Daring the Wild Sparks (37 page)

I walk around my desk and stalk him like the rat he is. “I don’t care.”

He wrinkles his nose. “That’s even more disgusting than me having it.”

I stop in front of my desk and point to the floor, akin to summoning a disobedient dog. “Come here.”

“I believe I have a restraining order against you, so I can’t. I think I should call and have you arrested for violating said order.”

I finally lose my patience. “Get the hell in here, Gregory Rodwell!”

Flinching, Rod says, “Shit, Hadley. You don’t have to shout.” He slips into my office and shuts the door behind him.

I immediately go on the attack. “Why did you ask Finn to be our coach when I told you not to?”

Sliding along the wall to get away from me, he reasons, “I technically dared him.” He shrugs and nervously smiles as he scoots. “You know how that guy is about dares.”

I follow him down the wall. “No shit.”

He bumps into a shelf, forcing him to a standstill. I have him cornered. He asks, “Why are you so pissed? Don’t you want to spend more time with him? This way, he’ll be doing his job and you two can spend time together. We’ll also have an awesome coach!” Resembling an ill cheerleader, he warily pumps a fist into the air and tentatively offers a fearful smile. He squeaks, “It’s a win-win-win for everyone involved!”

I bite my lip and confess, “I don’t want him around Shasta.”

He puts his hand down and his eyes drift around the office as if he’s looking for my sanity. “Why?”

“Because I don’t want my boyfriend to see what he could have.”

“You don’t think he already knows what else is out there?”

I shoot him a scornful look. “Thanks a lot!”

He pushes off the wall, puts his hands on his hips and glowers down at me. “You know what I mean. He’s not stupid or blind. He’s an extremely good-looking son of a bitch. I’m sure he has all kinds of chicks throwing themselves at him all the time.”

I step closer to him, growing more disdainful each time he opens his mouth. “Not helping, Gregory!”

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “The point is, women already do that, but he doesn’t pay any attention to them. He’s in love with you! He doesn’t want any other woman. Just you…for some insane reason.”

Glancing at the carpet, I fold my arms and come clean. “I don’t want Finn to see how much prettier and overall better she is than me. It’s bad enough that he’s around women like her all the time, but we’ll be side-by-side in comparison.”

Rod grips my biceps and shakes me gently. “He only wants
you
. He’s made that pretty well-known, hasn’t he? Fuck. He inked himself for you!”

I whisper to the floor, “He could always have it changed.”

He sighs as he moves past me. “Oh, get with it, Hadders. Wilder is nuts about you.” He turns his head and mutters, “Shit. He
has
to be nuts.”

My cell phone suddenly rings and I jump at the sound. Stepping to my desk, I hurriedly pick it up.

Finn. It’s about time!

I decide to go for slightly detached. “Hello?”

The deep, familiar voice that I love caresses my ear and makes my heart ache. “Hey. I was going to wait until you get home after work to call, but I’m guessing that you probably know about Rod’s dare by now.”

I glare at Rod. “Yes, I do.”

Rod starts making obscene sexual gestures with his hands on his crotch and mouthing crude things to go with them. I stride over, grab his arm and shove him out the door, closing it in his face.

Finn asks, “Can you talk now or do you want me to call you later?”

I sigh and walk back to my desk, sitting down in my chair, crossing my legs as I stare at a stack of reports. “I can talk for a few minutes.”
That’s all I feel like giving you at the moment
. I petulantly add, “I’ve been waiting all day to hear from you.”

“I thought it’d be better to wait and call you later, but then I got the email.”

I shoot daggers at the closed door. “Yeah. I just heard about it.”

“Um, about the dare. Are you okay with me doing it?”

I go for a lie. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He doesn’t have to know how I feel about Shasta. That might just send him right into her bed. I can’t believe that thought entered my mind. He wouldn’t sleep with her, so why am I being so paranoid…and insecure? I hate myself now for thinking Finn would do that.

He gloomily answers, “I don’t know. You might not want me around.”

“Right now I don’t,” I gripe under my breath.

“Last night, I… I only went to Ricky’s for a little while.” His tone hardens and I can almost hear his teeth snapping together. “Why’d you leave?” He’s seriously asking me that question?

“Because you left…so I did.”

He snips, “I was coming back!”

I scoff, “Probably not until I was asleep.”

“I just needed to calm down.”

I close my eyes. “You need to do that a lot, especially around me. I’m seeing a pattern.”

“It’s not just you,” he dissents.

Opening my eyes, I swivel my chair and stare out the window. “Your mom. I forgot.”

Not commenting about my remark, he impatiently asks, “Why’d you take
all
of your clothes?”

I mumble like a sulky teenager, “Because I felt like it.”

“But you took everything out of the drawers, the closet—every last stitch you had there.” I don’t reply and he raises his voice. “Becks!”

I up the ante by raising my own. “We had an argument, Finn, and you left! I had no idea when you were coming back or if I’d even see you before I had to go to work in the morning. I was so hurt and mad at you for doing that!”

He nosily inhales, which seems to calm him somewhat. “You went to take a shower, and were going to go to bed…without me.”

“It’s your apartment. Your bed. I can’t stop you from going to bed.”

“It’s
our
apartment.
Our
bed. Aren’t they? I didn’t want to go to bed and fight with you. I wanted to…” He angrily sighs. “I wish you wouldn’t have left me.”

“I know what you wanted to do.” Shaking my head, I stare at the tree tops across the street. “I didn’t leave you. I left the apartment. You must’ve gotten home late because if you really wanted to be with me, then you would’ve come over to mine.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

I roll my eyes and mutter, “Right. You got home late and you didn’t want me to know what time.”

His anger builds again. “Are we going to keep going around and around about this?”

“About what? Your about-face or your leaving? Because I’m still pretty upset about both.”

“Becks, come on!”

“No,
you
come on, Finn! Are you going to change your brand new desire for me taking…” I look over my shoulder to note if anyone had opened the door, “…medication?”

“No.”

“Why do you want me to? What’s the real reason? Why is it different from what we currently use?”

There’s a short pause before he answers, “I told you why. It’s a way to be closer to you. We’ve been together for three years and going without rubbers or the gel shit this weekend was incredible. Wasn’t it for you?”

Instead of an enthusiastic answer he’s probably expecting, I sound dreary. “Yes.” It
was
incredible, but not for the same reason as his. I thought he had really changed his mind about having a baby, even if he hadn’t about marrying me.

He caustically inhales and I imagine that he’s digging his fingers into his hair. “Why is
this
such an issue for you now? You complain about me changing my mind regarding this, but you wouldn’t question me at all if I changed my mind concerning marriage. You’d jump on that train without even a second thought.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” I probably would…

He brusquely growls, “Don’t give me that shit. If I told you I want us to get married when I come home, you’d be buying a dress and picking out our rings before I even hang up the damn phone. No questions asked.”

“Maybe I would. I don’t know. I’d want you to
want
to do it though. I wouldn’t want you to do it because you felt pressured.”

“Exactly. So don’t.”

Feeling like he just smacked me across the face, I argue, “But that’s what you’re doing to me now. I don’t want to go on it, Finn. It’s not just about the impulsive shift in your point of view. It should be my decision if I want to take it too, don’t you think?”

“It
is
your decision, but don’t you think
I
should also have a say? You don’t want to take the Pill only because of how I felt about it. Well, all I can say is I’ve changed my mind. I want to feel you, Becks. I had that for a few days, and now I’m addicted. I don’t want to go back to wearing a damn rubber all the time or sliding into a ton of gel. They’re only more barriers between us and we don’t need that. We already have enough as it is.”

I check the door again before saying, “I hear you, but I’d have to deal with the side effects and I’d be the one taking it every day. Not you.”

“True, but there are other options. You can wear a patch or get a shot every few months. That’s what Shay does.” Of course he’s talked to Ricky about this.

“Oh, is that what your guru told you? Your sidekick? Your vice president? Your security advisor? Life coach? It gets his approval, so now you’re okay with changing your mind?”

He tersely says, “No. He had nothing to do with it.” And chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows.

“Now
you’re
lying. What else does he know about our intimate details, Finn?” I lower my voice and say, “I’m sure you tell him everything. Did you tell him about your temporary change of heart over the weekend? I bet he knows where my birthmark is, every freckle I have and the things you do to turn me on.”

“No, Becks. I keep those things to myself. They are only for
me
to know.”

I disregard him. “Did you tell him my curtains match my drapes? How my field is kept? What about the things
you
like? Did you tell him what
Finnigan
does to you? The way you purr when I pull on your hair or bite your lip? How about the mistakes I make or the things that I don’t do? Did you tell him I haven’t…?”

He replies testily, “Knock it off.”

“You tell him everything. I know you’ve told him that.”

“Fuck. Can we
not
fight on the phone?”

“Then what are we supposed to do? Pretend that everything is fine?”

“We shouldn’t even be arguing about any of this shit!”

I glance at the door again. “Why? Because I should just give in and do it? Just like everything else you want me to do?” I repeatedly run my hand through my hair. I think I watch Finn do it too much.

“What about the fucking things you want
me
to do? Marriage. A baby. All
I’m
asking you to do is go on the damn Pill and to move in with me. How hard are those in comparison? And I never misled you. It was just a weekend thing. I told you what I did was an Easter gift. That’s all.”

“Did you keep the receipt?”

Finn sighs and barks away from the phone, “Wait a minute!” I hear him shuffling around and he grumbles into the phone, “Hold on. I have to answer the door.” There are clicking noises in the background and then Finn greets with a cordial, yet muffled, “You again?” He laughs. “What’s up?” There he goes slipping into his charming public persona as if he just put on a mask and cape. So, does that mean I get Bruce Wayne, only without all the money?

A woman’s voice replies, “I wanted to ask if you would like to go down to the bar with me.”

I hear the smile in Finn’s sexy voice, “Ah, definitely. Give me a few and I’ll meet you down there.” What the hell? He is going to drink his problems away yet again, only this time with a woman I don’t know. Shit. Can I trust him? Does he ever think about cheating on me? Maybe the thought crosses his mind more than I think. Will he get drunk and cheat on me tonight, thus stomping on my heart and killing me? Or even more hurtful, will he cheat on me sober?

I hear him close the door and breathe into the phone. I suspiciously ask, “Who was that?” Now I sound exactly like the untrusting and insecure girlfriend I don’t want to be. I have to trust Finn. I
do
trust him, yet these damned thoughts pop into my head at the worst times to drive me berserk.
God, help me
.

“Cara. She’s here with me. Why?” he asks guardedly.

I quietly reply, “I just wondered who you were talking to.”

“Why? Don’t you trust me?”
Yes. No. Yes
…

“I didn’t say that I didn’t.”

“It
sounds
like you don’t.”

“Finn, I do trust you.” I do, but he could always have a moment of weakness around a beautiful woman, especially when he’s drunk. “Why? Should I not?”
Please tell me I can, Sparks
.