Dark Angel (23 page)

‘I sometimes figure it would be better to be alone.’

This pearl fell from Holly’s lips late Sunday afternoon, after I’d spent the whole day telling Orlando that I hadn’t even seen Daniel up at the lodge, that the guy meant nothing to me and my only interest in being on the mountain was in connection with Grace. All true, but not the whole truth.

We were sitting in the sun on a lawn by the side of a tennis court, watching the guys play. ‘Alone! What makes you say that?’ I asked.

‘I mean it’s tough to be in love,’ she pointed out. ‘Look at the day you’ve had.’

‘It’s been hard work,’ I sighed. ‘I’ve been tying myself in knots trying to convince my boyfriend that I love him.’

‘Sometimes,’ she went on after the longest pause, ‘I think it’s not love but fear.’

‘Fear of what?’

‘Of
being
alone. That’s what we’re all scared of, isn’t it? Of being left out, not chosen, feeling nobody wants us.’

‘I guess,’ I sighed. Orlando was playing well. He was partnering Leo and they were beating Aaron and a kid called Nathan, who was Leo’s cousin from out of town. Nathan was the type who looked like he’d grown six inches in a year – all wrists and elbows, bony knees and ankles. He looked as if a strong wind would knock him flat. ‘Terror of being alone. So that’s why I’m fighting for my relationship with Orlando?’

Holly lay back on the grass, her arms behind her head. ‘I hate that moment when Aaron and I split – each time it happens, and it happens a lot. He storms off, or I walk out on him and I have a split second where I feel I’ve lost my grip, I’m falling off the edge of the world, I’m yelling, “Help!” and no one hears me. I’m alone. But later, when you get a distance and you start to think it through, it feels like it might not be so bad.’

Nathan reached an overhead lob from Orlando and smashed it back. Orlando had forgotten that the new kid was seven feet tall. Six foot four, actually.

‘There’d be no more compromises,’ Holly insisted. ‘And I’d be my own boss again.’

‘Free?’

‘Yeah – so maybe we should all give up on love and get on with everything else,’ she sighed. She turned her head towards me and squinted through the glare of the sun. ‘Why don’t we?’

‘Because we can’t.’ I watched Orlando throw the ball high, swing his racket behind his back then bring it up and over for a crashing serve. Poetry in motion.

‘Because we love them.’ Holly came full circle and we laughed and put the philosophical stuff to one side. ‘So did Orlando believe you when you told him Daniel means nothing to you?’

‘I don’t know. I tried everything.’ Reasoned argument, tears, kisses – and the rest.

Holly raised one hand and tried to put it over my mouth. ‘Too much information,’ she said quickly. ‘And is it true?’ she demanded, sitting up and wrapping her tanned arms around her knees. ‘Daniel is just a guy who has the hots for you but there’s nothing in you that returns the compliment?’

‘Exactly,’ I told her. Orlando and Leo had won the set. All four boys were walking off the court towards us. ‘He knows I love Orlando. I made that absolutely clear.’

Try talking to a guy about the way he feels and you get awkward silence, or “I’m hungry. What shall we eat?” Give him a scientific conundrum and he’ll happily spend an hour over it.

‘So how can Zoran be pronounced dead in the hospital then resuscitated in a private clinic?’ I asked over cold drinks in the clubhouse. And I explained what Stefan Bibesco had told my dad.

‘You’re sure you got your facts straight?’ Leo checked. He was wearing his version of tennis gear – baggy white shorts, a vest top and a black bandanna with a death’s-head motif.

‘The guy’s my dad’s cousin. He was on duty at the Floreasca, plus he’s best buddies with the surgeon who worked on Zoran.’

‘But you know how these rumours spread.’ Right away Aaron showed his boy colours. ‘Plus there’s the language barrier.’

‘My dad’s first language is Romanian,’ I reminded him. ‘There was no doubt: the doctors gave up on him and signed over the body.’

‘Maybe they missed something,’ Leo said, assuming the scientific position. ‘A patient with bleeding into the brain cavity can go into a deep coma. It can look like he’s brain dead.’

Our jaws dropped in mock amazement then Holly quizzed him and it turned out he’d read an article in
USA Today
. In such cases they keep the patient artificially unconscious for weeks until the bleeding and the swelling stop.

‘So the Floreasca guy made the wrong call.’ Aaron talked as if Leo had nailed it. ‘Lucky for Zoran, his guys took him to the right place. They saved his life.’

‘Yeah, he does have a medical guy on his team,’ Holly told them. ‘Maybe he was the one Zoran has to thank.’

I realized that neither Orlando or I had contributed and at this point I caught his eye. He looked stonily back at me as he stood up. ‘Who cares?’ he muttered, swinging his heavy bag on to his shoulder. ‘Honestly – I liked this town a whole lot better before Zoran Brancusi ever built his place on Black Rock. Who cares about this crap? Not me. I’m out of here.’

Back at home, alone in my room, my phone rang and when I saw it was from Daniel I let it ring out.

He texted me straight after.
Tania, please pick up. Will call again.

I put down my phone and stared at it like an unexploded grenade. I had it on silent, so when it began to vibrate I jumped for cover and let it ring out a second time. But on the third attempt my nerve broke and I answered.

‘Tania?’ His voice sounded calm, though my own heart was thumping.

‘Hey, Daniel.’

‘I thought for a moment there I must have hurt your feelings by not saying hi yesterday.’

‘No, you didn’t.’ Thump-thump-thump – just his voice was enough to do this to me.

‘There was the crisis with the mustangs, remember. I had my hands pretty full.’

‘I know. It doesn’t matter – really.’

‘Anyhow, it worked out. We rounded them all up, no problem. Actually, I’ve just been working in the arena with Zoran’s sorrel mare. She’s doing good. So how are you?’

‘I’m cool.’

‘The smoke didn’t bother you? I heard Jude wasn’t so lucky.’

‘No. He had another attack.’

‘Cristal told me. That’s partly why I’m calling you.’

‘Sorry, I haven’t been able to visit him so I can’t update you. His parents—’

‘No, that’s not what I mean. I’m actually calling to update
you
on his condition. Cristal just came from the hospital. He knew you’d be worried so he told her to tell you he’s doing OK.’

‘Cristal?’ I echoed. ‘Oh, OK. Cool, thanks.’ Of course she would want to visit him, I told myself. She was the one who drove him down from Black Rock. It was just that somehow I didn’t see her as the angel of mercy type.

‘Well, I told her I’d pass on the message because there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.’

Before he could go any further, I leaped in. ‘Look, Daniel, if you’re going to ask me to meet up again, I really can’t – OK?’

There was a short silence then, ‘That’s not what I planned to say. Actually, this isn’t about you and me, it’s about your experience with the fire team.’

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have …’ Shouldn’t have assumed anything, shouldn’t have put both big feet in it, should have bitten my tongue right off before I’d made such a fool of myself!

‘No, that’s OK. It’s Orlando’s feelings you’re protecting. It’s difficult for you – I understand. So anyway, Oliver.’

‘Yeah, Oliver – sorry.’

‘No need to apologize, honestly, Tania. The cops came by earlier today. A guy called Sheriff Hanson and his sidekick.’

‘And?’

‘They’re still waiting for autopsy reports, but they contacted Oliver’s parents – actually, his mom. His dad is off the scene, travelling somewhere – Thailand or Cambodia. His mom took the news badly. Oliver was her only son. The sheriff told her they’re not currently treating the thing as suspicious, depending on further reports – toxicology, blood tests, et cetera.’

‘What does that mean – they don’t think anyone else was involved?’

‘Right. The cops think the poor kid had a freak accident up there on Black Rock, which is what we said all along. An accident, pure and simple. Since you were the one who identified the body, Zoran and I … we thought you’d like to know.’

‘Yes – thanks. Really, thanks, Daniel.’

There was another silence – a little longer this time. ‘So you’ll call me?’ he asked. ‘If you hear any more news on the cause of death from your end.’

‘Oh, yeah, for sure – I definitely will.’

‘And if you and Orlando … Tania, if you ever want that coffee and someone to talk to—’

‘Thanks – bye!’ I said quickly. I pressed the button; end of call, but found no button in my brain that said Delete. Oh no, Daniel stayed right there in pole position with his Formula One voice and brilliant steering, easily outmanoeuvring all the opposition.

That night we had a freak storm. A warm wind came in from the east, hit the cooler mountain air and produced the whole summer spectacular – brooding blue clouds over the Bitterroot peaks that rolled down the valleys bringing lightning, thunder and blast after blast of cold rain. I lay in bed watching forks of lightning crack open the sky, waiting for the roll of thunder and hearing raindrops batter against my window pane, and just as I was picturing what it must be like to be out on Black Rock in this kind of storm, my special voice began to whisper.

‘
Aimee, don’t cry. It’s only a storm. I’m here. I won’t let it harm you
.’

I half wanted to block it out. The wild storm had already spooked me and I wasn’t ready to take on board more messages from beyond the grave. Then again, given the current Grace–Ezra–Zoran situation, I totally needed help. So I reluctantly tuned into my voice.

The wind rattles the window. Down below, a door bangs. The voice sounds a long way off, growing louder.

‘Baby, baby, don’t cry.’ The woman bends over me, her grey eyes tender
.

Thunder cracks and rumbles on towards the town. Here on Becker Hill, the wind whips through the aspens, tearing green leaves from the branches. Maia Witney holds me close.

Lightning flashes. There’s a disconnect, like in a dream. And now I see Maia standing by the window, and there’s no infant in the room – only me and her. I blink then stare.

She’s wearing a sky-blue tunic over jeans, silver hoop earrings, silver bracelets at her wrist. I’m trembling, I can hardly breathe.

‘Tania, don’t be afraid,’ she says.

My chest tightens. There’s another clap of thunder and the rain still batters at the window.

‘Take my hand,’ Maia murmurs. A glow surrounds her – not moon or starlight – it’s soft and silver like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I walk towards her, only my feet don’t touch the floor. It’s as if I’m floating as I take her insubstantial hand.

‘I’ve waited so long,’ she sighs. Her bracelets jingle as her fingers close over mine. ‘Ever since the fire – through the weeks, the months, the years.’

I don’t ask who she is because I already know. And I have an all-over, tingling sensation, of my body melting away to leave me pure spirit, pure soul. Maia’s soft voice fills the room; her silver light shines. ‘You must know, Tania, that you exist as two spirits, side by side.’

As the boundaries melt, I’m gripped again by fear. I try to withdraw my hand, but she holds me tight.

‘Look inside yourself,’ she insists.

I shake my head. ‘It’s too hard. I don’t know if I even want this.’

She gives me a sad look. ‘Yet part of you always searches. The part that is Aimee pleads for me to come.’

I let out a sigh. It’s true – I am two spirits.

‘You see, you are twinned with Aimee. It’s how we all continue. We are multiple, layer upon layer.’

Her soft, slow words gradually soothe me. ‘That night – the night of the fire, when Aimee died and I was born – that was the moment when this happened?’

She nods and smiles. ‘I watched your father raise new timbers in the ashes, heard him work with saw and hammer. I saw you play where my child had played, with your dark hair framing your beautiful face, your eyes flecked with colours of the fall.’

‘And what now?’ I want to know. I realize we’ve been building to this through all my childhood dreams and fears.

Maia’s mood changes, becomes more urgent as we share her silver light. ‘Now you must play your part,’ she confides.

‘Is this connected with Zoran and all the stuff at Black Rock?’

She nods and suddenly the talk grows cosmic – so much so that, although I’ve lately begun to expect the unexpected, I’m still shocked by what she tells me.

‘Do you believe in evil?’ she asks.

Immediately I see in my mind’s eye Zoran slither across the chapel floor, his snake eyes gleaming. I see him onstage, spreading his dark-angel wings. ‘Yes,’ I whisper.

‘Then know that the whole universe is a battleground, good versus evil. An army of fallen angels, devils in torment, is ranked against the spirits of light.’

‘Like you?’ I check. Of course like her – glowing, gentle and good. She doesn’t need to reply.

No – what she wants to make me understand is the fallen angel thing. ‘They are full of hatred and the desire for revenge. Evil – evil for its own sake – drives them on.’

Evil. I don’t know about you, but I don’t often use the word. It’s too big. Place a ‘d’ in front of it and ‘devil’ is what you get. Put into the context of what you see on the news channels, on the streets of your neighbourhood, and it’s all the murderers, rapists, assassins, war lords, ticking suicide bombers rolled into one.

The fact is, there’s evil wherever you turn and the knowledge terrifies me. I try my best to focus and take in what Maia says.

‘We keep up a constant guard,’ she explains. ‘But sometimes the dark angels pierce the barrier set up to keep them out of this world.’

I take a hard swallow as I imagine shining archangels and burning devils, their swords clashing and sparking in the dark heavens. Maybe that’s how come we see falling stars, comets trailing fiery light. ‘You’re telling me that this is what happened with Zoran?’ I ask.