Dante (22 page)

“No, I just thought it was odd she goes over but you never do anymore.”

Yikes.

This was not a conversation Dante wanted to have. He’d been terribly lucky to avoid it since Johnathan’s birth, but here his brother was basically asking without outright saying it.

“It’s my son, isn’t it?” Lucian asked.

“It’s not John,” Dante said honestly.

“What else is it?”

The way you all look at me when I’m near him
, Dante thought.
Like I might break into fucking pieces over a child.

“It’s not John,” he repeated, wanting the conversation to be over.

Without another word, he opened the door to his office. Dante realized his mistake the moment he stepped inside, but it was already too late. The pictures he had flipped through the night before after printing them out were still spread out all over the room. Nothing was hidden. His distraction lately had led him to forget about it before he invited his brother in.

“Holy shit,” Lucian whispered.

“Out,” Dante said, turning fast on his heel to push his older brother back out of the room. “Now, Lucian.”

“No fucking way.” Lucian dodged Dante easily, slipping around to do a circle in the middle of the space. “I repeat, holy shit, Dante.”

Dante swallowed his nerves, doing a quick inventory of the pictures. None of them were graphic enough of Catrina in her various stages of undress to warrant his anger, but they were very telling if someone understood Dante’s mind. If anyone would, it was Lucian.

All of the pictures were black and white. Some of his wife’s smile, the camber of her brow, or the fan of her lashes across her cheekbone. Photos of her clothed in only his dress shirt, all the buttons undone but one as she sat with her knees drawn up in a chair. Fingers clenched into bed sheets. Water beading down skin. There were some he had taken when she was under him, her body wrought with the explosion of a climax, but instead of an entire portrait, he’d only caught the camber of her mouth when she cried his name.

“I shouldn’t be looking at these, should I?” Lucian asked quietly.

“No,” Dante murmured. “Can we get out of here?”

“I don’t think so.” Lucian spun on his heel to face his brother. “I knew you two were … intimate.”

Dante openly glared. The only reason his brother knew anything about his physical relationship with his wife was because Cecelia couldn’t stay quiet after seeing Dante kiss Catrina almost a month ago.

“Fucking, you mean.”

“Don’t be an asshole because I figured out your secret, Dante.”

“Fuck off,” Dante warned darkly. “You don’t have a clue.”

“Look at this room! Look at it.” Lucian waved his arms wide and said, “You married because you had to, so you found a female just as difficult as you. Mr. I-can’t-feel-a-thing just happened to get lucky enough that the woman he found was attracted to him. You’ve been hiding it well enough … making it work.”

Lucian barked out a laugh. “Jesus, have you ever been making it work, huh?”

“Stop.”

“Not a chance, brother. Does she know you see her this way?”

Dante swallowed thickly. “No.”

“She doesn’t know you love her?”

“No.”

“
Cristo
, why not?” Lucian demanded. “What in the hell are you so afraid of when it comes to falling in love?”

“I’m not like you or Gio,” Dante replied.

“What?”

“It was so easy for you two. You both found who you wanted and boom, that was it for you. There was no questioning it or fighting against it. It didn’t take time, Lucian. You didn’t have to fall in love, you jumped into it because you didn’t feel like you had something to lose. And it was the same goddamn circumstance with Gio and Kim.”

“What could you possibly lose, Dante?”

“Me. I didn’t want to lose what made me who I was. It’s what I’ve identified with my whole life, and if it were to change, all of the things I thought I understood would be gone. So I wanted to keep what I knew. Part of that meant wanting to share forever with someone was selfish of me because I couldn’t give her normalcy. No children. Her life would be tainted by rules and expectations. Everything around her would be unstable because of my choices and profession and that’s not fair for her.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” Dante said shortly. “You don’t get to argue with me about this. You’re not me, so you can’t possibly know what goes on inside my head.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Lucian glanced to the side, taking in a swath of pictures. “There are other ways to have children, though. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Right, because adoption is completely acceptable in Cosa Nostra. It’s not. We both know it. That’s like bringing in an outsider and people get uncomfortable, even if it is just a child. It makes everything too difficult, especially given the circumstances of the adoption. Don’t start going on about how it could work—I’m not interested.”

“I meant a more medical way, Dante. Like a … donor.”

Dante cringed nine ways to Sunday. Yes, because he totally wanted to design his child at a fucking sperm bank by eye color and heritage. Or worse, discuss the option of one of his brothers being the donor. No thanks.

“I don’t want to talk about this shit. The entire issue was more than just children. Stop focusing on that one fucking thing. I’ve known for years children would be out of the question and I handled it. Quit poking that goddamn nerve.”

“Fine, whatever. But, you’re awfully touchy on the subject, so …”

“Oh,
vaffanculo
, Lucian.”

“What’s the problem here?” Lucian asked, waving at the pictures. “What’s the problem with her?”

“
Nothing
. Cat suits me. I don’t have to worry about failing her—she wants the same shit as me. I don’t have to keep her safe like she’s some glass doll because she can handle herself, and she doesn’t need approval every damn second of the day to feel worthy. She has her own two feet to stand on and she’s got a mighty set of claws hidden under that pretty exterior. She’s perfect for me.”

“I’d tend to agree, except what you just said feels unfinished, Dante.”

“What if it changes? Or she could change. Five, ten years from now. It could. I’m always going to be this person and Cosa Nostra is my life. She might wake up one day and want out of her own game, or maybe she’ll want to slow life down to a normal pace. I can’t give her that. And I didn’t expect this.”

“Love, you mean.”

“I’m not like you or Gio. I’m me and it took time for this to happen. You were like a dried forest and Jordyn was your fire. One gust of wind and you went up in flames. There was no stopping it. Cat and I were not the same. She was a wave and I was the shore. Her effects came in slow rushes, building up strength.

“When it did crash into me and I realized what happened, it was too late because she took me straight out with her. And I fucking drowned,” Dante finished sharply. 

“I am so confused,” Lucian said, frowning.

“Yeah, well just imagine what it feels like to live inside my head.”

Chapter Thirteen

Cat bent down to hand little Johnathan his stuffed bear. The ten-month-old baby grasped as tightly to the toy as he could with one hand while making grabbing motions to his aunt with the other.

“Go on,” Jordyn encouraged quietly. “Pick him up.”

“Ah …” Cat didn’t want to be a bitch, but besides her nephew, she hadn’t held many babies. “I don’t know.” 

“Why not? The worst he’ll do is drool all over your silk shirt or use your cellphone as a teether.”

Cat laughed before plucking the little boy up into her embrace. Johnathan immediately started babbling incoherently and fussing with Cat’s red hair and her silver earrings. As long as he didn’t start pulling on shit, she was good.

“Have you thought about kids at all?” Jordyn asked.

Cat made a face. “No, definitely not. I’m not in the right business to be having babies of my own. It makes an attachment I can’t afford to have.”

God, she was such a fucking liar.

“I know Dante can’t …”

Jordyn passed Cat a sympathetic look. Cat shrugged in response.

“That makes it easier on me, I guess,” Cat admitted. “I would hate to refuse him something like that if he was capable and wanted children, you know. Now, it’s just an option we don’t have and so we don’t need to discuss it at all. Simple.”

“Seems sad.”

“For others, maybe. We’re doing fine like we are.”

“I couldn’t imagine not having Johnathan,” Jordyn said, reaching over to stroke the babbling baby’s chubby cheek.

“He is sweet.” Cat wiggled her fingers and the baby instantly took notice of the tiny sparkling crystals incrusted at the tips of her manicured nails. In a blink, Johnathan’s little mouth covered her fingers and his tiny teeth bit down. “Ouch,
piccolo
!”

“And teething,” Jordyn added with a snort. She disengaged her son’s mouth from Cat’s hand before taking the boy back and placing him to the floor once more. “So, why the visit? Not that I mind, but you know, Dante doesn’t make his way over here a lot since Johnathan was born and you’re always busy.”

“Noticed that about Dante, did you?” Cat asked, smirking.

Jordyn looked uncomfortable. “It’s kind of hard not to. I mean, we’ve been living in this house for over a year and I can count the amount of times he’s been inside on one hand. Before Johnathan, Dante was a lot like Gio, coming over at least four days out of the week just to say hi. So yeah, I’ve noticed. And it really hurts Lucian, even if he won’t admit it.”

Of course, it would. Cat could see, she had eyes. The brothers were obviously close. Dante was simply protecting his feelings in the only way he knew how. By building more walls. Cat would knock a few down whether he liked it or not. He needed to learn there was more in life than business. Mostly importantly, his family.

She planned on reminding him of that before he forgot.

“Did you ever think perhaps it’s not really Johnathan that keeps Dante away?” Cat asked.

Jordyn didn’t answer, but guessing by her disbelieving expression, Cat’s statement wasn’t being received well.

Cat bent at the knees, grabbing Johnathan under his fat little arms and setting the boy on his feet. She kept her hands on him to give him stability as he wobbled around the island.

“I’m serious,” Cat said, continuing to give her nephew her attention as she talked.

“I’m listening.”

“For Dante, it’s all about how everyone else around him is perceiving him. Others might think it vain, but for him, his image is the utmost important thing. Emotions are weaknesses that crack hard exteriors. People would talk—think him pathetic. Especially considering only his close family, his wife, a priest, and his doctor are aware of his fertility issues. He’s intended to be a cold man, but a man, nonetheless. How would others feel to learn he can’t do one thing all men should? Would he be thought of as a lesser man?

“Beyond that, he’s Italian living in a very cultured world,” Cat continued softly. “Italians love their large families. It’s a part of being who we are. Dante isn’t able to have his own and he’s very aware that those around him know it, too.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it, really?” Cat asked pointedly. “You gave me a sad look not five minutes ago accompanied by the fact you knew my husband couldn’t produce children. Even if I tell you we’re fine with our circumstances—and we are for now—in your heart, you don’t truly trust we are. Because clearly we can’t be fulfilled and happy with only one another in our lives, we must need more.”

Jordyn cleared her throat, refusing to meet Cat’s gaze. “Okay, true enough. I’m sorry for assuming. Please, continue.”

“When he’s around Johnathan,” Cat said, letting the baby boy plop down to his bottom, “… everyone believes they have to be mindful of Dante’s feelings. As if just being near this child hurts him or that perhaps your conversations about Johnathan bothers him because of his inability to have a child of his own. All that does is make him think others are seeing only his failures, his lack of children included.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Jordyn admitted. “It’s sort of true, though.”

“My husband is not made of glass and he is not going to break into pieces if you don’t handle him with kid gloves.”

“I know he isn’t.”

“So don’t treat him like it. Dante would love to spend time with your son, to get to know him, and have Johnathan bond with him. But, I also know what Dante won’t say to you, Jordyn. What he needs is to be able to connect with Johnathan away from the eyes of others. Away from personal speculation and judgement.”

“He can come here anytime he wants,” Jordyn started to say, seeming confused. “Lucian would love that.”

“But, Dante wouldn’t. At least not at first.”

Jordyn glanced at her son who was balancing his stance with a kitchen chair. “What would you like to do, then? I’m all ears.”

“Does he sleep through the night?” Cat asked.

“Ever since he was three months, thank God. He is teething though, so sometimes he wakes up from that.”

“And he’ll sleep in a strange place on his own?”

“We’ve never had a problem with him staying at Lucian’s parents’ or Gio’s.”

“Good. I’d like to take him for a night or two. Would that be okay, or would Lucian miss him too much?”

Jordyn blinked her surprise. “Uh, yeah, sure. We wouldn’t mind a break if you wouldn’t.”

“Of course, we wouldn’t.”

“This is good. He is the only nephew you have for now, so yeah, I think some bonding time would be perfect.” 

Only nephew. Right
…

• • •

“Ready? Open.”

Johnathan’s pink lips opened to form a perfect little O. Cat popped a small chunk of banana into his mouth and yanked her fingers away before he could bite them again. He was too interested in the crystals on her fingernails and he all but refused to feed himself, so Cat had become the very quick fork.

“Yum,” Cat murmured, bopping Johnathan on the nose.

She had set him on the counter as there was no highchair in the condo. Johnathan kicked his jean-clad legs and giggled, opening his mouth for another piece of banana and chance to bite Cat’s fingers.

A throat cleared behind Cat, but she didn’t react to Dante’s sudden presence. He texted earlier to let her know he was on his way home, and she heard the elevator ding to let him into the condo.

“What’s this?” Dante asked, staying in the kitchen entryway.

“This is your nephew. Say hello to uncle Dante, Johnathan.”

“I’m aware he’s my nephew, Cat. I was outside the labor room when Jordyn delivered him and he looks just like his father. I meant, why is he here tonight?”

Cat ignored Dante. “
Ciao, piccolo
.”

Johnathan smiled and his legs kicked faster. “Catty. Catty.”

“Well, he’s got you nailed,” Dante said.

“Be nice, Dante.” Cat stuck her tongue out at the baby and made a face. Waving her hand as if to say hello, she said, “
Ciao
, baby.”

Johnathan refused to speak again.

“We’ll work on it,
piccolo
. Banana?”

Johnathan grinned before taking the piece of fruit Cat offered.

Dante came to stand at Cat’s side. “There are forks two feet away in a drawer.”

Cat waved her sparkling nails in front of Dante’s face teasingly. “He’s enamored with my pretty.”

Before she knew what happened, Cat’s fingers were gripped in Dante’s palm and his lips pressed down to her sparkling fingernails. The action was so innocent, so sweet, it hurt. Something cracked in Cat’s chest as she stared at her smirking husband while he flipped her hand over and kissed the pads of her fingertips.

“I’m pretty enamored with them myself, so I suppose I can understand his fascination,” Dante murmured.

Cat wet her lips, keeping a hand on Johnathan to make sure he was safe while never removing her gaze from Dante. “Oh?”

“
Mmhmm
, and I also adore what you do with them. Especially down my back.”

Cat squeaked an embarrassed noise before tugging her fingers from his grip. She smacked her laughing husband with the back of her hand. She couldn’t deny the heat curling in her stomach, but she wouldn’t show it, then. “Stop it, Dante. Little ears that repeat everything are right there.
Cazzo
. I do not want to send him home to his mother and father only to be told I can’t bring him back because he copycats your dirty mouth.”

“
Cazzo
!” Johnathan babbled.

Cat’s eyes flew wide and she turned to stare helplessly at her husband. “Take the blame for that if anyone asks.”

Dante laughed harder. “I absolutely will not. You messed it up, now lie in your bed,
Amore
. I believe this is what we call karma.”

“Please? It just slipped out and he wouldn’t repeat the other words. How in the he—”

Dante shut Cat’s rambling up by kissing her. She gasped at the ferocity of his kiss and how it felt like he claimed her mouth with every brush of his lips and every stroke of his tongue. Dante’s hands fisted into the sides of her silk shirt as he pushed her back into the counter. Cat managed to keep her hold on Johnathan all the while.

Cat couldn’t breathe from the pressure building in her chest, although it wasn’t a bad feeling. The coiling warmth in her gut was back, flooding through her veins to the rest of her body.

Dante peppered Cat’s jaw with kisses before pulling away. His striking green eyes regarded her as he asked, “Not that I mind, but when was my nephew’s visit decided on?”

“Today,” Cat replied, feeling airless. “I thought it would be nice for us—you—to spend some one on one time with him without everyone else around. I know they make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and that isn’t fair to you or Johnathan.”

Something unknown flashed in her husband’s eyes. “It would be nice. Thank you. Are we taking him back tonight?”

“No, he’s going to stay for a couple of nights. We’ll hand him back on Sunday at breakfast before Mass.”

“He has everything he needs?” Dante asked.

“
Sì
.”

“Good.” Dante gave Cat one more quick kiss before stepping to the side in front of Johnathan. Pointing to Cat, Dante said, “
Zia
Catrina, John.”

“
Zia
Catty,” Johnathan mimicked.

“
Sì
,
Catty irato
—bad-tempered.”

“Dante!” Cat hissed, poking his side. Her husband didn’t flinch, just kept on smirking in that annoyingly cocky way of his.

Dante pointed to himself. “
Zio
Dante.”

“
Zio
!”

Dante’s smile grew but Cat was just confused. “Why wouldn’t he repeat my Italian?”

“I think because he’s accustomed to women speaking English to him. Other than the pet names my mother calls him.”

“Huh?”

“Jordyn speaks exclusively English to others, and on scarce occasions because she’s still learning, Italian only to Lucian. Lucian speaks exclusively Italian to John. That way, he’ll grow up with the understanding of both languages. We were raised the same way. Well, Gio and I were. Lucian learned from his biological mother and father.”

Cat knew very little about Lucian’s early upbringing or the circumstances of him coming into the Marcello folds but for the fact he was adopted and his real father had been good friends with Antony. She didn’t think this was the proper time to ask about the rest.

“So, you don’t mind me bringing him over?” Cat asked quietly.

Dante kept staring at Johnathan, smiling. “No, of course not. I haven’t made much of an effort myself and that’s shameful, frankly. My personal issues with others aren’t his demons to bear.”