Darcy's Passions (9 page)

He found it relatively easy to escape close association with Elizabeth by taking a long, physically demanding ride on Cerberus. By the time he returned and properly presented himself to the rest of the party, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst applied to him to join them for some shooting. As much as Darcy dearly loved the sport, his ride depleted his energy so he kindly begged off. The ladies took the carriage into Meryton to make some social calls. Elizabeth attended her sister, which meant Darcy could eschew all the trappings society would demand if everyone was together. He found a book in the Netherfield library in which he could, at least, pretend some interest if someone found him there. Settling back into the chair, he nearly fell asleep; his mind, despite his determination to evade thoughts of Elizabeth, clearly pictured her now in this pre-dream state. Her smile was there, and it was a smile directed toward him, the illusion so real he could not help but to utter her name aloud,“Elizabeth.”

“Yes, Mr. Darcy.” The word echoed through his whole body. With eyes fluttering and a mind grappling with the reality of what just happened, Darcy sprang to his feet, a rush of embarrassment at being found dreaming of the woman who now stood before him and who looked very quizzical about what transpired.

“I apologize, Miss Elizabeth,” Darcy stammered, allowing his breeding to take over the situation. “May I help you find something in the library?”

“You are most kind, Mr. Darcy,” she responded, still obviously amused by his response.“I thought you asleep; I wanted desperately not to disturb you; I tried reaching that book of poetry on the upper shelf. I fear my clumsiness brought you from your deliberation, and I foolishly interrupted your privacy. It is I who should
apologize to you, Sir.”

“Not at all, Madam,” he quipped, making a quick bow. He stepped over to the shelf by which she stood. Reaching up to retrieve the book she desired, Darcy placed it into Elizabeth's hands. When she looked up to thank him, the thickness of her lashes consumed his senses, and Darcy found himself swimming in the scent of lavender. Elizabeth smiled briefly at him as she took a seat across from his chair. He considered excusing himself, but he feared in doing so her curiosity over his response would be compounded. Instead, he hoped by returning to his chair and his book, Elizabeth would think his blunder simply a lack of propriety at calling her by her first name rather than a realization he dreamed of her.

Pretending to read the historical account of William the Conqueror, Darcy peered over his book and watched Elizabeth as she devoured the words. She tapped her foot lightly as she read, evidently mimicking the rhythmic pattern of the lines. Darcy watched her so intensely he came close to closing his book in order to give her his full attention. Elizabeth bit her lower lip as she read, flitting glimpses of humor and sadness empathetically playing across her face. So they sat for half an hour; Elizabeth engrossed in the beauty of the lines; Darcy engrossed in the beauty of the woman. Noting the time, Elizabeth sighed deeply as she closed her volume.“Thank you, again, Mr. Darcy,” she curtsied and left before he could acknowledge her remark or to stand upon her exit.

Darcy let out the breath he did not realize he held back for so long. His heart lodged in his throat.
How could I have been so foolish?
The thoughts fought for dominance.
I must not say anything else to her today; Elizabeth Bennet must be out of my life forthwith
.

 

At dinner Darcy devoted himself to Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst's trivial administrations. He barely looked at Elizabeth when she joined them. Steadying his voice as he spoke, Darcy kept ticking off the clock in his mind, praying Elizabeth would leave before it was too late for him to return to his familial allegiance.

Sunday brought the day of his redemption; in a few hours he would be free of Elizabeth Bennet. As much as Darcy rejoiced at his being able to return to himself, his friend felt despondent about the loss of Miss Bennet's company, and Darcy found he too would experience the deprivation of Elizabeth's presence if only he would allow the luxury of admitting as much. Reliving the last few days as he dressed for church services, Darcy acknowledged Elizabeth's power over him escalated to the point of distraction, and he felt obliged to struggle against his feelings. He could not—would not—entertain a design on Elizabeth Bennet. His prayer on this particular Sunday was to rid himself of the good opinion he formed of her. Putting distance between himself and Elizabeth Bennet could ease his distress; therefore, he resolved during the night to pretend business in town and to leave Netherfield.

Waiting on the ladies in the main foyer, Darcy paced with a renewed strength of resolve. Bingley, on the other hand, anticipated the pleasure of escorting Miss Jane Bennet to the morning's services. As Darcy contemplated how he could tell Bingley, without offending his friend, he chose to leave Netherfield, Jane and Elizabeth Bennet stood at the top of the stairs looking down at the gentlemen. Jane Bennet, still a bit pale, was dressed in royal-blue muslin, amplifying her blue eyes. Darcy thought he heard Bingley let out a low moan, but he could not be sure it was not his own response he heeded; for a few paces behind her elder sister, taking a supportive role, stood Elizabeth.The image hypnotized Darcy. Elizabeth was perfectly beautiful and perfectly insensible to the fact. Only moments before, he silently professed his desire to be away from the brilliancy of her eyes, and now he could not force his regard from Elizabeth's countenance. Clothed in a simple dress of muted rose trimmed with red stitching which complemented the auburn highlights of her hair, Elizabeth had no idea what inducements she created in a man of such esteem.

Mr. Bingley sprang up the staircase to attend to Jane Bennet's needs, taking up a position by her side and allowing himself the pleasure of bracing her unsteady motion. Pausing to give her sister
distance and some moments of growing affection, Elizabeth nearly giggled with delight seeing Jane so singled out by Bingley's actions. Shortly, Elizabeth began her descent, and Darcy discovered himself compelled to meet her and offer her his arm. A bit embarrassed by his behavior, his gentility took control of his actions as he offered the incomparable Elizabeth Bennet his hand. She did not expect his chivalry, but propriety allowed her to permit him to do the proper thing.

Bingley, irritated with his sisters for being fashionably late once again, said, “Darcy, why do we not take the Miss Bennets in my carriage? My brother Hurst may bring my sisters in his.” Darcy knew the folly of such an action.Two single gentlemen in possession of good fortunes escorting two single ladies to local church services could be viewed easily by society and by the ladies themselves as a declaration of the gentlemen's intentions. He wanted to say as much to his friend, but the slight pressure of Elizabeth's hand upon his wiped the idea away. He resolved to leave Netherfield in the next few days, and that would hinder any hopes Elizabeth may be contemplating. Darcy would allow himself the pleasure of her company one last time.

In the carriage, they found companionable silence. Both ladies kept their eyes down as Elizabeth fussed over Jane's comfort. Bingley and Darcy stared out the coach's windows, but Darcy's mind was anywhere but on the scenery; Elizabeth's lavender—her lush eyelashes—the flush of color on her cheeks—the shift of her shoulders—all these things consumed Darcy's being.

Alighting from the carriage, the ladies entered the church ahead of the gentlemen; Bingley grabbed Darcy's arm delaying their entrance momentarily. “Darcy, thank you for allowing me this deception. My sisters will take great offense, and we shall hear their rebukes this afternoon, but for me this will be well worth it.”

Darcy tried to cover the deepest regard he held for Elizabeth. With a straight face, he said,“Bingley, although we should not have allowed decency to fall to the wayside, I do enjoy being in your company, and, by the way, is this
adventurous
enough for you?” he
winked at his friend good-humoredly.

“You are a faithful friend,” he shook Darcy's hand enthusiastically. “Let us find seats close to the Miss Bennets; I am afraid my attention may not be on the sermon today.”

Darcy felt guilty for deceiving his friend, but how could he admit to Bingley his feelings for Elizabeth. He had not even vocalized to himself the disorder her presence afflicted upon him.

Later in the afternoon, Bingley's carriage took the Bennet sisters from Netherfield. Part of Darcy hoped Elizabeth would show some reluctance about leaving, and part of Darcy felt relief at seeing her anxious to return to Longbourn. She did not indicate by her actions she expected him to pursue intentions he was not ready to give to her at this time. He was free to leave Hertfordshire and Elizabeth Bennet behind, taking his memories of her with him as a gauge for future romantic encounters. Darcy would tell Bingley tomorrow “pressing business” called him away. He hoped his friend was so enthralled with Jane Bennet the last few days to not take notice Darcy received no urgent communications.

 

Being left behind incensed Caroline and Louisa; Caroline desired to make her entrance on Mr. Darcy's arm; she could not fathom he gave Elizabeth Bennet his attentions instead. Caroline equipped and loaded her responses with venom. Bingley, too happy to care what his sister thought at the moment, found her display amusing. Darcy schooled his expression, trying not to duplicate the foolish grin plastered across Bingley's face, but it was hard to appear gracious to Caroline's shrewish exhibition. Forgetting Elizabeth's delicate touch as he assisted her into Bingley's carriage proved harder. He could not call her a woman of refinement, but Elizabeth's charm sheared his character.

 

Although he hated to deceive Bingley with the lameness of the lie
he designed, Darcy knew if he did not escape Hertfordshire soon, he would likely discount all his breeding in favor of a high-spirited country miss. Glad to see Bingley up and taking his morning meal, Darcy joined him at the table and began his lament. “Bingley, I received unpleasant news. I have been called back to London on business. I am sorry to have to leave you here at Netherfield.”

“Darcy, are you sure this is necessary? I just drafted invitations for the ball I am to give. I would never consider doing so without the knowledge you would be here.”

Darcy took in the agitation that consumed Bingley. He possessed fleeting recollections of the first gathering he organized at Pemberley and remembered his own apprehensions. Of course, Darcy had a competent household staff used to such affairs as his support system; he regretted his lie and began to have second thoughts. “I could try to send my wishes in a letter rather than seeing to the arrangements in person, perhaps.”

“Please, Sir,” Bingley pleaded.“I know I will forget to attend to details.You are used to such gatherings; you probably forgot more than I currently know of such important social customs. I need your assistance, my friend. I will repay you ten times over if you aid me in this endeavor.”

Darcy despised seeing Bingley in such a state; although Bingley was quite capable of handling all the necessary arrangements without Darcy's help, he lacked confidence, and it was that area to which Darcy applied himself. He prided himself as being Bingley's friend and his advisor. Reluctantly, he agreed to stay through the ball; he would just avoid Elizabeth Bennet. She left Netherfield so that should make the task easier; all he must do was what he always did; Fitzwilliam Darcy would do his familial duty, but as he confirmed his determination, a flash of color moving quickly along a country lane, which, ironically, now had a face, hopelessly beguiled him. His lack of sensibilities of late and his absence of self-control mortified his spirits. Could he rein in his admirations for Elizabeth Bennet and not betray his vulnerability?

Miss Bingley went out of her way to entertain Darcy during the evening. With Elizabeth's removal, Caroline's hopes and expectations resurfaced. Darcy noted the green-eyed monster no longer invaded her conversation, and she assumed a relaxed familiarity with him.Yet, the evening without Elizabeth was unpalatable. All the niceties Miss Bingley offered could not fill the void she left. The evening lacked passion, and as nonchalant as he tried to be, Darcy could not override his desire to be three miles from Netherfield and sitting in Longbourn's drawing room with Elizabeth Bennet.

 

On Tuesday, Bingley announced his notion to deliver a personal invitation to the ball to the Bennet family. Besides, it would give him a chance to inquire on Jane Bennet's health and recovery. He asked Darcy to accompany him, and although it was less than two days' passage since he forswore Elizabeth Bennet, Darcy welcomed the opportunity to glimpse her countenance. He could post letters in Meryton as a cover for his enthusiasm. Riding comfortably into town, the gentlemen espied several of the Bennet sisters in conversation with a militia officer and two other gentlemen. Darcy did not see Elizabeth among the group at first, but the officer turned slightly away, and there she was. Her conversation animated, as usual, and Darcy's face reflected the pleasure of seeing her. On horseback, they approached the group, with Bingley leading the way. Darcy heard the gurgle in Elizabeth's voice as she acknowledged Bingley.“Mr. Bingley, it is so good to see you so soon.”