Dangerous (17 page)

Solomon swore, tightening his calloused fingers on Brady’s arm. “I didn’t hold my breath and say a prayer every time you took another tour in Afghanistan just so I could watch you die as soon as you got back. You don’t want to be a cop anymore? Fine. And you did your time as a Marine. But this? This spy game you’re playing with Tanaka?
It’s too fucking dangerous
.”

“I agree.”

At Ken’s quiet words, Brady, who taken a breath to continue fighting his brother, let it out in a rush. “What?”

“This is over now.” Ken stared at Solomon until he looked away and let Brady go. “I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done, Chief. If you wouldn’t mind, Brady and I need to talk about this alone.”

Solomon sent Brady an enigmatic glance then nodded, his long strides taking him to the front door of the loft, where he paused. “I’m sorry about this, Tanaka. But what you did for them? Your foster family? That was… You did good.”

Ken lowered his chin in a sharp nod. “I appreciate it. I know how important family is to the Finns.”

“There’ll be a car here for a few days. If you need anything else...” Solomon hesitated, looking uncomfortable for a moment before he turned and headed for the stairs, leaving the door open.

Brady had a knot in his stomach. “What just happened, Ken? I get Solomon being cautious, but we aren’t really letting this go, are we? I mean, sure, take a beat and make a new plan, but we can’t let them get away with what they’ve done.”

No one had the right to choose who lived and died. To play God. The never-ending war had taught him that. All those lives, all those families destroyed—for what? So these men could have the freedom to sit in their towers and get rid of anyone that wasn’t convenient? “We can’t let them win.”

“I won’t.” Ken wouldn’t look at him. His fingers were curled into fists. “But there are a few things I need to take care of first.”

He walked out the door Solomon had just disappeared through, heading, Brady knew instinctively, to the place that used to be his one true sanctuary.

Brady followed, but before he even made it to the hall, he heard the sound of shattering glass and metal. He paused in the office doorway, watching silently as Ken took what looked like a metal pipe to all his monitors. He kicked over his towers beat them with a force and ferocity that was disturbing, and smashed everything to pieces.

Finally, he couldn’t watch anymore. “Ken,
stop
. Talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” Ken muttered through gritted teeth, kicking the wreckage on the floor around and picking up all his broken hard drives. “I didn’t find anything. There was no way they could have bypassed my security.”

“So it’s one of your contacts? Then why are you doing this?”

“I’m just being thorough.”

He went over to the small kitchenette and opened his microwave, trying to fit them all inside.

Brady came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Ken’s biceps, tightening when he started to struggle. “Stop. Please, babe. Look at me.
Talk to me
.”

“You don’t have to stick around for the cleanup if it upsets you. The job is over. In fact, if it’s okay with you I’d rather be alone.” His voice was so cold. So unaffected, despite his recent bout of destruction.

“You want me to go back to the loft? I can help with—”

“I want you to go.”

Stunned, Brady loosened his arms enough to whirl Ken around so he could look in his eyes. He looked like he meant it. How was he doing that? “You’re kicking me out?”

Ken’s smile was a brittle version of the one Brady loved. “Don’t look at it that way, Finn. We did the job. We reunited a mother and son. We kicked some ass and had some fantastic sex. That’s time well spent, in my book.”

“Fuck you, that was more than sex,” Brady said, anger and doubt deepening his voice. “You know it was.”

Ken sighed, pain racing across his expression before it hardened again. “What I know is that you and I never made any sense. You love your big, crazy family and I love my independence and kink—which you aren’t really into. For the most part I’d rather be by myself with my thoughts or on my computer. You’d rather run errands and fix a roof for your cousin’s boyfriend so you don’t have to live alone.”

Brady flinched and Ken shook his head. “I’m sorry, Brady. I don’t mean it like that, but if you’re honest, you’ve thought the same things. That’s why you kept turning me down in the first place. If we hadn’t been living together and working on such an intensely personal case, nothing would have changed.”

“No.” He didn’t feel this way due to proximity or adrenaline, no matter what Ken said. “I’m not going anywhere. Not when you’re like this. You’re not—”

“
I’m fine
,” he stressed. “But I admit this job took its toll. I need time to sort it out. To think about everything that’s happened. I know you understand.”

We’re not the best fit.

I want you to go.

I’d rather be alone.

Brady didn’t think there was another way Ken could say it without holding a large, neon sign. Yesterday he’d thought… But this morning Terry was safe, Grimes was dead and Tanaka wanted him to go.

“I don’t believe—I mean I can’t
understand
why you…” He took a deep breath, releasing Ken and stepping back. “But it’s your place. Your call. If this is what you really want, Tanaka, then I guess there’s nothing left to say.”

“This is what I think I need.” Ken turned to face the microwave again. “What we both need.”

Brady stared at his lover’s stiff back for what seemed like hours. He wanted to fight. He wanted to take Ken in his arms and remind him how good they were together. But in the end he just left the office and went to collect his duffel bag. The only thing that belonged to him. The only proof that he was ever here.

It was over. When the shock wore off he needed to be as far from here as possible. He didn’t want Tanaka to see him shatter.

“Here’s another root beer, Brady.” Seamus set the bottle on the bar in front of him. “Are you sure you don’t want something stronger?”

Brady shook his head. He needed to stay in control. Now more than ever. “This sugar high is better than a rum blackout. I
am
hearing a strange pounding in my ears though.”

“Construction.” Seamus sighed. “I can’t wait to open up again. Owen’s crew has done great work and it’s only two days, but I’m ready for the dust to settle so I can reopen. I miss adult problems and drunks and appetizers that aren’t shaped like stars and dinosaurs.”

Brady couldn’t help but chuckle. Super Dad needed a vacation. He glanced over at the new stage that had sprung up by the dartboards. “A place for a band, bigger bathrooms, a fixed roof… That’s a lot for two days.”

“They get paid well, and they each get one free drink a night for life. Apparently that was the right incentive.”

Brady imagined it would be. “How’s your dad doing with all this change?”

“Dad is proud, and before you ask everyone else is fine.” His cousin leaned his elbows on the bar and frowned. “You, however, look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks,” Brady muttered. “At least I don’t have little mustard fingerprints on the back of my shirt.”

Seamus looked over his shoulder and swore. “How the hell did that happen? I put Penny and Wes in the shower
and
changed my shirt before I came here.”

Solomon appeared beside Brady, tossing a set of keys on the bar and taking off his sunglasses before he sat down. “Sol says he didn’t own a clean shirt outside of his uniform until Rory left home. Hey brother, what’s new?”

Brady ground his teeth together. Solomon was the last person he wanted to see. “Other than me being wrong about the pub being closed for construction? I don’t know, Chief. You tell me.”

“I can’t close to family.” Seamus shrugged, setting an iced tea down in front of Solomon, who nodded his thanks.

“Okay, let’s think about what’s happened since the last time you answered your phone. Uncle Shawn’s a little down in the dumps. Owen and Jeremy are coming back the day after tomorrow, and Badass has been staying with him for the duration. You know how much he loves that dog.”

Owen’s dog was going to come back spoiled rotten with no Brady-the-babysitter to look after him when Owen wanted a nap. Shame. “I’ll send a card.”

“I also heard from Rory that you went to the VA to talk to someone about your sleeping problems.”

Brady didn’t respond, reminding himself to sock Rory in the jaw for gossiping. As for the doctor, he’d had to do something. Waking up from memories of car bombs and innocent casualties had never been easy, but they’d never been this hard. Now, every time he realized he was awake, he remembered that there wasn’t a good reason to be. Ken wasn’t beside him.

Talking to the doctor helped. He’d even made another appointment.

“If it means anything, I’m sorry.”

“What?” Brady looked over at Solomon in mock-surprise. “Should I be taping this?”

Solomon frowned. “I’m not sorry I was worried about you. I
am
sorry if something I said made him… That wasn’t my intention.”

Brady looked back down at his bottle. He shouldn’t be taking this out on his brother. Solomon isn’t the one who sent him away. All he’d done was show up exactly when he needed him to. “You were there to help and that’s what you did. I appreciate it, and I should’ve said it before now.”

“I’ll always help you, Brady.” Solomon placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “And I’ll always be here if you need me, even when I’m worried, and even if I don’t agree. You know that, right?”

“I do.”

He never doubted his family. They didn’t always understand him, and he knew Solomon didn’t always approve of his decisions, but he stuck it out and never let him down. It was love, Aunt Ellen always said, more than genetics or Sol the Elder’s obsession with the Finn name. Love kept them together as a family. Love was the glue.

But Brady was no longer sure Ellen was right. Unless she’d only meant a particular kind of love. Not the kind that was intense and full of passion—not the kind that was obviously one-sided. Ken had sent him away so easily. Shut him out and moved on with his life without looking back.

Brady had spent the better part of a week going over everything that had happened, what they’d shared, and he was no closer to understanding how something so powerfully profound and life changing for him could mean that little to Tanaka.

It had happened so fast—falling in love. He knew it could—Ellen and Shawn were proof of that. But when he looked at Owen and Jeremy, at Tasha and Stephen, he saw a whole life of shared memories and experiences mixed in with the romance. Maybe that was the real truth, the real key. Maybe all that was between them was chemistry. Passion. Maybe Ken was right and time would make it fade.

What did he know? He’d never been in love until now.

Brady forced the painful memories down and glanced up to find Seamus and Solomon watching him with matching expressions of concern. “I’m fine. Stop hovering.”

“You know what Jake would say to that?”

“Jake is twelve.”

Seamus ignored him. “Jake tells me fine never means fine unless you’re talking about a girl. Or in your case, a man. He says whenever people say they’re fine, it means that they are too worn out from crying to go over why life sucks so bad.”

Solomon snorted. “He’s a prophet, that one.”

“
I
think so,” Seamus replied with a glance at Brady. “He’s also an eavesdropper, and overheard me mentioning Terry Wahl to Noah. When he found out Tanaka had a foster brother, he told me it made sense.”

Brady frowned in confusion. “How’s that?”

Seamus took out a rag to wipe the sawdust from days of construction off the bar. “You weren’t around when my kids came into my life. Jake was the first. He was six going on sixty back then. Introverted and in pain, but smart. He was at my side when Penny and Wes were born a year later, and he was the first to hold Little Sean when I agreed to help Mira out of a tight spot. He’s a special boy and he’s always been a people watcher. He usually figures things out long before I do.”

Brady would have described Seamus exactly the same way.

“You should get his advice before you date again,” Solomon joked.

“Nice, Younger. I’m working here.”

Brady sent him a look. “What did he say about Ken?”

“He said Tanaka was good at everything because he has to be. When you don’t know what it’s like to have family to rely on and people you trust, you’re all you’ve got.”

There was a lump in Brady’s throat. “He’s a smart kid.”

“He likes Uncle Necky,” Seamus said chuckling. “All the kids do. Lord knows I owe him a kidney for the way he helped with Little Sean.”

“We all owe him for that,” Solomon agreed. “And I owe him for giving me back my brother.”

Brady lowered his brows and looked at Solomon, wondering if he’d gone crazy. “What are you talking about, Younger? I’m
back
now? Forgetting the fact that it’s been eight months since I took off the uniform, I’m still homeless and unemployed. I still have bad dreams and I’m still not returning to the police force the way you and Sol want me to. Nothing’s changed.”

Solomon’s smile was subtle, but for him it might as well have been a parade. “I never cared about that. Dad might still give you shit about it, but that wasn’t what I was looking for.” He paused for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice was thick with emotion. “You were gone a long time, Brady. Even when you got home… Don’t tell me I wouldn’t recognize my own brother when you finally came back.”

Damn it.
“Don’t start, Solomon. I can’t…” His laugh was watery and rough. “Great. I’m back to my old self again, just in time to get kicked in the teeth by everybody’s favorite hacker. What am I supposed to do now? He’s smart and sexy and I love him and none of that means shit because
he
sent me away.”

“He’s a fucking idiot for being such a genius,” Seamus frowned. “But I expect more from you. You heard what I said right? He isn’t used to family. Isn’t used to having people to lean on.”