the knees and immediately fall in love with you, is that it?”

A faint smile played at his lips. “Amy. Will you—”

I shook my head. “Answer me. You think you’re that irresistible?”

“No,” he said slowly. “I just don’t want to do something I’ll regret.”

“What, like fucking me?”

His eyes burned with heat and anger. He grabbed my wrists, holding them in a vice-like grip and pulling me to him. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t fight the lust that seared up through me from being controlled by him; big and hulking as he was. I scowled, doing my best to keep up the facade of anger.

“I didn’t say that,” he growled. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Yeah well,” I sniffed, knowing I sounded like a teenager and not caring. I was irritated and aroused; angry and addicted. It wasn’t exactly the time and place for sensible, rational thought.

“Yeah well nothing,” he said, tightening his hold on my wrists. “If you must know, it’s taking all the self-control I have not to lift you up and carry you up those stairs.”

My breath left my body in a rapid hiss, like somebody had deflated me. I stared up at him, dumbfounded, waiting for him to finish what he’d been saying. I needed him to tell me. I didn’t say a thing, terrified that I’d ruin the moment.

We stood facing each other down like that. How long for, I couldn’t say. He only had eyes for me; me for him. My anger and frustration were forgotten now. My pulse buzzed in my ears.

It felt like it happened in slow motion. He slammed me back against the shutters again. My lips parted automatically as he bent his head. Then his lips were on mine; his hands protectively encircling my waist. I gasped. Who cared if it was a one-night thing? This was catnip for my soul. I had to have him, whatever the cost.

“Stop,” I whispered, pushing at his chest.

He growled and pulled back.

“Can we go upstairs?” I murmured. “It’s kinda cold.”

“I’ll warm you up.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think the cops would take too kindly to what I’ve got planned.”

He was slack-jawed; his pupils dilated so wide I could barely see the blue in his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

I nodded.

I squealed as he lunged for me, swooping me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing. He carried me up the steps to his building. I clung to him, out of breath and giggling. He groaned as he searched his pocket for his keys, and I realized he was as impatient for this as I was. Well, he’d already telegraphed that fact to me in another way—his erection pushed against my hips in a way that left nothing to my imagination. I couldn’t wait to get upstairs.

“You’re going to carry me the entire way?” I asked, skeptically.

I wasn’t the kind of chick that guys picked up. I never had been. In high school, that had been the cheerleaders; the petite girls whose lithe athletic frames weighed next to nothing. I’d never envied them that—I always thought it seemed pretty annoying. Now, though, I understood. Having this huge, strong alpha male just pick me up—it appealed to my inner cave woman in a way I couldn’t even attempt to explain.

“Yup,” he nodded, pausing and staring up at me. Even though he was carrying me and my legs were wrapped around his butt, our faces were still almost level. He let go of one of my butt cheeks and reached up to stroke my hair away from my face.

My first instinct was to panic—there was no way he could support my weight one-handed. But he did. Not only that, but he didn’t even seem fazed by it.

I smiled up at him, nodding. “Get on with it then,” I smirked.

With a grin, he growled and leaned his head forward, grazing my neck with his teeth. I cried out, not caring that we were in the hallway of his building, where anybody could have walked in on us.

It felt like it took forever. I clung to him, my palms growing clammy from the adrenaline flowing through my body. He fumbled with the door to his apartment, and it was almost like I could feel the seconds pass away as I prayed he hadn’t brought the wrong key or something.

But no, the door opened. I breathed a sigh of relief and he looked at me with his blue eyes. He broke eye contact within seconds. There wasn’t time to stand there like that and watch each other. He pushed the door open and we were halfway across the apartment before I realized that it was still wide open.

“Door,” I murmured.

“Fuck,” he growled, dropping to my feet and striding back to close it. He slammed it closed and twisted the deadlock. Then he turned to face me, a slow languorous movement that was completely out of sorts with our urgency from seconds earlier.

His eyes lit up. “So. What is it you got planned?”

I felt my cheeks redden. My earlier bravado was long gone now it was just the two of us alone in his apartment.

I shrugged. “Surely you can use your imagination.”

He took a couple steps in my direction, watching me all the time. “Oh, I can. I can think of ten ways I’d like to…” he stopped. “But I want to hear it from you.”