Dare Me Forever (18 page)

I pushed send.

As much as I knew I
couldn’t continue to be involved with him if he was working with my
mother, as much as I knew I was making the right choice, I felt
horrible all the same. And angry to have been put in this position.
Why of all people, did this have to happen? It wasn’t even like I
had a choice.

My phone beeped. I
looked back down and realized I was clutching it in my hand so
tightly, I’d made indentations from the cover on the palm of my
hand. I took some deep breaths, then looked again. It was from
Hunter.

How are you feeling?

Shitty,
I wrote.
He didn’t have to know that the hangover was nothing compared to
how badly my heart hurt.

Want to have dinner
tonight?

The truth was, I didn’t
want to have dinner with anyone, but I also knew that wallowing by
myself at home would weaken my ability to resist calling Ryan.

I had to get out of my
head, and stop thinking about how crappy I felt. Maybe I’d watch
some stupid show online while I waited for customers. I definitely
didn’t have energy to design anything. I rented a season of Say Yes
to the Dress.

After watching a couple
episodes, I decided to close up early. I just felt too gross. I had
lots of errands that I hadn’t run in ages, but I’d give myself a
break and go home.

Hunter texted again.
I
promise it will be fun. 8, good?

I needed to write him
back. I knew if I stayed home, I’d just cry, which actually sounded
kind of appealing. Or maybe I should go out for dinner and it would
take my mind off Ryan, at least for a little while.

Pick me up at 8.

I’d go home and have
a glass of wine before Hunter picked me up. I just wished it was Ryan
coming to pick me up. But I had to stop thinking like that. Ryan was
out of the picture. There was nothing I could do about it now.

At home, I flopped onto
the couch with a glass of pinot grigio. Hunter would be here to pick
me up in an hour. I could zone out and watch some trashy TV. Just the
tonic I needed.

I heard the doorbell
ring. I guess he was early, which was not like him at all. At least
not the Hunter I dated in high school. He must have changed a lot.

I opened the door. What
met my eyes was not Hunter’s brown eyes, but at least a hundred
calla lilies, all wrapped in a bouquet with purple tissue paper and a
large ribbon. Holding them was the man who I wanted to see more than
anything. The man who I tried my best to resist but couldn’t. The
man who shouldn’t be on my doorstop right now. Ryan took the
flowers down from his face.

I was about to protest,
when he walked towards me, pushed me into the house, threw down the
flowers, grabbed me and kissed me. His lips parted mine and he thrust
his tongue into my mouth. Holding my head with both hands, he kissed
me like it was his reason for living. Tears began to sting my eyes.

I tried to speak, but
the words got stuck in my throat. He put his finger to my lips to
stop me from saying words he didn’t want to hear. He gently traced
my mouth with his finger, and looked deep into my eyes.

“Don’t do this,
Amy. Don’t do this to us.”

I could barely form the
words I knew I must say. I didn’t want to sound like a child, but
why did it have to be like this? I tried to keep my voice steady, and
stop the tears from pouring out.

“Ryan, why can’t
you find someone else to partner with? Miranda is not who you think
she is, and I…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. But I hoped he
knew I wasn’t being childish, I just wanted him to end his
relationship with her. It was all that was standing between us.

“If I could I would.
I’ve been searching for an investor. The company is in hot water,
which I didn’t realize when I bought it. I need a quick infusion of
cash, and she is the only one who will do it. If I could back out of
it, and save the project I would.” He looked at me pleadingly.

I realized my hands
were bunched into fists. “I just can’t do this. I want to. So
badly. But she has hurt me too many times. I can’t be near her. I
can’t have the man I’m with near her. She is poison. She destroys
everyone around her. I can barely see her twice a year, and there is
no way you’d be able to keep her away working with her on such an
intense project. She’d be all over you, all over me--she is
relentless.” I shuddered, just thinking of it.

Ryan’s face grew
hard. He put his hands on my shoulders, and began to gently massage
them. He lifted one hand and began to slowly caress the side of my
neck, wiped the tears from my cheeks, smoothed the hair from my face.
I closed my eyes against the sweetness of it all.

“Amy, I’ll never
know exactly how much she damaged you. I’ll never be able to fix
that. But you can’t let her ruin this. Look at me,” he demanded.
I raised my eyes to his face. “Don’t let her get in your way.
Dare to be with me,” he whispered fiercely.

I looked away. I heard
him and I
did
want to do what he said, I wanted to believe I
could do it, for him, for me. But I couldn’t. I stared at his lips,
which would no longer be mine. That face, the gleam in his eye, his
incredible body. I lifted my head and looked at him again. He saw the
sadness in my eyes, and knew I couldn’t say yes.

“Dammit Amy, this is
bloody ridiculous. You’re just scared to do this. You’re scared
to live your life. You’re hiding behind your hatred, letting it
overpower you. Letting her win, make decisions for you.” He
frowned, and rubbed his hand roughly through his hair, frustrated and
angry.

I opened the door to
ask him to leave. What he said frightened me. Was it true? Was it
that I couldn’t be with him? Or was it that I
wouldn’t
be
with him? Was I being a coward or protecting myself from real damage?
Miranda had almost ruined me after my Dad died and she left. I was
depressed, sad, lonely, and responsible for a child. Thankfully, that
responsibility had saved me. I couldn’t fall apart for Luke’s
sake, and slowly I’d been able to rise to the occasion for myself
too.

Dad had always said
that times of trouble were when you found out who you really were.
But I couldn’t risk it, no matter what my heart was telling me. I
felt an incredible pain in my chest. No wonder they said people could
die of broken hearts. If I wasn’t so young, I’d think I was
having a heart attack. I couldn’t gamble with myself that way, no
matter how much pain this was going to cause.

“You need to leave.”
I could barely get the words to leave my mouth. Ryan slowly walked
out the door.

I took the flowers Ryan
had brought me and put them in some water. Looking at them reminded
me of the pain of turning Ryan down, but I couldn’t just let them
die. I set them up by the window in Luke’s room. That way I
wouldn’t have to look at them.

I couldn’t believe
I’d agreed to see Hunter tonight. I didn’t know how I was going
to do it without being a complete teary mess. But he was coming in
fifteen minutes and it was too late to change my plans. I’d just
have to find a way to make the night short. If Ryan hadn’t come and
totally wrecked me, I would have done a much better job of faking it.
I just hoped I could make it.

Ryan

I threw myself into the
project. I thought I was working hard before I met Amy, but now I was
like a machine.
Keep working, don’t have to think about Amy.
If it wasn’t going to happen with her, I had to at least guarantee
that the development was going to be more than profitable. I had to
make sure this was worth it.

I also had to figure
out what the hell was going on with those books. I still hadn’t
mentioned it to anyone, but the more I looked at them, the more I
realized that they were different from what Jim had originally showed
me when I acquired the company. I would have noticed the
incongruities and the way too clean dates and invoices as would have
my lawyers. So now I had to find those other books and compare them.
And if not that, I had to figure out who had access to this
information and the motive to cook them.

Of course I immediately
thought of Hunter. How couldn’t I? But why would he want his
father’s company to go down, the company his father had thrown his
life into and built from scratch? Sure I owned it now, but it was
still MORGAN Properties, he still got paid a handsome salary, and it
was his dad’s legacy. Who could do something like that to their
parent?

No, the only reason my
mind immediately jumped to him was because I deeply disliked him. But
I wasn’t going to go around blaming anyone until I had proof.

I was holed up in my
office, making calls, when my secretary buzzed and said that Jason, a
colleague who was in charge of electrics on the project, needed to
see me. He walked in and cut to the chase.

“I can’t get going,
of course, until we have the foundation set. But I’ve been
researching solar panels, to keep costs down, and make the
development ecologically friendly.” He showed me charts of
investment versus costs over time. There was no doubt that solar was
the way to go.

“Now, I’m just
sourcing who to work with. Before you came on board, we’d never
even considered doing something like this, so I don’t have vendors
I’ve already worked with. It might take a little while to do due
diligence.”

“Great work, Jason.
And it will attract the right businesses to the project when we start
leasing. Very forward thinking.” The man had seemed nervous when he
came in, but talking about solar panels and charges got him going and
now he was more at ease.

As he was about to
leave the office, he invited me to a poker game that he and a few
colleagues were going to that night. He gave me his number to call
when I got there and mentioned that Hunter would be there, like that
was an incentive for going. I wasn’t really a gambling man, but I’d
always loved cards. My mom and I’d played many nights for peanuts.
I didn’t want to seem the aloof boss, so maybe I would go. A few
rounds, a few drinks, maybe it would take my mind off this fucking
mess of a situation I was in.

Amy

I went to the bathroom
and quickly spruced myself up. Make-up is a miracle worker. After
some blush, mascara, and a bit of lip gloss, I actually looked almost
good. My eyes were still red, but I didn’t think Hunter would
notice.

I sat on the couch,
channel surfing as I waited for him to pick me up. He was never on
time, so I was surprised when he was only ten minutes late.

Hunter came to the door
and he seemed to want to come in, but there was no way I felt like
having a nooky evening. I needed to go out, have a drink. Stat.

“Let’s go grab
something to eat.”

We walked towards his
car. I mentioned maybe we should go back to D Street, but he said
he’d rather go on a little drive and eat somewhere in Escondido. I
didn’t really care.

As we pulled away from
my house, Hunter turned towards me, his large brown eyes serious. I
hoped he wasn’t going to ask about our talk at the cove. I was done
with emotional conversations for the night. Thankfully, he said, “So
do you want a more burger and beer type place or something
healthier?”

A burger and beer was
perfect. Satisfy my need for comfort food. I told him and he said he
knew the perfect place.

We walked into Red
Robin, and sat down at a table by the window. Hunter glanced around
the restaurant, and when he looked back at me, he seemed agitated.

“Hey Amy, I changed
my mind. Let’s go eat somewhere else.” He stood up, and grabbed
my arm.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just come
on.” He was practically begging. I grabbed my purse from the booth
and hurried along beside him. He looked pale, and was sweating. He
seemed really nervous. I looked back around the restaurant and all I
saw were regular people eating burgers, fries, and milkshakes. I
didn’t know what had gotten into him.

We got into the car and
he quickly pulled away. He was staring straight ahead and seemed
really amped up. I gently rubbed his arm to help calm him down and
wanted to encourage him to take some deep breaths. But he seemed too
crazed even to listen.

“So sorry, Ames. I’m
just under a lot of pressure at work. I saw some guys from the office
who have been making me crazy, and I just overreacted.” He tried to
smile, but it didn’t look real. “I’m so glad I’m with you. I
don’t know what I would have done if I was by myself.”

I was glad I could help
him, but surprised at how open he was being about his feelings. He
must be
really
upset.

“Why don’t you come
back to my house? I’ll make us something and we can just watch TV?”
It wasn’t a let’s-make-out invitation, but I couldn’t see him
sitting in a restaurant again tonight. He was so jumpy.

He drove us back to my
house and immediately turned on some action movie, while I rummaged
through my refrigerator and cabinets. I could hear what must have
been some major explosions coming from the TV. It was like Luke was
back home.

I came out and brought
Hunter a beer which he took gratefully, and then sat on the couch.

“You’re sitting so
far away.” He looked at me with those puppy-dog eyes. I laughed.

“I’ll be back in a
minute, I don’t want to overcook the spaghetti.”

It was definitely a
night to eat on the couch. I brought both Hunter and me a plate of
spaghetti with marinara sauce, and a fresh salad. Paper towels would
have to do for napkins and the coffee table in front of the couch
worked as a sort of low dining table. I ran back into the kitchen for
a few more beers so I wouldn’t have to get up again.

“What should we
watch?” I asked, scrolling through the On Demand choices.