Dark Mysteries (18 page)

“See
something you like?” Xander asked, his voice teasing and she
realized how long she had been starting at his crotch.

She
looked up at him, sinking her teeth into her lower lip. “Maybe,”
she said, thinking her own voice sounded foreign. Was that really her
speaking? Flirting?

“Hmm,”
Xander said, his hands going to the drawstring at the front of his
pants, pulling one of the loops out. “Maybe you need a better
view,” he suggested, “to be objective,” he
finished, stretching out the waistband, holding it out wide for a
second, then letting it drop.

Ellie
sucked in her breath, looking at his long, thick cock, hard and
heavy. Her hand reached out and Xander chuckled, swatting her hand.
“Nuh-uh,” he scolded, reaching forward and running his
fingers over the arm covering her breasts. “I need a better
view too,” he said, smiling.

Ellie
rolled her eyes, moving her arm across her body and letting it fall
at her side.

Xander
looked down at her for an excruciatingly long time. Hours, days,
weeks passed in the blink of an eye. And then he was sliding
downward, moving his legs onto the outsides of hers. His arms slipped
up and under her shoulders and he slowly lowered his chest to hers.

“You're
beautiful,” he said, placing a kiss between her breasts before
moving upward to capture her lips again.

She
sighed into his mouth, her fingers stroking the sides of his ribs.
She could feel his hardness pressing firmly into her belly and she
felt her own desire match his.

But
then, all of a sudden, her chest felt heavy. Constricted. Hard to
breathe. Each time she tried to inhale, the anxiety climbed higher. A
sick, rolling feeling settled in her stomach, her skin felt electric,
sparking and crawling, like she was coming out of it. Xander's hands
were innocently holding onto her shoulders, but his arms started to
feel like a prison. She tried to pull her legs up and found them
trapped beneath him. A band of fear moved to her throat, squeezing
until she felt hysterical.

She
needed to get away. She had to escape.

Then
she struggled, moving her hands to press against his stomach, shoving
despite their shaking. “Off,” she said against his mouth,
the sound coming out choked and airy. “Off. Get off,” she
tried again, her voice rising.

Xander
raised his head to look at her, her eyes huge, her lips trembling. He
pushed back onto his heels watching in horror as she brought a
shaking hand to her throat and gasped for breath. “Ellie...”
he said, his voice soft, concerned. “Hey, baby... you're
alright. It's okay...”

But
she wasn't listening, lost in her panic attack, her eyes wild and far
away. He pulled his pants up, standing, unsure what he could do other
than give her space. He watched her, curling into herself, rocking
back and forth, her chest rising and falling too quickly. “What
can I do?” he asked, half to himself. “Sweetheart, tell
me what to do...” he said, his voice helpless, vulnerable. He
reached out, tentatively, and touched her ankle.

She
sprang away from him like he'd slapped her, jumping off the bed,
looking around for a second, then running for the bathroom, slamming
the door.

He
followed behind her, stopping outside the door, his hands on either
side of the frame. He knew he couldn't barge in. She needed to calm
herself down, but he felt useless standing there not doing anything.
He took a breath, moving back into the apartment and putting the
water for tea on.

Ellie
threw herself into the bathroom, turning the water in the shower on
cold. She stripped out of her pants and underwear and stepped under
the stream.

Breathe.
She needed to breathe. The water sent shock waves over her skin,
making her gasp, pushing the crawling feeling away. Then just as
suddenly as it started, she felt the fist constricting her chest
start to loosen, letting her inhale, gulping at air like she'd
suffocated.

When
her chest felt back to normal, the tears came. Hot, unwanted, but
undeniable. Her hands went to her face, trying to stifle the sound of
her sobs. She slowly sank to her knees in the tub, curling forward
and letting it out. Anxiety, like poison, needed to seep out of the
system.

The
aftermath left her feeling strangely hollow. Frazzled. Burned out.

God,
what must Xander think? She turned her hot face against the tile,
feeling different tears fill her eyes. Embarrassment. Regret. She had
just... yelled at him. Pushed him off. Ignored his attempts to help.
Jumped away from him like he'd shocked her. And ran like a madwoman
to the bathroom.

The
worst part was that she had wanted him. She had really, really wanted
him. She hadn't wanted to stop. But she couldn't calm herself down.
She couldn't push the fears away.

And
now he probably wouldn't want to come near her ever again with the
way she had reacted.

She
stood up slowly, turning off the water, squeezing out her hair. She
opened the curtain, remembering she had forgotten to grab a towel.
But then there was one. Hanging on the hook right outside the shower.
She reached for it, scrubbing the water off her face. Then she
noticed the pile of clothes sitting on the edge of the sink. One of
his huge, baggy sweatshirts and a pair of her leggings. Like he
thought she would want some kind of sex barrier from him. Or... maybe
he wanted one from her, she thought with a sinking feeling in her
chest.

Ellie
dressed slowly, towel drying her hair until it wasn't dripping
anymore, took a deep breath, and opened the door. She was going to
have to face him. And worrying about it would probably prove worse
than the actual confrontation.

She
found him in the kitchen, bent forward over the counter, fiddling
with something. When he heard her feet on the floor, he turned,
giving a small smile, holding out a cup of tea. “Milk and
sugar,” he said, waiting for her to take it. “I think I
got it right,” he said, shuffling his feet slightly.

Ellie
looked down at the cup, disbelieving for a second, before reaching it
out and cradling it in her hands. “Thank you,” she said,
bringing it up and smelling it. Why was he so good? If he could
just... be mad. Yell at her. She would be able to face that easier.
“Xander,” she started, her tone sad. “I'm so
sorr...”

“Don't,”
he interrupted, his brows drawn together, “don't you dare
apologize,” he said. He lifted his hand slowly, showing her his
open palm for a split second before moving it to the side of her
face. He lifted her chin until her eyes found his. “Are you
alright?” he asked. And it wasn't condescending. Or confused.
He understood. And he wasn't judging her.

Ellie
looked down at her tea for a second, nodding. “Yeah.”

“Good,”
Xander said, rubbing his thumb across her jawbone. “That's all
that matters.”

Ellie
looked up, seeing nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

And
that's
what did it.

Fourteen

Ellie
watched him as she took a long sip of her tea, her throat dry. She
swallowed, putting the cup back down on the counter, and walked into
his arms.

Because
she couldn't let the fear win. Because each time she did, it made it
easier to let it win the next time. And the time after that. And
also, because regardless of how her body had reacted, she wanted him.
She wanted him more than she could ever recall wanting anyone. Then
he had gone and been so... good. Again. Understanding and kind. More
worried about her than his own frustrated desire.

Was
there anything more attractive than a man who actually... cared?

Ellie
kissed under his collarbone, her hands rubbing across his lower back.
Xander took a deep breath, the side of his face resting on her head.
“Ellie this is probably not...”

“Shh,”
she said, pulling slightly away and going up on her tiptoes. “Can
we just... pretend that didn't happen?” she asked, not quite
able to meet his eyes. “Please,” she said, the word
barely above a whisper.

“You're
sure?” he asked, his hands already sneaking up under the heavy
material of his sweatshirt.

“Mmmhmm,”
she said, leaning up and planting a kiss on his chin because she
couldn't reach his lips.

He
laughed, smiling down at her. “Okay,” he said, sounding
amused, “use me for my body,” he said, winking at her.

Ellie
giggled, shaking her head. “Only if you promise to use me for
mine,” she said.

“Oh,
I was planning on it,” he said, his hands slipping down and
grabbing her ass, hauling her against him. She could feel his
hardness pressing against her and she sucked in her breath. “But,
how about this time... you take the lead?” he asked.

There
was insecurity. Almost immediately. The kind of self-consciousness
that can only come from never being given the chance to do anything
but lay there. But there was an equal amount of excitement too. And
an strange feeling she didn't recognize right at first, but realized
was... power. After years of complete and utter powerlessness... she
was being given the choice to be the one completely in control.

“Okay,”
she said, feeling a bit nauseated, but wanting to give it a try
nonetheless.

“Okay,”
Xander agreed, grabbing her ass harder and lifting her the air. She
screeched, throwing her arms around his neck as he walked her back
toward the bed.

Once
at the side, he put her down on her feet and took a step back from
her. “Alright,” he said, smiling a goofy boyish smile,
“do you want me clothed or not?”

Ellie
smiled, looking at her feet for a second, getting her courage.
“Definitely not,” she found herself saying, ignoring the
weird fluid feeling in her belly. Because this could be fun. If she
worked past the uncertainty, it could be so much fun.

Xander
nodded, watching her as he reached down and untied his drawstring,
letting his pants fall to his feet and stepping out of the legs. He
winked at her and got into the bed, propping his arms behind his
head, laying there in all his naked glory. Awaiting instructions.

She
almost laughed. She wanted to laugh. And he probably wouldn't have
taken offense. But, a part of her that used to read trashy magazines,
reminded her to never laugh at a naked man. No matter how silly they
might be acting.

She
took a deep breath, reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt and
hauling it off of her body, tossing it carelessly to the floor.
Xander's smile froze on his face, his eyes getting heavier, losing
their amusement. Emboldened, Ellie reached for the waistband of her
pants, pulling them down quickly before she could talk herself out of
it.

When
she stood back up, Xander had sat up and moved to the side of the
bed, his feet resting on the floor. He stretched his arms out toward
her, waiting. Waiting for her to step into them. Because she was the
one in charge. She walked closer and stepped between his legs. His
arms went around her, his face moved to press against her belly.

They
stood like that for a long time. Ellie's hands went up, one resting
on his shoulder, one stroking his hair. Just enjoying the closeness.
Enjoying the intimacy. She felt his warm breath on her belly and she
sighed. “Okay,” she said, releasing his hair. “I
think it's time for the bed,” she said, feeling shy again.
Would she ever get better at being commanding? Was it something that
needed to come naturally? Or was it something you could learn?

“Yes,
ma'am,” Xander said, pulling backward and laying against the
pillows, propped up on his side. He looked up at her, seeing a bit of
the uncertainty, and tapped the space next to him. She could take the
lead, but she needed someone to help her along.

She
slid in beside him, looking up at the ceiling for a exaggeratedly
long time. His hand reached out, touching her belly. “Is this
okay?”

“Mmmhmm,”
she said, tilting her head toward him, but closing her eyes.

He
stroked slow circles around her belly, varying sizes each time, until
she was arching into his hand. His hand moved upward, the tips of his
fingers grazing the sensitive undersides of her breasts. When she
didn't flinch, or start breathing too heavily, his hand moved upward,
cupping one of her breasts and running his thumb over the hardened
point.

Her
eyes flew open. “You alright?” he asked, praying she was.
There was so much more he wanted to do.

She
nodded, looking down at his hand. He squeezed her nipple between his
thumb and forefinger, making her arch off the mattress. He moved
slowly, sliding his face across her ribs and taking her other nipple
into his mouth, licking the point.

Ellie
closed her eyes, letting herself get completely wrapped up in the
sensation. Her breasts felt heavy and sensitive. His tongue sent a
wave of need down her body. She groaned, pushing her thighs closer
together. Trying to ease the throbbing there.

Xander
lifted his head, moving across and taking the other nipple into his
mouth, his hand sliding down her ribs and all the way down to the
side of her thigh. Then back up. And down. A slow, lazy exploration.
Building the tension until her hands were digging into the sheets and
her mouth was open, her breath huffing out of it erotically. Then he
lifted his head, watching her face as his hand started to slide
across her thigh, stroking her knee, working upward.