Darius (Starkis Family #5) (22 page)

I focused on breathing as I stared at her, waiting for her to tell me this was her idea of a sick joke. “Go on.”

“Nate wants to do this for his brother, to honor him. He’s certain that’s what their mother would have wanted and…” She stared at her clenched hands. “He wants to make me a fifty-fifty partner. The building he wants to buy comes with an apartment, so I’d have my own place, my own business. Financial security for the first time in my life.”

She was talking to me about financial security? If she stuck with me, she’d be living like a goddamn queen.

“I don’t believe this.” I dropped my head into my hands. “You’re actually considering this, aren’t you?” Which answered every question I’d had about her feelings for her dearly departed husband.

“I told Nate I had to talk to you and Daphne first.”

I looked up, locking eyes with her. “What does Daphne have to do with this?”

“She’d be coming with me if I made the move. We’d give her a job at the club. Since the cost of living is so much less out there, she’d definitely have a better quality of life. She’d be able to afford her own place and…”

Her voice trailed off again, forcing me to clench my fists to keep from grabbing her and shaking some sense into her. I wanted to scream that she had a man right here who loved her and would give her everything, who would never bail on her, no matter how tough things got.

“Well, it sounds like a win-win-win,” I said.

The color drained from her face. “You think so?”

“Don’t you?” I wanted her to tell me no, that she couldn’t go through with it because I meant too much to her, but I wouldn’t be the man to steal her dreams.

“I’m confused,” she admitted. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“Let me ask you something. Why do you want to do this?” Her answer would determine whether what we had was worth fighting for.

“I told you, it’s an incredible opportunity. Everything I ever wanted, really. An opportunity to realize our dream and—”

“You mean Shaun’s dream, don’t you?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “It was our dream.”

“Huh. ‘Cause I kinda thought you and I had a dream. To put Billy’s old place on the map, to make it one of the best comedy clubs in the city. I bought that place because your passion sold me on it.”

“I do love it,” she said, her voice breaking. “It’ll be so hard to leave. That club has been like home to me ever since I came to New York.”

“I thought you wanted to go to school here. You can’t tell me they have anything in Kansas City that could compare.”

“No.” Resting her elbows on her knees, she covered her face with her hands. “Obviously there would be some trade-offs.”

“Trade-offs?” I couldn’t control my rage and frustration anymore, no matter how hard I tried. “Right, you’re trading our dream for the dream you had with your husband.”

“It’s not like that,” she said, touching my arm.

I pulled back and stood. I paced the room, trying to wrap my head around what she was telling me. “Isn’t it? Because it sounds exactly like that to me.”

“This represents an opportunity for me to have the one thing I’ve always wanted: financial independence.”

I glared at her as I continued pacing. “You really think the almighty dollar is so goddamn important that you’re willing to trade your happiness for it?”

“That’s not fair! You’ve had money all your life. You don’t know what it’s like to go without.”

She was right, but that didn’t make this any easier for me to understand. There were a few things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I loved her, to paint a picture of the kind of life we could have together, but the words got trapped in my throat at the sight of her tears. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You’ve obviously made up your mind.”

“Please know this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.” She bit her lip when it trembled. “Meeting you is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. You made me feel alive again, Darius. For the first time in a long time.”

Though I never could have claimed I was as emotionally bereft as she had been when we met, she’d added another dimension to my life and made me happier than I’d been in a long time. “So when do you leave?”

She closed her eyes, lowering her head. “Soon, I guess. I think Nate wants to get things underway as soon as possible.”

“This is good-bye then?” I felt like throwing up, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to reveal how much this was hurting me.

“I guess it is.” She looked at me, her blue eyes swimming with tears. “Thank for you everything.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Not nearly as much as I would have liked to do for her.

“Yes, you did. You believed in me even though you barely knew me. You had faith in me to run your club even though I had no managerial experience. You gave me and Daphne a place to stay while you tried to make our home better.” She sighed. “You made me believe I was good enough for someone like you.”

Her words only fueled my anger. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel you’re not good enough, Chelsea. You can hold your own with anyone. I’ve seen that for myself.”

“Thank you.”

“You have a gift.” I wanted her to leave knowing how special I thought she was. As hurt and upset as I was, I couldn’t resent her for wanting a better life for herself any more than I could blame her for not trusting me to give it to her. “This opportunity will give you a chance to share it while providing you with some stability. I’m just glad you’ll have Daphne there with you.”

“Then you think I’m making the right decision?”

“I can’t answer that. You have to go with your gut, do what feels right to you.”

She hesitated as though she expected more from me. “Right, okay. Well, I guess I should track Nate and Daphne down and give them the good news.” She stopped in front of me before hugging me. “Thank you for understanding.”

I didn’t understand any of this, but I loved her enough to support her, even if it was tearing me up inside. “You’re welcome.” I held her longer than necessary, trying to burn the memory of her scent into my brain. “I only want the best for you, Chels. You know that.”

“I do.”

***

“You’re such an idiot!”

“Gee, sis, tell me how you really feel.”

I flipped through the channels, looking for something to distract me. Chelsea had only been gone for an hour, and I already wanted her back. I’d called my sister hoping Catia would tell me I’d done the right thing, the selfless thing, by letting her go, but she apparently had other ideas.

“I can’t believe you didn’t even try to tell her how you felt. You should have gotten down on your knees and begged her to stay.”

“Oh, you mean like Chase did when you left town?” That was a low blow, but I wanted to lash out at someone. My sister was making herself an easy target.

“You and Chase both have more pride than brains.”

She might have been right. “How can I claim to care about her if I put what I want above what she wants?”

“Did you ask her if this is what she really wants?” Catia asked.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“It obviously is, or she wouldn’t be leaving.” I rolled my eyes. For a smart woman, Catia could be pretty dense sometimes. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime for her. She’d be crazy not to take it.”

“I kind of thought you were her once-in-a-lifetime,” Catia said softly.

“You were wrong.”

I couldn’t get that letter out of my head. Had she not shared it with me, I might have put up more of a fight when she told me she was leaving. But hearing Shaun’s words echo in my head, seeing Chelsea’s reaction as I’d read them, reinforced what I already knew. He would always stand between us, preventing her from loving me the way I needed her to.

“How do you know that?”

“Her husband,” I said quietly, closing my eyes as I tipped my head back. “He was the love of her life. He’ll always have her heart. No matter what I say or do, I’ll always wonder if he’s her first and last thought of the day.”

“What happened to him?”

I hadn’t intended to share the details with anyone, but now that our relationship was over and Chelsea was gone, I didn’t see the harm in confiding in my sister. “He killed himself.”

“Oh my God. No wonder she’s had a hard time moving on. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for her.”

“Yeah, I know.” Chelsea was, without question, the strongest woman I knew. “She told me when we met she wasn’t interested in a relationship. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was because of what happened with Shaun. She wasn’t over it or him.”

“That may have been true when you first met,” Catia said, “but I’d bet my favorite pair of Jimmy Choos that she’s over him now. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, heard the way she talks about you. It’s you she wants, Darius. Now quit being a dumbass. Call her and tell her you can’t let her go.”

“I can’t do that.” Keeping her here if this wasn’t where she wanted to be wouldn’t have been fair. I wasn’t even living in New York City full time myself. Sure, my house was only an hour and a half away, but that must have seemed like the other side of the country without a car.

“Sure you can. You can give her the kind of life she’s always dreamed of right there. She doesn’t need to go to Kansas City to find a better life.”

My sister was right. I could give Chelsea anything money could buy, but I couldn’t bring back the man she still clearly missed.

“I saw how much fun she had in the Hamptons, and you said she fell in love with your little cottage.”

I smiled, thinking about how she’d appreciated every little thing about that old place. “Yeah, she did. But Chelsea doesn’t even drive, Cat. I have to spend most of the week in the Hamptons. We’d only see each other on weekends. What kind of relationship would that be?”

“If you want something badly enough, you make it happen,” she said.

I couldn’t argue with that. I’d never been one to let obstacles stand in my way. “You can’t make someone love you.”

“True, but you can give them a million good reasons to fall in love with you.” I could hear the laughter in her voice. “If you’re not willing to stand in the way of her dream, you can at least remind her of what’s waiting for her in New York if she ever changes her mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“Keep in touch with her. Call her, text her, send her flowers, go and visit her.”

Just the thought of seeing and talking to her again made me feel better. “As a friend?”

“Is that what you want, to be her friend?”

“No.” But it was better than nothing.

“Then show her what you want. Be the strong, supportive, loving man in her life. Let her know that you want to see her make her dreams come true and help her any way you can.”

“But what if she decides K.C. is where she needs to be long-term?”

“Then I guess you have a big decision to make, don’t you?”

I loved living in New York. I’d loved living in Chicago. I loved traveling for work and pleasure. But I couldn’t imagine putting down roots in Kansas. Not even for Chelsea. Of course, I might feel differently after we’d been apart for a few months.

“If she comes back to New York and decides that’s where she belongs, have you thought about how you’d make it work, with you in the Hamptons and her in the city?” Cat said.

“Not really.” I’d been traveling back and forth a lot lately, but it was starting to take a toll, physically and mentally.

“You said she doesn’t drive?”

“She drives. She just doesn’t have a car.”

“That’s easy enough to fix.”

I chuckled. “You don’t know Chelsea well then. She’d kill me if I tried to buy her a car.”

“When’s her birthday?”

I could tell Catia was planning and scheming. Normally I would have told her to back off and mind her own business, but I was desperate. “In a couple of months. Why?”

“Perfect timing. If you follow my advice and maintain your relationship with her, that couple of months should give her enough time to decide where she really wants to be. She and I want to keep in touch too, so I’ll have a chance to feel her out, try to figure out where her head’s at.”

“You’re making nice with my girlfriend?” Not that she was my girlfriend anymore. “Why?”

“Because I like her. Do you have a problem with that?”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about Chelsea being friends with Cat. But both were strong-willed women, so I knew it wouldn’t matter even if I did object. They’d still do whatever the hell they wanted to.

“So let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re suggesting I keep in touch with her as though nothing’s happened. Let on that I still want to be with her?”

“You do, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. But we both know long-distance relationships never work.”

“It couldn’t be long distance forever,” Catia said. “That’s for sure. Eventually one of you would have to relocate. But if things are going well between you two in a couple of months and you get the feeling she’d like to come back, buy her that car, give her a key to that cottage she loves so much, and convince her there’s an amazing life waiting for her in New York.”

I was suddenly really glad I had sisters to set me straight when I screwed up. “Thanks, Cat. You’ve made me feel a lot better.”

“Does that mean you’re going to take my advice?”

“What choice do I have? I love that girl. I can’t just let her go.”

Cat squealed, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear. “You just said you’re in love! I couldn’t be happier for you guys!”

“Don’t break out the champagne just yet. We still don’t know if your little plan’s gonna work.”

“Trust me, it’ll work. She doesn’t want to leave you any more than you want to let her go.”

Chelsea

“You okay?” Daphne asked, wrapping her arm around me as I set my suitcase by the door.

“Yeah, sure.” I wasn’t okay. I felt sick. I hated leaving all my friends and the life I’d built in New York, but it was leaving Darius that was really killing me.

Daphne tugged on my hands, forcing me to sit on the sofa in Darius’s living room. “I can tell you’re not really sure about this. Maybe we should tell Nate we need a little more time to decide. He’ll understand. Uprooting your whole life is a big decision.”