Dark Chaos (# 4 in the Bregdan Chronicles Historical Fiction Romance Series) (9 page)

It was night when Rose woke again.  She glanced around the darkened room, lit only with a candle, and saw
Diedre rocking contentedly.  For a moment she reveled in the luxury of being cared for.   It was almost like seeing her mama rocking in the chair though Diedre’s ample bulk bore no resemblance to her mama’s silver-haired petiteness. 

             
“I reckon that sleep be the first good one you done had in a while,” Diedre stated quietly.

             
“I feel that I could sleep forever,” Rose said with a smile, content to continue lying back against her pillow.  “You don’t have to stay here, you know.”

             
Diedre nodded contentedly.  “I don’t plan on movin’ in, but I intends to make sure you don’t go gettin’ stupid on me and try to get up.  I done promised Moses before he left that I’s gonna take care of you.  Don’t figure I wants to face him if you and that baby of yours ain’t fine when he gets here.  I reckon I should’ve done this a while back, but I’d hoped someone as smart as you had some common sense, too.  I reckon I been wrong.”

             
Rose heaved a sigh of contentment.  “You’re just like my mama,” she said fondly.

             
Diedre chuckled; then deep silence fell on the room.  Rose felt her body relax again, and her eyes drooped down tiredly.  A sudden thought caused them to fly back open. 

             
“What’s on your mind, girl?”  Diedre asked instantly.

             
Rose hesitated then decided to ask.  “Do you mind being mulatto?”

             
Diedre peered at her closely.  “What you asking a question like that for?” 

             
Rose was wide awake now.  “My baby might be.  I was just wondering - just wondering what it was like.”             

             
Diedre rose and walked over to settle onto the bed.  “How come you talk that way, girl?  You and Moses both be black.  How you figure you gonna get a mulatto baby out of that?”

             
Now that Rose had decided to talk about it, she was eager to express what she had felt for months.  Instinctively she knew she could talk to Diedre about it.  “I found out a couple of years ago who my real father is.  He was the master of the plantation.”

             
“Ain’t nothing unusual about that,” Diedre stated calmly.  “It happens all the time.  If that’s the way it is, you mulatto, too.  Why you asking me what it’s like?”

             
“Have you always known you were?”  Rose asked.

             
“Kinda hard with skin this light not to know there be white in me somewhere.”

             
“That’s just it,” Rose replied.  “I never knew.  I just always figured I was black.  The only daddy I knew was black, so I thought I was.”

             
“According to the law, you
be
black,” Diedre observed.  “Takes a lot less black blood in you than what you gots to be considered black around here.  The white part of you don’t seem to matter none.”   She paused and looked at Rose closely.  “The white part of you don’t show up too much.  You got beautiful caramel skin and coal black eyes.  Moses be right dark.  I don’t think that master of your mama’s put too much of him into you.”

             
Rose took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything.  “I have a twin brother.  He was born white.  They sold him when he was only a couple of days old.  He was adopted by a white family later.”

             
“Do tell,” Diedre breathed.  “You ain’t never met him?”

             
“Not yet,” Rose answered.  “But I mean to.  When this war is over, I will find him.”

             
“You reckon that’s a good idea?  That boy been living in the white world for a long time.  He might not take kindly to finding out he’s half black.”

             
“That’s what Moses said,” Rose admitted, remembering back to the night on the plantation when Carrie had found the papers telling them about her twin brother.  The reality of her brother had been much more of a shock than the realization of Carrie as her aunt.  The two girls had felt like family for so long it hadn’t really mattered.  What mattered was that she had a brother she had never met.  

             
She pulled her thoughts back and looked up at Diedre.  “You’re light-skinned, Diedre.  Do you ever wish you could pass for being white?”  She held her breath and hoped Diedre wouldn’t be offended by her question.

             
Diedre was silent for a long time.  “I’d be lying if I said I ain’t wished that.  Yet I’s also proud to be black.  I had some family who escaped, headed north, then passed theyselves off as white.  At first it bothered me real bad.  It’s like they shoved away who they was.”  She paused thoughtfully.  “Then I realized one day that they be just as much white as they be black.  I reckoned it been up to them which part they wanted to live more.  One thing for sure - I know theys had it a lot easier being white.  This country just ain’t a easy place to be a colored person.  Ain’t too many people that wouldn’t take the easy road if someone put them on it.”

             
Rose couldn’t withhold the question nagging her.  “What if my baby comes out white?  There’s a lot of white blood in me even though I look more colored.”

             
Diedre watched her for a long minute.  “Would it bother you if your baby be white?”

             
“I wouldn’t love it any less,” Rose replied instantly.  “I guess I’m just afraid it would make life more complicated for my baby.”

             
Diedre laughed shortly.  “Life gonna be pretty complicated for that baby if it be born all black,” she replied.  “Like I said, this ain’t a easy country to be black in.”  She leaned forward.  “What’s really bothering you, girl?”

             
Rose almost smiled at how easily Diedre could read her, but her fear was too real.  “I just...” her voice trailed off.  “I just wonder how Moses will feel about our baby if it’s white.”

             
“Moses know about your brother?”

             
“Of course.  I would never have kept that from him.”

             
“Then he’s already thought about it,” Diedre said firmly.  “That man loves you with a mighty fierce love.  He ain’t gonna let a thing like that bother him.  He’s gonna love that baby whether it comes out coal black or lily white.”  She took Rose’s hand.  “And you gonna love that baby no matter what it looks like.  The future will take care of itself.  All you can do is take one day at a time.  I reckon God knows what color that baby gonna be.  He don’t make mistakes, you know.” 

             
Rose nodded.  Somehow, just talking about it had made her feel better.  “I’m tired,” she said, sinking down and burrowing into her pillow. 

             
Diedre pulled the thin blanket up closer to Rose’s chin.  “I’m gonna head home now.  June be in the next room.  If you needin’ anythin’, you lets her know.”

             
Through almost closed eyelids, Rose watched Diedre head for the door.  Just as she felt sleep reach down to claim her, a sharp pain shot through her stomach.  “Oh!” she cried.

             
Diedre was by her side in an instant.  “What’s wrong, girl?”

             
Rose opened her mouth to answer and struggled to rise into a sitting position.  “It’s...”  Another pain stole the words from her mouth.  Grabbing her stomach, she doubled over to escape the hurt. 

             
She heard Diedre move away and fling open the door to the other room.  “I think it be time.  Get the water ready.”

             
Rose struggled to conquer the fear trying to suffocate her.  “Diedre!”  she gasped.

             
Diedre was by her side in an instant.  “Everything gonna be fine, Rose.  Babies been comin’ into this world since the beginning of time.  Ain’t nothing to worry about.” 

             
In spite of the excruciating pain, Rose heard anxiety in Diedre’s voice.  “What’s wrong?” she asked fiercely.  “Something is wrong.  Tell me what it is,” Rose demanded, reaching out and grabbing the older woman’s hand. 

             
Diedre hesitated but then spoke.  “Them sharp pains ain’t normal.  They ain’t the same as contractions.”  Her voice grew stronger.  “Don’t necessarily mean anythin’ be wrong though.  Every baby decides to come into the world they own way.”

             
Rose drew comfort from her words.  There might not be anything wrong.  She relaxed slightly and felt Diedre tilt her chin back so that she could look into her eyes. 

             
“You gots a long fight ahead of you, Rose.  You already terrible tired.  It gonna make it harder.”  Then she smiled slightly.  “But it be worth it, honey girl.  When you holds that new baby in your arms, whatever you done gone through,  it be
worth it! 
“ 

             
Rose yelled out again as a fresh spasm of pain racked her body, and then she drew her breath in sharply, surprise filling her.  “My water,” she said.  “I think my water just broke.”

             
Carrying a large bucket of hot water and holding a pile of rags, June eased into the room.  “I sent for Carla.  She can watch baby Simon while I help you, Diedre.”

             
The next thirty minutes passed in a blur for Rose.  Spasms of pain unlike any she had ever known would attack and leave her gasping for breath and fearing they would never end.  Just as suddenly, the torture would subside and leave her feeling as limp and wrung out as a wet washrag.   She quickly learned to live for those moments of rest. 

             
Diedre moved around the room efficiently.  “You’re doing fine, Rose,” she said softly, making her preparations.  “You be doing fine, honey girl.” 

             
Suddenly a pain more ferocious than any yet grabbed Rose.  “Mama!” she shrieked, tears coursing down her face.  “Mama!” 

             
Diedre put a firm hand on Rose’s shoulder but then moved to the end of the bed and turned to June.  “This baby be turned wrong!” she said fiercely.  “We gots us some work to do.” 

             
June stepped up and grabbed Rose’s hand.  “You gonna be fine, Rose.  Hang on!  You gonna be fine.”

             
Rose hung onto those words while she remained dimly aware something was terribly wrong. She could do nothing beyond trying to endure the agony.   She cried out as another fresh surge of pain engulfed her and left her weak, gasping for breath. 

             
The minutes blended into what seemed an eternity of torment as the night wore on.  June stayed at her side and let Rose grip her hand with each fresh spasm. 

             
“I’ve about got it turned,” Diedre finally called triumphantly.  “Rose, you got to push hard.”

             
Rose heard the words through a haze of fatigue and pain.  She tried to comply, but her body refused to respond. 

             
“Push!” June cried.

             
“Can’t,” Rose whispered.  “Tired...”

             
“You push, girl!” Diedre snapped.  “And you push now! This baby done fightin’ too hard for its life for you to give up on it now.  Push!” she yelled. 

             
Rose pushed, straining with all her might to give life to her child. 

             
“It’s almost here,” Diedre cried.  “Push!  I ain’t gonna lose this battle now!”

             
Rose felt tears coursing down her cheeks as freely as the sweat drenching her bedclothes and sheets.  She screamed in agony and then marshaled her flagging strength for one more try. 

             
“Push!”

             
“God, help me!”  Rose shrieked, bearing down with all of her that was left, before she descended into a dark haze.   She grew dimly aware of talking, but the words failed to penetrate the fog engulfing her. 

             
Gradually she realized there were wet cloths bathing her skin.  She struggled to remember where she was and why pain had threatened her life. 

             
“You done got a perfect little boy, Rose.” 

             
The words came from a great distance.
A little boy...  You have a perfect little boy...
Rose slowly attached meaning to the words.   An instinct from the beginning of time made her reach out her arms.  She fought to open her eyes. 
A little boy...  A perfect little boy...

             
“He’s beautiful, Rose.”  June’s voice penetrated the fog.  “Sit up a little bit so I can give you some water.  Your son is waiting for you.”