Darcy's Passions (53 page)

“Any evening which ends with you and I in our bed is a glorious occasion,” he beamed.

“Then we need no company, Sir; we should send them all away.” Her teasing always aroused him, and Darcy felt sensual warmth creep into his body.

“Do not tempt me, Elizabeth—do not tempt me.” They walked back to the house arms around each other and in contentment.

The last of the party joined everyone for dinner. As the new vicar, Clayton Ashford met the Darcys on several occasions outside of church, and the dinner invitation honored his work in the village. He knew the Darcys to be generous, and how well they maintained the devotion of the community impressed him. He thought himself fortunate to be given a living in such a community. Many of his fellow clergymen had to cower and bow to their benefactors; the Darcys allowed him much latitude in the way he administered to his flock. Miss Darcy embraced the drive to help the poor, and Mr.Ashford hoped he could convince them to support his idea for a village school.

Clayton Ashford was a novelty to many in his parish for he was nothing like the previous clergyman. His appearance pleased the females in his congregation, but he could not be called handsome. He held himself with poise, although some saw his manners as a bit distant. His polite conversations addressed the needs of his parishioners, but he was easily distracted and rarely initiated the discourse. His sermons rocked the congregation with his passion for the church, but he lacked social worldliness.Ashford showed promise of being worthy of Darcy's patronage, but Mr. Darcy still wondered if he made the right decision by giving the man the living; Ashford's aloofness sometimes bothered Darcy because it reminded him of Darcy's own dislike of social gatherings.

Entering the Darcys' drawing room, Mr.Ashford did not anticipate a pleasing evening because he disliked such social exchanges, but he knew the Darcys served as his financial benefactors, and he would put forth a good effort. His host came forward to greet the vicar, and then Mr. Darcy handed him off to his wife for the introductions—the Bingleys, the Gardiners, several cousins, Mr. Harrison—and then Ashford's glance fell on a young girl with sparkling eyes and a fetching smile; he had to concentrate to discover the girl's name—Kitty Bennet, Mrs. Darcy's younger sister. Being single, Ashford schooled himself when being introduced to young ladies. Never did he immediately take an interest in them, no matter how pretty they were.Yet, as soon as he saw her, Ashford's
eyes could not leave Kitty's face. He felt riveted to the floor, and if he were the type to curse, he would have done so for he felt foolish just standing and staring at her. Kitty Bennet offered him an encouraging smile so Ashford took advantage of the empty chair beside her. Although he had been in Derbyshire nearly nine months, not once had Clayton Ashford willingly sat next to an attractive young lady and willingly conversed with her.

Kitty Bennet held no idea the impact she had on the man; she simply enjoyed his attentions. She listened intensely to what he said, although she did not always understand his ideas. He spoke of John Wesley, Samuel Johnson, and Sir Joseph Banks. Ashford said these men offered opposing ideas of Christianity, but she knew them not; yet, she was willing to find out if it would please Clayton Ashford.As the evening progressed, she let her sister know her sentiments. Going to refill her tea, Kitty cornered Elizabeth. “Lizzy, thank you for inviting Mr.Ashford; he is a most interesting young man.”

“I am pleased you found someone to entertain you, Kitty,” Elizabeth held the amused look Kitty associated with their father.

“Would it be possible, Lizzy, to be seated near Mr.Ashford during dinner?” Kitty's anticipation crisscrossed her face.

Elizabeth smirked,“I will try, Kitty.”

“Do not tease me, Lizzy.You know my temperament.”

“I know, Kitty; I know very well. Do not be too forward; he is a clergyman.” Elizabeth warned her warmly.

“I thought all clergymen were like Mr. Collins or old Mr. Aiken. Clayton Ashford is nothing like what I expected.” Kitty giggled and moved back to the chair she vacated moments before.

Darcy came up behind Elizabeth and put his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him and felt his warmth. He bent down to whisper in her ear. “Elizabeth, Lady Catherine may be right; your arts and allurements are spreading.”

She turned to glance over her shoulder at his profile. “I do not understand, Fitzwilliam.”

“Look at the love in this room—families together—husbands and wives—young regard—friends—all caring for one another.
Pemberley lacked this kind of happiness until there was you.”

She closed her eyes and leaned back even further to feel his strength enclosing her in his love. Elizabeth reached up and caressed his cheek, and the joy was evident on her face. He kissed the side of her head before he released her to return to his guests. Elizabeth's eyes followed him as he moved away, and he turned back and looked at her—his eyes infinite depths of intelligence and understanding. The intensity of his stare always brought a sudden flush of heat rising to her cheeks. He knew sadness and loss of those he loved, and for a long time he hid his hurt behind a façade of arrogance. Now Darcy allowed himself to love again, risking the pain which only lost love could bring, yet, he did not fear losing Elizabeth's love; their love, he realized, could not be displaced.

 

Sixteen people sat to New Year's Eve dinner of beef, capons, coleworts, potatoes, cream soups, fresh fruit, and a bread pudding—a meal served over three courses. The animated conversation reflected the care each person felt for the other. Darcy watched Elizabeth at the other end of the long dining table; she picked at the food except for the potatoes of which she took two helpings. She noticed his concern and offered him a slight shrug of her shoulders, a large smile, and pursed lips as if she expected a kiss. His eyebrow rose as if to question her until the unstated twinkle in her eyes easily ignited his ardor; he closed his eyes to imagine Elizabeth's closeness. No one at the table could deny their love; anyone who bothered to look at either of them, obviously, recognized the love they held for each other.

 

After dinner, the Gardiner children played hoodman blind and hot cockles.The adults enjoyed their antics and their joy; Darcy gave a wooden boat to each of the two boys and a rag doll to his favorite Cassandra. The children rewarded him with squeals of happiness and a hug from Cassy. Elizabeth noted how his features softened when the children were near, and she hoped he would take more
delight in his own child.Tonight she would tell him of their child; she planned the moment in their bedchamber and what she would say; she anticipated his happiness and how tender his love would be this evening.

 

The children went to bed, and the men retreated to Darcy's study to smoke their favorite cigars and share glasses of fine port and brandy over conversation. The women entertained themselves in the dining room. Jane and Kitty led the conversation, reliving the escapades of the Bennets and of Bingley's sisters at Netherfield. Elizabeth's only regret lay in Anne hearing of her family's lack of decorum; the stories proved Lady Catherine's concerns, and Elizabeth wished the subject would change to something pleasanter. Tomorrow she would tell all these women her news; she would write her parents. Sharing the news would relieve her of her stress and her exhaustion.

 

Soon the men returned to the drawing room; Darcy and Edward sought her attention. She stood to the side talking briefly with Anne about their plans for the anniversary party for Edward's parents. Coming into the room as in mass, the odor of the cigar smoke hung on the men's clothing, and the smell permeated every corner. Elizabeth felt her stomach lurch, but she tried to hide her increasing need to regurgitate. Darcy and Edward came to stand beside Elizabeth and Anne. As he always did, Darcy pulled her to him, and she fought to control her gag reflex.“Elizabeth, Anne and Edward plan a late June wedding; I have told them we will attend the ceremony.”

Turning her face away, Elizabeth struggled against the surge in her stomach. “Fitzwilliam, you may attend, but I will not.” She felt as if she did not find relief soon she would surely embarrass herself.

Not expecting her resistance, Elizabeth's words shocked Darcy and offended Edward and Anne. Darcy tried to allay the umbrage betrayed on his cousins' faces. “Come, Elizabeth, we all understand
your resentment at Lady Catherine's attack, but we must put those feelings aside for Edward's and Anne's sakes.” He pulled her closer to relay his need for her to say the right thing.

Elizabeth's hand went to her mouth to force herself to swallow hard; the color fled from her face.“I am sorry, Fitzwilliam; I cannot attend.” She fled from the room.

“Elizabeth!” Darcy called and started after her, but Mrs. Gardiner stopped him. “I will take care of Lizzy, Mr. Darcy. Stay with your guests.”

 

Mrs. Gardiner found her niece on the exterior entryway; Elizabeth leaned over the stair railing relieving herself of what little she took for dinner. Mrs. Gardiner came up behind Elizabeth and gently rubbed her niece's back. She pushed back Elizabeth's hair from her face. “How far are you with child, Elizabeth?” Her aunt's voice caught her off guard, but it also offered Elizabeth comfort.

She turned toward Mrs. Gardiner.“How did you know?”

Her aunt laughed; she handed Elizabeth a handkerchief, which she dipped in water as she chased her niece down the hallway. Elizabeth wiped her face with the cool cloth and handed it back; a combination of the cloth's dampness and the fresh night air settled her stomach's uneasiness.“My trigger was the smell of pork cooking with Cassandra; for both boys it was any floral scent.What was it for you tonight?”

“The cigar smoke! Other smells have played havoc with my senses, but the smoke could not be ignored. How long does this last?”

“Usually no more than a month or two at most.” Her aunt gently wiped Elizabeth's face again.“I assume Mr. Darcy does not know.”

“I planned to tell him tonight. I told you about my accident, Aunt Gardiner.” The woman continued to wipe Elizabeth's face with the cloth while acknowledging what her niece was saying to her. “Once I fell, I did not want to tell Fitzwilliam until I was sure the baby did not suffer from my foolishness. He was so consumed with my recovery; I did not want to cause him more distress.”

“Did you speak to the physician?” Her aunt's concern relayed
her tone.“Are there problems for the child?”

“Mr. Spencer examined me on three different occasions. He assures me I have no reason for concern because of the accident.”

“Then answer my question, Elizabeth: when will be your lying in?”

“It appears this child is a result of our first nights together as husband and wife. I am nearly two months along. How could I tell Fitzwilliam in front of the whole room I cannot attend Edward's and Anne's wedding because I am to have a child? I want to tell my husband first before I tell everyone else.”

“Tell me what, Elizabeth?” She jumped at hearing his voice; Elizabeth turned to see him standing by the open door. Darcy crossed the landing to take her in his arms once again.“What is the reason for your distress?”

Although her stomach was now empty, the urge did not go away. The smell of the cigar smoke remained on his jacket; she jerked her head to the left, grabbed her mouth again, and pulled away from him. Looking back with tears streaming down her face, she paused only briefly before she darted through the doorway to the staircase leading to her chambers.

“Mrs. Gardiner, why is Elizabeth acting this way? Did she say anything to you? This is uncharacteristic of her nature.What have I done for her to keep running away from me? How have I offended her?” Darcy's confusion could not be concealed; he turned to follow his wife.

Mrs. Gardiner caught his arm. “Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth must tell you her reasons; they are not mine to give, but if I may be allowed an opinion, you must ask the right question to get the answer you want.”

“I do not understand, Mrs. Gardiner.”

“Trust me, Mr. Darcy. A reassurance of Elizabeth's love for you is not what you should question. Give me your jacket, Mr. Darcy.” He did not know of what she asked. “Give me your jacket, Mr. Darcy, and then go ask Elizabeth why cigar smoke is bothering her.” She reached up and took his jacket from his shoulders.“
Go,
Mr. Darcy.” She caressed his cheek as he looked at her with bewilderment.

Darcy took the steps with his usual speed; his search for Elizabeth ended in their bedroom. She laid eyes closed—face down across the bed, a wet cloth in her hand. He entered tentatively. “Elizabeth?” He feared coming too near—not knowing why she kept retreating from him. “Elizabeth, please,” his voice pleaded with her senses. He moved cautiously to the foot of the bed.

Elizabeth sat up and looked at him. Darcy's confusion and concern asked questions his mouth could not. Finally, he said, “Your aunt says I need to ask why cigar smoke bothers you. This makes little sense to me; would you care to explain to me what troubles you?”

Her tears could not be withheld. “Fitzwilliam,” she sobbed, “it was not supposed to be this way! I had it all planned!”

He came to the side of the bed and took her hand. “Had what planned? Elizabeth, this should make sense, but it does not; help me to understand.”

She nearly knocked him over when she jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly. On her knees on the bed, she was nearly as tall as he, and he did not have to bend to see her face. Her tears rolled down his neck as she buried her face, ashamed of what she had to say to him. “Elizabeth, there is nothing which could make me love you less.” He held her tightly to him and stroked the back of her head.