Dangerous Dreams: A Novel (28 page)

She looked at him with sad eyes as they started back inside the palisades, an uncomfortable, rigid silence between them. As they approached Emily’s cottage, she stopped, faced him. “Hugh, I should not have let that happen. Please do not read anything into it.” She looked away then into his eyes. “I still want very much to see you and know you. Can you come to our cottage tomorrow evening for dinner, such as it is? You can get to know Father better and, if you still wish, ask his permission to take a walk with me, perchance even out of his sight.” Her lips slowly curved into an impish smile. “But he probably thinks we’re still in England and will want to chaperon us. Tommy Colman does not break tradition without a fight . . . but I shall help you. What say you?”

Hugh Tayler felt resurrected, a wondrous new life before him. “Emily, I’d be honored.”

All day, a thick haze had magnified the sun’s intensity and thickened the humidity like a heavy, smothering fog that lingered well after darkness had fallen. John White sat with Elyoner and Emily in Elyoner’s cottage and cradled the baby in his arms, looking tentative, as if he expected her to shatter into pieces if he made a sudden move. How long, he thought, since I’ve held a baby. What will happen to this one? He felt immediately pummeled by guilt, fear for his family’s survival.

He abruptly stood, handed the baby to Emily, then looked at his daughter. “Ellie, I must ask you something. My dear, we all well know the perils we face here. And after much anguished deliberation, I’ve concluded that I erred and acted selfishly in encouraging you and Ananias to join me on this expedition.” He glanced at Emily as if he had just noticed her, questioned
his wisdom in discussing their situation in her presence, then realized that she of all people well understood its fragility.

Elyoner pursed her lips, shook her head slowly back and forth.

“Hear me out, Ellie. It occurs to me that since
I
cannot go back to England to beseech Raleigh, the next best course would be for you and Ananias to do so.” Elyoner’s head-shaking accelerated. “Elyoner, stop shaking your head. Think about what I’m saying. Even with the hazards of sea travel, you’ll have far better chances than if you remain here. I can’t command you to go, but I ask you to consider it . . . for the colony’s sake, as well as your child’s. The Harvie family should go, as well. This is simply not a situation for newborns, and I should have realized that in the beginning but failed to. So . . . what say you, Daughter?”

He glanced at Emily to gauge her reaction, saw none, then looked back at Elyoner as Emily said, “Governor, I shall leave so you and Ellie may speak freely. I’ll wait out—”

“Stay here, Emily,” Elyoner said. “I’ve nothing to say that you can’t hear. Father, thank you for your thoughts for us. I . . . I understand the logic of your proposal, but Ananias and I are as committed to this colony as you are. I’ll discuss your proposal with him, but I steadfastly wish to remain here with—”

Ananias suddenly walked through the doorway, followed by Roger Baylye, Thomas Colman, and the other Assistants. They crowded around White and the women, with Baylye directly in front of White.

When all were positioned, White said, “Well, this is an unexpected and ominous gathering. You all have rather urgent looks about you. What is it, Roger?”

“John, Fernandez sails at first light. When we heard the news an hour ago, we immediately gathered to decide how to present our plight to Raleigh and the Queen . . . without relying on Fernandez.”

White’s face reddened as he leaned toward Baylye. “Roger, please tell me why I, the damn Governor, was not called to this meeting? In the name of Jesus our Lord, why was I not called?”

Baylye blanched. “John . . . there was no time for argument. We knew the debate would be bitter and lengthy, knew you’d resist our proposal. I’m
sorry, but there just wasn’t time, and there’s little now, as well. So I beg you, please hear me.”

White’s bulging eyes looked ready to pop from his head; his breath was quick and shallow.

“John, no Assistant will leave, but even if they did, none would have your influence with Raleigh.” For the first time in their many tense discussions, Roger Baylye’s eyes overflowed with uncertainty; he shuffled his feet, rubbed his fingers anxiously against the outsides of his pant legs, swallowed repeatedly. “John, we have but one course of action, and—”

“ ’Tis not so, Roger. I’ve one you haven’t thought of.” He looked at Elyoner then back at Baylye. “The perfect solution is for my daughter and her family to return to England and plead our case to—”

“No, Father, I refuse!” Elyoner yelled at him. “I will
not
go . . . no matter what Ananias says.”

White quivered, glared at his daughter, looked at Ananias, his eyes pleading for support.

Looking completely helpless, Ananias shook his head then glanced at Elyoner and nodded twice.

Baylye said, “John, John, please listen to reason. You are the only one who can accomplish this task. Raleigh will listen to you, and engage the Queen. You are our only hope, and—”

“And what the hell do you think the people in England, especially in that political circus called London, will say when the colony’s governor returns
alone
? I’ll tell you what they’ll say. They’ll say John White lured all those innocent souls to an untenable place so he could win a reward from Raleigh, then deserted them there to die. No thank you, Roger. I’m not your man.”

Elyoner said, “All the more reason for Ananias and me to stay, Father. Truly! Who could possibly think ill of you with us here awaiting your return? Don’t you see? No one else can do this. ’Tis
your
responsibility.”

Baylye nodded along with Elyoner’s words as a glimmer of hope progressively grew in his eyes.

White thought how remarkably similar Elyoner and his late wife were to one another, how grandly Elyoner embodied her decisiveness
and clarity of thought. He glanced at Baylye and a few others, gauged the determination in their faces, knew they were right, but resolved to fight on. He looked back at Baylye. “Roger, this is absurd. Even if I
did
go, what of my belongings? Would they be intact when I returned? Hell no they wouldn’t! When I left the previous colony for only a few weeks, people helped themselves to my goods. No. I sha’n’t do it!” A bead of sweat dripped off the tip of his cherry-red nose; he swiped at the next one with his hand.

Baylye said, “John, we understand your misgivings. So please read this.” He handed White a piece of paper.

White snatched the paper from his hand, started reading.

“We agree with your concerns. So we drafted this document, all signed it—every man in the colony. It shall accompany you to England, to Raleigh, perhaps to the Queen. It says our situation is dire, that you argued to remain with the colony, that you departed only under the greatest duress and for the greater good of the colony, and that there was no other choice.” White started to protest, but Baylye raised his hand to silence him. “Last, it says that all of your belongings will be cared for and preserved, even if we depart the island, and that anything missing upon your return shall be replaced or refunded by the colony.”

White glared at him, gnawed on his lower lip.

“John, there’s one more thing. We intend to
permanently
depart this wretched Roanoke Island, whether to the Chesapeake or to the main, as soon as we’re able. Most favor the main for reasons you well know, but the Chesapeake also has certain advantages. We should decide this question now, before you leave, so you know where to find us upon your return . . . assuming, of course, we’ve convinced you to go.”

The defiance melted from White’s eyes. He knew he was beaten, had known all along the logic was irrefutable. Lord, what will become of my friends, my daughter, my grandchild, Ananias? How will I live with myself if ill befalls them? “Ananias and Elyoner Dare, my dear, dear family, I shall miss you and my beautiful grandchild . . . my precious Virginia Dare.” He looked at Baylye. “Isn’t it a lovely name?”

“ ’Tis indeed, John.”

White had regained his color, looked suddenly proud, relieved, stood erect. “I promise you all, I
shall
return. And when I do, I know I’ll find a prosperous colony, wherever you go.” He kissed Elyoner and Virginia, shook hands with Ananias, hugged Emily, touched her cheek.

Emily whispered, “Governor White, please bring my mother and brother when you return.”

He nodded then eyed Baylye. “Roger, I appoint you governor in my stead. Appoint or elect a new Assistant to take your place. Act as I would to preserve and advance the colony. See it safely to the destination you choose. We’ve no time to discuss that now, for I must be away with haste. And Roger, thank you for your immeasurable support. You, not I, are the leader that has carried the colony of Roanoke this far. Carry it forward, my friend.”

Baylye nodded, slapped White on the shoulder.

White’s expression softened, grew somber; he looked around the room. “This is all happening too fast, and I haven’t had time to think it through; but if you leave, carve the name of the place to which you go on a tree or post in the village, and perhaps in another spot, as well. If you leave in distress, carve a cross beside the name. Do you understand? This is very important. I must know if you leave in danger.”

“We shall, John. We’ll leave a second message on a large tree along the pathway from the shore.”

White acknowledged with a single dip of his forehead. “I’ll do my utmost to return by midwinter, for I know the need is great, but ’tis
never
easy to find seamen to brave the Atlantic in winter. Thus it may be spring. So you must hold out, no matter what it takes.” He looked at each person in the room. “God be with you, friends.” He shook Baylye’s hand vigorously with both of his. “Good luck, Roger.”

“Godspeed, John.”

After a brief hesitation, he walked slowly to Elyoner, stared into her eyes, kissed her cheek then Virginia’s forehead, turned toward Ananias and embraced him. He again faced Elyoner and Virginia, cast them a sad, lingering gaze, then turned and stepped out the door into the dark.

Allie’s eyes opened slowly; she blinked twice, lay motionless and wide eyed in the dark as she tried to wrap her groggy mind around the breadth and content of the night’s dreams. Her thoughts no longer dwelled on the bizarre nature of her dreams or
why
she was dreaming, but rather on her recollection and documentation of
what
she’d dreamed. Lots of dreams, she thought, lots of REMs . . . but if I had more REMs, I wouldn’t miss so much. Think about that.

What did I dream? What happened? She closed her eyes, saw Emily and Elyoner talking, the baby nursing, them talking of Emily nursing. Wow! She put her hands on her breasts. Didn’t know you could do that, cool thing to do for her friend. What’s the friend’s name? Heard it a million times. That baby’s gonna bond with Emily as much as with her mother, but I guess that’s the whole idea. Listen to me, talking like I just had a conversation with them. Emily’s in almost everything I dream . . . feel real close to her for some reason . . . but why? She rubbed her butterfly birthmark with one hand and her eyes with the other.

The young guy . . . George. Still out of it but woke up, went crazy, turned on her . . . hurt her . . . hurt her bad, after she took care of him; I felt her pain like it was my own. She chuckled out loud. Can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m nuts! Then Emily and the older guy—Hugh, Hugh Tayler— they were alone. Getting hot, kissing, she really likes him but not sure yet, felt guilty about the kiss—too soon—got a good head on her. Funny how people thought about things back then, even a kiss. How can I feel this stuff? Shut up, Allie, keep thinking.

The Indian, the badass one, actually a good man, just pissed because they murdered his wife and kids—I’d be pissed too—gonna start killing colonists a few at a time. So how can I understand their language? Good Lord. Nothing about this makes sense. Butterflies in my stomach, like before a game. God, let this end. Oh yeah, and then in that last one, the governor . . . what’s his name? Heard it a lot, should know . . . John something, common name. Wh . . . Whi . . . White. John White. He’s gonna leave . . . things are really bad . . . said his daughter’s name, Emily’s friend. Ellie, but that’s short for something . . . El . . . El . . . Eleanor. That was easy. What’s her last name? White said it just before I woke up.
Damn. Said the name of the island, too. Come on, Allie. What was it? Did it start with an
F
? No, maybe an
R
.