Dark Chaos (# 4 in the Bregdan Chronicles Historical Fiction Romance Series) (53 page)

It was two weeks before Carrie asked Sam to deliver Clifton Pemberton to Fort Monroe.  He had healed rapidly and was strong enough for the journey.   Carrie waved good-bye to the man who had become her friend then turned to Hobbs.  “Let’s go home.”  Now that her duty with Clifton was over, she was anxious to return to Richmond. 

              “Your father will be real glad to see you, Miss Carrie.”

             
“If he’s still speaking to me,” Carrie said dryly.  “At least Sam was able to send word in that I was all right.” 

             
Hobbs clucked to the horses, urging them into a trot.  “I reckon we’ll make it this time.”

             
“We better,” Carrie replied.  “Clifton assured me that all cavalrymen have been pulled away from Richmond for a while.  He received word from the captain that we shouldn’t have any trouble.  I hope he was right.”   Carrie glanced back with satisfaction at the crates of herbs stacked securely in the wagon.  She knew Pemberton had been hard pressed to keep his men from destroying them.  They had been eager to seek vengeance for her and Hobbs’ escape.  Her respect for him as an officer had grown when she realized how skillfully he must have handled his men.  She and Hobbs had waited in the tunnel for two days before Pemberton had disappeared with his troops.  Then she had kept her promise to care for Clifton until he was well enough to travel. 

             
Carrie turned her face toward the setting sun and breathed a sigh of relief.  She was going home.  In spite of all the longing, she felt for the plantation at times, her heart was in Richmond with her father, with her patients, with Robert.  Richmond is where he would come when he finally returned from England.  She would be waiting for him.

Thomas was waiting on the porch when Hobbs brought the wagon to a stop.  “You go on,” Hobbs urged.  “I’ll make sure the wagon is safe in the barn.  We’ll take the herbs to the hospital tomorrow.”

              Carrie leaned over to kiss his cheek then jumped from the wagon. 

             
Her father stepped from the porch and caught her up in a fierce hug.  “Carrie...,” he whispered, “Carrie...”

             
Carrie reveled in the feel of his warm arms for a long moment before she stepped back.  “You’re not mad?”

             
“I’ve felt every emotion in the book,” Thomas said gruffly.  “Mostly regret.”  He took her arm and led her up the stairs.  “Let’s go inside.  We have much to talk about.”

             
Carrie looked at him closely then her heart leapt with gladness.  She had not seen that look on his face in a long time.  Something had erased the bitterness and anger and replaced it with love and understanding. 

             
Thomas led her to a chair then settled down in the one across from her.  Several minutes passed while he just stared at her, his eyes devouring her face.  “I’m sorry,” he said finally. 

             
Carrie started to speak, but her father held up his hand. 

             
“Please let me say what I need to.”

             
Carrie nodded, sat back in the chair, and enjoyed the warmth flickering from the small fire.  The whole house had a different feel. 

             
“I was a fool,” Thomas said simply.  “I have accepted that.  I hope you can forgive me.”

             
Carrie waited silently, knowing he wasn’t done. 

             
“I have allowed my feelings about the war - about my country - to totally consume me.  For so long I fought to keep them under control, to balance them against the rest of my life.  I should have known it couldn’t be done.  When you once let bitterness take up residence in your heart, it quickly poisons your whole being.”  He paused.  “It even poisoned my relationship with you.”

             
“I love you,” Carrie protested.

             
“I know,” Thomas said.  “I have thanked God for that every day.   I don’t know what I would do without that knowledge.  I think, in the end, it’s what saved me.”  He took a deep breath.  “When I got your note saying you had left - not telling me before...,” his voice trailed away.

             
“I’m sorry,” Carrie said contritely.

             
“Don’t be,” Thomas said quickly.  “I deserved for you to leave that way.  I never gave you a chance to talk about it.  I just mandated what you were going to do like an overbearing oaf.  I began to realize that day what I was doing.  It took me longer to finally face it.”  He leaned forward.  “Will you please forgive me?” he implored her.

             
“Of course!”  Carrie jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “I’m just glad to have my father back.  You look like the man I love again.  I’m glad.”  She paused and searched his face.  “What have you done with all your feelings?” she asked quietly.

             
Thomas nodded.  “That is a fair question.  One I expected you to ask.”  He took a deep breath and gazed into the fire.  “I don’t know what I’ll do if the South loses this war.”  He shook his head.  “I suppose I should say
when
the South loses this war.”

             
“You think there’s no hope?”

             
“It’s just a matter of time.  We have the will to win, but we simply don’t have the resources.  Even when we win battles, we do so at unbelievable expense.  Soon there will be no men to fight the war.”  His voice wasn’t bitter.  It was matter-of-fact.  He shook his head again.  “But that isn’t what’s important.  I have allowed myself to believe my whole life will be over if we lose.”

             
“You no longer feel that way?”

             
“My whole life will be drastically changed, but it won’t be over.  I will still have you.  I will still have a son-in-law.  God willing, I will someday have grandchildren.”   He looked up at her.  “I watched my father become a bitter old man.  He was too consumed with his own regrets to be any good to anyone else.  He was never the kind of grandfather to you that I wanted him to be.  I don’t want to ever be like that.”  He stood and walked over to the fire then turned to her.  “No matter what happens, I still have a lot to live for.”

             
“I’m so glad you know that,” Carrie said, tears glimmering in her eyes.  Once again she jumped up and rushed forward to give her father a hug.  “I love you.  And I’m so proud of you.” 

             
They stood quietly for a long time.  Carrie had truly come home.  She would tell him everything that had happened.  For now she was content to simply be there.

Two days later, after Carrie and Hobbs had delivered the herbs to the black hospital and Carrie had checked on all her patients, she walked to the room Pastor Anthony claimed as his office and knocked on the door. 

              “Come in.”

             
Carrie took a deep breath, clutched the book under her arm more tightly, and walked in. 

             
“Carrie!”  Pastor Anthony said warmly.  “I hoped you would have time to drop in before you left.  We have missed you around here so much.” 

             
Carrie briefly outlined the events of the last few weeks.  “It’s good to be back,” she finished. 

             
“How are all the patients?”

             
“Doing well.”

             
“Did you find somewhere to store all the herbs?”

             
“Yes.”

             
Pastor Anthony regarded her closely for a minute; then he sat back.  “What’s really on your mind?  You didn’t just come in to chat, did you?”

             
By way of explanation, Carrie opened the book to the page she had marked and placed it in front of him.  Pastor Anthony stared at it wordlessly, his face becoming tense and drawn.

             
“I found this while I was home,” Carrie said.  Then she waited. 

             
Silence gripped the room for a long time.  When Pastor Anthony spoke, his voice was hoarse.  “I should have known this would happen.  From the first day... when I realized who you were.  I should have seen it coming.”

             
“You’ve known all this time?”  Carrie cried.  “Why...?”

             
“Jeremy doesn’t know,” Pastor Anthony said, looking up quickly.

             
“He doesn’t know he’s half black? He doesn’t know where he came from?”

             
Pastor Anthony shook his head silently.

             
Carrie sat back, staring at him.  Finding the picture of her grandfather had made her suddenly realize why Jeremy had looked so familiar.  He didn’t just resemble her grandfather.  He was the spitting image of him at that age.   The pieces had all clicked into place when she remembered Jeremy was adopted.  “Why don’t you tell me the whole story?”

             
“Can’t we just leave it alone?”  Pastor Anthony asked painfully.

             
“Jeremy is my uncle,” Carrie said quietly.  “He is my best friend’s - and aunt’s - twin brother.  I can’t just leave it alone.  I want to know what happened.”

             
Pastor Anthony sighed.  “I guess you can fill in some pieces for me, too.  Why don’t you start?”

             
Carrie willingly told him the story of how her grandfather had raped Old Sarah.  “When the babies were born, one was white - your Jeremy - and one was black.  My father decided the only way to protect my grandfather was to get rid of the white baby.”  She took a deep breath.  “So he sold him.  Two years ago I found a letter in his ledgers from an orphanage saying the wife of the man who had owned Jeremy couldn’t stand to see him in slavery, so she had brought him there.  All she said was that he had been adopted by a white family who would take good care of him.”

             
“We did,” Pastor Anthony said softly.  “We loved him like he was our own.”

             
“That’s obvious,” Carrie said warmly.  “He was a very lucky boy.”

             
“I didn’t find out until he was a few years old that his mother was black,” Pastor Anthony picked up the story.  “The woman who ran the orphanage had a pang of conscience and decided my wife and I should know.  My wife demanded we not tell Jeremy.  She said it would only confuse and upset him.  She was so adamant that I agreed.”

             
“Did you know Jeremy had a twin sister?”

             
“No,” Pastor Anthony said quickly.  Then he shrugged.  “I don’t know whether it would have made a difference.  I don’t know what I would have done.  My wife was so determined that Jeremy be raised white.”   He swung around in his chair and stared out the window.  “When I realized who you were...”  He sighed.  “One day, when Jeremy was a teenager, I realized he would probably start asking questions someday.  I went back to the orphanage and managed to look at their records.”  He smiled slightly.  “Being a pastor can have its advantages at time.   I discovered Jeremy had come from your plantation,” he continued.  “I learned as much about your father as possible.”