Dark and Deadly: Eight Bad Boys of Paranormal Romance (106 page)

“I don’t know jack about dogs,” she said. “I keep thinking it should be easy, but apparently, I’m ill-equipped. I’m probably doing everything wrong.”

She gave a small, broken laugh and shook her head.

“I didn’t even know I had a sister until last year. I didn’t remember Amy, but she remembered me…remembered our mom giving me away when I was little. Amy found me, but only long enough to break my heart.” Lilly sniffed and gave him a brave smile. The one that hid what she was really thinking. The one he was learning to hate.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

She shrugged and looked away.

“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t belittle it.”

Her eyes had a glassy sheen when she looked back at him and he saw the tears hovering on her lashes. But her chin was up, and she didn’t give him the chance to reach out to her.

“It is what it is,” she said.

“Doesn’t make it fair,” he answered.

The brittle smile flashed again. “Fair? What do you know of fair? I was the lucky one. I got dropped off. Amy’s life was hell with our junkie mother.”

“Your mother left you? Where?”

Lilly cleared her throat, moved to the sitting room and picked up the water glasses from the coffee table like it was the most important task in the world.

“Fire station.” She took the glasses to the kitchen and put them in the sink, then went for the breakfast dishes. “I was adopted in a few months. Like I said, I was the lucky one.”

He leaned against the counter beside her. “But?”

She ignored him as she filled the sink with soap and water. Alex took her hand and pulled her around to face him.

“But?”

She glared at the buttons on his shirt and he thought maybe she’d continue to ignore him. Then she hung her head in defeat. “But my adopted parents died, too. And I was all alone. Again.”

Her voice grew very soft. She drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Back to making herself look big to her enemy. Only in this case, she was her own enemy. She didn’t look at him, so Alex tilted her face up until she had no choice but to meet his eyes. He didn’t speak, but he waited until she did.

Lilly sighed. “Then Amy found me and we had two months together before cancer took her, too.”

Her voice cracked and the tears she’d tried to hold back welled and spilled. Angrily, she wiped them away.

“And then…” she said, waving a hand between them.

She seemed to expect him to fill in the blanks, but he didn’t know what came after
and then….
Nor did he understand the hurt and disappointment in her eyes when she realized it.

“Forget it,” she muttered.

“No,” he said, trying to figure her out. “And then…what?”

She jerked away from him and plunged her hands into the soapy dishwater. But Alex didn’t let her get away with it. He followed, crowding her against the sink, bracketing her with his arms on either side.

“And then, what?” he said in her ear.

“And then
you
, Alex,” she answered stiffly, not turning around. “You crashed into my life and made me see…” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “You made me see how long I’ve been waiting for someone like you. And now you’re here and you’re just going to leave…”

The hollow silence that followed felt so big that Alex thought it might swallow him whole. How did he fill it? What did he fill it with?

He turned Lilly around and dried her hands with a dishtowel.

“I can’t change what I am, Lilly,” he said softly.

“You don’t know even know what you are,” she shot back. “You said it yourself. You think you’re a reflection. I think you’re a man. You came to kill the hellhounds. After this storm passes, you’ll go out and try again. You’ll either succeed and go home or you’ll die and go on to the afterlife. No room for me in either scenario.”

She hadn’t meant to say the last. The resentful glitter in her eyes told him that. She didn’t try to hide it from him, though. She stared him down, wanting him to deny the truth she’d spoken. He could feel how badly she wanted it. But he couldn’t lie to her.

“I don’t have a choice,” he answered, frustrated with her refusal to see that. “I can’t leave them here, Lilly. They’re killers. You saw what they did to Caleb.”

“Okay. I get that. But after? Why do you have to leave? Why do you want to go back to something that isn’t real? Or something that’s
after
life. Why not stay here in
this
life?”

With me.
She didn’t have to say it.

Lilly took his hand between hers. “I’m real, Alex. This thing between us, it’s real. I know it happened all at once. I don’t know where it will lead. What it will make us. In two weeks, we might hate each other. But I want the chance to find out. I want
you
to want the chance, too.”

Inside him, something caved in, leaving a void her words filled.

He wanted that, too.

“I’m not afraid of being alone,” Lilly said, staring at him with shining eyes. “I’ve learned to take care of myself. I’ve learned to move on. But I’ve also learned how short life can be. I don’t like regrets. I don’t want you to be one of mine.”

With that said, Lilly left him standing there alone. Everything she’d told him resonated deep inside him. She was right. If he left, he’d regret it. But if he stayed, he might bring evil to her front door and he would regret that even more.

When Lilly returned to the front room, Alex stood by the fireplace, lost in thought. She’d showered, changed, and avoided him for most of the afternoon. He knew she wanted answers. She wanted some kind of agreement, if not full-fledged commitment. But Lilly wasn’t willing to accept the truth.

Creatures of the Beyond did not belong in her world. Ever.

Alex watched her wander with guarded eyes. The dogs followed her like a parade, devotion in every step. She might feel ill-equipped to deal with her pack, but the dogs had obviously accepted her completely. All but Belle. She sat by the door expectantly. Alex stared at her. She stared back with more intelligence than a four-legged creature should have.

Could it be possible that she’d made
friends
with a hellhound?

“Belle,” Alex said. “Come.”

Belle let him wait a moment before heeding his command. Lilly watched with indignant surprise. Devoted or not, the dogs never jumped to obey her. They only worshiped the ground she walked on. He understood.

The giant dog padded to his side and Alex knelt beside her. Belle let him stroke her head and down her side. She made a soft whimper when he touched her belly. Frowning, Alex smoothed his palm over it again, feeling the hard heat there. Belle snuffled his ear as he gently probed.

After a moment, he looked up.

“What?” Lilly asked, coming closer.

He reached up and tugged her hand. Lilly crouched down beside him and let him guide her fingers over Belle’s abdomen. Something inside squirmed, something else shifted. He could almost feel the hard little heads and pointed elbows. Searching noses. Sealed eyes.

“Is that…are those…
puppies
?”

“You didn’t know?”

“It’s not possible. Amy told me all the dogs were fixed. Spayed, neutered. I can’t remember which one.”

He raised his brows. “Spayed for females.”

“
You
know?”

“Every male knows.”

“How can she be having puppies if she’s been spayed?” Lilly demanded.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Has she been around any males?”

“Harley, and he’s fixed, too.”

They both looked at the little Pomeranian. Even if he’d been capable, there was no way he’d ever manage to impregnate the huge Dane.

“I never even…Amy was adamant. She rescued dogs. She wouldn’t have had one in the house that hadn’t been fixed. Too many unwanted animals in the world as it was, she’d say.” Lilly stared Belle dog with anxious eyes. “I can barely take care of the dogs I have. What am I going to do with puppies? Love them, of course, but five is already too many.”

He wanted to say he’d help her. He wanted it to be true.

Belle whined and moved to the door.

“She needs to go outside,” Lilly said.

“I’ll take her,” Alex answered. “We’re getting low on wood. Is there a stack somewhere?”

“By the shed. I’ll come, too.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Of course not. You only had a hellhound try to eat you yesterday.”

She pulled on her coat and stuffed her feet into her boots while he did the same. He took her hat before she could reach for it and gently pulled it over her head. Hands still on the yarn cuff, he kissed her. Slowly.

Her lips parted, giving him access to the mystery of Lilly. He deepened the kiss, but he didn’t touch her anywhere else. Just his fingertips on her hat and his lips against hers. Still, he felt that kiss in places that were still hungry for her. Intimate seemed too small a word for how it made him feel.

Without a word, he moved away and opened the door. The blast of frosty air cleared his head but it couldn’t begin to cool his blood. Lilly followed him out, pointing to the edge of the porch. The shed was a couple hundred feet to the left, but the blizzard obscured it. Even the trees had become mere smudges in a fury of white.

The dogs followed them out and scurried to their spots to do their business. Finished, they frolicked in the snow while Lilly and Alex moved wood from the side of the shed to the porch. They passed each other like dancers in a strange minuet, exchanging awkward glances and spare words each time. The snow muffled all sound, but the dogs seemed at ease and Alex let down his guard, just a little.

“Were you angry?” Lilly asked as they passed.

She posed the question casually, as if in response to something they’d been discussing all along.

Confused, Alex asked, “When?”

“You said God didn’t care for his trash,” she answered. “That your world was a dumping ground. You’re an orphan, just like me.”

She kept walking to the wood pile and squatted down to load up again, unaware of the impact of her question. When she came back, he still stood in the same place. Surprised, she slowed her steps.

A dozen counterattacks were on Alex’s lips. Cruel, cutting words that would shift the balance between them and slam the door on any more questions or commentary. But their eyes met in a moment of awareness…of her…of himself…of the idea that they shared something as fundamental as common ground. His cold retort—words meant to wound and deflect—died on his lips.

Lilly didn’t indulge in self-pity, but she didn’t hide from the hurt that made her who she was. She took strength from the very things that reduced most humans to rubble. And she made Alex want to do the same. Unbelievably, he felt a smile spreading across his face. A smile that Lilly answered. In that strange and giddy moment, Alex felt understood.

He was falling—into Lilly’s beautiful eyes, into her soft voice and hard truths. Since she’d challenged him in the woods with her rifle and dogs, he’d been spinning. Since she’d asked him how and why, he’d been caught in the storm of doubt. Since she’d made him think he was better than he really was, he’d been swept away in the tide of hope.

When he spoke, his voice was low and thick with emotion. “However this ends, Lilly Winslow, I’m glad I had a chance to be with you. You should know that.”

Without hesitation, she dumped the wood she carried and threw her arms around him. Alex caught her against him and kissed her cold mouth, filled with sudden, indescribable, happiness.

“The first time I saw you,” she breathed, “I knew you were trouble. But I knew you’d be worth it, too.”

“You should have run away.”

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

As was he. He kissed her again and she pressed closer.

“What did you think the first time you saw me?”

“That you had pretty eyes and I hoped I wouldn’t have to kill you.”

She met his gaze, dark humor mixing into the shining blue. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I’m hurting you now,” he said softly.

***

Alex’s words washed over Lilly, sad and true, but somehow irrelevant. She didn’t care if he hurt her as long as he touched her again. As long as he proved that their meeting, which had changed her in some deep, irrevocable way, hadn’t left him unaltered.

Suddenly, Belle lifted her head and woofed softly. Alex spun, staring into the distance.

“What is it?” Lilly asked searching the snowy landscape. “Did you hear something?”

Alex shook his head, but he continued to scan the dark woods around them. Lilly bent to retrieve the split logs she’d dropped and caught a shadow from the corner of her eye. She looked up and froze.

Something stood a few feet in front of her. Dark as pitch, nebulous as a ghost, the creature had four legs and had eyes so pale they glowed. Its outline shivered in and out of focus, making her think it was an illusion. A trick of frosted snow and obscured afternoon shadows. Without a sound, it turned its back and faded away.

“Alex…”

His name caught in her throat. He’d moved closer to the shed and didn’t hear her.

She scanned for the creature—specter, whatever it was—and saw it again on the porch. Insubstantial, textured like velvet. Belle bounded up the steps and padded to its side. She bumped her head against its flank affectionately, tail wagging. A tongue came out from the black face and licked her.

“
Alex
.”

This time he heard the panicked whisper. Alex spun and faced Lilly where she still crouched in the snow. He followed her fixed stare to the porch.

The creature faded again, but Lilly sensed it was still there. Belle’s tail wagged happily and she made soft sounds as she circled, her head down in deference to the apparition that Lilly knew must be a hellhound.

“You see it?” he asked, his voice as soft as hers had been.

“I see something,” she clarified, unable to describe the pulsing silhouette that moved like a phantom.

In the distance, a sound rose up over the wind and wailed a piercing note that sent chills through her already ice-covered senses. Far to the south, another voice joined it. Violent, hostile. Soon the shrieking howls surrounded them—nothing like the lonely wolf-calls she’d heard before. The dogs circled with agitation, but they didn’t bark. Instinct must be telling them that making a sound now would lead danger to their door.