Dangerous Secrets (79 page)

‶
I hired her. I think I have
that right. After all, you will not have to suffer any mistakes she might make
in dressing my hair or tightening my laces.″ She truly could not fathom
the reason for his upset. She had thought it was simple masculine dismay at not
being consulted in the decision. But from his words, it was becoming
increasingly clear that his objections were with Katherine herself.

He was adamant.
‶
I could not bear it if she were
to lay one finger on your hair, or even your clothing.″

‶
How can you be so harsh. I
realize she is not your typical maid, but with proper training ... ″ She
felt slightly ridiculous, making a case for Katherine as a lady′s maid
when it was all a subterfuge to keep Simon from finding out that she would be
trying to cure him.

‶
I would prefer to keep you
sheltered. Please don′t press me. Simply give the woman notice and send
her home again.″

‶
I know she made her living in a
rather unorthodox manner —
‵
,

‶
Unorthodox?″ He paused
and glared at her.
‶
Just exactly what do you know of how she made her
living? Surely you did not discuss it with her?″

‶
Of course I did! She has much
to teach me — ″

‶
What?″ He found this
preposterous conversation was giving him a headache.
‶
I shall be the one
to teach you about such things.″

‶
Well, I don′t see how.
You won′t even consult a doctor about your health. I cannot understand
why you are being unreasonable. I should be able to choose my lady′s maid
for myself.″

‶
She is a wholly unacceptable
person!″

Miranda rounded on him.
‶
I had no idea you
were so intolerant or I would never have married you. Katherine may have had a
hard life, but she is a good person — too good to be a lady′s maid. It is
simply the best I could offer her.″

‶
Too good?″ He could not
believe his ears.

‶
She has been living with her
father, doing her best to keep her daughter fed and clothed with her healing
talents. But her village is poor and they had little to offer. I will have her,
and you will not stop me.″

‶
A healer? What nonsense has she
filled your head with, Miranda? The woman has been lying with men for
money.″

Miranda blinked. For a moment she did not take
in his meaning. And then she did.
‶
How dare you say that about
Katherine!″

He shook his head.
‶
You sound as if she
were your most trusted friend.″

It was true. She did consider Katherine a
trusted friend. Miranda reflected that perhaps such was her nature. After all,
she had bonded with Simon more quickly and fully than she had imagined possible
in a lifetime of days together.
‶
Perhaps that is because she has
become one — because I took the time to get to know her.″

He stilled, the muscle that twitched when he
was overwrought pulsed in an alarming fashion.
‶
What do you mean, you took the
time to get to know her? Have you spent time with this woman?″

She nodded, understanding his dismay now that
she knew the misapprehension under which he labored.
‶
And Betsy — in fact
it was Betsy I went to see, but Katherine′s plight tore at my
heart.″

‶
And so you offered her a
position here?″

‶
Yes.″

‶
It will never work.″

‶
We will see.″ She did not
really care if Katherine was the worst lady′s maid ever known. She wanted
her husband cured and for that she needed Katherine here to help.

‶
I want her out of my home. You
do not know what you are about in this matter. You must trust my
judgment.″

His harsh, unfeeling words echoed in her ears.
He trusted her no more than her own father had. Worse, he had taken her for
wife and did not treat her as a wife.
‶
No. You must trust mine.″

He looked at her seriously, then sighed.
‶
She
must go.″

She felt herself inexplicably blinded by tears
as she stood.
‶
Very
well. If you cannot be reasonable, then Katherine, Betsy, and I will be out of
your home within the hour.″

He watched as she retreated into a cold
stranger who could stand there and calmly announce that she was leaving him —
as if he did not know what he was doing in refusing Katherine. He thought
briefly that she was simply being melodramatic. But a glance into her eyes
convinced him otherwise.

Chapter 14

She had no idea what she was asking of him, of
course. Again, her innocence led her into trouble. Making a friend of a woman
like Katherine. It was too absurd for words. And yet, he could still remember
the difficulty he had had when his mother had accused him of fathering Betsy.

He wished he dared to throw in her face the
simple fact that he would never deny a child of his — never keep a child from
knowing the name of his or her true father, as his mother had done with him.
But then the scandal would no longer be a family secret. He could not afford
that. He had promised.

For a moment, he forced himself to consider
letting Miranda go. Just nodding, saying nothing as she walked out, her spine
stiff, Betsy′s tiny hand cradled in her own. She would do it, he had no
doubt. She was not threatening him, she was laying down the battle lines and the
terms of surrender in one clean shot.

Valentine would take her in. Her sisters would
divert any lingering shame or misery with their demands upon her time. Miranda
would go back to her old life as if she had never married. And he would be free
of the torment of being married to her yet unable to make love with her.

But the thought of living the rest of his short
life as the duke without her near enough to touch was unbearable.
‶
Don′t
be ridiculous. You are my wife, you will go nowhere.″

‶
Oh, Simon,″ she whispered.
‶
I
must.″

‶
I will not allow it,″ he
said, slowly and clearly. He wanted her to know it would be a waste of time to
argue. In this matter, he knew better than she. Though he did not expect her to
surrender easily.

She smiled, almost involuntarily, and his heart
gave an extra jolt when he saw that there were tears in her eyes.
‶
It
seems that I am the pea to your Princess.″

For a moment, he was flummoxed. And then he
remembered the tale to which she referred, in which a princess was so delicate
that a pea placed under twenty mattresses disturbed her sleep.

Fairytales again. Would she never realize that
they lived in a world that did not often see a happy ending?
‶
Do
not spout your fairytales at me.″

Anger, hurt, and distrust warred on her
expressive face as she said softly,
‶
It hardly seems a fairytale to
me, who must live it.″ Her eyes were liquid with pain, but she met his
gaze without flinching.

Her pain echoed within him and intensified as
he realized that she was, for the first time, not convinced of a happy ending
for them. He had wanted this, but the slow death of her innocence was
horrifying for him to watch. As horrifying as the eager young faces of the men
he had daily sent off to their deaths as a result of an indifferent ball of
lead.

But what courage she had. Even with her
assurance rocked, her voice was steady.
‶
You have told me that to be
your wife I must not try to stem the course of your illness.″ She
clenched her fists convulsively as she spoke, he noticed, but otherwise she
projected a calm front.
‶
I must not sleep next to you at night – nor kiss you
too passionately.″ A faint blush stained her cheeks and he felt ashamed
of how badly he was hurting her.
‶
Now you tell me that I am not
capable enough to hire my own lady′s maid.″ Her chin came up.
‶
I
am capable of running my own life. I don′t need you.″ She paused
and closed her eyes.
‶
I just want you.″

His throat closed as her quiet words cut
through him.

She opened her eyes and made as if to step
closer to him, but halted. Her gaze was clear and certain.
‶
Don′t
you understand? If you do nothing to stop the course of your illness, you will
die. And then I will need to do much more than hire a servant on my own.″

The thought of her, alone, after his supposed
death, was not a pleasant one. But then, neither was the thought of her being
taken advantage of by people with the base kind of motives she was too
goodhearted to comprehend. That was the battle, after all. Her autonomy. Not
Katherine herself.
‶
I will take you to London. You may hire anyone you
choose there –″

She tried to interrupt, but he held up his hand
and finished forcefully.
‶
But Katherine is unsuitable. To be plain, the woman
lies with men for money and is no fit company for you.″ He knew her well
enough by now not to be surprised that she did not react with shock or surprise
to his bald statement.

‶
I see you have made up your
mind.″ There was a touch of scorn in her voice that he could not credit.

‶
Some things must be done a
certain way. It is not a matter of making up one′s mind, but of knowing
the difference between right and wrong.″

‶
And Katherine is wrong?″
she challenged, her voice taut with sudden fury.

‶
She does what she must, no
doubt. But I will not have a person like that in my household.″

‶
Your definition of right and
wrong is too restrictive for me.″ She shook her head.
‶
Perhaps
for any frail mortal being, but especially for me. You were the one who
insisted we marry and now that I am here, as your wife, I feel as if you wished
me anywhere but here.″

The truth of her statement jolted through him,
but he rejected it with his very soul as well as his words.
‶
Of
course I don′t want you to want to be rid of me. You do not
understand—″

‶
Oh, but I do, Simon.″ It
was her turn to override him. She did so with an imperious military flare,
sharply raising her arm high to halt his words.

‶
Katherine does not lie with men
for money. She is a vicar′s widow. From her mother, she has learned
herbal healing. People come from London for her help, as Giles Grimthorpe
did.″

He was surprised at her naivete.
‶
She
is no vicar′s widow – she would not be living as she is, threadbare,
poor. You have been gulled by a pretty story. But then, you are known to
believe in fairytales.″

Indignation burned in her eyes.
‶
So
you would think, Simon. But that is because you are a man.″ She said man
as if it were an epithet.

‶
When you are a woman and your
husband dies, you must fall back on the kindness of relatives.″ Her eyes
widened and he knew she was realizing that very likely she would soon be in a
similar position.

Certainly, he was realizing what that would
mean to her as he watched her argue her case for her friend. Thankfully, she
had Valentine to fight for her. But it would no doubt set her pride on edge to
be beholden to her twin brother for a home.

Her voice was slightly unsteady as she
continued.
‶
Katherine′s
father was a humble man before his daughter married the vicar, but he gladly
gave her and her daughter room in his cottage when her husband died and she was
turned out of the vicarage.″

He saw the certainty in her eyes and realized
abruptly that he had been the fool, not Miranda. He had come to a conclusion
and forgotten to question it. Such things got men killed in war. Fortunately
for him, it only lost him this one skirmish with Miranda.

He scrabbled for a place to make his stand.
Surrender was not his way. He had been raised a duke, even if he should not
have been. If the woman was not a slattern, then she was worse, a healer.

Miranda′s true purpose in hiring
Katherine became clear to him. He felt the anger swell within him as he
realized how she had meant to manipulate him. And he knew the weapon to use
against her.
‶
You
lied to me.″

She did not deny it. But neither did she show
signs of remorse.
‶
I intend to have her as my lady′s maid, but
mostly, I want her so that she might help you. She might discover something you
or your doctors have missed. Is that so wrong?″

‶
Yes. I will not be lied
to.″ He had made it abundantly clear to her more than once that he did
not wish to be subjected to a healer′s scrutiny. If Katherine were any
good, which was doubtful, she might uncover his secret--that he was healthy and
illness-free.

He crossed his arms over his chest and fixed
his features into the fierce officer′s scowl he had used with his men.
‶
This
tendency of yours to think you know what is best for others, to try to force
impossible happy endings upon situations and people who cannot have them is
what gets you in trouble. You must stop at once before you hurt someone.″

Or before you are hurt, he wanted to add, but
those words would not sway her. For someone who cared so much about creating a
happy ending for others, she didn′t give a fig about her own happiness.
One of many reasons he had taken the task over himself.

She flashed him a sad, but still triumphant smile.
‶
Then
you agree I must leave.″

Again he found himself speechless. She had
ambushed him with the skill of a professional. After a moment, he found himself
able to utter a strangled,
‶
No—″

Again she interrupted.
‶
I cannot touch you,
I cannot look for ways to cure you--″ her voice cut with scorn —
‶
I
cannot even hire a lady′s maid without causing you undue agitation. I
believe, if I remain here, I shall shorten your already brief life, just as
that fairy-tale pea shortened the princess′s night′s sleep.″

‶
I am no princess.″

That, he was relieved to see, provoked a smile
from her, despite her agitation.
‶
No, you are not. But I am
definitely an irritation.″

He crossed the distance between them before she
could react. He closed his fingers on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.
He wanted to make sure she understood him. This was not a fair battle, after
all. She was his wife, not his enemy.
‶
I crave the irritation you
bring me. I′ll never let you leave. Never.″

She touched his chest and whitened.
‶
Simon,
your heart.″ She tried to push him toward his chair.
‶
You
must calm down, this disagreement isn′t good for you.″

He resisted the force of her hands easily.
‶
Agree
to stay.″ He knew he was using the lie of his health to coerce her, but
he didn′t care. Neither life, love, nor war was fair. If she left, his
remaining days here would be unbearable.

She reached up and gently touched his cheek.
Her fingers were cool and trembled lightly against his skin.
‶
I
want you to live, Simon. Is that so terrible?″

He shook his head.
‶
Herbs will make no
difference to my fate.″ He felt a bittersweet regret that there was no
herb to cure bastardy. And no way he would win this battle without concessions.
‶
If
you wish her to attend you, she may.″

He wagged his finger sternly, though, with a
need to prove he was master in his own home.
‶
But at the first sign that she
is interfering in matters of my health, I shall send her packing.″

Relief shone on her face and he felt a curious
lightening of the heart to see it. He wondered if he had set a bad precedent,
letting her threaten him this way. And then he realized that it would make no
difference in a few months. He put his arms around her, determined to indulge
her for the short time he could. She leaned her head against his chest, resting
against him. He felt the smooth lump of the leather pouch between them.
‶
Katherine
will do well enough, you′ll see.″

‶
Just don′t expect me to
become an experiment for every obscure remedy she can concoct.″ He
caressed the back of her neck.
‶
I want to spend the time with you, like this. Can
you understand that?″

She sighed.
‶
I do understand, but — ″

He quickly moved to cement his position and
distract her from this matter before she had managed to persuade him to physic
a body that had no need of it. She was formidable in battle and it would take
all his wits to outflank her.

‶
If we are to introduce you and
your sisters to society, we should do so immediately. So you had best see to
ensuring that Katherine is adequate to the task of dressing you and putting up
your hair. No one is so cruel as the ladies of the court.″

He saw the shadow alight in her expression and
cursed the thoughtlessness of his words. She, better than most, had cause to
know exactly the measure of that cruelty. Her voice broke as she began,
‶
Perhaps
we should wait ... ″

‶
We cannot afford to wait. We
will have a house party in mid-June.″

She drew in her breath.
‶
What?″ The
color drained completely from her skin. He watched in alarm as it bloomed again
in her cheeks.

To calm her panic, he added soothingly,
‶
Nothing
large, Miranda, just thirty people or so.″ The thought seemed to distress
her even more, so he added,
‶
My mother can put herself to use in helping you plan
the thing.″

A memory came to him, unbidden, of the large
summer parties his mother had hosted for his father. She had seemed so
beautiful as she drifted through the groups of guests in her flowing pastel
gowns; cool, laughing, sneaking bits of pastry and sweetmeats for her son.

That was before he understood that the laughter
wasn′t real, it was rehearsed, calculated, cold. That after every weekend
party his parents would argue bitterly, and his mother would retreat to her
wing for days.