Daring (23 page)

Rocking him in her arms, tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks. He wasn’t dead; she had to take care of him. She had to protect him.

“What’s wrong?” Hannah asked.

“He’s wounded. It’s not deep. The bullet made a path across the top of his forehead.” She ripped a strip of her petticoat and held it against the wound, stemming the seeping blood.

Hannah knelt beside her. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I think so. I’m hoping the bullet just knocked him out,” Ruby said, holding his head in her lap, gazing at him. Was this how Deke had felt today when she’d jumped into the river?

This overwhelming sense of loss and pain and heart wrenching, gut seizing agony? What if he didn’t wake up? What if she’d lost him forever? What if he died before she ever had the chance to tell him she loved him?

The dog lay as close to Deke as she could get, her head resting on his leg.

“What can I do to help?” Hannah said.

“Say a prayer that he’s okay. I’m so scared.”

*

The next morning, Deke woke feeling like he’d been kicked in the head by a bull. Groggy and weak, he felt his forehead. Touching the bandage caused a whole new round of insistent, painful rat-a-tat-tat in his brain. The skin around his wound was swollen and tender. And then like the rising of the sun, he remembered.

Rivera holding a gun against Hannah’s forehead, intending to kill Deke, and Ruby firing her little pistol, the searing burning sensation in his forehead and then darkness. Deep, dark blankness had filled Deke’s mind until the lightening of the sky this morning.

How long had he been out? He glanced around and noticed it was still their same camp, only now a dead body lay several feet away, wrapped in a blanket and tied with ropes.

Rolling over, Deke searched the bedrolls. Hannah lay curled up not far from Ruby’s empty blankets.

When he moved, he awakened the dog, which had been sleeping next to him. She jumped up and licked his face, covering him with dog slobber, whining and jumping excitedly, beside herself with happiness.

He rubbed the back of her ears and tried to settle her down, so as to keep his head from pounding even worse.

The sound of retching reached his ears, and he glanced around. It had to be Ruby. He started to rise to check on her. Had the jump from the cliff somehow injured her internally? Had she been hurt after he’d been shot?

Slowly coming to his feet, he stood for a moment, swaying side-to-side, trying to get his balance under control. Finally, he felt steady and walked out of the immediate area, searching for Ruby with the puppy close at his heels.

He found her sitting on a rock, not far from the bedding.

“Deke,” she said. “Oh, my God! You scared me. You shouldn’t be up.”

“I bet I look better than you do. What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Then why are you over here vomiting?”

“It’s the weirdest thing. I woke up this morning nauseous and feeling like nothing would sit on my stomach. As soon as I stood, I had to run to get out of camp before I threw up.”

Deke stared at her, fear making his heart pound in his chest in time with his head. The memory of Laura throwing up every morning for the first two months she’d learned she was expecting sent tremors of terror spiraling down his spine. It had only been a week. It was way too early to know if Ruby was expecting, but still he’d heard of women being sick from the moment of conception.

No, not Ruby. She could die.

“When was the last time you had your monthly flow?” he asked.

“What kind of question is that? Is it any of your business?”

How could he have done this again? After everything he’d witnessed with Laura’s death, he’d gotten another woman with child. He’d broken his vow to himself, and now Ruby would pay the price for his lust.

“No, but what if you’re pregnant? What if you’re experiencing morning sickness?”

“No. I’m not having babies at this point in my life. I refuse. My independence is much more important.”

“You may not have any say,” he said, “if you’re already expecting.”

Part of him understood her reasoning and part of him was disappointed she didn’t want their child. But then again, he didn’t want her expecting. How could he feel so confused? So torn? This was such a mess, and it was all his fault.

She turned on him, her blue eyes flashing. “Let’s get this straight. I’m not pregnant. I’d know it. I’d feel something. Besides, it’s only been a week since we…”

“You wouldn’t know at first,” Deke said quietly. “It hasn’t been that long since we were together, but still you could be with child.”

“No,” she said, her eyes suddenly worried. “Just no.”

What more could he say? Panic clenched inside him at the idea of risking another woman’s life. He wasn’t going through labor and delivery again and losing mother and child both in the end. He couldn’t do it.

He couldn’t lose Ruby.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Lousy,” he murmured. All he could think about were the sounds of her retching and the consequences of them being together.

Never again. He’d sworn never again to get any more women pregnant and here he’d gone against his word. And if Ruby weren’t with child this time, if they kept on doing what felt so right between them, she’d soon find herself expecting.

And Ruby would be very upset with him, not to mention he’d be devastated. He’d made a vow the night Laura died. He needed to remember that oath and get away from Ruby before he impregnated her.

She stood, and they began the short walk back to camp. A sigh escaped her lips. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m better.” The sooner he got Ruby home, the quicker he could ride away and put distance between the two of them…unless she was expecting his child.

“What happened last night? How did you get shot?”

“If I knew, believe me, I would have avoided that bullet,” Deke said, reaching up and touching the bandage. All he remembered was lunging for Hannah and then darkness.

Ruby shook her head. “I was watching Rivera, and the next thing I know you’re on the ground and I’ve shot him.”

“When I heard the explosion, I moved to knock Hannah out of the way. He fired at me and not at Hannah, but when I moved, I missed most of the bullet.”

Ruby stopped and threw her hands around his neck. She pulled him to her and hugged him tightly. Her embrace was like a burst of energy, filling the empty places in his soul, but he couldn’t enjoy the feel of her arms any longer. No more.

“Thank God, I didn’t lose you or Hannah yesterday,” she whispered against his neck.

“Rivera is dead,” he said, enjoying the feel of Ruby’s body snug against his own. Soon, he had to put distance between them. Soon, she’d be back in Zenith, and he’d be down the road, separating them forever.

“We’ll turn his dead body into the sheriff, but we’re going to need to get back quickly. Are you able to ride?”

“I think so,” he said, stepping out of her arms. “We better wake Hannah and get going.”

She tilted her head and gazed at him. “By tomorrow, we’ll be back in Zenith.”

“Yes,” he replied. He’d stay until he learned if Ruby was pregnant or not, but then he had to leave and he couldn’t go near her again. He couldn’t take the chance, though that was going to be harder than rounding up outlaws.

*

The next day, Ruby knew she wasn’t pregnant. This morning, her monthly flow had come to visit, leaving her achy and moodier than a bull next to a fenced pasture of heifers in heat. Sometime today, they would arrive home, and she was quite ready for this adventure to end.

Since his shooting, Deke was acting different. She couldn’t tell if he was hurting or if something was bothering him.

Since his shooting, she understood a little more about how he’d felt the day she’d jumped off the cliff. Watching him laying there, blood trickling from his head wound, she’d felt more fear than she’d ever experienced in her life.

The thought of Deke dying had frightened her worse than Annabelle’s disappearance. He’d been shot because of her, and she felt bad enough about that. But if he’d died, she wouldn’t have been able to live with herself. She could never tell him she loved him.

Holding him in her lap while he hadn’t responded to her urgent cries for him to wake up had been the worst moments of her life. And yet during that time, she’d realized she loved Deke. She loved him more than her next breath. She loved the way he made her feel, how he cared for her, how he was right. Someday, there would be a bullet with her name on it, if she stayed in this business.

Yet, she didn’t want a life like her sisters. She liked being independent. She liked earning her own money and doing something unique and different than most women. She liked the look of surprise on a criminal’s face when he realized she was bringing him to justice.

How could she love Deke and keep doing what she enjoyed? How could she give up bounty hunting to be with Deke? But how could she live without him?

She didn’t know. She didn’t even know if he felt the same about her. For all she knew, he would get her to Zenith and leave her with her memories of the two of them.

Half a mile out of Zenith, she thought she should tell him the truth before they rode into town and her family descended upon them, giving them no time alone.

She rode her mustang close to his. He glanced over at her, his gaze not his usual warm and friendly look, but cautious. Withdrawn and moody the last couple of days, she felt like he was already riding away from her.

“I’m not pregnant,” she said.

“We’ll see.”

“No, I know I’m not expecting a child.”

His brows went up. “How?”

“Now that’s a stupid question to ask a woman,” she responded.

“Oh,” he said, suddenly understanding. “I’m glad.”

Disappointment surged through Ruby. Tears clogged the back of her throat. She would not cry in front of him. No, she didn’t want a baby. Her sisters were having babies. She wanted to be a bounty hunter, didn’t she? But the thought of having, Deke’s baby…

No, she didn’t want a baby. So, why was she suddenly feeling sad that she wasn’t pregnant? Why was she suddenly seeing images of their child?

“Anyway, I thought you would want to know.”

“Thanks,” he said. “We’ll stop at the sheriff’s office and drop off the body.”

“Yeah,” she said, suddenly unsure as to what would happen next. She didn’t want Deke to leave, but why would he stay? What was keeping him here with her? And should she tell him that she loved him?

“What are you going to do next?” she asked.

He reached up and felt the bandage on his head. “I’m going home.”

The dog poked her head out of the sling to make certain everything was okay. He stroked her ears, and she went back to sleep.

Ruby bit her lip. She didn’t want him to leave, but they had not talked about the two of them. The memory of him telling her he wasn’t getting married returned and she swallowed. They didn’t have to get married…but she knew her sisters would insist if they found out they had shared a bed.

“That makes two of us,” she said quietly, wishing with all her heart he would stay with her.

As they rode into town, she felt so uncertain about everything, except the fact that she didn’t want Deke to leave. She didn’t know what she wanted with the man, but she loved him, probably always had.

Thirty minutes after they arrived at the sheriff’s office, they were on their way to the farm. The deputy had taken the body and recorded the bounty, but her brother-in-law Zach had taken Meg to the farm.

Oh boy, that meant they were all gathered at the homestead, and Ruby knew there would be hell to pay for not returning with Caroline.

*

Deke knew he couldn’t stay; yet, he couldn’t leave either. He couldn’t ride off until he made certain Ruby was safe. That she and Hannah were settled at the farm until after Annabelle had the baby. Then he would no longer be responsible for Ruby when he rode away.

The woman was a walking disaster waiting to happen. And he didn’t envy the sisters’ job of trying to keep her at home and out of trouble. It couldn’t be easy.

When they rode up into the yard, the front door of the farmhouse flew open and both sisters came out. Annabelle was swollen with child, and Deke knew her time would soon come. He said a small prayer she’d live through the delivery of the baby.

Meg was barely showing. Yet, looking at both women, his heart wrenched with sorrow for Laura and his child. Could he ever look at a pregnant woman again without feeling his body explode with pain?

“Ruby McKenzie, you are going to worry all of us into an early grave,” Meg said, beating Annabelle to their sister’s side.

Ruby swung her leg over the saddle, jumped down, and gave her older sister a hug. “Meg, you look so pretty. And the baby, oh my God, you’re showing.”

A glow came over Meg’s face as she smiled. “I felt her move the other day. We’re so excited.” Her brows drew together in a frown. “Don’t change the subject. We’ve been worried sick about you.”

Deke felt lonely as he watched the women. Sure, he had a home, his mother, and even an older brother, but nothing like what these women shared. Some families were close, some were not, and his just happened to fall in the not-so-close category.

Annabelle waddled out and stared at her youngest sister. “If you didn’t make it home before this baby was born, I was going to send out a search party.” She glanced up at Deke. “Thank you so much for watching over her.”

“I did a lousy job,” he said. “She’s a tough one to keep under control.”

“That’s why we like you, Deke Culver. You tell it like it is,” Meg said with a smile.

“Everyone, this is Hannah. She’s going to be staying with us for a while,” Ruby said.

“Just until I can find a decent job and get on my feet,” the young woman said.

“Welcome,” Meg said. “But don’t be expecting much in the way of a job in Zenith. I’m surprised Ruby didn’t warn you about how hard it is to find decent employment here.”

“I’m going to help Hannah,” Ruby said.

Deke kept his thoughts to himself about exactly how Ruby intended to help the younger woman. No woman should be subjected to what Hannah had experienced in her life. Ruby would help her find a new way.