Dark Secrets (10 page)

“I’m sorry.” I could apologize for the rest of my life and never make it right.

“You should’ve written.” She slapped my arm. “You should have sent for me.”

I caught her hand before she could slap me again even though I deserved it. I should have written, if only to break it off and not leave her waiting. But I hadn’t even been able to do that. I’d needed to hold on to the dream that she was waiting for me. A selfish dream that had come true and didn’t taste as sweet as I’d imagined. “I was living on the streets for months. Then in a tavern with more rats than customers. I could barely feed myself. I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

“But you own the Red Lust House.” Again the frown I wasn’t used to seeing, but she hadn’t pulled her hand free of mine.

I let my fingers slide over her smooth skin. Being near her, I was more alive than I had been in years. Maybe it was the danger or maybe it was because buried beneath too many years of separation the love we’d had still survived. Dormant, not dead.

“I woke up one morning and decided if I was going to use magic to screw people, I was going to do it my way and live somewhere nice. Four years ago I bought the business, and every day I sat down to write to you, and every day all I had was a blank piece of paper. Would you have come to me? To live with a whore beyond the grace of the Lords?”

She closed her eyes, her pink lips pressed together. “Haidyn—”

“You want to say yes, but you know you wouldn’t have. Your father would’ve forbidden you from leaving with me if I didn’t have a Lord.” My words were quiet. It was the truth and I’d known it back then. Anisa had been lost to me the moment I turned from the Decihall and chosen to walk a different road, no matter how much we wished things could’ve been different. I released her hand and let my fingers trail up her arm to brush her cheek. “I never stopped thinking of you. I never stopped loving you.”

“It’s too late now.” She sighed, but turned toward my touch. Her skin was warm on my palm.

“It’s never too late to make things right.” I could find my way back to the Lords’ grace.

“I made vows.”

“I know. I saw you leave the Decihall.”

“If I leave him, he’ll kill me—and you.”

“If you stay, he
will
kill you.” I knew it as sure as I knew my name. And Brixen would take his time doing it, breaking her spirit long before her body.

“You can read minds. You know what I want.” She looked me in the eye. There was none of the bright girl I’d once known. She was older, harder, and there were scars.

If I’d gone home, she would have been safe. But she was still my Anisa. I saw it in the tilt of her chin and the way she was here, even though she knew the danger. She’d never been one to shy away.

“I don’t need to, Anisa.” I cupped her cheek, leaned in and placed a light kiss on her lips. She tasted sweet, like the last of summer’s berries. Her mouth opened, but I didn’t press my luck. Instead I drew back just enough so I could feel her sigh on my lips. That small pleasure traced over my skin, the way I remembered her hands. I longed to feel her again in my arms. And I knew that was what she wanted as she pressed closer. My hand slid across her hip to keep her there.

When her fingers brushed my shoulder, I lowered my head to kiss her again. Properly this time. The way I once had.

She moaned and pulled away too soon. “I could never resist you. I should have ignored my father and run away to join you.”

“No. Never that. You don’t know how bad it was. Knowing you were safe kept me going.” I trailed my fingers through her golden hair. She’d never be safe here, yet to get free would mean risking everything. I had to know how far she was willing to go. “If you choose to stay and keep your vows, I’ll walk away.” Even though every step would kill me. “If you choose to take a chance with me, I’ll make it happen.”

“He will hunt us down,” she whispered, as if hoping the Lords wouldn’t overhear us plotting.

“I’ll find a way.”

Her lips brushed mine in sweet temptation, but we were already on stolen time. I hugged her closer anyway, unwilling to let her go now that I held her. She pressed her cheek against mine. Her breaths were shaky and her tears burned my cheek.

I closed my eyes. I had to be fearless for both of us. We’d only get one chance. If I got it wrong, we’d be lucky to get away with a simple hanging.

“Can you really do this?”

I didn’t know. My magic had never been tested beyond the bedroom. “I won’t fail you again. I’ll swear to any Lord who will have me, to give you an honest life.”

“Any life, Haidyn, will be enough.”

We drew apart. She wiped her cheeks while I re-buttoned my jacket.

She touched the red silk. “You made a good life.”

“I did.” I’d worked hard, taken risks and lived on the edge of the law and Lords. And I’d paid for it. I wanted my mind back; the only person I wanted in my thoughts was Anisa.

“You’d give it up for me?”

I nodded. “I’d give up everything for one more chance.” For one more night in her arms.

“I prayed every night I’d see you again. Maybe the Lords listened.” With trembling fingers she traced my jaw. So soft, no demand or expectation. For Anisa, I was just Haidyn.

“Then pray that we find a life together away from Reseda.” I would pray to the Hunter for a way to trap my quarry and buy us the time to flee.

“I will.” She touched her fingers to my lips. “Be careful of my husband.”

I kissed the tip of her finger and took her hand in mine, pressing a coin to her palm. “I know. Now choose some cloth so you have reason to come back when the clothing is made.”

She glanced at the rainbow of fabrics surrounding us, her lips curving up at the corners. She came alive when surrounded by color. Her skin glowed, and I found myself smiling as she ran her hand over the cloth and held pieces out to check the color and weave. For a few moments I watched, glad I could give her hope. I’d learned long ago that hope was worth more than gold. A man could live without gold but not hope.

I hoped the Lords would wrap around us and protect us. Would they really care about two oath-breakers? Maybe the Hunter would join the chase and revel in the danger and threat to survival; if His support was all I could count on it would have to be enough.

“I’ll get a coat in Brewer’s amber.” She touched a bolt of orange with a fine lilac stripe. “In memory of my father.”

And in a nod to my profession. Glassmakers, alchemists, herbalists and brewers all fell under the care of the Brewer. While glass was now used for things other than bottles, like windows and lightning boxes, the trade still fell under the Brewer, who’d first used glass to contain liquor and tonics. He was also the only Lord to ever be seen with a woman. A whore in taverns and a fainting lady at herbalists.

“I’ll send word soon.” The longer we delayed, the higher the risk of being found out.

She turned to go out the front and make the purchase then spun back. “I love you.”

They were words I never thought I’d hear again. I held them close like a starving man clutching at morsels of food. “I love you too.” My voice broke and I looked away. It wasn’t the joyous declaration it had once been. We were older, wiser and more damaged.

I left Jawbreaker and Anisa at the dressmakers and slowly made my way back to the center of town and to the black three-story-high Arcane Union building. I knew Cog would be waiting for me to pay a visit and I’d rather do it on my terms, not his. I didn’t want to be dragged out of bed first thing in the morning or have him interrupt my business.

A black-clad truth-seeker sat at the front desk to greet folk—at least, I figured he’d be a truth-seeker, since that’s who I had on my own front desk.

He looked up, saw the color of my coat and stood. “I think you’re at the wrong Union House.”

“Tell Master Cog that Haidyn Mast is here to see him.” The first time I’d been here I was full of pride and confidence. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. I was wary; I had to keep my magic contained so none suspected I was a Rogue masquerading as a whore.

A flicker of recognition crossed his narrow face. He’d heard of me, but from who and in what context I didn’t know. Then he leveled his gaze at me. “What do you want?”

I looked at him and met his gaze. Never look away from a truth-seeker, as it shows weakness and a willingness to lie. “He’s an old acquaintance. I need a witness to my will.” That was the truth, though not the full reason for my visit.

Normal folk lodged their will with their Union and the Lawman. I didn’t have the first and I didn’t trust the latter. For me, coming here was as good as it got.

The truth-seeker nodded, happy with the answer. “Take a seat.”

I didn’t.

The man opened the door and disappeared for a few moments. Nothing had changed since I’d sat here six years ago. The same dark shot-wood desk and statue of the Arcane Lord crowded the small entrance. I stared at the Lord and he stared back, lightning bolt held in his hand the way a man would hold a gun, ready to shoot. What was the Lord doing? The division between Free Arcane Association and Union was hurting everyone. Some argued it was the will of the Lord and that magic should be available to all, others that the FAA was breaking the law and trying to make a new Union—I knew it was true they swore in members and trained them.

Being born with magic was more curse than blessing. Was it any wonder so many chose to hide what they could do, regardless of the risk?

The man came back. “Master Cog will see you now.”

I went down the corridor and into the open office. This wasn’t the room I’d been taken to last time as a boy, eager to join. Meeting in the office implied I was worthy of respect and the privilege of a closed door to the conversation. Cog’s office was more spacious than the front room and more colorful. Drapes of yellow filled the window and the chairs were cushioned in blue. I paused, startled.

“Expect all black, did you?”

“Yes, sir.” All the nerves I’d felt when I was sixteen rushed back and knotted my stomach. This time around I had better control of myself and didn’t let it show.

“The Arcane works for everyone. Besides, I like a bit of color same as most folk.”

He believed that, but I didn’t. The Arcane Union only served the rich. For that reason alone I sympathized with the FAA. Even without trying I could feel Cog’s desire to crush those who disobeyed the Union, and he was willing to use any force required. And anyone to achieve his goal, including me. I tried to scrunch my magic into a tiny ball to keep it hidden. I’d never been sure what Cog’s talent was and I didn’t want to find out.

“Thank you for supplying a healer for the likes of me and mine.” I made a half bow and removed my hat.

“Close the door and have a seat, Haidyn.” Cog waved his hand then waited while I complied.

I sat with my hat in my lap while Cog took his time to assess me. Sweat blistered on my back. I’d have liked to blame the warm office, but that wouldn’t have been true.

“I underestimated you.” He leaned back in his chair and pushed his fingertips together.

My heart stopped and I forgot how to breathe as those nerves tightened around my chest like a snare.

“While you have no magic of note, your desire to achieve is bigger than most. Any Union would’ve been glad to have you, yet you whore for a living.”

That was as close to a compliment as I was ever going to get, but I didn’t let myself bask in its glow. “It took me time to grow up. Back then no one wanted me.” And I’d wanted to be Arcane so badly I’d been blinded to all else.

“I’ve been watching you. You get some powerful visitors.”

The reason behind Cog lowering the Union’s price for healing became apparent. He wasn’t buying my body, just information—I knew which one I’d rather sell. “And they pay well for my sealed lips.”

“I can imagine the scandal that would be created if one who upholds the law were found to be involved in…grey areas.”

“I do cater for those grey areas that might tarnish a white reputation.”

Cog smiled as we reached an understanding of whom we were talking about. “We both know his reputation hasn’t been white for a while.”

“Then you’ll understand why I need to make a will and have it witnessed.” I tried to shift the conversation from dangerous ground and get what I required out of Cog first. I had no doubt Cog would turn the wheel again and by the time we were done I would’ve agreed to another bargain I could ill afford. The Arcane Union usually got what it wanted; I just didn’t want to buckle first go.

He nodded and pulled out paper and a quill, offering them to me. “You’re in a tight spot.”

“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t—however, I will not let the proceeds of my business go to the general coffers of Reseda.” Which meant the Lawman’s purse.

“Who will run the lust house in your place?”

“Korene. I have been training her.” I paused. “And if not her, one of the others.” I added a few more words to my will, basically that the one who’d been there the longest would run it if Korene were absent. The Lawman would have to kill us all to get his hands on the Red Lust House. I wouldn’t leave my staff homeless and jobless.

“Are things that dire?”

I looked up at him. “You were at the Decihall.”

Maybe he thought it was nothing to brand a whore, but to me it had been a personal message of ownership by Brixen.

“If I disappear for more than a month, this is to be enacted. He won’t make my death public.” If I stole his wife, it would be private and painful, so I begged for the relief of a hanging.

“He can’t after the branding. It confirmed my suspicions about who he saw at your lust house.”

If Cog had noticed, who else had as well? Had Brixen made a big mistake in taking his grudge public? I signed the paper and turned it around. Cog read it and witnessed it in ink. Then he folded the paper and dribbled black wax on the paper to seal it. He pressed the official Union stamp into the wax.

“I will lodge this with the Lawman if you
vanish
.” From the inflection I think he knew I was planning on packing and leaving. He tapped his finger on the paper. “You going far?”