Dark and Deadly: Eight Bad Boys of Paranormal Romance (117 page)

“Lara would take Aiden and me to play by the river for a long while. Only later did I realize my parents were making love. I didn’t understand it then, but some part of me knew they were bonding, sharing special moments.” Her voice cracked. “He loved her so much. How can a male with that much love inside turn cruel and ruthless?”

Ryder touched her cheek, his gaze solemn. “By forgetting the most important rule. Take care of the pack at all costs. A leader must sometimes forgo his own interests in the interest of his people.”

They walked quietly back to the lodge. Kara climbed the staircase to her room, Ryder following close behind.

In the bedroom, she pushed a hand through the long fall of her hair, wishing for a few moments more of forgetting, of running free and wild. The worst part with her sire had been the uncertainty. Not knowing when her father’s mood would shift from reasonable to cruel and violent. Not knowing when something she said would bring a nod or a slap across her mouth. Not knowing when the thin ice beneath her feet would hold for another day or shatter, plunging her into the cold abyss.

“I left when things were at their worst. I feel like I abandoned the pack.”

“Hey.” Ryder gently clasped her upper arms, turning her toward him. “Remember the good times.”

“It’s hard when I have this….” She rubbed her ruined cheek. “Aiden took me and ran that night because he feared Dad would kill me for kissing you. He saved my life. I owe him everything. But what would have happened if we’d stayed? Could we have made a difference?”

The temperature dropped with the icy chill of his cold anger. “I should have broken Alastair’s neck to keep you here, where you belong. Damnit, I should have done something.”

“What could you do? You were locked up. And you and Aiden would have butted heads if he came into power. You don’t get along.”

“For your sake, I would have tried.”

She glanced up. “It wouldn’t suit you, Ryder. You’re the worst omega I’ve ever known. You’re too strong and stubborn to follow others. I feel so guilty for sneaking away in the middle of the night, but if I had stayed, it might have been worse. I saw the photo of my mom you left for me and I realize how much I look like her. It must have tormented him, seeing me alive each day, knowing his mate was gone. Every moment he saw me was a reminder of his immeasurable loss, another ripping open of the wounds my mother’s death inflicted on him. I made my father crazy.”

Two warm arms settled around her waist. Ryder pulled her against his hard, muscled body. “You didn’t make him crazy. Her death did. He must have loved her very, very much. And of course it hurts, knowing that he couldn’t overcome your mother’s loss enough to love you as well.”

Iron fingers tightened around her throat. “It makes me fear love. Because if that is love, destructive and abusing, I don’t want it. I’d rather stay hidden in my room for the rest of my life than cause someone else that much pain if my heart shattered like his did when my mother died.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

Turning from him, she hugged herself. “Please leave me now. I’d like to be alone.”

Ryder sighed. “Rest a while. I’ll be back soon to take you downstairs to eat. Tonight everyone’s dining on their own.”

As the door closed softly behind him, she finally surrendered to the tears forming in her eyes. But she cried, not for the father she’d known, but the male he could have been, who’d locked away his life and his love in a cold, dark place forever.

After giving her a short break for privacy, Ryder came to fetch Kara. Determined to wipe away the sadness in her eyes, he didn’t know how to erase the painful memories. He only had instinct to guide him, and the depth of his feelings.

Kara accompanied him downstairs. Instead of heading for the large dining room, he hooked a right and went into the kitchen. She frowned.

“We’re eating here?”

“I haven’t planned a menu yet. Thought you’d like a treat first.” Ryder opened the pantry doors, gesturing to a wire shelf filled with plastic tubs of her favorite treat.

Her eyes widened. “Peanut butter?”

“Ever watch a wolf eat peanut butter?”

She laughed.

“I remembered how much you enjoyed it. So I cleaned out the store.”

Her smile transformed her entire face, lighting it like sunshine spilling upon a sparkling lake. The darkness inside him peeled back a layer.

“Why did you do it?”

Alpha Lupine males didn’t admit weakness. He must appear strong before the pack. But hell, Kara always had been his favorite weakness. And if it meant the pack thought he was vulnerable, so be it.

“Because I wanted to make you smile again like you once did. The memory of your smile kept me warm all those cold nights in the cell. If it meant buying every jar of peanut butter in Colorado to make you happy, I’d do it.”

Her expression softened. “Thanks Ryder. That means a lot to me.”

Ryder screwed open a jar, found a spoon. He dug into the peanut butter and handed her the spoon. “Taste.”

Kara closed her eyes, making a humming sound as those perfect and wet red lips closed over the spoon. She licked it. Slowly.

He stared, hot and hungry and feeling as lusty and out of control as a stripling Lupine male facing his first naked female.

“I don’t know what we should have for dinner. But this…” She smiled wider, opening her eyes. “Is dessert.”

Enough already. Ryder pulled her into his arms. Spoon and jar tumbled to the floor, bounced and rolled. He kissed her, his tongue tasting the peanut butter, sweetness and the flavor that was exquisitely Kara, the taste he’d dreamed about for years. The kiss turned desperate and pleading and burning. He gave her no time for thought, words or protest. He merely took and claimed because he must. If he did not…

I’d fucking die right now.

Never again was she leaving. He didn’t care if he had to fight every male in Aiden’s pack. He’d fight them all, one arm, hell, one paw tied behind his back simply to keep Kara here. If she walked out that door, part of him would crumble and wither. The pack would falter, too, for in some mystical way, Kara was the pack, the invisible umbilical cord that fed them purpose and strength. He was the head of the pack, but she was their heart.

When they both surfaced for air, panting heavily, he tugged her hand. “Come, meet your people.”

Panic replaced her passion-glazed, smoky look. “I can’t, Ryder. You can’t march me in there to meet all of them at once. They probably hate me for leaving like I did. Sneaking out like a thief.”

He caressed her wrist, circling it with his thumb. “They don’t hate you, sweeting. They miss you. They need you.”

Like I do, he almost confessed.

Kara did not answer. Instead, she examined the nearest shelf, her slender fingers combing over the canned preservatives and jellies. She picked up a jar of honey and unscrewed it, sniffing.

“I remember growing up with the beehives on the ranch, taking the fresh honey from the comb. It tasted so good, so sweet. But there was always that risk when taking the sweetness, because I’d get stung. At first it seemed worth it for a few moments of pleasure. But the pleasure was fleeting and the hurt always lasted longer.”

She shook her head. “You say the pack needs me, but they’re like the bees in the hive. They function as a unit, and as Lupines, will destroy those who threaten their home. There’s no going back for me, Ryder. You represent the new life of the hive, and I’m the ghost of a painful past they won’t want to remember. We have no future together. Alastair was right.”

Touching her scarred cheek with a trembling hand, she looked so damn lost and sad, it kicked him in the guts.

“Even if Alastair hadn’t done this.” She dropped her hand and set down the honey jar. “Because the damage he did inside was much worse. You and I weren’t meant to be together. He said as much.”

Damn her sire. Damn him to hell. What had caused a once good, noble Lupine to turn into a mean-skinned bastard who’d ripped his daughter’s heart to shreds and killed all her hope?

Ryder gazed deep into her eyes, knowing what he must do. He only hoped it worked…

***

“The hell with what that crazy bastard said. Half the time he thought the sheep and cows were spying on us. You going to believe someone like that? Damn girl, I thought you had more sense than that.”

Temper rising, Kara stared at Ryder. “He was my father.”

“He was a fucked up alpha who must have been on something. Too much bad meat. And you’re still letting him run your life. I thought you were stronger than that.”

Ryder gripped her upper arms. “The Lupine I remember was a fighter. The Lupine I remember was the female who snuck me food and water, risking her own hide, when I was imprisoned. I thought she returned when I saw her in the forest, fighting off a pack of trolls so she could get money to save her brother’s ranch. Who the hell are you?”

Anger kicked hard and fast. “I’m the one who’s stopping you from making a big mistake like the night when you kissed me. That was a huge mistake. Look where it landed us.”

“I’ve made mistakes before, Kara. Plenty of them. The biggest wasn’t kissing you, for sure. My biggest regret? I should have thrown you over my shoulder and ran away from this place to protect you until I could deal with Alastair on my own.”

Breathing deeply, he released her, fury crackling in his eyes.

She suddenly realized his tact. Shake her free from the cobwebs of self-pity and get her angry enough to stop believing the words Alastair drummed into her mind. All the emotion drained out of her like a plug pulled on a filled bathtub and she sagged against the shelves.

“He would have killed you, Ryder. He was just looking for an excuse. He wanted to hurt me simply for being close to you.”

“Then I should thank Aiden for having the courage and common sense for doing what I should have. I failed you, Kara.”

How wrong he was. Ryder had sacrificed everything time and again to keep the ranch operational and keep the pack cohesive. He could have run off, quit, like other Lupines had. But he stuck it out. And to see him blame himself for her father’s actions…

She laced her fingers through his. “You saved me. Before that kiss, I had forgotten what it was like to be cherished and loved. And you fed me hope that maybe I could find some happiness after all.”

Ryder squeezed her hand, his touch warm and comforting. “We need you, Kara. We need you because you’re a part of our family. No matter where you go, how far, this will always remain your home. And you’re meant to be with me, hell, we’re meant to be together after all the crazy, fucked up crap your sire did to tear us apart.”

“Mating is for life, Ryder.” She stared at their interlocked fingers. “I want to be happy, I want the promise of what it’s like to laugh again, and feel good.”

“Then let me make you happy,” he said, his deep voice growing huskier. “I want to give you a pleasure you’ve never felt before, Kara. The kind of pleasure a woman feels when a man slides deep inside her and she screams and begs and claws. The pleasure our people were meant to feel when we mate.”

Mesmerized by the burning heat in his eyes, she watched him dig into the honey jar and withdraw a dab. He brought it to her lips, hesitating a moment. Ryder seemed to test her, an unasked question if she were willing to take the sexual challenge he presented.

Mate with me.

As Ryder pressed the honey against her mouth, Kara parted her lips. She flicked her tongue daintily over the offering. Then she took his wrist and guided his finger into the moist cavern of her mouth, and sucked hard.

The blue of his eyes turned indigo, then darkened further. Ryder then closed his eyes and groaned, every muscle tensing. Her lips closed around his finger and she swirled her tongue, flicking it around his trembling digit. With exquisite slowness, her tongue gave both one last teasing dance, and then she pulled back, forcing his finger from her mouth.

Sweat beaded on his forehead. Ryder gazed at her with a different, fiercer hunger than a need for food.

“That was delicious,” she purred. “I want more.”

“No,” he said hoarsely.

Kara gave an innocent smile. “Why? I’m hungry.”

“Because if you don’t stop, sweeting, I’m going to tear your clothes off, press you against the wall and fuck you so hard the shelves will rattle. So put down the honey and let’s go out to meet the pack.”

Her heart beat harder at the fierce intensity on his face. “Right now?”

“Soon as I get my dick to go down.”

Not going to look, not going to look…oh hellfire and brimstone.

She looked.

And licked her lips again. Grim-faced, he turned around, unzipped his jeans and made an adjustment. She heard him swear softly before he turned back.

Ryder Carrington wasn’t the low-bred animal her father had called him. A shiver raced through her as she remembered Alastair’s angry shouts.

“You are the daughter of an alpha, not a lowly slut. He’s a common cowboy who just wants to fuck the alpha’s daughter! His dirty, manure-covered hands aren’t worthy enough to touch you,” he’d screamed.

Emotion clogged her throat. Kara struggled to speak, but could not form the words. She took his hand, scarred and calloused, and rested it against her cheek.

“You are fit to touch me,” she told him. “More than worthy.”

Ryder closed his hands, leaning into her touch. Lupines craved touch. They needed it as much as they needed fresh meat to shift. Touch gave them reassurance and comfort, a sense of home and family.

“I’ve walked alone for so long. I need you,” he whispered.

The proclamation tightened her chest. They needed each other, it seemed.

When Ryder had first kissed her, he unleashed an explosion of passion. But the kiss had done much more. It had anchored her, provided reassurance in the uncertain, tumultuous tempest that had become her home.

Opening his eyes, he looked down at her, his expression tender. “You okay? Ready to do this and meet the pack?”

“Okay.” She drew in a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

***

About 50 Lupines gathered in the great room, lounging on the white leather couches and armchairs near the fireplace. Despite the gathering dusk, only one lamp blazed with light. In a corner, sectioned off from the adults, younger Lupines stared at a television set showing a movie. The sound was turned all the way down. When she entered the room, they looked up. Fear clouded their gazes, the smell so thick she could drown in it.